Black Limit

by Charlotte Byrd

  “What about my dress?”

  “You can pick that out yourself if you want.”

  “I like that.”

  Aiden gives me a little smile.

  “So, let me get this straight? We are not engaged. And we’re going to have a dream wedding, but I won’t have to make any decisions about anything?”

  “Yes.”

  “And how is that going to happen?”

  “It’s going to happen because Mr. Black is going to take care of it for you.”

  Chapter 41 - Aiden

  When I ask…

  This time, I don’t ask. I mean, I did, but then I changed my mind. There is a well-known psychological fact that having too many choices results in anxiety and unhappiness with the final decision. Ellie has been through a lot. We have been engaged before. We almost got married. I know that she wants to marry me. What she doesn’t want to do is think about getting married again. Too much has gone wrong before when she did.

  So, my gift to her is to just take the decision out of it. I don’t ask the question. I just tell her what’s going to happen. As soon as I do, I see a wave of relief sweep over her face. It’s the exact thing that she wants. She wants to have it all, but she doesn’t want to think about doing it. It’s like designing a house. Lots of people like the idea of building an entirely custom-built house, but they don’t know how much stress comes with making all of those choices. A much better choice, for some, is to just see a beautiful home that has everything you want and get it instead. That’s what I’m going to do for Ellie. She is going to give me the biggest gift of my life. This is the least I can do.

  Don’t worry though. I’m not going to rely on my personal aesthetic to put together a wedding. I’m going to hire one of the most exclusive wedding planners there is. And she’s going to do it. She’s going to take care of every last detail. Except for the wedding dress.

  “Do you think we can get married at the New York Public Library?” Ellie asks after a moment. “I mean, I know that I’m not supposed to make decisions and all, but it’s nostalgic. We had one of our first dates there.”

  The idea of the place floods me with memories. All the flowers that I brought in for our dinner date at the Celeste Bartos Forum. The party planner pursued me to go for the light pink and purple lighting, which transformed the place into a room of romance and love. It especially drew attention to the thirty-foot high glass saucer ceiling. Come to think of it, that’s a great place for a wedding venue. It’s nearly sixty-five square feet in space, plenty for a wedding of any size.

  “You are not supposed to be making any decisions,” I say. “I don’t want this to stress you out.”

  “No, you’re right. You’re right.”

  “Unfortunately, I don’t think you’ll be allowed to go to New York, remember. We have to stay in the state.”

  “Oh, yes, of course,” she says. “I forgot. Okay, never mind. I’ll leave it up to you. The wedding you had planned at the garden at the hospital was beyond my dreams, so I know that this one will be as well.”

  “All you have to know,” I say, “is that this wedding will be perfect. With lots of guests we don’t really know. With a budget that’s way too much and food that’s too expensive. And memories that we will never forget.”

  She laughs. I smile.

  “Why are you doing this, Aiden?” she asks after a moment. “I mean, we can easily just go to the courthouse and get it over with.”

  “Yes, I know. But after everything we’ve been through, I think our relationship deserves a little celebration. A little too much overindulgence. Besides, it will give us something to look forward to in the midst of all this possible trial shit."

  Her face falls. I immediately regret bringing that up. The whole point of this engagement and wedding is to not think about the fact that our life isn’t really our own. We don’t really know what’s going to happen and if the district attorney decides to take this to trial for the publicity, well, who the hell knows what’s going to happen.

  “You are right. We do need this. Something good to think about. To live life to the fullest, now,” Ellie says, pulling herself together and wiping a little tear from the corner of her eye.

  Chapter 42 - Ellie

  When I look for a dress…

  Thurston has done a good job of postponing the meeting with the DA and the detectives for another week. At first I’m, of course, relieved. Happy to have more time.

  But then it just makes me even more anxious. Instead of being figured out, and dealing with the consequences, the whole thing is just getting dragged out. The only way I can really cope with not knowing is by putting the whole thing out of my mind. I try to stay busy. Occupy my hands and mind. The best way to do that is to write.

  Aiden and I return to the hotel and while he works from the living room, I make myself at home on the large California King bed and dig into the last book of my story. Everything is coming to an end. It’s bittersweet. I don’t want to leave them, but I want them to get their happily ever after. My readers keep asking me when the last book will be out and I decide that this week will be the week that I finally finish it.

  The one thing that I know is that they deserve their happy ending because I don’t know if I will get one. Aiden is planning this amazing wedding for us, but it feels more like a going away party. Most people are excited for their big day because it’s the beginning of their lives together. But me? I don’t know if I’m even going to be around next year. I mean, what if the worst happens? What if they decide to take this to trial and the jury finds me guilty? What then? Shivers run down my spine.

  No, you can’t think like that. Stay positive, Ellie. That’s not going to happen. But is this even a good thing to think? Maybe I should prepare myself for the worst, just because it’s a possibility? Then I will be more prepared. I feel sick to my stomach. How do you even prepare to go to prison for a crime you didn’t commit? I mean, I did kill him, but it was all in self-defense.

  No, I’m not going to think like that. If the worst happens, I will need to fight this. I will need all of my strength to fight for my life. Preparing for doing time is not an option. Especially, now that I have my baby on the way and a husband-to-be. I turn my attention back to the screen and begin writing. No matter what happens, these people that my readers fell in love with are going to have the best ending possible. Their love story is going to be one for the ages. It’s going to be one that people will want to read over and over again.

  After writing for more than two hours with total focus, in an almost fever-like state, I give Aiden a peck on the lips and head out to my bridal appointment at Monique’s. It’s the best bridal boutique store in all of Boston, according to Aiden’s wedding planner. On my way over, I pop into a Starbucks and buy a large chocolate chip muffin. It’s not the best thing, but I am pregnant. Really pregnant and really hungry. Now that the nausea is somewhat controlled with the pills, I am still tired all the time and, on top of that, I’m also hardly ever satiated. As soon as I finish breakfast, I’m already thinking of lunch. My stomach starts to make noises and I have to have something, otherwise, I’m just going to feel sick again.

  I arrive at the boutique feeling very guilty and unhappy with my body. This is definitely not an attitude that’s very conducive to bridal gown shopping. I know that, of course. But that’s life, huh?

  The woman who meets me is dressed in a very sensible black suit and heels. Her hair is pulled out of her face and her makeup is flawless, but minimal. In the soothing, effervescent voice of a smooth jazz radio DJ, she introduces herself as Azelia and asks me what kind of outlines I prefer.

  “I don’t really know,” I say. “I just need something that will fit me in a few weeks. I am going to be seven months pregnant at this wedding.”

  “Oh, wow, congratulations,” she says without batting an eye. Hopefully, I am not the only knocked up bride that she has had the pleasure to dress.

  “Well, then, how about we start wit
h an empire waist? They are very flattering and will give your stomach room to expand.”

  She takes me to a large room lined on all sides with luxurious drapery. There’s a three piece mirror in the middle. She tells me to wait here as she picks out some dresses for me to try on.

  I take off my coat and finish the rest of my tea. I stuff the last bit of the muffin and lick my fingers. Man, Aiden is marrying a class act here, I say, looking at myself in the mirror.

  I know that everyone nowadays preaches the importance of self-love and appreciating the body that you have. The only problem with that is how to actually get there. I look at myself in the mirrors. I haven’t really gained that much weight, but I have a small frame and I feel huge. Plus, it’s not so much that I feel fat (can I even say that anymore? Is that appropriate? But aren’t I entitled to the feelings that I have?). It’s more that I feel puffy. It’s like my whole body just got inflamed, or is it engorged? My breasts do look better, which is hard to complain about. But why did my arms have to get big, too? And my face? The problem is just there’s just too much flesh.

  “Okay, I found this one for you,” Azelia says. “Now, when your fiancé called, he made it very clear that there is no budget. Is that correct?”

  “Oh, I didn’t know that.”

  “You lucky, lucky woman,” Azelia says. “I can’t tell you how many women come here to try on their dream dress and their dream dress is always two or three thousand above their set aside budget.”

  I’m sure that’s more of a problem for you than for them, I want to say. But I keep my mouth shut. This woman is just trying to be nice. I shouldn’t take out my bad mood on her.

  “Okay, to be honest, I’m a bit out of my element here,” I say. “But is there really such a big difference between one dress and another? I mean, I’ve seen dresses that cost like seven thousand. That’s crazy to me.”

  Azelia stares at me with an appalled look on her face.

  “We have dresses here that cost one hundred and seven thousand,” she says. “And if you can afford them, they are worth every penny.”

  Now, it’s my turn to be appalled. My mouth actually drops open like I’m in some sort of cartoon.

  “Here, come here,” she says. “Follow me.”

  She leads me out of the room, down a long hallway, and into another large room. This is a room of wedding dresses. There are hundreds of them, each one hanging in its own see-through zipped up garment bag. I don’t know how anyone can find anything in here. There are tags on the top, but other than that it’s just a sea of different shades of white.

  Azelia pulls out one dress and shows me the material. “You see the stitching here and the beading here. It’s gorgeous, right?”

  I nod. I’ve never seen something so delicate before. The pictures in the bridal magazines don’t do it justice.

  “It’s all done by hand, of course,” she explains. “Well, this dress is only twelve thousand. Now, follow me, and I’ll show you one that costs eighty-nine.”

  She takes me into a smaller room. Here the dresses are hanging a bit apart from each other. The lighting is more soothing as well. Not as bright.

  “All the dresses here, cost over thirty,” she explains. “Now, look at the beading here.”

  She pulls out a dress at the far corner. Up close, the difference is like night and day. The beading is exquisite. It covers nearly the entire corset and goes down the sides. The stitching is even more precise, if that’s the right word. It’s hard to explain exactly except to say this looks like a dress that belongs in a museum.

  “You see, the dresses that cost this much, they are basically works of art. They come with their own people who will make the dress fit you just right. They can be altered in many different ways. Everything about them is hand-made with only the best fabrics.”

  I nod. Now, I understand. Maybe not fully understand, but I have an idea.

  “And these dresses?” I ask when we get back to my dressing room. “The ones you picked out? Are they fancy or works of art?”

  She smiles. “Your fiancé also told me to not tell you how much it is. He wants you to pick it because you love it.”

  “Was he seriously worried that I would pick the most expensive dress there is just because?” I ask, furrowing my brows. That doesn’t sound like Aiden. Not at all.

  “No, he thought that you would pick a dress that was the cheapest just because it was,” she explains. I laugh.

  “Don’t worry. I brought a selection here. Different types and styles of empire waists. We can also try other ones as well, if you like.”

  Chapter 43- Ellie

  When I get a second opinion…

  After three hours of trying on dresses, my head is starting to swim. When I tried on the first one, I was certain that that was the one I had to have, but Azelia insisted that I try on another one and then things got more complicated. They are all gorgeous, of course. But some are just not my style.

  “I think I might call it a day,” I say after a moment. “I might have to come back.”

  “Why don’t you take a little break?” she says. “I can have some lunch brought in.”

  “Oh, no, that’s not necessary. Not at all,” I say. It will just be too weird to have lunch brought in for me. I mean, I’m not this fancy person at all, despite the fact that I’m shopping here of all places.

  She gets a serious expression on her face. “Ellie, please don’t leave. Aiden arranged for a surprise for you. I don’t want to ruin it, but it’s not going to happen for another twenty minutes.”

  “O-kay,” I say slowly.

  “So, how about that lunch?”

  While Azelia goes to put in the order for an avocado toast and a greens smoothie, I am left all alone with all of my options. Much to my surprise, my mind doesn’t immediately go to worrying about the surprise that Aiden has arranged. Instead, I close my eyes and imagine myself walking down the aisle in one of these dresses.

  I clear my mind. I breathe in and out. And then I see myself walking toward Aiden. Suddenly, the decision disappears completely. It’s no longer a decision. There’s only one way to go. One right dress for the occasion. All the other ones aren’t even contenders.

  “Azelia!” I yell down the hall. “I’d like to try the first dress on again.”

  She helps me into it. As soon as I feel it against my body, I know that it’s the right one. It has a whimsical neckline which Azelia refers to as ‘illusion’ and a high empire waist. It’s floor length and has a long sweeping train. The white silk Chantilly lace gown comes with embroidery overlay and a silk white embroidered overskirt. This time, when I look at my reflection in the mirror, tears start to flow down my face.

  “This is the one,” I say.

  Azelia covers her mouth with her hand, also overcome with emotion. “You look absolutely beautiful,” she whispers before excusing herself.

  I enjoy the one-on-one time I have with my dress. I stand here, admiring it from every direction. A few minutes pass and then another few. I don’t actually want to take it off. Suddenly, I wish I could do everything in this dress.

  When Azelia comes back, she asks me to come outside of the room with her. It will be nice to see the dress in a different setting, I think, excited to have it on for a little bit longer.

  “Oh my God.” I hear my mom’s distinct voice gasp. All three of them crowd around me, wanting to give me a hug, but not wanting to do anything to damage the dress. Eventually, we settle with air kisses and distant hugs where only our arms intertwine without our bodies touching.

  “You look absolutely gorgeous,” Brie says.

  “You do,” Mom says.

  “Ellie, you are breathtaking,” Arlene, Aiden’s mother, says. Whatever tension might have existed between me and either my mom and me and Arlene doesn’t in this moment. Right now, everything is perfect. I can see how happy they are for me and how much they all love me.

  I twirl around. I can’t help myself. Once I stand on my tipt
oes and give my body a little spin, everything starts to move on its own. It’s almost as if the dress has a life of its own.

  “You look amazing,” Brie says, colliding into me once I get a bit dizzy and slow down. She grabs me by my shoulders and gives me a big warm hug. When she pulls away, I can see tears in the corners of her eyes.

  Wow, Brie, of all people. She is not one to give in to her emotions easily. I’m actually shocked.

  “Is this the dress?” she asks. I nod.

  As I gaze into my reflection in the mirror, I hear Arlene turn to my mom and say, “She is the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.”

  After close to a half an hour of admiring myself, even I’ve had enough. Azelia follows me back to the dressing room to help me get out of the dress.

  “Your family seems pleased,” she says.

  I nod. “I’m actually surprised.”

  “Really? Why?”

  “Well, besides my sister, things haven’t exactly been smooth sailing with Arlene and me. Or my mom and me.”

  “Weddings have a way of bringing people together,” Azelia says.

  “I guess. Still, I’m surprised they came at all.”

  “Mr. Black arranged for it.”

  “Yeah, I figured,” I say as she pulls the dress off me. Once I’m out, I’m left standing in just a slip, which is also quite nice. In a different decade, like the 90s, this would be a dress all on its own.

  “Hey, can I ask you something?”

  “Anything,” Azelia says.

  “I got the feeling that you knew which dress I was going to pick.”

  Azelia nods.

  “You did? How did you know?”

  “I always know,” she says with a shrug. "You can always see it on the bride’s face when she’s found her dress.”