“This doesn’t make you weak, Elle,” I said, because it was all I could say and it was true. She needed to hear it.
“I know it’s crazy, I know it doesn’t make any sense but watching you in the derby…I kept picturing you in place of the…of the people I’d lost on the job, and it was worse. So much worse,” her shoulder shook as the tears poured down her face. “I’ve already lost you once, and I could barely handle it. I couldn’t bear to lose you again.”
“You’re never going to lose me,” I assured her, looking deep into her eyes. “I’ve always been yours…even when I wasn’t.” I added, swallowing hard.
“Elle?”
We both looked up at the same time to see Alex standing about three feet away, holding two bottles of water. Elle stood up, pulling out of my arms and wiping the tears from her eyes. She turned her head, catching my eye for a second; a pining expression on her face. Then she turned back to him and started walking—taking my heart along with her.
It had felt like the walls Elle threw up when around me had finally come down, that she’d finally let me in. It seemed she’d even started to trust me again, at least enough to reveal that difficult truth about herself. I don’t know what I’d thought, maybe that she would let me comfort her and make it right somehow—but seeing her walk off to Alex, seeing them converse quietly—her hand on his arm—it cut. Real deep.
I watched them for a moment before I quietly slipped away, my hands in my pockets and my heart feeling like a transport truck had driven over it. I wandered the fair aimlessly, thinking about how broken she’d seemed in my arms.
Elle was one of the strongest, most willful women I’d ever known. It was part of the reason why I’d fallen in love with her. She’d always known exactly what she wanted and went for it. She’d never been afraid to dive in with eyes wide open. There was a spark about her, and even though Elle was scared and maybe a little broken now—I could still see the spark in her. I was still drawn to it…to her.
I didn’t know why she was still with Alex. I knew she didn’t love him—and maybe that was an arrogant assumption to make, but I figured out of everyone…I knew best. I knew what Elle looked like when she was in love—I knew how she smiled, how she laughed, how she looked at the world. I knew the language of her heart almost better than I knew the language of my own.
I also knew without a doubt that I was the reason Elle had a difficult time calling things off with Alex and coming back to me. I’d hurt her so profoundly when I broke things off, and she was afraid I’d do it again. Little did she know that I’d sooner cut off my own right arm than cause her anymore pain.
* * *
Dusk fell over the fairgrounds as hundreds of people gathered near the makeshift stage to watch Travis Channing perform. Growing up, Travis had been a regular feature in my life as he had been one of Brock’s best friends. It was surreal to think of all the success his music had brought him. The last person from Parry Sound to make it big had been Bobby Orr, our claim to hockey fame.
Travis was a startling contrast to the successful hockey player. For one, he loved to show off and he loved the attention his fame brought him.
But he was a fantastic performer, I’d give him that. It was impossible to not get caught up in the infectious energy he let off as he sauntered around the stage like he owned it. His music was decent; I used to rip on him for his corny “My dog died and my wife left me” vibe, but it was clearly working for him. Travis’ net worth was approximately $220 million dollars, and mine was well under 40,000. The guy was practically wiping his ass with hundred dollar bills and he’d already been romantically linked to several celebrities and models.
He was at the height of his career, but the best thing about Travis was that he remembered his roots. After he became established in Nashville, popular enough to make his own schedule, he started flying back every summer just so he could perform at the Parry Sound Stampede. He traveled home to see his mother every chance he got. Travis was home grown and proud of it, his pride and love of Parry Sound drawing in a lot of extra tourism. People would rent cottages up here, hell bent on getting a chance to meet the famous country singer. And often, especially during the summer, they were rewarded. He could act like a self-centred asshole all he wanted, but deep down he was a good guy.
Every year after Travis performed at the fair, a huge after party was planned at the Clayton’s property. The Clayton’s were a rich family that had a massive barn they’d renovated into a beautiful bar and venue hall for events. It was featured in magazines all over the world and as a result, weddings, proms and other special occasions were booked there year-round.
The last time I’d gone to a party at the Clayton’s barn, I’d been with Elle. The fact that I was there without her pissed me off, so I didn’t particularly mind spending my night listening to Travis act like a redneck version of Justin Bieber. It was entertaining enough to keep the majority of my thoughts from drifting to her again, although any time she snuck through my barriers, my heart ached.
I felt her absence from my life so profoundly, that it was taking everything in me to not march over to the bar and fall into the comfortable, old habit of washing away my regrets.
Seeing her fall apart earlier today wasn’t helping. I couldn’t help but shoulder the blame. If I had never hurt her, if I had let things play out the way that they were supposed to instead of pushing us to our untimely end, maybe we’d still be together and it would be me helping her through the darkness.
I tried to focus on the conversations happening around me. It seemed like the entire gang was together again—Gordon, Tommy, Ezra, Grady, Peter, Krista, Brock and Tessa were all present. Even Becky was out for the evening, after recruiting a babysitter to watch Aiden. I couldn’t be sure if she’d come out to let off some steam, or if she’d come out to keep a watchful eye on me.
Even though they didn’t say it, my siblings were still worried about me. I felt their eyes on me every time I had my back turned. They were waiting for me to fall back into old habits, to grab a beer with the guys.
It was disheartening, to say the least. I didn’t know if I would ever earn their trust back, and their apprehension and lack of faith in me made me waver.
I watched the dance floor from my spot leaning against the railing of the loft as Travis made his rounds, his easy, dimpled smile wooing the girls he hit on. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see my sister go rigid. Her spine stiffened and the smile on her face slid away.
“Becs, you alright?” I asked, arching a brow at her.
Becky shook her head, as if clearing her thoughts away. She pasted on a smile and shrugged, bringing her white wine spritzer to her lips. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” she asked before taking a delicate sip.
“Alrighty then,” I shrugged, biting back a smile. My sister didn’t want to talk, that was fine. I understood it. I didn’t like talking about my emotions either. Emotions were complicated, feelings were confusing.
My eyes landed back on the dance floor, and I kept scanning the crowd, searching for her. I didn’t know if she was still at the fair, or if she’d left after the smash-up derby, but I desperate to see her.
“Braden Miller, I heard you’d come back!” a voice said, drawing me out of my thoughts of Elle. I turned around, catching sight of Joanna Poole as she sauntered up to me, hips swaying. She was dressed in shorts that left little to the imagination, and a crop top that didn’t even pass as a shirt. She came to a stop in front of me, placing a hand on my arm. “Oh my God, how is it possible that you’re more delicious than you were in high school?” she giggled, squeezing the muscle on my arm with wide eyes.
I pulled my arm away from her grip and forced a smile in place. I couldn’t really blame Joanna for what happened between Elle and me, but she was a painful reminder of my idiocy. “Yeah, well,” I said, shrugging and averting my gaze.
Tessa’s eyes were narrowed in on my face. I furrowed my brow, frustrated. There wasn’t a way to untangle myself
from Joanna’s clutches without seeming like an asshole, and Tessa knew it. She smirked, as if she was enjoying my discomfort.
“Joanna!” Peter said, coming to the rescue and enveloping his arms around her in a huge hug. “Glad you could make it out!”
“I know, I haven’t seen you in forever,” Joanna said, flipping her hair over her shoulder as her eyes fixed on Peter. “Daddy told me you were working for him now!”
“I am,” Peter said proudly. “It’s a great job. Your dad’s an awesome guy to work for.”
“He sure is,” Joanna pursed her lips in agreement, her eyes pausing on Tessa and Krista. “Hi Krista.” The note of distain in her voice was clearly detectable to everyone around us.
“Hey Joanna, how’s Waterloo?” Krista asked, forcing a polite smile.
“More entertaining than this town, that’s for sure,” Joanna replied haughtily. “The art scene is so advanced. Honestly, you’d love it—but you never take me up on my offers to come out for a visit,” she added, tilting her head with a sickly sweet smile on her face.
“I’ve been really busy with university,” Krista said apologetically. “I’m graduating next spring, so maybe after that I’ll have time.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Joanna shrugged. She looked back to Tessa. “I heard congratulations are in order. Guess there’s a reason why I didn’t get an invitation?”
“We’re keeping it small, basically family and close friends only,” Tessa answered, her eyes never wavering from Joanna’s face.
“I see,” Joanna clearly didn’t like Tessa’s answer. “Well, if you need a date Braden…” she added, trailing off and giving me a wink.
“Nah, I’m good,” I replied. All I could think about was how badly Elle would hurt if I even considered taking Joanna to Tessa’s wedding as my date. That gutted me more than the possibility of offending or hurting Joanna’s feelings.
Joanna’s eyes narrowed into slits, and she tried to shrug her shoulder nonchalantly. “Your loss,” she said. “I’m going to go grab a drink. Come with me, Peter.”
I watched her and Peter go with a scowl on my face. The scowl faded when my eyes landed on Elle as she walked into the barn.
I was captivated as I watched her walk across the dance floor. She paused to speak to Travis, getting swept up into his arms and wearing a huge grin as she introduced her boyfriend to him. The guy looked like a star struck teenager at a Taylor Swift concert. I was almost expecting him to start fanning his face before he fainted.
What a douche.
My displeasure at his presence evaporated as Travis hugged her once more before they said their goodbyes. I watched her walk up the loft stairs. It was like everything around us ceased to exist, and it was just me and her. It didn’t even matter that she was holding another guy’s hand; all I saw was her.
Her brown eyes were locked on mine, and I could barely breathe. I couldn’t break my gaze on her until Tessa flew past me and jumped into her arms.
My throat itched as I forced myself to turn and engage someone in conversation. I needed a distraction. My eyes immediately landed on Krista. I took two steps closer to her and nodded at her, grasping her attention as if I’d called out. “Krista, how’s it going?”
“What?” she seemed confused, and rightfully so. I’d never really spoken more than four words to her directly. She’d been a part of our circle of friends for so long, and I didn’t know a bloody thing about her.
I didn’t need to tell her that the only reason why I was talking to her was to make Elle jealous. I smiled at Krista, trying to mimic the ways I’d smiled for Elle. It seemed to work because Krista’s shoulders dropped as she relaxed, a small smile gracing the corners of her lips as she twirled her hair around her finger.
“Oh, it’s going good,” she answered, leaning back against the large log pole that was directly behind her. She gazed up at me with heavy lids, her lashes brushing against the top of her cheeks as she blinked slowly.
I leaned into her a little, putting my right hand beside her shoulder on the pole. I gave her an arrogant smile. “Are you single?”
“Yes,” she breathed, blinking more rapidly. I could feel Elle’s gaze hot upon my back, and I chanced a look over my shoulder. Her jaw was tense and her eyes were hard and dark. Elle’s eyes always appeared darker when she was pissed off. Somehow, it made her look even more irresistible to me. I smirked and looked back at Krista, catching her looking over my shoulder at Elle. “Oh my God, Braden, you’re such a dick,” she said, shoving at my chest. I held my ground, moving in closer again and narrowing my gaze in on hers. She stilled, her breaths coming out in shallow puffs.
“I need a distraction right now,” I said lowly, my eyes pleading with hers.
She said nothing. After a moment she nodded slowly, as if understanding all the things I hadn’t said.
I smiled and brought my lips closer to her ear. “Thank you,” I murmured loud enough for her to hear over the music.
“You know, this is just going to cause unjust tension,” Krista sighed. “Elle is going to be a super bitch to me again, and I’m supposed to be spending a lot of time with her over the next few weeks. The bachelorette party is next weekend!”
“She won’t be mad at you,” I assured her, grinning my promise. “I plan on telling her exactly what this is. I just want her to be jealous for a while.”
“This is not going to end well,” Krista cautioned me, her eyes leveled with mine.
I ignored her, because I begged to differ. Elle was confident and secure, but she had always aired on the jealous side when it came to me talking to other women. I was a player before her, and she knew it.
I chanced another look over my shoulder. Elle was hanging off Alex’s arm, focusing all of her attention on Tessa and Brock. His phone started to ring, and he grabbed it after excusing himself. He made his way back down the stairs and across the dance floor to the doors, disappearing into the night while Elle watched after him with a frown on her lips.
Tessa drew her back into the conversation, and a few minutes later Alex was rushing back up the stairs. He said something to Elle and they walked closer to the railing, away from everyone. I couldn’t exactly hear what they were saying over the music blasting from the speakers, but Elle didn’t look happy about it. His hands came up to hold her shoulders as he gazed down at her, his lips moving as he spoke to her. He kissed her softly on the forehead and pulled her into his chest for a hug. A moment later, he was weaving his way back down across the dance floor and out the door while Elle rejoined Tessa.
When Keeper of the Stars by Tracy Byrd came on, Brock grabbed Tessa’s hand and started tugging her towards the dance floor. Becky had disappeared during my little display with Krista, which meant that Elle was left hanging around by herself. I could tell by the lines beside her lips that she was contemplating leaving.
“Why don’t you go get yourself a drink, Krista?” I urged her, passing her some cash for the bar.
“Do you want anything?” she huffed, aggravated at the dismissal.
“A bottle of water would be good,” I told her, flashing her a dimpled simple before I spanked her ass. I knew Elle caught the gesture, and I knew it pissed her off from the way her fists clenched at her sides.
When Krista disappeared down the stairs, I made my move. I approached Elle with ease, flashing that special smile I knew I could never replicate for anybody but her. It seemed so natural to walk towards her.
“Where’d you boyfriend run off to?” I asked, raising my brow in question.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but he got called into work,” she glowered at me. I couldn’t even prevent my smile from slipping into a ridiculously huge grin. “What are you smiling for?”
“No reason,” I shrugged, trying for indifference. “Dance with me.”
“No,” Elle crossed her arms, her eyes cold.
“Come on, for old times’ sake,” I challenged. “We’re going to have to dance together at the wedding. Might
as well practice a little—don’t need you stepping all over my feet or stabbing me with one of those glass mason jar vases Tessa’s been putting together.”
“I would never stab you with a centerpiece,” Elle smirked. “Now the bread knife…”
“So funny,” I said dryly, extending my hand out to her. “Now let’s dance.”
Elle debated for a few long seconds, her eyes dropping down to my hand and back up to my face again. Uncertainly lined her eyes. We stared at each other for another beat, and she must have seen something in my gaze. Her expression softened, the walls coming down a little—or at least, a door opening somewhere for me.
“Ugh, fine. But so help me God Braden, if you try anything…I’ll kick you in the gonads.”
I led her out onto the dance floor, placing my hands on her hips and drawing her close to me. Her arms went around my neck and I was struck again by just how well we fit together. It was as if she was made for my arms and my arms alone. The way she worried her lips had me wondering if she was feeling the same thing.
“What’s with you and Krista?” she finally said, unable to handle the silence I basked in.
“Nothing,” I grinned. “Absolutely nothing.”
“Didn’t look like nothing.”
“Are you jealous?” I asked her, loving that idea.
“Of course not,” Elle huffed, rolling her eyes. The lie she spoke written clear as day across her face.
“There’s only one girl for me,” I told her, my lips dangerously close to her ear lobe. Elle used to love it when I kissed her neck and nibbled on her ear lobe. She shivered, erupting into tiny goosebumps as my breath cascaded across her skin.
Frozen in time, I allowed myself a moment to linger there, my lips hovering above the sensitive skin just below her ear. The desire I felt for her was evident, but I didn’t push myself against her like I wanted to.
She abruptly pulled away from me, her eyes locking on mine, wild and wary. Her breath was coming out in quick bursts. “Don’t,” she told me, her lips tight as she walked away without another word. I followed her out of the barn, watching as she pulled her cell phone out and called someone.
Rebel Heart: (Rebel Series Book 2) ((Rebel Series)) Page 13