“Not here. I figured we were far enough out in the middle of nowhere that nobody would come across us.”
“Fair enough, besides—they’re kind of buzzkills,” Gordon snorted, tossing back the rest of his beer.
“You’re telling me,” Travis said in agreement, glancing around. He nodded at Grady, Tommy, and Ben before settling on Brock. His face split into a grin and he started over. “Hey! Groom guy! What the fuck is with this backwoods sausage fest!? Aren’t we supposed to celebrate your dwindling time as a free man by ogling strippers and shit?” He put the brown paper bag down on the table and embraced my brother in a one-armed hug.
“Guess I got enough of a stripper show when you brought the Vegas escorts by O’Riley’s,” Brock responded smoothly, the corners of his lips twitching. “Hey, Grayson—this is my buddy Travis.”
Grayson and Travis appraised each other for a moment, flickering recognition passing in each of their eyes. “Hey, do I know you from somewhere?” Travis asked, tilting his head slightly.
“By proxy, yes,” Grayson said, his voice low and almost threatening.
“Ah right, you’re Everly’s man right?” Travis asked. Grayson clenched his jaw and nodded once in response. “How the hell is she? Haven’t seen her in a while! I think the last time I saw her was at the 2014 Music Awards.”
“She’s good,” Grayson answered unwillingly. He seemed uncomfortable or pissed off—I couldn’t tell which one.
“Everly Daniels was the lead singer of Autumn Fields,” Travis explained to us, a huge grin on his face. “She left the music scene a year ago. I haven’t seen her since!” He turned to look back at Grayson. ““Will she be at the wedding?”
Grayson remained silent for several beats before answering. “Yeah, she will.”
“Fucking eh! It’s a small world after all,” Travis didn’t seem the least bit concerned that he was seriously aggravating the fuck out of Brock’s friend. He picked up the brown bag again and pulled a bottle of whiskey out. “Anybody want a shot?”
Elle
“Thanks for coming to the rescue today,” Tessa smiled at me from across the wooden table in Brock’s kitchen. We had spent the past three hours assembling centerpieces; tying twine and a piece of triangle material with the letter “m” to each Mason jar. On the day of the wedding, the jars would be full of water and wildflowers, placed on round disks of wood that Brock had cut specifically for this purpose with tea light candles to add a soft, romantic glow to each table. “I should have known that planning the bachelor party would be too much responsibility for Braden,” she added, shaking her head.
“It was no problem,” I shrugged, biting my lip. “Honestly, Braden pretty much had everything figured out except for the decorations and I’m pretty sure that’s not a requirement. I mean, it’s not like the guys would have shown up and said ‘gee, there’s no decorations. How lame!’”
“Was he on his best behaviour at least?” Tessa asked, arching a brow.
“Yeah, he was. It was…good. Hanging out with him I mean.” And it had been—I had almost forgotten how it felt to spend time with Braden Miller. Being around him made me feel alive and carefree, but it also made me acutely aware of my feelings for him, which is why I couldn’t be around him.
I wanted him. My body, my heart, it craved him in the worst way. The only thing holding me back was my mind—I knew going down that road again would lead to more heartache and pain. I wasn’t sure if I could handle it, but I also wasn’t sure if he could handle it. He was doing well right now, he wasn’t drinking, he wasn’t running from his problems. I didn’t want to push him back when he fought so hard to be where he was.
I didn’t voice any of it—but Tessa seemed to read between the lines. She smiled knowingly. “How’s everything else going?” I knew she was referring to Alex.
“I cancelled on him today,” I admitted. “He was supposed to come out but Braden called. I told him there was a wedding emergency I had to deal with.”
“Elle!” Tessa frowned. “Why wouldn’t you just tell him the truth?”
“Because I don’t think the truth should be told over the phone,” I shrugged. “Despite how I feel about…well, everything…Alex is still my boyfriend, and he’s my friend. I still care about him, and I’m not going to break his heart over the phone.”
“You had an opportunity to talk to him when he came down,” she pointed out.
“Yeah, and I choked. I didn’t want to hurt him. And how could I anyway? You saw how he was at the smash-up derby. It would have been a dick move to tell him ‘hey gee thanks for talking me out of a panic attack, but I want to break up’.”
“Oh, so just wait until the wedding. There’s a plan,” Tessa snorted. She leaned forward, her eyes zeroing in on me. “You realize that weddings bring…things…out in people, right? Like feelings? What if he proposes to you?”
“Alex wouldn’t be that stupid,” I said confidently. “I haven’t even told him that I love him back yet.”
“Because you don’t,” Tessa huffed, sitting back in her seat. “But you’re kind of being a bitch about it. I mean, you know that you don’t love him, and you’re still stringing him along. Why?”
I fell silent, my heart squeezing painfully. She was right—I was being a bitch. I was stringing him along and I needed to stop it, but I was afraid of what stopping it would truly mean. I was afraid that if I broke up with Alex, I’d end up back in Braden’s arms.
“I guess he’s a safe guard,” I admitted, my voice raw. “He is the logical choice. He doesn’t have a history of hurting me. But I’m fighting with my heart, Tessa. I’m desperate to feel something other than the fondness I have for him. I keep telling myself I just need time, time to get used to the idea of falling in love…but seeing Braden again…” I trailed off, conflicted.
Seeing Braden again drudged up everything again—the way I felt when I was with him, and the girl I once was. Tessa’s words kept washing over me though, planting seeds of doubt that grew into weeds. I knew Alex wasn’t it for me. My heart wasn’t in it; my heart longed for something dangerous. Something that would undoubtedly blow up in my face.
“Elle, you don’t need a safe guard,” Tessa said gently. I looked up at her. “Fate is going to do what fate does best—whatever is meant to be will just happen. There’s no sense in fighting it or trying to put it off.”
“You’re right,” I sighed, my eyes dropping to the table for a minute. I looked up again, catching her watching me. “I promise I’ll talk to Alex, but Tessa—your wedding is in seven days, we’ve got enough on our plates without adding that conversation to the mix. It will have to wait until after, there just isn’t enough time.”
“Yeah,” Tessa exhaled, looking at the ceiling. “This week is pretty busy, isn’t it?” she asked with a small smile.
“Between the final dress fittings, the rehearsal dinner, and double checking that the caterer, the florist, and the limo company have everything ready -- I’d say so.”
“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Elle,” Tessa said. “Seriously, I was floundering before you came back. Pinning things on Pinterest doesn’t actually get anything accomplished on the wedding to-do list.”
“Nope,” I smiled. “It just adds a heap ton of stress. Stay off Pinterest, everything will be perfect. Now, could you give me a lift home please? I’m exhausted.”
Half an hour later, I waved as Tessa drove back down my driveway. I turned around, about to open the door and go inside.
“Hey,” Mom’s voice startled me and I jumped a foot backwards, placing my hand over my heart. She was sitting on the porch swing, wrapped in a blanket, her face illuminated by the moonlight. “I wondered when you’d get home. I was hoping we could talk.”
“About what?” I asked, my heart rate slowing. Mom patted the seat beside her and I walked over, plopping down.
“When Alex came out, he told me about your leave of absence from work,” she said. I looked over at her, noticing the
lines of worry and the hurt behind her soft green eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me, Elle?” she asked, sounding every bit as hurt as she looked.
“I didn’t want to worry you,” I replied, my voice quivering slightly as I tried to hold the tears back. It had been an intense day, and I wasn’t ready for this conversation.
She put her arm around me, pulling me close to her. I rested my head against her shoulder. “I’m going to worry regardless,” she said. “That’s what mothers do. We worry. I thought we’d always had the kind of relationship where we could talk to one another about anything.”
“We can,” I insisted. “I just…I didn’t know how to say it. I’m still coming to terms with it myself.”
“Hey,” she said, using her hand to tip my chin up so I’d look at her. “You don’t have to do this alone. I’m here.”
“I know,” I muttered.
She was silent for a few minutes, studying me. “Did your doctor prescribe any medication?” she finally asked.
“Just antidepressants,” I replied on an exhale.
“And you’re taking them, right?” Mom inquired with an arch of her brow.
“Yes, obviously,” I rolled my eyes. “I also followed his advice for that leave of absence.”
She was silent as she considered me. “Has it helped?”
“A little,” I admitted. “But it brings its own bullshit along,” I added, thinking of Braden and the day we’d spent together and how confused I was about everything.
“Have you thought about cutting the things that aren’t so good for you out of your life?”
“I can’t very well cut him out right now. Tessa’s getting married soon and we have to walk down the aisle together,” I answered, looking at her blankly. She smiled and shook her head.
“I wasn’t referring to Braden,” she told me. “I was talking about the job that brought it on. And, I guess I was also talking about Alex.”
“Alex?” I frowned. “I thought you liked him?”
“I do,” Mom sighed. “He’s a sweet guy. He’s nice and attentive and he cares about you a lot—but you don’t seem to feel the same way about him that he feels for you.”
“You sound like Tessa,” I sighed, pushing my feet against the porch to get the swing moving.
“Well, Tessa is smart,” Mom laughed. Her humour faded. “All we’re trying to say, Elle, is that you’re hanging on to a job—and a relationship—that you don’t really want when you should be trying to figure out what it is that you do want.”
“So you’re saying quit my job—the job that you took a second mortgage out on the house so I could get the education that would get me the job—and dump my boyfriend who stood by me when I was even more of a mess?”
Mom smiled. “I’m saying do what’s going to make you happy. Hell honey, maybe just relocating somewhere closer to where you’re happiest is the answer. This house will always be your home, and you’re welcome to return to it and regroup if you need to.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I whispered, resting my head back onto her shoulder.
* * *
I knew my mom and Tessa were right, but I didn’t have time to deal with my work and living situation. The week before the wedding really did prove to be busy. Between a mix up at the florist for the wedding arch flowers and the construction of the arch itself, I was too occupied running interference to even sit down and reflect upon anything. By the time Friday morning rolled around—and the rehearsal dinner—I’d sorted out all the mishaps and figured we were pretty much golden for the wedding the next day.
The chairs were already set up for the ceremony, and the wedding arbor was in place. It was a simple design—a rectangle arch made of thick birch branches and put together by Gordon and Tommy.
The reception tent was ready to go too. The illuminated bar was set up and stocked, save for the ice. The dance floor gleamed and the tables were set up with the seating chart right by the tent entrance. The linens were all in place—I’d made sure of it—and again, the only thing left to do was add the flowers to the centerpieces once the florist dropped the flowers off.
Even still, my mind raced with mental checklists. I wanted to make sure everything went off without a hitch so that Tessa could focus on enjoying her special day with Brock—I knew she’d do the same if the roles were reversed.
So occupied were my thoughts that I nearly jumped out of my skin when a hand pressed against the small of my back. “Are you ready?” Braden asked, arching a brow and gesturing to the wedding arbor. We were doing a trial run through the ceremony, and it was our turn to walk down the makeshift aisle. His hand fell away, taking all warmth with it, and he offered me his arm.
We walked at the proper pace, in time with the music. Once we’d reached the arch, we split off and Braden went to stand beside Brock while I stood beside Pastor Bruce—who was overseeing the rehearsal and giving instructions when needed.
Next came Becky and Travis. Neither of them looked very happy, and Pastor Bruce had to remind them to smile. Katie and Gordon came after them, and then Krista and Grady. Finally, Tessa made her descent with her father.
We ran through it once more before Pastor Bruce was satisfied. Then we all jumped into cars and drove to The Dock for dinner.
Ben, Tommy, my mom, Tessa’s cousin Cheyenne and her aunt and uncle also joined the wedding party for the rehearsal dinner. Our table took up practically the entire back half of the restaurant. Alex hadn’t been able to make it out to the dinner—he’d had to work, and would be coming out first thing in the morning.
I tried to focus on the fact that in a few short hours, my boyfriend would be back in town and my best friend would be getting married, but it was hard. So very hard. I couldn’t focus throughout the entire dinner, not with the converted looks Braden would send me when nobody else was paying attention.
I had to get away. I needed air. I needed to breathe air that wasn’t being breathed by him. I slipped outside the first chance I could after telling Tessa that I needed a moment.
I hurried outside, breathing in the fresh air like I was starved oxygen—and stomped over to the alley. I wanted to be left alone. I was pissed off that Braden was looking at me like he wanted me—like he couldn’t wait to have me. I was pissed off that I was reacting, too. He was supposed to just want to be my friend, and I was supposed to accept that.
His intent was to toy with me. I was the mouse, and he was the cat. Braden didn’t like losing, and he probably felt like he was losing. He was trying to stake a claim in me again, because he couldn’t stand the fact that I was trying to move on.
Was I? I wondered to myself, closing my eyes against the gentle breeze. I’d barely given Alex a second thought since coming home—even when he was right next to me. My time was occupied with the wedding, and as much as I didn’t want to admit it…with Braden.
“Thought I’d find you out here.” I’d recognize his voice anywhere. I didn’t even have to open my eyes to know it was him.
“You’re something else, you know that?” I snapped, my anger swallowing me, driving me. I stared at him, anger seething from every pore. This was the man that had shattered me. Destroyed me, and here he was, back again and pushing all my buttons, driving me crazy and making me want him when I had someone else waiting for me.
“Oh, I know I’m something else,” he said, that arrogant half-smile playing against those lips that had once kissed every inch of my body, those lips I still dreamed about in my weaker moments—which happened to be all the time, apparently.
“Where do you get off, looking at me like that?” I demanded, the raw pain and hurt pulsing in my chest. “Why can’t you just leave me be, Braden?”
He edged closer towards me, backing me up against the brick wall of the restaurant. He put his hands on either side of me, caging me in. “I know it’s not over, Elle.”
“How do you know that?” I demanded haughtily, my eyes narrowing at his tragically handsome face and that chiselled jaw. Focus, Elle!
My chest rose and fell, my breathing becoming labored. My lids fluttered against my cheeks as he moved his lips closer to mine. I felt his warm breath against my mouth.
“That’s your answer, Elle,” he said, his voice deep with longing. “The way you react when you’re near me. The look in your eyes…that’s how I know it’s not over.” His eyes lingered on my lips for a moment, and then my hands went to his chest.
“Braden, please,” I begged, not knowing what I was asking for—him to leave me alone, or him to kiss me and never stop.
His expression was almost tormented as his eyes bore into mine. “As much as I’d love to take you in this alley, right here, right now. I won’t let you do this, Elle. I won’t let you hate yourself in the morning. If I’m what you want, you need to tell him that. Then come find me.”
My eyes snapped open, watching his face, intense with sincerity. My heart pounded in my chest as the gravity of the situation took over. Tears welled up in my eyes. I shoved him away from me. “You don’t get to tell me what to do, Braden.”
“Sure I do,” he smiled tightly, his eyes remaining serious. “This is about me just as much as it’s about you. I don’t want to fuck you once, Elle. I want to have you over and over again. I want to have you forever, and I don’t want there to be a shadow of a doubt in your mind that you want the same thing.”
I gaped at him, dumbfounded. My mouth opened and closed as I searched for something to say. I willed the words I knew I should say to come forth. I wanted to tell him it was over, that my reaction to him had everything to do with the champagne I’d had at dinner, but I couldn’t speak, and I was beginning to realize it was a lie, anyway.
Rebel Heart: (Rebel Series Book 2) ((Rebel Series)) Page 18