The Throwaway Children

by Diney Costeloe

  ‘The girls’ll be excited,’ Lily said. ‘Have you told them yet?’

  ‘No, not yet,’ answered Mavis, looking away. ‘Not till everything’s sorted, for definite, you know.’

  ‘You’ve got to get Jimmy to go easy on them, Mavis,’ said her mother. ‘It’ll be hard for them at first, having to share you with him… and the baby. Reet, particularly, is going to find it difficult.’

  ‘Mum…’ Mavis began and then stopped.

  ‘What?’ Lily looked at her, and saw the anguish in Mavis’s eyes. She reached a hand across the table and said, more gently, ‘What’s the matter, Mavis? What’s wrong?’

  ‘It’s the girls,’ Mavis whispered. ‘Jimmy won’t have them here.’

  ‘Won’t have them here?’ echoed Lily. ‘What d’you mean, won’t have them here? It’s their home. Where else should they be?’

  ‘He wants them took into care,’ murmured Mavis, not looking up. ‘He don’t want them here, he just wants us to be a family, him, me and the baby.’

  ‘But the girls, Reet, Rosie, they’re your family.’ Lily stared at her daughter’s bowed head uncomprehendingly. ‘Mavis, they’ve only got you!’

  ‘He won’t have them.’

  ‘Then tell him to sod off,’ flashed Lily.

  ‘I can’t, Mum. He’s the baby’s father. I need him here. I’ve got to choose!’

  ‘And you choose him?’ Lily was outraged. ‘You choose that violent brute… ’cos he is violent and you know it… you choose him over your own kids? Your own flesh and blood?’

  ‘I have to,’ wailed Mavis. ‘The baby’s my own flesh and blood too, and I can’t cope on my own, Mum, not any more.’

  ‘You’re not putting my granddaughters into no home,’ Lily exploded. ‘How can you even think of such a thing?’

  ‘If you really want to know, I think they’d be happier there,’ Mavis shouted back. ‘Reet would, I know she would. She don’t like Jimmy. She makes no effort to get on with him, and now she’s encouraging Rosie to cheek him as well. Every day it’s getting worse and I can’t stand it no more!’ Mavis burst into a flood of tears. ‘What am I going to do, Mum? I can’t keep them. They’ve got to go and live somewhere else. It’s for their own good.’

  Lily watched her as she struggled with her tears, and then said, ‘But a home, Mavis? An orphanage, you mean? They ain’t orphans.’

  ‘Lots of kids in orphanages ain’t orphans,’ sniffed Mavis. ‘After this bloody war lots of men ain’t come home. Lots of mothers are like me, been left alone with kids and can’t cope with them. It won’t be forever…’

  ‘Rubbish!’ snapped Lily. ‘If Jimmy won’t have ’em now, when they’re just little kiddies, he won’t take ’em back when he’s got more of his own.’ Lily looked despairingly at her daughter. ‘Oh, Mavis,’ she cried, ‘you ain’t really going to do this, are you? Give your daughters away? What would Don think of you? Him going off to fight, trusting his precious girls to you. Don’t you owe him nothing?’

  ‘Don’s dead,’ answered Mavis bleakly. ‘He’s gone. He was another part of my life and it’s over. He ain’t coming back, is he? So I’ve got to get on with the rest of my life. I’m another person now.’

  ‘You certainly are,’ replied Lily tightly, ‘and not one I want to know. I’m ashamed to think you’re my daughter.’ She got to her feet and stared down at Mavis.

  ‘You won’t tell them yet, will you?’ begged Mavis.

  ‘I won’t tell them at all,’ retorted Lily, ‘in the hope that you come to your senses and realize exactly what you’re intending to do.’ She went to the door, but as she put her hand on the handle she turned back. ‘Oh Mavis, love, don’t do it! Don’t let him bully you into it. We’ll manage without him, even with the new baby. We’ll manage. You and me and Rita and Rosie will be the baby’s family. We can manage, I promise you.’

  ‘It’ll be a bastard,’ Mavis said flatly.

  ‘Well,’ Lily replied, ‘there’s plenty of those around… you’re even planning to marry one!’

  ‘Get out, Mum!’ Mavis started up from the table, glaring at her mother. ‘Get out. It ain’t nothing to do with you. If you don’t like what I’m doing, get out and don’t bother coming back!’

  Lily gave her daughter a long look and then without another word turned and walked out of the house. The brilliance of the day outside made her blink, the heat blasted back from the pavement, but the chill that gripped Lily made her feel as cold as ice.

  For the rest of the day and all that night, Lily thought of nothing else. She lay in bed unable to sleep, her mind churning. She could still hardly believe that Mavis was going to put her daughters into an orphanage. Surely she’ll think better of it and change her mind, thought Lily. Mavis loves her kids, how could she bear to be parted from them? How could she even begin to consider sending them away… on the orders of that man?

  ‘I won’t let her,’ Lily announced suddenly to her bedroom. ‘I won’t let her. If that brute won’t let her keep them in their own home, then they can come here to me. I won’t let them grow up in some dreadful place, thinking no one wants them.’

  It was the obvious solution. She’d go and tell Mavis first thing. This decision made Lily fall into an uneasy doze, waking only an hour or so later, unrefreshed but determined.

  It was Saturday, the girls would be at home, and so might Jimmy, but that couldn’t be helped. She must speak to Mavis again, tell her the girls should come and live with her, before it was too late.

  When Mavis opened the door to find her mother on the step, she immediately tried to push it shut again, but expecting such a reaction, Lily was ready and thrust against it.

  ‘Go away!’ hissed Mavis. ‘You’re not welcome here.’

  ‘Mavis!’ Lily’s voice brooked no argument. ‘I have to speak to you.’

  ‘You spoke to me yesterday,’ snarled Mavis. ‘We ain’t got nothing left to say.’

  ‘I’ll have them,’ Lily said urgently, still leaning on the door to prevent it from shutting. ‘I’ll have the girls to live with me.’

  The pressure on the door eased a little, but still Mavis wouldn’t open it. ‘What d’you mean?’ She spoke softly as if afraid of being overheard.

  ‘I’ll have the girls to live with me,’ repeated Lily. ‘Mavis, love, listen. Let me in so we can talk about it.’

  ‘Jimmy’s here.’

  ‘That’s OK,’ replied Lily. ‘He can be part of the discussion. We all need to agree on what’s to happen… what’s for the best.’

  ‘You’re not to make him angry,’ warned Mavis. ‘He was mad when he heard what you’d said about him yesterday.’

  More fool you for telling him, thought Lily, but aloud she said, ‘No, I won’t make him angry, promise. I’ll simply explain my idea. I’m sure we can work something out that will please everyone.’

  Reluctantly, Mavis opened the door and let Lily step inside. She led the way into the kitchen where Rita and Rosie were sitting at the table.

  ‘Gran!’ cried Rosie in delight, jumping down from her stool for a hug.

  Rita stayed where she was, but smiled and said, ‘Can we come to your house today?’ She turned to her mother. ‘Can we?’ she said. ‘Can we go round Gran’s?’

  ‘Perhaps later,’ said Lily.

  ‘You girls go and play upstairs,’ said Mavis, ‘and don’t you go waking your Uncle Jimmy.’

  ‘But I want…’ began Rita, but her mother reached over and took her arm, pulling her roughly from her stool. ‘You’ll do as you’re told, my girl, or you’ll feel the weight of my hand.’

  Rita scowled, but she did not reply. She simply took Rosie’s hand and said, ‘Come on, Rosie, let’s go upstairs.’

  Mavis flopped into a chair and turned to face Lily. ‘All right,’ she said belligerently, ‘what’s your plan? You can see how difficult Reet’s being.’

  ‘I thought it might be best if Rita and Rosie came to live with me,’ replied Lily. When Mavis made no response she w
ent on, encouraged, ‘That way you wouldn’t lose them, would you? They’d be just round the corner and you could see them whenever you wanted to. They could go to the same school. They’d still be with their friends. They wouldn’t feel pushed out, they’re happy enough when they’re with me.’ She paused, and as Mavis still said nothing she added, ‘No one would think you’d rejected them, they’d see that you’d simply given yourself a little breathing space… with a new husband and a new baby.’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Mavis said gruffly. ‘After all you said yesterday.’

  ‘Yesterday… well, yesterday I was surprised, and upset. You did rather spring it on me, your idea of a home.’ Lily pulled out a chair and sat down opposite Mavis. ‘But it needn’t come to that. If they come to live with me for a bit, they’ll be out of Jimmy’s hair and you’ll be able to concentrate on him and the baby. If they come to me they’ll be going somewhere they know, not to some strange place with strangers to look after them.’ Lily reached out a hand. ‘Mavis, love, I know you love your kids, that you want what’s best for them, and you’re probably right, it is better for them to be out of this house for a little while, but please don’t put them in a home. Let them come and stay with me where you know they’ll be safe.’

  Mavis still didn’t answer, but Lily could see that she was giving consideration to the idea, so she allowed the silence to lengthen. It was eventually broken by a cry from upstairs and then a thud, followed by the sound of heavy footsteps on the stairs. Mavis came to her feet as the door opened and Jimmy Randall came in.

  Unshaven and dressed only in pyjama trousers and a string vest, he stopped dead when he saw Lily at the table. ‘And what the ’ell are you doing ’ere?’ he demanded.

  ‘I’ve come to talk to Mavis about Rita and Rosie,’ replied Lily, trying not to shrink back as he towered over her.

  ‘Come to meddle, more like,’ he said. ‘Well, we don’t want your meddling, right? So you can push off. Go on, out.’ He pushed back the door and pointed to the street.

  ‘She’s only come—’ began Mavis.

  ‘To bloody interfere. We don’t need her, right?’

  ‘She says the girls can live with her,’ Mavis said. ‘She says she’ll take them and—’

  ‘Then get up them stairs and pack their bags,’ snapped Jimmy. ‘She can ’ave ’em, but they go today.’

  ‘Today…’ stammered Mavis, paling visibly.

  ‘Why not?’ shrugged Jimmy. ‘She wants ’em, we don’t. They can go today.’

  ‘Jimmy…’ wailed Mavis, but he had turned on his heel and was stumping back up the stairs.

  Lily had been going to suggest that today they tell the girls about coming to live with her, let them get used to the idea, and then move their things the following weekend. She’d have had time to prepare their room, and given herself time to get used to the idea too, but Jimmy’s reaction decided her. She wanted those girls out of this house and out of his way at once. She had felt intimidated by him, and she was a grown woman, well used to looking after herself. What must those children feel when he came into the room? She turned to Mavis, who had buried her face in her hands.

  ‘Come on, Mavis,’ she said briskly. ‘Call the girls down and let’s tell them they’re coming to me. But tell them, mind, that it’s just till you’ve had the baby and got settled again. All right?’

  Mavis didn’t answer, simply moaned into her hands. Lily reached over and shook her roughly by the shoulder. ‘Pull yourself together, my girl,’ she said. ‘This house ain’t no place for them.’

  Lily went to the bottom of the stairs and called the girls. They came down into the kitchen and looked expectantly at their mother and grandmother. When Mavis still said nothing, Lily said, ‘I’ve got something to tell you both. Poor Mummy is very tired, what with the baby coming soon, and she needs more rest, so I thought it would be a good idea if you two came and stayed with me for a bit.’

  Rita stared at her incredulously for a moment, while Rosie clapped her hands and cried, ‘Are we going to stay in your house, Gran? And sleep the night? Can we have bread and dripping for tea?’

  ‘Come and live with you, you mean?’ asked Rita. ‘All the time?’

  ‘For now,’ replied Lily. ‘Just to give Mum a rest, until she has the baby.’

  Rita nodded as if she were considering the idea. ‘What about school?’

  ‘You can go to school from my house,’ answered Lily. ‘Mum’ll come and see you, and bring the baby when it’s born.’

  ‘Will Uncle Jimmy come and see us, too?’ asked Rosie.

  ‘No!’ It was Rita who spat out the answer.

  ‘No,’ her grandmother agreed more softly, ‘he’ll be too busy to come. Now, let’s go upstairs and pack up some of your things, then we can take them to my house.’

  Packing took little time. Their few clothes fitted easily into the small cardboard suitcase that Mavis produced, and favourite toys were crammed into a shopping bag. Rosie clutched Knitty, a strange-looking creature that Lily had knitted from an unravelled jumper. He had buttons for eyes, an embroidered nose and smiley mouth, and Rosie loved him dearly, always sleeping with him tucked under her arm. Both girls had their school satchels with their plimsolls for drill, and Rita slipped the photograph of Daddy into the pages of her sum book. She was careful not to let Mum see him, in case she took him away.

  Once they were packed and ready, they set out for Lily’s house. Walking along the street, carrying the suitcase, the shopping bag and their satchels, they looked for all the world, Lily thought, like the refugees you saw on the cinema newsreels.

  6

  As the next weeks slipped by, the girls settled into their new home, and their new routine. Rosie had shed a few tears at bedtime the first few nights. She wanted Mum to come and kiss her goodnight, and when Gran tucked them in and kissed them she whispered on a sob, ‘I want my mummy!’

  ‘Course you do, lovey,’ soothed Gran. ‘But don’t cry, she’s coming to see you tomorrow when you get home from school. Now you snuggle down with Knitty, like a good girl, and it’ll be tomorrow in no time.’

  Rita missed her mother, too, but she was determined not to say so. Mum had sent them to Gran’s so that she could be with Uncle Jimmy. Well, thought Rita, I don’t care. I don’t want to live with Uncle Jimmy, I’d rather stay with Gran.

  But she did care. She missed the familiar kitchen with its own peculiar smell, its cluttered shelves and scarred wooden table. Gran’s kitchen, though familiar, wasn’t the same. Rita missed her bedroom, too, with its faded roses on the wall and cracked window pane. She had a bed to herself now, but she missed sharing with Rosie and very often she crept in beside her, curling round her as she always had, so that they were as warm and cosy as two kittens in a basket.

  School was just the same and if it wasn’t raining, Gran let them play in the park on the way home most days now, but Rita missed running on home to tell Mum about her day afterwards; she missed Mum as she used to be, Mum-before-Uncle-Jimmy.

  Mavis and Lily had gone to school together to see Miss Hassinger, the head teacher. Miss Hassinger had been at the school for over thirty years and had taught Mavis herself when she was eight years old. Walking into her office now, Mavis felt as if twenty years had dropped away and she was still only eight years old, about to be scolded for some misdemeanour. Miss Hassinger offered them a chair each, and when they’d sat down she looked expectantly from one to the other.

  Miss Hassinger was a small, bird-like woman, with completely white hair wound into a pleat at the back of her head. She had bright, darting eyes that missed nothing and these were turned on her erstwhile pupil now. Uncomfortable under her scrutiny, Mavis looked away and gazing out of the window, left the explanations to her mother.

  Lily also turned to Mavis, waiting, but when it was clear that she wasn’t going to speak, she said, ‘It’s about Rita and Rosie.’

  Miss Hassinger nodded encouragingly. ‘Yes?’

  ‘We’ve come to tell
you that Rita and Rosie are moving in with me,’ Lily explained. ‘Just for a while. Mavis is getting married in a few weeks…’

  Miss Hassinger’s glance flicked to Mavis’s protruding belly and the expression in her eyes said ‘and about time too’.

  ‘…and when the baby’s born… you know… it’ll be easier for her if the girls are with me for a bit,’ Lily finished.

  ‘I see.’ Miss Hassinger was one of the old school. Strict she certainly was, demanding instant and unquestioning obedience from the children she taught, but no one ever doubted that she was concerned for the welfare of those children and wanted the best for them. ‘I must say I did wonder if something was happening at home. Rita, particularly, has been very unsettled of late. She’s normally such a happy little soul, bright and outgoing, you know, but recently she’s been… well, difficult. Not disobedient exactly, but not polite and not easy to handle.’ Miss Hassinger looked across at Mavis. ‘I was thinking of asking you to come in for a chat, Mrs Stevens.’

  Mavis shifted uneasily in her chair. Miss Hassinger was always punctilious in how she addressed her old pupils, treating them with the courtesy and respect due to their attained adulthood, but Mavis had never felt comfortable with it. She wished that her old teacher would forget about ‘Mrs Stevens’ and call her Mavis as she always had. Even now she did not respond, still leaving the explanations to her mother.

  ‘Mavis’s fiancé is in and out of the house, as you’d expect,’ Lily went on, ‘and the girls have found it unsettling. They don’t remember their dad, see, and ain’t used to having a man about the place.’

  ‘I do see,’ Miss Hassinger said, her eyes bright with understanding. ‘I’m sure this arrangement’s for the best, then, just for a while.’ She got to her feet and Lily and Mavis stood up too. ‘I wish you every happiness in your new marriage, Mrs Stevens,’ she said, holding out her hand. ‘Perhaps,’ she added to Lily as Mavis turned away in embarrassment, ‘you’d be good enough to give Miss Granger your address on your way out, Mrs Sharples, just so we can keep our records straight. We need to know who to contact in an emergency.’