The Throwaway Children

by Diney Costeloe

  It was a haggard-looking Mavis who opened the door to her knock. Still in a grubby dressing gown, her feet bare, her hair lank and uncombed, and with a screaming baby on her hip, Mavis was the picture of exhaustion.

  One look was enough. Lily dumped her bag and her stick on the hall floor and reached out to take the crying child into her arms, cradling him against her, his hot, sticky face buried in her neck.

  ‘Ssh, now, Ricky,’ she soothed. ‘Ssh, now. What’s the matter with you then, eh?’

  Wordlessly, Mavis turned and led the way into the kitchen, where the remains of breakfast lay on the table and last night’s supper dishes filled the sink.

  ‘He won’t stop crying.’ Mavis was almost in tears herself. ‘I been up most of the night with him, and he won’t stop, and Jimmy’s shouting at him and shouting at me. I’m so tired, Mum, I don’t know what to do.’

  It was clear that Mavis was in no state to talk about the girls now, so Lily, still rocking the baby against her shoulder, said, ‘You go up to bed for an hour’s kip, love. I’ll look after him for a while and wake you later.’ Mavis needed no second bidding and moments later she was crawling back into her unmade bed.

  By the time she resurfaced, Lily had cleaned the kitchen and made a scratch meal from odds and ends she found in the pantry and was feeding a clean and dry Richard.

  ‘Mum, you’re a wonder,’ Mavis said as she took in the quiet baby and the tidy kitchen.

  ‘Well, we’re all right just now,’ agreed Lily, ‘so you go back up and get yourself dressed. Have a bath and wash your hair. Make you feel much better, that will. Go on,’ she encouraged as Mavis hesitated, ‘up you go. Then I want to talk to you.’

  Half an hour later, a much-refreshed Mavis reappeared in the kitchen. Together they ate the soup and sandwiches Lily had made, while Richard slept in his pram.

  ‘Well,’ said Mavis at last, ‘you said you wanted to talk to me. What about? You ain’t come round here just to clean my house, have you?’

  ‘I come to see how you and Ricky was getting on,’ replied Lily, ‘but I do need to talk to you about something.’ She paused awkwardly, not knowing quite how to go on. She’d rehearsed it at home, but now, faced with Mavis’s expectant expression, she wasn’t sure where to begin.

  ‘Go on,’ urged Mavis, ‘spit it out!’

  ‘I had a letter,’ began Lily, and then, since there was no going back, she went on, ‘I had a letter, from Rita.’

  ‘From Reet?’ Mavis sounded incredulous. ‘What she write to you for?’

  Lily ignored the question and asked one herself. ‘Mavis, do you know where your girls are?’

  ‘What d’you mean, “where they are”?’ Mavis was immediately defensive.

  ‘I mean where they are now. Where they live.’

  ‘Course I do. You went there, that EVER-Care place, down at Russell Green.’

  ‘No,’ replied Lily flatly. ‘They ain’t.’

  ‘What? So where they gone, then?’ Mavis asked, wiping the last of her sandwich round her soup plate and stuffing it into her mouth.

  ‘You don’t sound very interested,’ remarked Lily, watching her chewing on the bread.

  Mavis looked up in surprise. ‘Course I’m interested,’ she said. ‘They’re my kids, ain’t they?’

  Another time Lily might have asked Mavis if she remembered that herself, but now she simply said, ‘Then I’ll tell you where they are, Mavis. They’re in Australia.’

  ‘Australia!’ echoed Mavis. ‘What d’you mean, Australia? They can’t be. We put them in EVER-Care.’

  ‘And EVER-Care put them in Australia.’

  ‘They can’t do that,’ said Mavis, as if dismissing the idea.

  ‘They can and they have,’ snapped Lily. ‘Your girls is in Australia.’ She reached down for her bag and pulled out Rita’s letter. ‘Here, see for yourself.’

  Mavis took the envelope and pulled out the letter. She stared at the first few lines, and then at the blacked-out words. She turned to the second sheet, fingering the paper as if to feel the words that had been concealed. She read the letter again and then looked up at her mother in disbelief.

  ‘It don’t say they’re in Australia,’ she said. ‘It don’t mention Australia. Where’d you get that daft idea from?’

  ‘They’ve gone somewhere in a ship. Reet says it took six weeks.’

  ‘Don’t mean Australia,’ replied Mavis mulishly. ‘It’s Reet having a joke, that’s what it is. She’s made some mistakes, look, and scrubbed them out. She ain’t really in Australia.’

  ‘Look at the envelope, Mavis,’ said Lily, holding it out. ‘Look at the stamps. They’ve got Australia on them. That’s where they are.’

  ‘They can’t be,’ Mavis whispered. ‘They’re in EVER-Care.’

  ‘No, they ain’t,’ Lily repeated. ‘I went round the EVER-Care again and they ain’t there.’

  ‘It don’t mean they’re in Australia,’ cried Mavis. ‘They can’t be. How will they get home again?’

  ‘Mavis, they ain’t coming home again,’ responded Lily, knowing as she said it that it was true. Australia was too far away, their girls weren’t coming back.

  ‘What you mean, they ain’t coming back?’ demanded Mavis. ‘Course they’re coming back. They’re coming home here when Richard’s a bit bigger.’

  Lily stared at her in disbelief. Surely Mavis didn’t still believe that. Didn’t she know she’d signed them away when she’d put them into Laurel House? She must know.

  ‘But Mavis, you signed the papers.’

  ‘Yeah, well, just for now, right?’

  ‘No, Mavis,’ cried her mother. ‘Not just for now. You signed your kids away for good.’

  ‘No,’ Mavis burst out. ‘It was just till I got sorted with Richard.’

  ‘But they came home, didn’t they? They ran away from the EVER-Care place and Reet brought them home. You sent them back.’

  ‘I didn’t, it was Jimmy…’ stammered Mavis.

  ‘And you let him.’

  ‘I wasn’t ready then, was I? Richard was only new. I couldn’t look after them and him proper.’

  ‘Mavis,’ Lily’s voice was icy cold, ‘Mavis, you knew you wasn’t ever going to have them back. You chose Jimmy ahead of your own kids.’

  ‘I didn’t!’ Mavis shrieked. ‘It was only till I got sorted.’

  ‘But you signed them papers,’ Lily repeated in despair, ‘to give your kids to EVER-Care.’

  ‘I didn’t know what they said, did I?’ Mavis protested feebly.

  ‘Then what you sign them for?’

  ‘I don’t know! I just signed, OK? I just signed what Jimmy told me to sign.’

  ‘You can bet your life Jimmy knew what they said,’ sighed Lily. ‘You have to face it, Mavis, he didn’t mean them girls to come back.’ And nor, if you’re honest, did you, she thought.

  Mavis was now realizing the truth; she’d lost her daughters for good. She stared at Lily, ashen-faced, and the tears began to slide down her cheeks. ‘What am I going to do, Mum?’ she whispered. ‘How am I going to get them back?’

  In the face of Mavis’s despair, all Lily’s anger at her stupidity melted away. It was all too late. Lily reached out and took her hands. ‘I don’t know, love. I been to the home and I been to the Children’s Officer, and they both say we can’t do nothing about it. We don’t even know where in Australia they are.’

  ‘But the letter,’ Mavis cried. ‘The letter from Reet. That must tell us where.’

  ‘There’s nothing on the letter to say. And you saw lots of what Reet wrote was censored.’

  ‘What d’you mean, censored?’

  ‘You saw. All crossed out so we can’t read it. Like in the war when they blacked out bits of letters so’s not to let the Germans know where our troops was. You remember.’

  ‘But why do that to Reet’s letter?’

  ‘I don’t know, just so we couldn’t find her, I s’pose,’ answered Lily. ‘Still,’ she went on, ‘they
couldn’t do nothing about the postmark. It’s smudged, but you can read the letters, NSW. New South Wales, which is a big part of Australia, very big, not a town.’

  ‘Well, you can write back—’ began Mavis, but Lily cut her off.

  ‘Mavis, I can’t write back. Ain’t you been listening to me? We ain’t got an address to write to, have we?’

  ‘Why’d Reet write to you and not to me?’ asked Mavis angrily. ‘I’m her mum, not you!’

  Lily looked at her in despair, but all she said was, ‘I expect she was afraid Jimmy’d find the letter. Look, love, don’t worry about that now. We need to be thinking how to find our girls. There’s probably ways we can find out more if we put our thinking caps on.’

  Mavis had dissolved into tears again, and Richard began to wail as well. Mavis ignored him, and it was Lily who reached over and lifted him from the pram.

  ‘Why don’t I take Ricky home with me for the night?’ she suggested. ‘That way you can get a good night’s sleep, eh? And you and Jimmy can have an evening to yourselves.’

  An hour later Lily was wheeling the pram down Ship Street on her way home. Tucked in beside Richard was a bundle of clothes and some nappies. The clothes were dirty, but Lily didn’t mind. She’d been determined to get the baby out of the house before Jimmy came home. When Mavis told him about the girls, there would be a row, and Lily didn’t want Richard in the middle of it. She planned to keep him for more than one night; it would give Mavis time to rest, and Lily wanted to be sure that things had calmed down before he went back home.

  When Lily had gone, Mavis dropped her head in her hands in despair. Where were her girls? She’d never see them again. Never. She went to a drawer in the kitchen dresser and pulled out the photograph that Carrie had given her, Rita and Rosie in their new dresses. She’d kept it hidden from Jimmy, tucked into an old magazine at the bottom of the drawer. Now, she looked down at her girls, so happy, so trusting, and it was as if something collapsed inside her. How could she have let them go? For the first time for months she thought of Don. Where was her picture of him? That had disappeared. Jimmy must have taken it and thrown it away. Clutching the snapshot, Mavis began to sob. Later, her tears exhausted, she fell asleep with her head on the table.

  29

  Jimmy Randall was not in a good mood. He’d had a lousy day, clearing a bombsite in the teeming rain.

  Knocking off at the end of the day, Jimmy and Charlie made straight for the Red Lion. Charlie bought the first round, and when they had downed that in double quick time Jimmy went for the second. He was in no hurry to go home to a miserable wife and a squalling baby. When Charlie got up to leave, Jimmy stayed, bought himself another pint and sat, brooding, in a corner.

  ‘The trouble with Mav,’ he’d moaned to Charlie earlier, ‘is that she’s let herself go, know what I mean? And she don’t want it no more. Says she’s too tired. Too tired for a good fuck? I said to her, I told her, what she needs is a good seeing to, but, no, she won’t have none of it. Says the baby’s making her tired. The baby, I ask you? How can looking after a baby make you tired? He sleeps most of the day!’

  Charlie, the father of five himself, nodded and taking another pull at his pint, replied, ‘Women get funny about that sometimes, mate. But she’ll get over it, you’ll see.’

  Well, thought Jimmy, as he finished his pint and treated himself to a whisky chaser, she can bloody well get over it tonight. She’s going to get a bloody good seeing to, and no mistake. I’ve had enough. One more drink for me, and then I’m off to sort her out.

  He bought himself another whisky that he couldn’t afford, thinking as he handed over the money that Mavis would have to go short on the housekeeping this week, but that was tough, he needed a drink.

  When he got home, he found the house in darkness. A street lamp gave him enough light to fit his reluctant key into the lock, and when finally Jimmy managed to open the door, he staggered into the dark hall.

  ‘Mavis!’ he bellowed. ‘Where the bloody hell are you?’

  There was no reply, but he heard a sound in the kitchen and slamming his hand on the switch, he flooded the hall with light.

  ‘Mavis!’ he shouted again. ‘Mavis, what’s going on? Where are you?’

  A reply came from the kitchen. ‘In here.’

  ‘What the fuck are you sitting in the dark for?’ he demanded, as he pushed open the door. His words were slurred, his step unsteady and he lurched against the door frame, flicking on the kitchen light, before slumping heavily onto a chair.

  Mavis was sitting at the table, her eyes red from weeping and bleary with sleep. He stared at her for a moment, trying to focus his own eyes, then he looked round and seeing no sign of the pram, asked, ‘Where’s the kid?’

  ‘Mum’s got him,’ Mavis replied wearily. ‘She’s keeping him for the night, so’s I can get some real sleep.’

  ‘Is she now?’ Jimmy gave her a lewd grin. ‘Well, that suits us just fine, don’t it? Means we can have some fun, you and me. Not have to think about him.’

  Mavis still didn’t get up from the table, and Jimmy looked round him.

  ‘Where’s me tea?’ he demanded. ‘You ain’t got the kid to look after, and you ain’t even got me tea on the table when I get home, you slut.’

  Mavis got shakily to her feet and reached for the kettle. Jimmy grabbed her wrist as she went past him and jerked her towards him. ‘I said, what you been doing all day? Where’s my tea?’

  Mavis tried to snatch her hand away, but his fingers bit into her wrist.

  ‘Let me go,’ she screamed, grabbing at the table to steady herself. Jimmy’s eyes swivelled to the table and fell on the photo of Rita and Rosie still lying there. Letting go of Mavis, he snatched it up, waving it at her in fury.

  ‘What the hell’s all this?’ he roared. ‘Where’d you get this? That what you’ve been blubbing about? Well, you can cut that out. Them kids is nothing to do with us no more!’

  ‘No,’ shrieked Mavis, grabbing at the photo. ‘Give that to me!’

  Jimmy laughed and pushed her away, keeping the picture out of reach. ‘Know what I’m going to do with this?’ he jeered. ‘This is what I’m going to do with this!’ He held the photo high above his head, and with great deliberation, ripped it across and across, dropping the four pieces onto the floor and scuffing them with his feet.

  Mavis gave a wail of anguish as he trampled them under his boots. ‘My babies!’ She launched herself at him trying to push him off the pieces of photograph. Jimmy caught her by her shoulders and gripping tightly, shook her so violently that her head jerked back and forth like a broken doll’s.

  ‘Them kids have nothing to do with us,’ he shouted again. ‘Get it? They… don’t… live… here… no… more.’ And with each word he banged her shoulders against the kitchen dresser.

  ‘Because of you, you bastard!’ screeched Mavis, her fury overcoming her fear. ‘You sent them to Australia! It’s your fault that I ain’t got my kids. They’re the other side of the world, and it’s your fault.’

  ‘Australia! Don’t be daft!’ snapped Jimmy, giving her a shove so that she staggered sideways and had to grab hold of the gas cooker to stop herself from falling. ‘They’re in Russell Green, you stupid cow, and you know it.’

  ‘No, they ain’t!’ screamed Mavis. ‘They’ve been sent away.’

  ‘Good riddance!’ snarled Jimmy. ‘Australia’s welcome to them.’ He slumped back onto his chair. ‘Now, where’s my tea?’

  ‘There ain’t none,’ Mavis said flatly.

  ‘Ain’t none?’

  ‘No, nothing.’

  ‘Then we’ll get on with the next thing!’ shouted Jimmy. ‘And don’t you tell me you’re too tired, ’cos I don’t give a flying fuck.’ He gave a drunken laugh as he tried to grab her, ‘and that’s what we’re going to do, you and me, whether you like it or not.’

  ‘Don’t you touch me!’ shrieked Mavis. ‘Get your hands off me.’

  ‘Why? Don’t like it no more?�
� jeered Jimmy. ‘Was a time I remember when you couldn’t get enough of it. Like a bitch on heat, you was. Couldn’t wait to get your knickers off. Well, tonight’s your lucky night, bitch.’ He lurched to his feet, and made another grab at her, blocking her escape to the door.

  ‘Keep away from me, you bastard!’ hissed Mavis. ‘You sent my kids away, and I let you. But you’ll never touch me again.’

  ‘Says who?’ grinned Jimmy. He could feel his manhood stirring in his trousers, growing with excitement as she faced up to him across the table. He’d always enjoyed a bit of resistance, a glint of fear. Oh yes! Once he’d got hold of her, it would be the fuck of all fucks.

  ‘Leave me alone,’ she was shouting, backing away from him. ‘Get away from me!’

  Jimmy laughed aloud now, enjoying her terror. She couldn’t escape. He could see the bolt was across the back door, and if she made a dash for it, he’d be on her long before she got the door unlocked. Slowly, deliberately, he walked towards her, looming over her as she cowered into the corner beside the dresser.

  ‘Now, bitch, we’re going to have a little fun,’ he slurred. He made a grab for her, and catching hold of her by the hair, dragged her, shrieking out of the corner. Her cries excited him even more and holding her against him with one hand, he undid his belt with the other. Twisting away from him, Mavis caught up a kitchen knife from the dresser and slashed it at him, only missing his face by inches. With a roar, Jimmy caught hold of her wrist and wrenching it violently, tried to force the knife from her hand. But Mavis had firm hold, and hampered as he was with his trousers sliding down his legs, he couldn’t twist it from her grasp. Together they staggered back against the wall, Jimmy turning the knife away from him as he tried to wrest it from her. Unable to do so, he rammed her hard against the wall, crashing the back of her head against the uneven plaster. Despite the explosion of pain in her skull, Mavis still gripped the knife, and it was only when Jimmy bent her arm back at an impossible angle that she released her hold and he pulled it out of her hand. Still struggling to free herself from his grasp, Mavis kicked out, catching her feet in his loose trousers and together they collapsed into a heap on the floor. Jimmy landed on top, crushing her beneath him, the knife still in his hand. Mavis’s scream, cut off, transmuted into a gurgle as a fountain of blood exploded upwards, spraying them both. Jimmy rolled away and heaving himself to his hands and knees, stared down in horror at Mavis and the kitchen knife now protruding from her neck. He knelt, staring unbelievingly as the blood continued to pump from the wound, spreading in a crimson pool on the floor. Mavis stared back up at him, her lips moving, but no sound coming from them, just a few bubbles of blood. Jimmy reached for the knife and with one determined twist ripped it free. With the blade came another gush of blood, and before his eyes Mavis’s head lolled sideways as life drained from her.