Xander: Part One (Rockstar #9)

by Anne Mercier

"Outside much sooner than inside. This will damage our girl. I can't even imagine how much," Jose says looking at me.

  I nod. "She's got us, Mr. M. We'll get her though this."

  He nods, but I’m not so sure he believes me. Rosa's still under observation and care, getting sedated when it gets to be too much—which is most of the time. I can't blame her. If I could, I'd take the same treatment. But Tera needs me.

  "Mr. Mackenzie?" a tall man in a suit asks. It's then I notice the badge hanging from the waistband of his slacks.

  "Yeah," I choke out.

  "I'm Detective Jennings and this is my partner Detective Solomon. I'm sorry we weren't here sooner, but we needed to go over the evidence so we could give you more information than 'we're still reviewing it'," he tells us.

  "Good choice. There might've been a riot if you'd gone that route," I warn.

  He nods, his lips pressed tightly together. "I don't blame you."

  I've never liked cops, but his guy is pretty cool. I'd guess he's in his thirties, tall and lean, alert and, obviously, smart. His partner is a woman. I'd bet she's a few years younger than him. Blonde, thin, short, dressed in slacks and a blouse—not nearly as formal as her partner.

  "Xan," I hear a shaky voice call out. I look up and Carter's standing in the doorway.

  "Hey, man," I answer, walking to him and pulling him into a very unmanly hug. "Thank you," I whisper. "God. Thank you so fucking much, Carter."

  He nods, a sob racking through him.

  "I'm so sorry you had to…"

  He nods not wanting me to say any more.

  I don't know how long I hold him while he cries and I don't care. He is, literally, Tera's hero—and mine.

  "Jesus, Xan. The things they did. Hearing her plead with them to stop, to let her go. I thought it was the worst thing in the world until she stopped talking. All I could hear were whimpers and then nothing. I've never been so scared in my fucking life. I didn't know what to do." He waves a hand over to where his dad is standing. "My dad called 911. I don't know what went on. I just kept listening, hoping and praying to hear something—anything—from her," he tells me. He sniffles and wipes his eyes with his forearm.

  "You did everything exactly right. Exactly right," Linc assures him.

  Carter nods. "She's out of surgery?"

  "Yeah. I as soon as Ben comes out, you can go in. Only twenty minutes though," Dad tells him. "We're rotating, but I think you should go before the next person. Seeing her won't be easy, but you'll know she's alive. She's on a ventilator, but she can breathe on her own. They're keeping her in a coma until she heals a bit."

  Carter's entire body shudders. "Fucking hell, I thought she was dead. I thought she was dead."

  The detectives tell us what they found on the video footage as well as the audio Carter gave to them. "We know who they are. We're working on finding out where their usual hangouts are, and we're going to nail these fuckers. Every fucking one of them whether they did anything or not, because the ones who just stood by and watched it happen? They hurt her as much as the ones who were hitting and kicking her," Detective Solomon tells us.

  "I want to watch the footage," I say.

  "No, Xander," Dad says.

  "I need to know, Dad. If I know what happened, then she doesn't have to ever tell me unless she wants to. If I know what happened, I can be there for her in every way she needs me to be," I tell him, begging him to understand.

  "I would like to watch as well," Linc states.

  Now that isn't such a great idea. The way he keeps it all bottled up inside, seeing that might break him. Hell, it's likely going to break me.

  Detective Solomon looks at her partner and he nods his approval. "We can watch it in a private space. I have a copy of the disc with me."

  "The audio?" Detective Jennings asks.

  I shake my head. "I don't think I'll survive that." I look over at Carter who is pale, so pale, and withdrawn. No. I wouldn't survive that. I'm not sure Carter will.

  I can't breathe. I vomit violently into the trash can. What the fuck? What the fuck? What. The. Fuck?

  "They laughed. They kept laughing. While she begged and pleaded for them to stop, they laughed," Carter says from where he's standing just inside the door at the back of the room.

  "Jesus," Linc mutters.

  "The girl," is all I can get out before I puke again. That girl'd taken Tera's shoe and violated her with the high heel in every way possible. I can only be thankful that Tera'd been unconscious by that point.

  "I don't think she can handle knowing what that girl did," I choke out.

  "We've got them dead to rights. They're faces are clear on the video and their voices are on audio as well. This won't come to trial, so unless she asks to see it for herself, she won't have to know," Detective Jennings answers.

  I nod. I'm shaking everywhere. My heart—it's broken for my girl. So broken. Just as she's going to be for a long, long time.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I hurt like I've never hurt before. I can't even move without pain stealing my breath. I take shallow breaths. My throat feels like I swallowed a pack of razor blades. What the hell is tickling my nose? I try to reach up, but I can't.

  I frown. I turn my head slightly and white hot pain lances through my skull. I can't hold back the whimper.

  "She's awake," someone says quietly.

  "Ring the nurse."

  Xander. He's here. I open my mouth to try to talk but I can't. What's wrong with me? I start to panic.

  "Shh," Xan soothes. "You're okay, Tera. Here."

  He rubs a swab full of water around my lips, inside and out. I'm thirsty. I want to guzzle a gallon of water. When I go to ask for water, my mouth won't open. I lift my hand to my mouth, touching it in a panic.

  "You're okay, baby. You're okay."

  He keeps trying to reassure me, but I know it's not true. Why can't I open my mouth? I can't breathe.

  "Shh, shh," he soothes. "I'm sorry, baby. Stay calm. You can't talk. They had to wire your mouth closed."

  I suck in a rush of air as I gasp.

  "You're okay, Tera. You're okay."

  I'm not okay. I can't remember why. I don't know why I'm in agony, why I can't talk, why I can barely move. I want to know. Hopefully the doctor will tell me because it looks as if Xander isn't going to.

  I beg him with my eyes to tell me what's going on then I realize they're closed. I'm seeing him in my mind. I know exactly what he looks like right now. He's afraid. He's worried. He's remorseful.

  But why?

  "More?" he asks, not waiting for an answer. He just places the swab in my mouth. I manage to close my lips around it and suck out the water. It hurts. My jaw. My face. My body. Everything. But that water feels magical.

  I sigh with relief as the cold water flows over my aching throat. More. Then even more. He keeps swabbing my lips until my mouth isn't dry anymore. My throat still hurts but it's so much better.

  "Mrs. Mackenzie?" a feminine voice questions.

  I tense, and just open my mouth then realize I can't. I don't know why I can't talk. I don't understand any of this. Why is my jaw wired closed?

  I open my eyes just a tiny bit and the light shines too brightly. I gasp and close them again.

  "I'm Vera, your nurse," she tells me.

  Nurse? What happened? I tilt my head to the side slightly and slowly in question.

  "You're in the hospital, T. You've been here for a couple weeks," Xander informs me.

  I gasp. A couple weeks! I try to speak but it comes out as nothing but jibberish.

  "Dr. Levine will be in shortly to give you a quick exam and answer any questions you have," Vera tells me as she finishes taking my blood pressure. Then she's gone.

  "Xan," I manage to somehow communicate.

  "You're okay, baby. You're okay."

  "Water," I say. I sound so stupid but he understands.

  Xander swabs water into my mouth until the doctor walks in.

  "There she
is," he says loudly, startling me. I jump and then I groan in agony. "Sorry. I didn't realize your eyes were closed. Let's take a look here." He listens to my heart. "Can you open your eyes, Tera?"

  "No," I mutter as best as I can.

  "I bet that hurts. Vera, do you mind turning the lights off for Mrs. Mackenzie and closing those curtains. The mid-day sunshine is a bit much after such a long sleep," the doctor directs.

  "Hmm?"

  "Can you try to open your eyes for me now, Tera? It's darker in here so it shouldn't hurt."

  I try to open my eyes and they only open to slits. Even that hurts. I blink, forcing my eyelids to open further until they're fully open. Is that white gauze? I look down at my nose and lower face. It's covered in white. Oh no. Oh no, no, no. I look up, right, and left and see the same white. I can't control my breathing, the terror filling me. What happened to me? I want to shout it loud, to scream it until someone tells me.

  "I'm going to shine a light in your eyes now to check your pupillary response," he warns. I recoil when the light hits my eyes. So bright. "Looks great."

  I blink at him, staring at his face. He has a nice face. His eyes are warm and his smile soft. I like that.

  "What's the last thing you remember, Tera?" he asks.

  I blink again. The last thing I remember. I think hard, trying to remember what I was doing.

  "Art."

  He nods. "That's good. Do you remember anything else?" He has me follow his finger up, down, right, left while I think.

  I point at Xander then make a fake phone with my hand.

  "That's right, baby. We talked on the phone. You told me about all the great things that happened that day," Xan fills in for me.

  I nod gently. Yes. I remember that. It starts coming back to me in flashes. My eyes open wide, I turn to meet Xander's gaze. His is soft and full of worry.

  "No," I whisper, tears filling my eyes as the memories flood. "No," I whisper-shout. "No!"

  "Shh, Tera. You're going to hurt yourself. You're okay. You're safe now. I promise you're safe now," Xan tells me. His eyes fill as tears run unchecked from my eyes.

  "They," I squeak, then sob. "Oh God." I close my eyes in shame and humiliation. My silent tears turn to sobs as I remember it all. The pain. The punches. The kicks. What he did to me. "No, no, no."

  I start to hyperventilate and then I panic even more.

  "Okay, Tera," Dr. Levine says. "Look at me." I just keep my eyes closed. "Look at me," he commands, so I do. He nods. "Good. That's good. Now, slow breaths okay? Slow. In through your nose, out through your mouth. That's right. Breathe with me."

  I do and I can breathe without it hurting.

  "Water?" I ask as best as I can.

  Xan swabs more into my mouth. It soothes immediately.

  "Xan," I whisper.

  "I'm here."

  I beg him with my eyes to tell me this didn't happen. "Not bad dream. Real."

  "No, baby. I'm sorry. It wasn't. I'm so fucking sorry," he says, almost pleading.

  I shake my head a little. "No. Stop."

  Dr. Levine smiles softly. "You've had a tube in your throat helping you to breathe. Are you ready to hear this?"

  "Yes." I need to know.

  "You sustained extensive trauma. You underwent multiple surgeries, and then we put you in a medically-induced coma to help your body and brain heal."

  "Brain?" It comes out sounding like bwain.

  "You had a brain bleed and swelling. We needed to remove a piece of your skull to allow the brain room for the swelling. Once the swelling went down, we replaced the piece of skull. I'm sorry to say, you have a bald spot in all that pretty hair," he informs me softly.

  Brain swelling. Brain bleeding. Tube in throat to breathe for me. Coma.

  "More?"

  He pauses.

  "What?" I ask, harsher this time. My voice is a little stronger.

  Dr. Levine stares at me and I harden my gaze. He's going to tell me.

  "Tell her," Xander tells him. Xan scoots his chair closer to the bed, lowering the rail between us. He touches my hand gently. "I'm here."

  I nod.

  And then Dr. Levine tells me. He tells me everything. I start to shake. Fear filling my body, my veins. My monitor starts beeping. I hear it beeping faster and louder. They tell me to breathe and calm down. I can't.

  The nurse injecting something into my IV is the last thing I remember.

  Carter visits and so does Shay. I can hardly stand for them to look at me. I'm… tainted. I sleep as much as I can. Every time I wake up and feel the pain, I press the pain medication button. The pain goes away and so do the memories.

  Two weeks later and they start to wean the pain meds off. The bandage is off my face, but I don't want to see what I look like. I don't care. It doesn't matter. I'm so dirty. So unclean.

  They caught the group and they all pled guilty. There was no way they wouldn't. The evidence was damning. Detective Jennings asked if I wanted to give a victim impact statement. I wrote on the dry erase board to just show the judge the photos. Tell him all the surgeries and injuries I had. Let that speak for itself.

  Xander's been here all day every day. I love him for it. I do. But I want to be alone. I don't want to be around anyone. I just want to sleep. When I sleep I don't think about what happened. I've had some nightmares and wouldn't go to sleep after that. That's when they started giving me sleeping pills. Since then it's been nothing but dreamless sleep. I welcome the dark void.

  "They want to remove the wires tomorrow," Linc tells me.

  I just look at him. He's lost so much weight worrying about me. He needs to stop. I'll be okay. I just need time. I need time for my body to heal. Then I'll deal with my mind and emotions.

  "You'll get to talk," he continues.

  I just close my eyes and pretend to sleep until I finally drift off for real.

  Two more weeks and my casts come off. I have to have physical therapy, of course. I can't wiggle my toes. They say I should be able to in time. Everything is "in time." I'm beginning to fucking hate that phrase.

  Mr. DiMora and Angelina have been in contact with Xander. They said not to worry, they're still interested in my work and to take as much time as I need. At least there's that.

  "Hey baby," Xan greets as he walks in.

  "Hey." I can't help but smile at him. He's so beautiful inside and out. He's been my rock these last six weeks, even when I was a total bitch to him. He doesn't deserve that.

  "You ready to blow this pop stand?" he asks.

  I nod. "I am so ready."

  We get to the hall and I start to panic. There are a lot of people around. The further we get down the hallway, the faster my breathing gets. It's now coming out in short pants.

  I reach back for Xan's hand where he's holding the handle to push my wheelchair. I grope frantically for it.

  "Tera? What's wrong?"

  I struggle for breath. "People. Too many people. I can't." Tears fall and Xan doubles back and into my room. He closes the door, sits in one of the chairs, and pulls me into his lap.

  He rocks me back and forth slowly, soothing me with nonsensical words.

  "Shh. It's okay. It's okay. You're safe now."

  "It's not okay, Xan. How am I going to get home? I can't get on a plane with all those people. There's no way. Absolutely no way," I tell him loudly.

  "Okay. Let me see what kind of magic I can work." He doesn't move me, he just grabs his phone from his pocket and starts making calls, all the while running his hands over my arms, my back, my hair. I burrow into him as far as I can go.

  How am I going to be able to live like this?

  Valium, a private car, and a private plane. That's the magic Xan worked two weeks ago. Then we had to do it all over again when I moved into my condo in New York City. Dante DiMora offered me a contract and I accepted, only I'd be here in NYC instead of LA. I'm not sure I can ever go back to LA.

  Dr. Mac took a leave for the next two weeks to make sure I'm oka
y and to help me work out how to get food and things I need without having to leave the comfort of my own space.

  I can't go out there. So much bad is out there. People. No one cares anymore. Not about anyone but themselves. Then there are the people like the ones who hurt me. My skin goes cold. The ones with no conscience. The ones who think hurting someone is fun. The ones who laugh even as you cry.

  "You have to go back, Xander. Your eight weeks are up," I argue with him—again.

  "How am I supposed to leave you? You don't just need me, I need you, too, Tera. I need to know you're okay. I want to be here for anything you need," he implores.

  I shake my head. "You have a contract."

  "Fuck," he growls.

  "I'm staying."

  I turn to Linc and he stands there, arms folded over his chest, a sure sign his mind is made up.

  "You have a contract as well," I remind him.

  He shakes his head. "Not anymore. I've been working on this for a while and it's now settled. I'm not doing anything on that stage that they can't do without. Keyboards aren't necessary and the sound boards anyone can do. The network and management all agree."

  I sigh. "I don't want you to do this, Lincoln. This is your chance at something huge."

  He shrugs. "I can take it or leave it. If I can say that, it's probably best if I leave it."

  I can't argue with him on that. He's right.

  "I'll stay here and help you, T. Don't tell me you don't need it. You do. At least for a while. I'll be your errand boy, your assistant, anything you need."

  "Linc," I whisper. My heart is both filled with joy and pain at his decision. "It hurts me that you're giving up so much for me. I can manage. Dad is going to be here for two weeks. By then I'll have a plan in place."

  He shakes his head. "Done deal, sister. I'm staying." He turns to Xan. "They can do without me but not without you. You need to go back and finish this out."

  Xan swears a blue streak as he paces back and forth, his hands linked behind his neck.

  "Xan," Linc says.

  Xander looks over.

  "You have to do this. You need to. This isn't just on you. It's on Jesse, Ben, Ethan, and Kennedy as well. I can be here for Tera and you can be there for them. This isn't easy on them either. They wanted two more weeks. And then they'd want another two. I'll make sure she's okay, man. I promise you," Linc tells him.