Leveled

by TC Matson

  But it was the single most nerve-racking experience of my entire life. Fuck all the fights—first fight to professional fight—screw all the events and weigh-ins. Asking Paige to marry me was the most intimidating thing I’ve ever done.

  We’ve come a long way. I’ll admit I had to lose it all before I knew what I really had. I don’t have a good excuse for what I did. During our time apart, I tried to figure it out. I analyzed it, replayed it over and over to find out where it all went wrong. I was left with a constant repeating image of the moment I fucked up. It sickened me to realize I was that guy when I knew I wasn’t. Regret enveloped my day to day, and I missed her with so much of me it swallowed me whole. I devastated myself, with my own hands. Remorse ate me alive.

  But that very feeling—desolate and broken—pushed me to become a better person. A better man. I had more determination to prove myself to her than I did to win my championship fight. My fighting will run its course. Paige will be my forever. There isn’t a hard decision.

  Yeah, I hear you. Once a dog, always a dog. Not true. Put that dog on a leash and tether it to its dog house and watch what happens when he takes off in full sprint. It snaps his neck while the rest of his body suffers from forward motion. It’ll jerk his body off the ground while gravity slams him back down. Now, that same dog doesn’t give a damn what’s at the end of the rope.

  I’m that dog. Woof.

  I didn’t do it for the high of cheating. I didn’t do it for the lack of my feelings. Not for the selfish ass I know I can be. And I sure as fuck wasn’t the victim pushed to do it. Paige might have had insecurities and doubts, but it was because I placed them there. It all fell on me. I did it wrong. Not Paige. All she’s responsible for is loving a man who sucked ass at being a real man.

  Yeah, I said it. I’m a master in the ring, expert at kicking a fighter’s ass, a specialist at sarcastic wit, in tune with my mind and body, but I sucked huge donkey balls at being a real man in a relationship.

  Not anymore. Falling flat on your face wakes you up.

  I woke up and I’m better than ever. The ground she walks on—I kiss it. The life she lives—I want in it. The love she gives me—I need it.

  Oh, Levi you sound like a sweet pansy, you say. Find your true love and tell me you wouldn’t leap off the side of a cliff for it.

  I’m on the way home, still pumped from asking her, and decide to call Adam to tell him. He knows I’ve been planning it. He knows I bought the ring weeks ago. And he’s been giving me hell about being a chicken shit to ask her since.

  “What’s up, man?” he answers.

  “You can shut your trap now. I asked her tonight,” I quip.

  “It’s about damn time,” he exclaims. “She did say yes, right?”

  I bark a laugh. “Of course.”

  “Congratulations.” He puffs a breath. “Levi fucking Stiles engaged. Sounds strange as hell.”

  “There’s a good ring to it. It’ll sound better when you cross off engaged and add the word married.”

  “Don’t you sound just smitten,” he quips.

  “We’ll nail down all the details later. Hoping she’ll just want to hit the courthouse tomorrow and we’ll do a real wedding later.”

  He lets out a belly laugh. “Are we talking about the same Paige I know? She’ll never go for that.”

  “I’ve got a busy schedule for the next few months. I picked up another fighter to train.” Zayne cries in the background, shrieking. “What’s wrong with my boy?” I ask.

  Adam sighs exasperatedly. “Man, the kid has my love for food. He’s getting more tit action than I am these days.”

  Kelsie cracks up in the background and says something I can’t make out.

  “I can’t even touch them without…” he abandons his conversation with her. “Anyway, you picked up a new fighter? What’s with that?”

  “Yeah. Cory called last week and asked me to help this guy out,” I say.

  “Help him out? The Levi Stiles I know doesn’t do sympathy. What’s up with that?”

  “Normally I don’t, but he’s got Ryker on his fighting roster. You can bet your ass I wasn’t walking away from that. Another chance to see Ryker have his ass handed to him?” I laugh. “Not a chance, man.”

  “Your fighter isn’t you. He’s not Levi. There’s only one of them, thank fuck. But there’s a chance Ryker could win.” He both strokes my ego and slaps my face.

  “I’m pretty damn irreplaceable, but Nick will have me as a coach. I know Ryker’s fighting style better than anyone. I’ll teach him what to watch out for. My guy will win. I’m certain.”

  Adam chuckles. “We’ll see in due time. Tell Paige to get with Kel on the wedding details. We’ll definitely be there.”

  “Being as you’re my best man, your ass better be.”

  “You know it. Alright, man.” He hangs up.

  For as long as I’ve known him, he’s always ended calls the same way—hangs up. When he’s done talking, he’s done. With him there isn’t any awkward weirdness…unless you weren’t done with the conversation.

  Chapter 6

  With help from everyone, I managed to plan a wedding and get it together within weeks. Levi has a big schedule ahead of him and if we don’t do it now, we’ll have to wait at least a year…Or worse, go to the courthouse or Vegas. He’s not as opposed to either of those choices as I am.

  Thankfully, I found a place willing to schedule me in quickly. It’s a beautiful and romantic setting in the middle of a thirty-acre property with a scenic view of a small lake. They’ve got a large room where the ceilings are forever tall, the walls are stone, and the floors are wood. It’s a perfect rustic blend for our macho life.

  “I need help,” I whine, trying to finish the last inch of my zipper.

  Holly steps behind me, already in her dress with her hair fixed, and tugs the zipper up.

  She warms me with a smile. “Instead of your grand entrance, we could do a grand exit.” She dangles her car keys. “You say the word, and we’ll bounce out.”

  I laugh. “I hope that car is a fast one, because Levi would be on my heels.”

  “We drove Adam’s.” Kelsie chimes in calmly, sitting on the bed and sliding into her heels. “I’d have to wrestle the keys from Adam, but I’m sure I could just squirt him in the eye with milk.”

  We laugh.

  “Adam giving up the keys to his new precious Keza…” I snort. “Why does he name his cars?”

  Kelsie rolls her eyes. “Him and his cars. Nova sounds so much better than Keza, doesn’t it? Surely I’m not the only one begging him not to name it that.”

  “What the hell is a Keza?” Holly asks.

  Kelsie groans. “Mine and Zayne’s name scrambled in there somewhere.”

  “That’s so sweet,” Holly gushes, placing her hand on her chest.

  Kelsie snorts. “Wait until he talks about her like she’s a real person. Keza needs gas. Keza needs a bath. Keza needs to be driven hard.”

  “That’s where you tell him he’s pronouncing your name wrong. Kelsie needs to be driven hard.” Holly runs her hands from her tits down to her hips and does some weird flapping thing with her tongue.

  “He handles that car just fine,” Kelsie replies, waggling her eyebrows.

  Holly tugs the top of her dress and it causes her breasts to bounce. “This thing isn’t big boob friendly.”

  Kelsie pats hers and beams proudly. “It’s good at holding the milk at bay.”

  A knock on the door sends me moving out of view…just in case. I mean, we all know how Levi is—impatient as ever.

  Lacy pops her head in scanning the room for me. “I found him,” she says and then shuffles in my dad.

  In a black suit with a white shirt and a red tie matching my bridesmaids, Dad is handsome as ever. Instantly, tears warm my eyes and I fan them, desperate not to mess up my makeup.

  “Daddy, you look…wow. You look good.”

  His eyes are red, backing away his own tears. “Oh,
Paigey…” He rakes his view over me. “You’re beautiful. Your momma would be so proud. She’s got to be smiling down on you today.”

  “You two have to stop,” Holly says from across the room. “You’ll have us all fixing our makeup and we don’t have the time for that.”

  Daddy hands me a tissue and I dab the few lone escapees under my eyes.

  “Everything looks good to go out there. You’ve got ten minutes. Are you ready?” he asks.

  I glance to Kelsie, Holly, and Lacy. “Are we ready?”

  Kelsie shifts. “Honey, this is your day. We’re ready whenever you are, but if you wait much longer, I’ll need to pump.”

  Holly cheeses and nudges Kelsie in the shoulder. “I’m walking down the aisle with a hunk of a man who needs to see I’m his dream come true,” she teases.

  “When you claimed him, he didn’t have a kid. Now he does. You sure you want that responsibility? I mean, poop diapers, pee, laundry, and your sex life dwindles to quickies when the kid is asleep and that’s only if you have the energy.”

  Holly’s face slackens. “Shit.”

  “Kelsie wins,” I call out with a giggle.

  “I have to give up my first true love,” she whines her tease. “I guess you can have my seconds.”

  Lacy sarcastically coughs. “I’ll be arm and arm with my love.” She bats her eyes. “Yeah. I’ll ride your jealous tears down the aisle.”

  As they banter, I spin back to the mirror and double check my makeup. I chose this gown because when I put it on, I never felt more stunning and sexy. The spaghetti strap V-neck shows off my cleavage and the back plunges offering nothing but bare skin. It’s soft with lace, long to my toes and without a train. I just hope Levi loves it just as much as I do.

  “You ready?” Dad squeezes my shoulder.

  “Yeah.”

  Dad straightens, pulling on his jacket, and grins wickedly to the girls. “Well, for your information, I’ll be walking down the aisle with a princess. Read that and weep.”

  I burst out laughing and toss my arms around his neck. “I love you, Daddy.”

  “Not nearly as much as I do you. Come on, baby girl. You have a wedding to attend.”

  Chapter 7

  “You’re getting married,” Adam chuckles in disbelief, shrugging into his suit jacket. “Ask me ten years ago if I thought you ever would, and I’m pretty sure I’d have laughed my ass off.”

  “You and me both,” I reply honestly, shoving my shirt into my pants.

  Although wedding decoration and planning is all about what the bride wants, I asked for one thing—red—my color. Paige wanted pink. There’s only one pink thing of Paige’s I want on me and it sure as fuck isn’t clothing…unless it’s a lacy thong.

  We settled on her bridesmaids in red and me in white. See. I can compromise.

  “I’ve got Keza if you feel the need to bail. She’s a fast exit,” Adam says, patting his pocket where his keys jingle.

  I smirk. “I’m not bailing, man. I’ve never been more certain.”

  “It’s about damn time,” Adam grins, dropping to the side of the bed to shove into his shoes.

  “Like you have any room to talk. You might as well be a made man yourself.”

  He slices his view to me with a crooked grin. “You don’t worry your pretty little head off about me.”

  I bat my eyes. “You think I’m pretty?”

  Studies show using sarcasm can help ward off anxiety and nervousness. I call bluff and say it’s just a wittier way to be a dick.

  As I step out to make my way to the front, all eyes watch me, and the low hum of chatter silences. I nod at the preacher and stand in my spot. I own this altar. The spotlight doesn’t make me nervous. I shine here…normally with a lot less clothes and pumped full of violent adrenaline.

  There aren’t many people here, maybe twenty max. Paige wanted our wedding small. I had no arguments. I wanted Adam. He’s all I need.

  Looking out over everyone, radiating in the spotlight, reality hits me and my pulse begins to batter my chest. This isn’t like a fight where if the opponent doesn’t show up, I win. In fact, this is quite the opposite. If Paige doesn’t show, I lose. Everything.

  I fill my lungs, taking a long-drawn breath and close my eyes willing my calm.

  The music starts and a few minutes later, Adam comes out with Holly latched to his arm. I glance to Matt who’s wearing a scowl. Fuck face better be glad he’s even here. I sure the hell didn’t want him here, but they’re a packaged deal. She made it clear to me she’s a part of Paige and Matt’s a part of her. Therefore, I needed to suck it up. I’m not happy about it. Not at all. Knowing the enemy’s best friend is here… Well, one can only hope he runs back to Ryker and rubs his nose in my shit.

  Holly and Adam suppress a laugh, both their grins are cheesing like hell. Adam dips his head and whispers something to Holly. She yelps a laugh. Her eyes widen, and she quickly slaps her hand over mouth to quiet herself down.

  It makes me chuckle.

  Adam claps my shoulder as he steps up and man’s his spot beside me.

  Blain steps out with Lacy. Ever since I met Blain, she was his “one” but just beyond his reach. I haven’t asked, because it’s none of my damn business, but something shifted in his thoughts and he made his way into her life. Proved he’s all she would ever need. Best decision of her life. They’re crazy about each other.

  Kelsie steps around the corner holding Zayne in his little slacks and a shirt that matches Adam’s. Her hazel eyes are bright and vibrant, nervously staring at Adam.

  “Damn…” he exhales.

  Mark my words, the roles between him and me today will be reversed very, very soon. He’ll find a way past his fears and marry her. My boy hasn’t been this legit since Laura.

  I may dominate my space. I can stand my ground with the fiercest men. I’m quick on my feet and with my mind. I’m able to adapt to anything. I’m programmed to for it. I’ve fought many men with thousands of spectators witnessing the possibility of my rise or fall. I’ve traveled, never once doubting myself or where I belong. I’ve watched my best friend’s soul all but die when he lost his girlfriend, and I stood there to help hold him up. I’ve made mistakes never knowing if I could come back from them. I lost both parents and made my life the way I wanted it…alone and with courage.

  But nothing remotely close has ever prepared me for the sheer beauty of Paige, my wife-to-be, walking toward me.

  My knees all but want to buckle. My breath is no longer. My heart is a solid hum. I widen my stance to keep my feet grounded. Pull my shoulders back to help my lungs expand and give me more air.

  She flashes her sweet smile at me, the one that lights up her face and carries into her eyes. Her dress is stunning, more beautiful than anything I’ve ever seen her in. It’s long to the ground, slender in the hips, and shows off her tits.

  Yeah. I’ll indulge in her later before she takes it off. The last thing I need right now is a fucking hard-on for all to see.

  I reach out and pull her to me. Her hands are sweaty as fuck…or maybe that’s mine. She’s shaking…pretty sure it’s not me.

  “You look breathtaking,” I tell her.

  She looks up to me from under her lashes and blinks back her tears. Everything moves in a blur around us, the sounds, the noises…it’s just her and me standing in the center surrounded by people. Although I’ve memorized her eyes—every fleck of green, every speckle of a darker shade—it feels like the first time I looked into them realizing I was in love with her.

  A poke in my back clears the cloud around us, dissipating my tunnel vision.

  “Sir? Your vows?” the preacher states, nodding at me.

  I swallow. This is far more difficult than standing in the middle of an octagon fighting for my spot.

  “Yeah,” I clear my throat. We decided to write our own vows. I have absolutely no idea what she’s got, and vice versa.

  It took me no time to write mine. It all came to me one morni
ng while at the gym. I scribbled it down and have rehearsed them like my life depended on it. Trained for it. I might screw up a lot, but this is my forever and I want my first step to be right.

  I take one of the shakiest breathes I’ve ever…

  “The sun shines on me today and has since the first time you ever smiled at me. I don’t have much to offer that you don’t already have, but I promise to grow along side of you, to cherish you like you deserve to be. I vow to always be true and faithful to you, to be your best friend and never your enemy…mainly because I know you’ll plot my death in my sleep.” Paige giggles through her tears and I continue. “I promise to love you as long as we shall live or however long you put up with me and even after. I walked alone for a long while just to meet you here at this altar, and I promise from here on out, we’ll walk together. It’s been you…always you, I tap out for.”

  Her tears are running down her cheek and I wipe them with my thumbs before leaning in to kiss her cheek.

  “Where did that come from?” she whispers, her chin trembling and tears dripping.

  I place her hand on top of my chest, right over the tattooed heartbeat and smirk.

  She’s trying to pull herself together, wiping her cheeks. She clears her throat and flicks her eyes to me. “No way I can compete with that.”

  I grab her hands and squeeze them, offering a smile to ground her.

  “You made me love you. No matter how hard I fought it, you fought harder. And it was the best decision I ever made when I finally let you in because I never knew love like this existed outside of fairy tales. I promise to be there when you need me, to fill your days with sunshine, to encourage you and help you meet your goals in life, together. I chose you for all the greatness you’ve already given me, right down to the heartache that taught us to love harder. You’re my lover and my teacher, my truest counterpart. Wherever our journey leads us I’ll walk with you proudly, hand in hand because when I’m with you there’s absolutely nothing I can’t accomplish.” She cocks her head to the side and purses her lips. “Yours was so much better.”