A Puppy for Christmas

by Nikki Logan

  Ella reached behind her and opened the door. They moved inside. Fizz immediately went to his basket, to make sure that no one had messed with it while he was gone. He turned around and sniffed every corner.

  Trey smiled. His heart hurt at thinking about never seeing the little dog again. “Will they tell you who he goes to?” he asked.

  “Probably not. I don’t know, but I don’t see why they would.”

  Her voice broke just a bit on the last word and he knew that she was probably already missing the little dog.

  He caught her to him, touched his forehead to hers. “This time we’re ending things right.” He said the words he’d been thinking only seconds ago. “If it’s at all possible, I want you to see if Fizz’s new owners will let you visit him. Because...you’ll miss him. I know you will. Don’t be all noble and tell yourself and everyone else that it doesn’t matter and that it’s for the best if you don’t see him again. Okay, Ella?”

  She nodded tightly. “Okay, yes,” she whispered, one hand reaching up to touch his face.

  He leaned in to kiss her and she rose up at the same time. His kiss landed on the side of her mouth. It didn’t matter. He was touching her. She was touching him. And then he was kissing her again. Deeper. Longer. Holding her so close there wasn’t any room between them.

  “I wanted that kiss to be perfect, but it wasn’t. It still set me on fire,” he told her. “Ella, you see what I’m saying? You want perfect, and you’re going to deny yourself because you think it can’t exist for you, that the perfect match isn’t out there for you. Don’t do that, all right? Don’t wait for him to come along. Perfect is overrated.”

  She opened her mouth and then he was kissing her, kissing her, over and over.

  “Do you see?”

  “I can’t see anything,” she whispered. “I’m feeling too much.”

  “I know. I know. But I need to make my case. This afternoon, when Fizz ran and all hell broke loose, nothing was perfect—but look what came of that. Everyone got to see Stu handle a crisis situation. They got to see what a good, strong man he is. There were benefits to an imperfect situation. Okay?”

  He was talking—talking too much when he wanted her in his arms, in his bed. But that was the old Trey, the cocky Trey. This was the Trey who wanted to make sure that Ella was happy down the road.

  “Ella? Don’t wait for perfect.”

  “I won’t. I won’t wait,” she said. “Trey?”

  He pulled back and looked at her.

  “How did you get to be so wise?”

  He groaned. “I’m not wise, Ella. I’m trying to talk so I won’t do anything...unwise. Like touch you more.”

  “I see.”

  “You don’t.” It was hell holding her and not kissing her the way he wanted to, holding her the way he wanted to, making love with her.

  “I see what you’re doing, Trey, and it’s useless. You can’t win.”

  He shook his head, confused.

  “It’s our last night together. Ever,” she whispered. “And—” she looked at the clock “—Christmas will be here soon. We won’t see each other tomorrow. We won’t share the day or...anything. I guess what I’m saying is...kiss me more, Trey. Touch me. More.”

  It was too much. He couldn’t resist her invitation. This was goodbye, the end of something that hadn’t really ever had a chance to begin.

  Ella led him to her room. The room whose window wasn’t more than twenty feet from his own window.

  Lying down with him braced above her, Ella stared into his eyes. She rested her palms on his shoulders. “You don’t have to be gentle or worry about hurting me, Trey. It doesn’t have to be perfect.”

  But it was.

  As Trey left her just before dawn the next morning he didn’t touch her for fear of waking her, even though he ached to kiss her goodbye. And when he passed Fizz curled up in his basket he placed one finger over his mouth and Fizz seemed to understand. He made no sound, simply looked up at Trey with big, sad brown eyes and licked his fingers when Trey gave him a goodbye stroke.

  “Bye, buddy,” he whispered. “You take care of her today, all right?”

  He didn’t say anything about tomorrow. There would be no tomorrow for any of them. The very thought made it difficult to move. Or think. And he knew that he needed to think. He’d told her that he didn’t want her to wait for perfect because he didn’t want her to be alone.

  But in his heart of hearts he wanted her to have perfection. At least in some small way. He definitely needed to think about that.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ELLA HAD ALWAYS loved Christmas. Her parents had always made a big deal out of it and, even though they’d been so wrapped up in each other that they’d sometimes seemed to forget she was in the house after the initial present-opening ceremony, they’d always eventually remembered her and brought her into their circle of happiness. Since her parents had been gone, Christmas had been less fun, but someone always made sure she had an invitation, and no one ever made her feel like an unwelcome appendage.

  This year, however, she couldn’t find any Christmas joy. Trey had thought she hadn’t known when he left, but she’d seen him from beneath her lashes. She’d felt him leave her, heard him say goodbye to Fizz. Last night had been wonderful, magical, as close to perfect as she could imagine and yet...very real. Practical person that she was, though, she knew that she couldn’t live in that one moment, much as she wanted to. She couldn’t have or hold Trey. And this was her last day with Fizz.

  She thought about Trey’s request that she not seek perfection in her life. He wanted her to marry. Maybe he felt guilty that he had loved her and left, but odds weren’t good that she would marry. She wasn’t really seeking perfection. She knew that now. Her parents hadn’t been perfect people. Their love probably hadn’t even been perfect, but it had been right for them. They had each been with the one they wanted. And she had always wanted Trey. She still did. Maybe she always would.

  “Today it’s just you and me, boy,” she whispered to Fizz as they got ready to go to dinner with her friends.

  And when they came home from their day out, and he settled himself into his basket with his little toys around him, he looked so sad.

  “I miss him, too, Fizz. And you—I’m going to miss you like mad, too. But you’re going to grow into a big dog. You need to have room to run and play during the day—not be cooped up in a tiny office building or here all by yourself while I’m at work. I want you to have better than that.”

  She heard Trey telling her not to ask for perfect, but this was different. This was Fizz, and no question lots of people would want to adopt him. People who would be able to give him exactly what he needed.

  But when she petted him and he licked her hand he still looked sad. As if he knew what was coming.

  Surely that was her imagination.

  It was not her imagination, however, when she dropped him at the shelter the next day. He looked as forlorn as she felt. Somehow she made it back to her car before the tears began to stream down her face. She had lost both of her men in two days. How much heartbreak could a woman take?

  She hoped, really hoped, that once the emotional rollercoaster of the season was over and she dove back into work she would be able to make something of her life and find some happiness. Even more than that, she hoped that Fizz would find a good and loving home with children, and that Trey...

  But she couldn’t think of Trey at all. She wasn’t ready yet. Her heart howled with pain every time she got close to remembering all that she would never have with him.

  * * *

  TREY PACED HIS way around his office for what must have been the five hundredth time. It had been two days since he’d left Ella, and he was unable to concentrate. He was miserable. And he could no longer blame his emotions on the se
ason. He was madly, irrefutably in love with Ella and he didn’t know how to get past that.

  The thing was...Ella had seen him at his worst—back in his cocky days, when he had been mad at the world and struggling to hide it behind a mask of I don’t give a damn. She knew that he’d stolen, that he’d broken girls’ hearts for no good reason, that he’d argued with his parents incessantly, that he could be tactless and mean when he was wounded. And for all that she excused him for those things, the truth was that he wasn’t close to perfect. His love might not be anything like the kind she wanted. He’d seen all those guys flocking round her. He knew she must have dated a few of them. Or more. The woman kissed like a dream. Where else had she learned to kiss like that?

  And none of those homeboys had measured up. Why should he be any different?

  “You’re going to make such a hole in the carpeting that we’re going to have to replace it,” his secretary told him.

  “What?” He looked up.

  “The rug. You’re pacing again. You’re agitated. Frankly, I’ve never seen you like this. Did you have a horrid Christmas? Did that trip to your hometown stir up bad memories?”

  No. It had been the best week of his life.

  “Bettina, I know you’re mad about your husband. What does he do that makes you care so much?”

  “Uh-oh, I should have known it was a woman. Or maybe not. You’ve never been like this before.”

  “Bettina...”

  “Okay. He’s funny.”

  “I’m not particularly funny.”

  “He’s smart. You’re smart,” she coached.

  “I’m not sure that’s going to be enough.”

  “Well, the thing I love most about him is that he really cares about me. He wants me to be happy. Do you...love her like that?”

  He gave Bettina as much of a smile as he could manage. “I love her like that.”

  “And you would want her to have whatever made her happy even if it wasn’t you?”

  Trey closed his eyes. Did he feel that way? “I want her to love me, but if she can’t... Okay, you win. Her happiness is what’s most important.”

  “And do you think she’s happy now?”

  “I don’t know. I really don’t.” But he did know one thing. There was at least one area in her life where she probably wasn’t happy.

  “Bettina, book me a charter to Eagleton. Make it soon.”

  He hoped he wasn’t too late. It was the second day after Christmas. A lot could happen in two days. Irreversible things.

  “Bettina, make it now. I’m on my way to the airport.” And a race against the clock. One he might have already lost. He wouldn’t know that until he’d made a number of phone calls and arrived in Eagleton.

  And even then it could still all end badly.

  * * *

  ELLA WAS SITTING at the kitchen table, listlessly tracing her fingertip around the edge of her teacup, when her doorbell rang. Who could that be? She didn’t really want to see anyone right now. She was miserable, and after having had to smile all day long she didn’t want to have to fake happiness or graciousness tonight.

  Maybe if she sat here quietly, whoever it was would go away.

  The doorbell rang again. With a sigh, she got up and pulled the door open.

  And had to check the happy tears that threatened to fall.

  “Trey! Trey, why are you here?” If he was here there must be something wrong. “You weren’t ever coming back.”

  “No, I wasn’t.”

  “So...” Her heartbeat was pounding. She could barely breathe. Talking was...difficult.

  “So I forgot something. Or rather I remembered something.”

  She waited.

  He seemed hesitant. “I remembered that you loved Fizz.” He opened the zipper on his coat a few inches and she could see that Fizz was inside.

  “Oh... Trey... Fizz...” Her eyes filled up with tears. “But I took him back to the shelter. Was there a problem?”

  Trey frowned as he cuddled Fizz, and Fizz went wild licking Trey’s thumb. “The problem was that I didn’t want you to go through life without him.”

  “But—”

  “I know. You love him enough that you want what’s best for him. So I’ll hire a sitter for him.”

  “Trey, that’s too much. You can’t do that.”

  “I can. And I will. And if you won’t accept that, then I’ll keep him. I’ll hire the sitter and you can visit with him all the time.”

  Trey had moved into her space, and he was so close that—

  “You live all the way in San Diego,” she said.

  “That could change. I could live in Eagleton.”

  Fizz was so excited to see Ella that he was jumping around. Trey sat down on a chair and Ella took the puppy. She kissed him and let him down to run around as Trey pulled her in between his knees. Now he was very close.

  “I don’t understand, Trey.” But, oh, she wanted to. She wanted him to be here in Eagleton.

  “I missed you,” he said.

  She melted. “I was so...sad and lost...” Then she caught herself. “I missed you,” she said, more primly.

  “I was sad. I was lost,” he said. “And I wanted to come tell you how you’ve changed my life. I’ve had such a terrible family life that I didn’t even want to try that again. I didn’t want to risk it. But, Ella, none of that matters with you. I know I was as much to blame for my situation as my parents were. I know I don’t have all the answers. You make me want to be better, to be perfect, to be that one guy for you. But if I can’t be that—and I don’t expect you to say that I am—”

  She placed her fingertips over his mouth. “Why would you say that?”

  “You’ve been looking all your life and you haven’t found what you’re looking for. You’ve dated all those guys and not one of them seems to be the right one.”

  “Dated all those guys? Where did you get that idea?”

  He kissed her then, softly. And then more deeply. “No one kisses like you do. Someone taught you that.”

  She could feel the heat climbing up her neck.

  “Ella?”

  “I’ve been kissed a few times, but I wouldn’t say those men taught me anything about kissing.”

  He raised one dark brow and waited.

  “When I was young, I wanted you to kiss me,” she admitted. “I practiced on the mirror all the time. I watched every romantic movie, every sexy movie. I read books. I studied techniques. I figured that if I ever got lucky enough and you kissed me I might only have one shot at it. I didn’t want to disappoint you. Or me. Or seem naive and inexperienced.”

  Trey was smiling now. Grinning, actually.

  “Don’t laugh,” she said.

  “I’m not. I’m just...entranced. I’m... Ella, I love you so much. I wish I’d kissed you when we were young. I wish you had invited me to practice with a mirror. We could have done that together.”

  “You would have ridiculed me.”

  “Maybe I would have back then. I’m not that person now. You freed me from my past and gave me hope that I might have love in my future. That I might have...more than I had ever aspired to. Maybe it started that day you told me that my father had taught me to be the opposite of him. Or maybe it was just you being you. I want you. I love you. But I don’t know if I can give you that perfect love you—”

  Ella grabbed his hand. She kissed it. She wrapped it around her waist and leaned close and gave him one of those kisses she’d practiced just for him. He kissed her, too, better than she’d ever imagined—and so much better than a mirror.

  “Trey, I don’t need perfect. I need you. Only you. I’ve always loved you. It’s why I never met the perfect man. I already knew him, and he wasn’t available.”

 
Trey groaned. “He’s available. He just didn’t know it. Until you.”

  By now Fizz was getting upset that his two humans weren’t giving him any attention. He was dancing around at their feet.

  “Didn’t anyone want you, sweetie?” she asked, picking him up. “I can’t believe you weren’t snapped up in an instant.”

  She looked at Trey, and realized he wasn’t looking her straight in the eye the way he always did.

  “Trey...?”

  “He’d been adopted,” he said quietly. “I had to think long and hard at that point. I didn’t want to hurt a child. But he’d only been with them for half a day. So...I located two puppies and traded them two for one.”

  She looked suspicious. “It couldn’t have been that easy. The shelter is very careful. Surely they wouldn’t have simply let you trade. Or even told you who had Fizz. Unless... Trey, did you bribe the people at the shelter?”

  “I didn’t bribe them. I might have made a donation.”

  “A sizeable one, I’m sure.”

  “That might have happened. And I might have had to sign my life away, give them more personal information than I’m sure most adoptive parents have to, and agreed to volunteer at the shelter twice a month.”

  “Trey, I love you so much.” She kissed him again. “Thank you for bringing Fizz home.”

  “Merry Christmas, love.”

  “I’m afraid I don’t have a present for you.”

  “Are you going to marry me?”

  “You and no other.”

  “A man couldn’t ask for a better present than that. This year has been the best Christmas ever, bar none. Thank you, Fizz.”

  Ella laughed. “I know what you’re going to say. Fizz brought us together.”