by Karla Lopez
We stay silent, me patiently waiting. He lets a deep breath out and says, "Can I play it for you?" I nod in response and feel kind of nervous because of the way he’s holding himself up. He looks stiff and unease like he’s about to tell me one of his secrets.
He reaches out and grabs his phone and searches for the song before it comes out through the speakers. I look out the window as soon as the song begins to play. The piano melody of the song begins. The song right away gives a painful emotion hearing the first words leave the singers mouth. The singer's voice gives me chills throughout my body hearing the agony in his voice. My gaze falls to the radio where I read the singers name, Dermot Kennedy and the song name, Swim Good. I want to memorize it to hear the words again later. The lyrics start to reach my ears as I pay closer attention to them:
"Let go love, don't try stoppin' me
Let go love, don't try savin' me
No flair, no vest, no fear
Waves are washin' me out
I'm about to drive in the ocean
I'ma try to swim from something
Bigger than me
Kick off my shoes and swim good,
And swim good
Take off this suit and swim good,
And swim good."
My eyes burn as my gaze meets Austin. I don't even realize I’m crying until I taste a salty wet tear on my lip. The song ends and with the last words, it's like Austin finally let me into some of his pain, even if it’s just for a little bit. My heart aches more than the pain I have ever felt in my life. His pain is raw and real and agonizing.
Without thinking I cross the center console of the car and straddle him in his lap. I meet his painful gaze and my heart fills with a need to help him, to heal him. Austin is a great guy, yeah, he’s imperfect and at times he goes about things the wrong way, but his intentions are always pure.
He runs the back of his hand against my cheek in a comforting way, brushing my tears away. He’s comforting me when I want to comfort him. I lean my forehead against his and he inhales roughly and closes his eyes. After a minute he opens them again and I smile at him, "Thank you."
"Thank you? For what?"
"For showing me what your pain feels like even if it's for a little while. Your wounds are deep and scars still pink, but fuck Austin—" I make sure his eyes are seeing right through mine and I breathe in and out, my forehead never leaving his—"You're quite beautiful." I whisper and give him a soft smile.
His whole face beams without him actually smiling and his eyes go to my lips and I know what he wants. This the moment he wants to kiss me. And for the first time, I want that too. The tingles run through my body with nervousness and anticipation about what I’m about to do.
"Kiss me," I whisper a few inches against his lips. My forehead still on his.
"Emma—" I interrupt him by shaking my head and I try again.
"Kiss me, Austin."
Austin stares at me long and hard as if trying to find doubt, but there isn't any. I’m proud of myself of what I'm overcoming piece by piece because of him. He finally leans in keeping his eyes on mine his breath slow and warm against my lips. He presses his nose against mine and rubs it slowly giving me an Eskimo kiss the way I did before. Austin brushes his lips against mine slowly and soft creating chills and goosebumps throughout my entire body.
His tongue darts out of his mouth as he slowly swipes it against my bottom lip. I can feel the tingles spreading throughout and in between my legs. I'm beginning to feel dizzy with the sensations and we haven't even properly kissed yet. His eyes are still on mine as he nibbles my bottom lip and its complete torture. He’s teasing me, so I do something so unexpected, but teasing right back and capture his bottom lip between my teeth. He groans against my lips. His hands round against my ass and he squeezes firmly.
I still haven’t let go of his lip between my teeth and I love teasing him right back. I feel him hard underneath me. Suddenly Austin's fingers press against my private hard enough to make me squirm and I release his lip. He chuckles and runs his fingers twisting them into my hair and finally captures my lips against him. He kisses me slow and soft. I place one of my hands on his jaw and the other in his hair. When I tug on his hair he groans into my mouth and begins kissing me with more hunger and heat, his tongue darting and twisting against mine. His wet, warm tongue is taking claim of my whole mouth.
I haven't noticed how I instantly closed my eyes. I don't understand why we do that out of instinct and I always thought that I would freak out even worse than I have before because of actually going through with it. It used to make my stomach burn, but now I feel like I'm in the right time in the right arms. I'm actually enjoying having my eyes closed and feeling every breath, wetness, movement, caress against my lips. Then feeling every emotion that comes with each one lust, warmth, heat, happiness, need. Austin is leaving me breathless and breathing life into me with just one kiss.
Austin
MY HAND IS TANGLED in Emma's hair and the other is gripping her ass cheek while her tongue is running against mine. Fuck, she’s such a good kisser that you would have never known a few months ago that this used to freak her out. She took me by surprise when she asked me to kiss her, but I love that she's opening more and more to me. I know that it has to do with the fact that I let her into my world even if it was just for a little bit. I know the lyrics got to her and in a way, it warms my heart that she was crying for me.
No one has ever cried for me. No one has cared to, but the way her lips now part to allow my tongue to keep teasing hers is distracting my thoughts. She gasps into my mouth and I feel her need. I never once closed my eyes while kissing her. I want to watch her. I want to see the raw emotions on her face. It’s beautiful seeing her blossom on my lips. She never opens her eyes once. She takes in every emotion. We have been making out for several long minutes now and fuck, I’m hard. I need her, but at the same time I don't want to take her moment and turn it into something sexual when she just initially had her real first kiss.
Emma begins grinding against me and I groan against her lips. She breaks our kiss and her honey eyes reflect a feeling that is so foreign to me and I want to drown in it. She bits her lip in a seductive way and I want to be the one biting it. She leans in against my ear and sucks my earlobe making me hiss. Fuck, she’s going to be the end of me. "Touch me."
That’s all I need from her, her invitation to give her and I the much-needed release we are both craving. I slide my hand underneath her t-shirt and push it over her arms and head. I throw her shirt to her side of the car. I grab the back of her neck pushing it against my lips and I kiss her slow and wet to torture her. The slower I kiss and suck lightly on her neck the more she’s grinding against me. She’s going to make me come with fucking dry humping, so I place my hands on her hips to stop her movements.
Her breathing is erratic as I slip my fingertips to her back and bra. I hooked my fingers into her bra clasp and pull and release it. She hisses a 'yes' against my ear.
"You like that baby?" She nods enthusiastically and I pull her closer to my chest. I finally undo her bra and as soon as her breast are out, I pause. Her nipples are aroused and pink while her chest is heaving up and down. I stare at her gorgeous tits for a few seconds longer and draw my gaze to hers. Her honey eyes are heated and so much desire spreads in her dilated eyes.
My eyes lock with hers as I kiss her slowly and soft. Her eyes flutter close and I continue to watch her as my tongue works on hers. I place my thumb on her neck and the rest of my hand toward her jaw to keep her in place. I run my tongue slowly against her collarbone and then down her neck till I reach her nipple. I circle her hard nipple into my mouth, and she gasps as her fingers go straight into my hair for a tug.
I fucking love when she does that, and I think she knows that because she’s always torturing me with it. I suck on her nipple hard and she arches herself into my face. Her hands go straight to the front of my jeans and she unbuttons and undoes the zipper. Her voice co
mes out in a heavy breath, "Pull down your pants and boxers."
I chuckle, "Not wasting any time I see."
"Well, we could stop, and we can just eat pizza," She responds with a sarcastic innocent look.
"I like the way you taste better."
She bites her lip as a response to me and I arch my brow playfully and smack her ass.
I push down my pants and briefs to my thighs where my dick then springs loose, hard and ready to take her. She leans in and her lips are on mine wet and hungry, her small hand wraps around me and starts stroking my length. I watch her kiss me and work me with her hand through half-lidded eyes. She’s breathtaking on how she can be so innocent yet fucking dirty at the same time.
As she continues to stroke me, I gently shove her back into the steering wheel and start sucking on her harden nipples. We are both breathing and panting loudly in a unison rhythm. I run my fingertips playfully against her waistband and slip my fingers into her heat. She’s wet and ready to take me anyway we want. I run my finger against her folds back and forth while she throws sweet moans out of her mouth.
I continue to suck her nipple as I slip a finger into her pussy. I decide on one because she’s so tight as it is and I don't want to hurt her. She moans and gasps loudly against my ear. "Fuck baby, you're so wet and tight, you feel so good."
She tugs my hair in response. I begin to move my finger in and out of her in a slow motion, but she’s not having it. She begins moving her hips to fuck my finger.
"You like that baby?"
"Yes!" She gasps out loud.
Her hip movements stop when I start to fuck her harder with my finger and her strokes on my dick are matching my speed. We moan and gasp together feeling our high, tasting our soon to be release. She comes first on my finger and then I follow on her hand and thigh of her leggings. Her forehead lands on mine as we continue heaving and slowing down together. Emma's eyes are closed, but I never shut mine once. I promise myself right here that I will never close my eyes. I will watch her fall for every kiss, release, touch, affection. It’s paradise watching her. I watch her till her eyes snap open and she gives me a lazy smile.
"How do you feel? Did I hurt you?"
"No, it felt so good."
I smirk at her, "So good?"
"Stop," She whines shyly, and face plants into my neck.
I rub her back as I speak, "Baby, don't be shy. I know you liked it and it's fucking hot how dirty you are."
Her eyes meet mine and her forehead is back on mine, "You like it?"
I lean in and kiss her while I watch her, "I love it."
She smiles and mumbles against my lips, "Can we eat now?" I chuckle and nod.
We eat in comfortable silence. It seems we both have a post-orgasm appetite and we aren’t wasting any time. She changed into a pair of my grey sweatpants that I had in my gym bag. Her black leggings had a stain from the aftermath of me coming on her, but she doesn't seem to mind. She looks adorable in my clothes. Her phone buzzes from the center console and I try not to look down, but out of curiosity I do. From the corner of my eye, I see it’s her dad.
She ignores it and continues eating. I wait till she’s done to ask, "Why didn't you answer him."
"Because he wants me to go to dinner with him and his new girlfriend." She winces with the word she used.
"When is it?"
"Tonight, but I don't want to go. It's just going to be us three and I don't want to be there alone. I won't be able to handle it."
"Do you want me to go with you?"
She gives me a small grin, "You would do that?"
I lean over and whisper, "I would do anything for you," and land my lips against hers in a gentle kiss.
"That would be amazing if you did come with me."
"Then I'm coming," I squeeze her hand as reassurance. I don't care what her dad has to say if I suddenly show up to his dinner where he’s clearly cornering his daughter. My priority is Emma and I know she needs me. "What is the dinner for?"
"To bond."
"Maybe you'll like her."
"That’s exactly what I don't want."
"Emma." I give her a pointed look.
"Why did you ask me what my favorite song is?" She asks clearly trying to change the subject.
"I think everyone's favorite song describes a part of their hearts."
She looks at me amazed then asks, "What does my song tell you about my heart."
"That your heart longs for what you're so scared to use your arms for and just reach for it." She watches me silently for a few minutes. She is sitting on her knees and calves towards me. She leans into me and puts her forehead on mine closing her eyes.
We stay like that for a few minutes before she speaks again, "That means that your song describes the pain in your heat." Her hand goes to my chest, and she places it where my heart is located at. I feel a lump in my throat, I don't want to talk about the song I showed her. That song is deep, much deeper than anyone could imagine. That song takes me to a dark place.
I decide I don't want to look into her honey eyes and close mine, "I don't want to talk about that."
She ignores my comment and continues, "The words. Tell me what they mean to you. Please, Austin."
I push her gently back into her seat, avoiding eye contact, "We should go."
She sighs a frustrated sigh and I do the unexpected, something that only Liam and I know. I can feel the bile in my throat, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to go through with it, "There was a time in my life where it was dark, a time I would like to forget, but lingers right on the heels of my feet, waiting for me to turn around. It was horrible. The feeling ate me inside and it almost consumed me whole. It was a time that I wanted for waves to wash me away, I wanted to be gone. Forever. I wanted to travel, for my soul to be at peace and not the ugly black storm brewing through it. The song is my favorite because it's a reminder of what cut me so deep and what I hope I overcame."
Her soft hand slips into mine and she whispers, "Austin...I think you have a reason to shine." And with those words, I know I love her. And I know I’m fucked.
Emma
I STARE AT MYSELF in the mirror feeling very dressed up for a very stupid occasion. My dad said that if I was going to bring Austin, which he was not happy about, to our dinner then we both had to dress up. Clearly, he's trying to impress his girlfriend, but I can care less. I'm wearing a black skater dress with long black lace knee-high socks and black high heel booties. I want to dress in the color of the occasion, dark and black, almost lifeless. I have my hair in loose curls hanging behind my shoulders and light makeup.
I wasn't dressing up for my dad let alone his girlfriend, I’m dressing up for Austin. This is the first time we go out as a couple dressed up. We've been such a causal couple that we've never actually dressed up for each other. I’m dreading meeting my dad's girlfriend, but I’m excited to dress up for Austin. I feel sexy and I want him to see that on me.
I walk over to open the door for Austin. As soon as I open it my mouth dries up. Fuck. He looks so fucking good. My man knows how to dress up. He’s wearing a black button up shirt with black jeans and black boots. His whole outfit matches his dark hair, which makes his eyes a shade darker of blue. We match each other and we look good together and it’s nice to admit. I’m not a self-conscious person, but I know that Austin is way out of my league physically. It feels nice to match each other's energy.
"Fuck me, baby." Austin’s eyes roam my body making my skin tingle with heat.
I smirk at him and raise one eyebrow. I grab him by the collar of his shirt and pull him to me for a kiss. His lips are gentle like his hands both cupping my face on each side. We had our first kiss together only a few hours ago, but now the kisses feel warm and familiar. It feels like we have been kissing each other all our lives.
His hands go to my hips and then to my ass as he squeezes it playfully. He looks at me with so much warmth it’s overwhelming. I rub my gloss off his lips as he stares at me and
I at him. I faceplant into his neck.
"You smell and look so good." He chuckles against my face and holds me for a while.
"Are you ready?"
"Yes."
I grab my keys and put my coat on and walked out of my house hand in hand with Austin. Dating still feels foreign to me, but when it comes to him, nothing feels unfamiliar.
When we get to a fancy restaurant with a French name, I can't pronounce it and it irritates me as to where my dad has arranged this meeting. We aren't made of money, we live comfortably, but not eighty-dollar meals comfortable. Who is this girl and why is he trying to impress her with money? Austin sees my unease face before he handed the valet his car keys and he slips his hand into mine, squeezing it.
I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. It feels overwhelming. As we’re guided through the restaurant I walk right behind Austin at his heels. Half of my face is covered with his arm and I can see my dad and his girlfriend. She’s pretty, young, and blonde. Her smile is white and radiates such a glow my stomach aches. I don't want her to be ugly or horrible, but I just don't want to like her.
I don't want to like her more than the faded memories I have with my mom.
When we make it to the table, they both stand up, "Emma this is Holly, Holly this is my daughter."
She gives me a warm smile, "It's a pleasure to meet you." I can't say the same, so I just smile back at her. That’s enough right? It isn't exactly rude. Her eyes go to Austin's and she scans him a little too close for my comfort. I decide to speak up, "This is my boyfriend, Austin."
She keeps her eyes on him before asking, "Austin as in Austin Jacobs the writer?"
Austin smiles that million-dollar smile that warms my heart every single time he uses it on me. When he smiles that way, his dimple pops out and if I'm being honest, I'm having an affair with that dimple. It irritates me even more that he’s giving her that smile, but it’s only the mere mention of his work. It’s his second love. And I guess I’m the first?