by Karla Lopez
He smirks, "Yeah, I bet you thought I didn't know, but I do. I know that you're a fucking pussy to not know how to do it right. I know you overdosed too. What's a matter son, you don't know how to fucking snort properly."
"Why do you hate me so much? I'm your son, your own blood—" he cuts me off with a slap on his desk.
"I don't give a fuck that you're my son. You are a fucking disgrace. I wish you were never born. Your mother always wanted you, but I secretly always hoped she couldn't bear any children.
The anger inside of me boils to a raging point, "You disgusting motherfucker. You don't deserve anything you have. You are such a prick and I'm telling you now this is your last warning. Stay away from my sister or I'll fucking take her. Don't test me. I'm not a small boy anymore."
"Careful son your addiction is starting to show." I turn to make my way to the door when his voice stops me dead in my tracks, "When I first heard you overdose from Liam's frantic call all I could do was pray that you would die."
My fingers press hard into the wood of the door frame as I turn my head slightly towards him, "Maybe I will." And with lose last words I walk out from one hell to another.
Emma
"WOW. SHE CAME OUT of the mountains to actually hang with her best friend." I roll my eyes hard at Lauren as she sits across from me at the coffee house near our school. "So, how’s married life treating you?"
I scowl at her, "We're not married."
"Mhm, could have fooled me. I thought by now you would at least be pregnant."
"Lauren shut up don't even say that." She laughs loud drawing attention towards us as I smile across the room green eyes meet my vision.
My chest tightens with anger at the green eyes making eye contact with me and my smile vanishes. I just want to scream and throw my coffee at him and so much more for what he did to Austin. Kyle gets up with easiness and he makes his way to us. My blood begins to boil more and more as he gets closer. "What's wrong?" I hear Lauren say, but I don't pay attention to her. I just see green haunted eyes.
Before Kyle gets a chance to open his mouth, I yank him by the arm and out the door. I decide that I'm not one to make a scene even in my state of rage. "Just know I hate you. And I want you nowhere near me or especially Austin. I want you as far away as you can go. I never want to see you again."
"He told you," He whispers sadly, and I don't answer knowing he didn't need me to confirm it. My heart aches for a moment from the sadness in his voice, "I'll stay away from the both of you Emma, but just so you know I was a kid too. I didn't know any better. He was mentally abusing me into doing it."
"You Kyle know better more than anyone that you should have stopped it considering you saw your dad abuse your mom."
"Fuck, Emma, don't you think I know that. I have to live every day with what I did."
"Yeah, well guess what so does Austin. And he went through a bigger hell than you can imagine."
"You're right. I'm sorry Emma. I truly am." He leans over into my space and I feel his lips on my forehead as he whispers, "I love you."
I freeze as he walks away, my heart on overdrive. I feel the hot tears running down my face as I yearn for another man's broken soul.
∞∞∞
It's been two weeks since I saw Kyle or pretty much Austin as well. He hasn't been around much. He comes home when I'm already in bed he always refuses to make eye contact with me in the morning. And he hasn't touched me since a little after our Bora Bora trip. I would never think Austin is cheating on me, but I can't shake off the feeling that he is hiding something. He locks himself in the bathroom for a while or his office. I worry about him, but I'm trying not to push.
I'm in bed alone again waiting on him to come home. I hear the door to our bedroom open as he walks in breathing heavy. I don't turn. I can hear him take off his clothes, then the bed dips under his weight. I feel strong warm arms around me, "Hey, baby."
I turn my body and look into his eyes. His eyes are really dark, darker than usual, but I don't know if it's from the lights being off. I kiss him, hard. My body and heart missing him from being absent. Heat bubbles up in my core as I slide my hand into his boxers and grab his hard length. He grabs my wrist stopping me, "Not tonight baby."
I stare at him feeling rejected and embarrassed, especially because he's really hard. "I don't get it. You're turned on?"
"Yeah, but I'm tired." He closes his eyes and ignores that I'm not done talking.
"Yeah. Well, you've been pretty tired lately."
"Fuck. Emma don't start." I get up from the bed to make my way out the door, my irritation only growing stronger around him. "Baby, where are you going?"
"Away from you." I slam our bedroom door harder than intended and I wait. I wait for him to come after me, but he never comes. The irritation grows into hurt that he's acting this way after everything we've been through. Maybe he's hit his limit of feelings.
I make my way to his office where all my curiosity is at peak of wanting to know what he does in here. I look through his computer seeing nothing, I look through his drawers and all around his desk coming up empty. When I close the last top drawer, a pen gets caught with something on the top of the drawer. I slide my hand to feel what it is, and I feel plastic. I tear the plastic and as my vision connects with the four baggies I'm holding. The white powder visible and my whole body feels frozen to the spot that I don't hear Austin walk in.
Austin
I see Emma sitting at my desk with my coke resting in her hand. I should be fearful or frantic that Emma found my stash, but I'm not. I really don't give a fuck. I came to the conclusion and made peace with the fact that I'll never be happy. Drugs make me temporarily happy because they make my pain go away. So does Emma, maybe she's a drug too. Or a fragment of my imagination. Imagine how fucked up it would be to wake up from the high and find out all this was a lie. That Emma wasn't my saving grace and in reality, I'm a hopeless fuck high off his ass. What a life.
Tears build up in her eyes. Tears that should affect me, but don't. Sorry baby, I had to choose one drug for the night.
"A—Austin," her voice is strain against her throat, but I ignore her and walk toward the front door. The feelings inside me are dead. I love Emma so much, but I am self-destructive, and I'd rather walk away than have her endure the high me. It isn't fair to her, sometimes I wish I would have been strong enough to let her go. She's too good. Even with all her flaws and fears, she's still too good. It's like Emma became my own form of punishment rather than a blessing.
"Austin, you can't just walk away. Talk to me." I continue to ignore her as I walk out the front door with my keys and wallet. It's freezing outside the bitter wind hits my face instantly feeling my cheeks flush. "Austin." My name comes out strained out of her lips again and I can't help it, the part of me that feels turns around. I look into her glossy honey eyes where the light within them has dimmed. That's what I do to people, I take their shine. I did the same to Liam, now he's a mess not being able to cope with his emotions. I know deep down a part of him hates me, it's okay I hate me too.
"You can't walk away when things get hard. It's my life too you know."
"Life isn't hard Emma, it's brutal. And I'm not going to make it any easier, there's going to be a time in our life together that you're going to resent me. I'm a fucking mess, Emma, don't you get that." I walk over to my car by the curb and I feel Emma pull my arm.
"Where are you going?"
"I need time to think," I answer without hesitation. Her eyes gloss over again with unshed tears, that's what I do to her. I make her cry. I just hurt people. I hurt her.
"Think about what? Us? Are you coming back? Austin, you're scaring me."
"I can't fucking function right now. We'll talk tomorrow." I stare her right in the eye and I let her see everything. I know I'm lying; I'm not coming back. I know I'm weak and pathetic and she can see all that now. There's no hope in my eyes, there's no light. They're dead like my soul.
Emma
I can see it in
his eyes the loss of life in them. What happened? What pushed him over the edge? Was it me, was it confessing to me? I don't know what to do to make him stop, make him think, make him understand that it’s the drugs talking. "Austin, please come inside." I hate the desperation in my voice, I'm not weak, but I truly sound like it. He stares at me for the longest second. I see a light shine on his eyes when I realize its headlights, I turn my head towards them.
The headlights get closer and closer and before I can comprehend what’s happening the world tilts on its axis. I see everything around me spin, I feel the pain hit my hip first, then my shoulder. I hear a crack and wheels screeching and the smell of burnt tire assaults my nose. My head hits something solid, hard, maybe a wall, or the ground. My vision goes burry with the impact and I see a shadow walk over to me, but I can't keep my eyes open any longer. Before my world turns black, I see haunting ocean eyes staring down at me.
Emma
I WAKE UP TO a beeping sound that only gets louder as I become more and more awake. Before I open my eyes, I hear murmuring around me, but I can't make out the voices. The throbbing in my head is hard to ignore, the more I wake the more the pain intensifies. My whole body feels so heavy and sore like I worked out nonstop for days. I lazily open my eyes and I groan when the lights hit them, my eyes burn to the sensation and a throbbing pain shoots from my head. I whimper in pain, then I hear my dad's voice next to my ear, "Hey, baby, you're awake. You're awake."
I try to talk, but there's a tube in my mouth I hadn't notice before, I start to cough wanting it out of my throat. "Hey, Emma, I got you. We're going to remove the tube, stay calm please," an unfamiliar voice says next to me. I open my eyes again to see a white ceiling and the beeping sound still loud, it’s becoming louder. "Hey, Emma, I need you to calm down okay." I let a gush of air out my lips when they pull the tube from my throat. I cough feeling a chocking in my throat as I try to breathe through it.
A straw is in my mouth next and I'm instructed to suck. Freshwater hits my taste buds. I look around the room adjusting to my surroundings. I see my dad first next to me, his worried eyes on me, on the other side what I assume to be a doctor is next to me. A nurse stands next to her and at the foot of my bed my two uncles Jessie and Jamie are there. Their eyes, red and puffy and focused on me.
I feel like the giant elephant in the room. I keep searching the room, for my broken ocean eyes, but they're nowhere to be found.
"Emma, can you speak?" I nod in response, not using my voice scared I can't actually talk. "Do you know where you're at? And please use words."
I look around me again just to make sure, the pain in my head still lingering, "A—a hospital." My voice comes out foreign and raspy.
"Do you know why you're in a hospital," I stare at her for a moment, the memories of Austin and I fighting outside. He was high and then the lights. The lights got closer until they weren't there anymore.
"An accident. We got hit by a car."
"We? Who's we Emma?" I look at her in confusion, she must not be his doctor.
"Austin. He was with me. He got hit too. He was standing right next to me." The doctor makes eye contact with my dad, confusion clear on both their faces.
"Baby, who's Austin?" I stare at my dad to see if he's making a sick joke, but his confusion only grows.
"Austin, dad. My boyfriend. The guy I've been living with for months."
My dad jerks back as if the confusion hit him harder in the face. Everyone looks at each other like I've grown three heads. "What's going on? Where is he?" My dad continues to stare at me with pity and confusion.
"Baby, I don't know who Austin is. You still live with us. You were the only one in the accident. You were walking home from the coffee shop when an older man hit you. He fell asleep at the wheel. Baby, Austin isn't someone we know."
I jerk back now. I don't understand what's happening. I try to rack through my brain and all the memories I ever shared with Austin run through my head like a movie. The pain in my head only grows and the sound of the beeping increases. "Emma, you need to calm down." The pain in my head is sharp that I grab my head and start to cry.
Austin isn't real?
To be Continued...
Thank you to my readers for being interested and reading my story. Thank you for sharing this moment with me. These characters are the first characters I have ever created so, thank you for being a part of their world. I hope that you got lost and loved the characters as much as I do. They hold a special place in my heart.
Thank you to my amazing editor Katie Tyler! You went above and beyond your role. You were there for me just to lean on. You always encouraged me and for that I’ll be forever grateful for you. You answered all my questions and helped me through decisions without judgment. I couldn’t have done it without you! Again, thank you for being you. You helped me make my dream come true therefore, you’ll forever have a special place in my heart.
Thank you to my mama who encouraged me since I can remember to be who I was meant to be without question. Thank you for letting me be me. I know I’m different and you never made me feel like I was. Some might say you protected me too much, but I think you made me stronger. Thank you for listening to me hours on end about this book and being excited for me. To my dad as well. You might not be as involved with what’s actually in my book, but you’ve always allowed me to be me. You’ve never made my dream any less. Thank you for believing in me through it all. Without question you always put me first. I want to thank my sisters too. Alexa thank you for listening to me nonstop about my stress and my excitement. You just being there is everything. Kristiel thank you for being my twin and understanding my love for writing. We might be different, but when it comes to writing you get it. You share the same dream and thank you for believing in me. Just as much as I believe in you.
Thank you to the first person who read this story, Camila. You are the purest and kindest friend I could ever ask for. Because of this story I gained you as a best friend and for that I’m forever grateful. You read this story unfiltered and unedited and you still loved it. You continue to help me and give me pointers and that means more than you will ever know. Thank you for loving Emma and Austin as much as I do. Thank you for being someone I can lean on through this process and basically anything. You will forever hold a special place in my heart.
Yesly, thank you for pushing me to put my story out there. You didn’t even know what the story was about, but you just wanted to see my dream unfold and I’m so grateful for you. Thank you for listening to me for hours about the story and taking the time to read it. I know your team Kyle and I hope you won’t kill me with the next book. Thank you for being my best friend and helping my dream come true.
A huge thank you to my best friend Bianca. You asked me every single day as I wrote and edited the story about it. Those little things mean the world to me especially because I know you don’t like reading. I know you’ll read my book because I wrote it and you’re the best human anyone could ask for. Your encouraging words helped me through moments where I was so stressed, and you reminded me why I was writing, and I always go back to that.
A huge thank you to the girls who helped me make this happen Alycia, Nicoleta, Elena, and Kenzie. You girls rock for helping me so much. Alycia, you were one of my first followers on my book account and you’ve been my number one supporter since then. Thank you for taking the time to read and help proofread. Also, thank you for all your comments and sharing how much you loved it. I’m so grateful for you. Nicoleta, you’re an angel sent. I swear you helped me so much with proofreading, but you went above and beyond. You wrote your thoughts on every chapter and I loved them. You had me laughing and your emotions were so contagious. Thank you for falling in love with the story and oh especially Austin. Elena, thank you for every single thing you did for me. From answering questions, giving your opinion, and helping with headers. Seriously, I’m forever grateful for all your help. I wouldn’t be able to do it without you. I admire you so much a
s a reader and friend! Kenzie, thank you for all your thoughts and offering so much help. I appreciate you so much.
A special thank you to my bookstagram family from all around the world. Without you guys I wouldn’t be able to do it. Thank you for your interest, love, and support. You all hold a special place in my heart. You all know who you are.
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