The Mockingbird's Song

by Wanda E. Brunstetter, Kristin Billerbeck, Kristy Dykes, Aisha Ford, Birdie L. Etchison, Pamela Griffin, Joyce Livingston, Tamela Hancock Murray

  Belinda glanced at Amy and Sylvia, who were now working together to set the table. My concentration needs to be on my children—helping Amy plan for her wedding; supporting Sylvia in every way I can; and guiding and directing Henry’s life so he grows up to be a responsible, Christian man. I also have an obligation to be a good grandmother to my four precious grandchildren.

  Belinda prayed daily for her children and the little ones. Although she fell short at times, she always tried to set a good example. Even Ezekiel, who’d become a minister in his church district, needed her prayers. Last night before going to bed, Ezekiel had spoken to Belinda about Henry, and the fact that he still harbored bitterness because Ezekiel hadn’t moved back to Strasburg.

  She closed her eyes briefly and offered a quick prayer. Lord, help me to keep my focus on You first and then on my dear family. Please guide and direct my life in the days ahead, and give me the wisdom to provide for my children and grandchildren whatever they require—whether it be physical, emotional, or spiritual needs.

  It had been two days since Ezekiel and his family left Strasburg, and Belinda felt the emptiness in her house, all the way to her bones. When there weren’t chores to do, Henry had his nose in some book or magazine about birds. Amy spent every free moment working on her wedding dress and making lists that pertained to her and Jared’s special day. Belinda helped with some of those lists, but when it came to her wedding dress, Amy wanted to do it by herself. Allen had come down with a bad cold yesterday, so Sylvia kept busy taking care of him and trying to keep her active little girl out of things.

  Belinda felt at loose ends and found herself wishing she could move time forward to spring. She needed to be busy and missed working in the greenhouse. It had kept her mind from dwelling on the huge void in her life since Vernon and Abe had died. Work also helped Belinda not to dwell on the fact that Ezekiel and his family lived so far away and she didn’t get to see them often enough.

  “I have myself to blame for that, because I insisted that he remain in Clymer, even when he offered to move back here to help out,” Belinda whispered as she finished putting their clean dishes from lunch in the cupboard.

  She closed the cabinet door, and was about to leave the kitchen, when she heard a horse’s whinny outside.

  Belinda went to the window and looked out. A horse and buggy she recognized as belonging to Monroe pulled up to the hitching rail. She saw the horse’s breath as it stomped at the rail, sending a few hunks of snow into the air.

  Henry wandered into the kitchen and opened up one of the cupboard doors. “I heard a horse and carriage come up the driveway. Who’s here?”

  “Monroe pulled in, and he’s getting out of his buggy.” Belinda turned away from the window and glanced at her son.

  Henry grimaced, while he got out a box of crackers. “Oh great. Not my favorite person,” he mumbled. “Why is he here?”

  “Probably came to visit.” Or try to sway me into letting him do some work, and then I’ll feel obligated to feed Monroe and let him stay around the rest of the evening.

  Henry stepped up next to her and looked out the window. “He’s tromping the snow down by his rig, and now he’s moving gingerly in this direction. If you need me, I’ll be in my room—so you and Mr. Esh can chat with each other without me here to listen and get sickened.”

  “Henry, I can’t believe you said that. I do appreciate you letting me speak to Monroe alone, however.” She gave his shoulder a tap. “What I have to say to Mr. Esh is a private matter.”

  He nodded and hurried from the room.

  She moved away from the window and waited for Monroe by the back door. It would be weird for her to tell this man twice in his lifetime that she didn’t share the same feelings for him as he did her. Belinda almost felt sorry for putting Monroe through it again, now, years later. But the fact of the matter was she wasn’t ready to move on, especially under a timetable of less than a year. And my children are not ready for that either.

  Having Monroe show up now was the opportunity Belinda had been waiting for, so she would gather up her courage and deal with the uncomfortable situation. Even though she’d been in black dresses since the accident, apparently it hadn’t seemed to affect Monroe’s way of thinking, because he seemed not to waver at coming by and visiting as usual.

  Belinda stood off to one side of the door and listened as heavy footsteps clomped up the stairs and onto the porch. She waited for the knock before opening the door.

  “Good afternoon, Belinda. How’s your day been going so far?” Monroe greeted her with a cheerful smile and a slight tip of his head.

  “So far so good.” Belinda opened the door wider and stepped aside. “Won’t you come in out of the cold?”

  “Of course.” He glanced toward the kitchen doorway. “I hope I’m not interrupting your middaagesse.”

  She shook her head. “We ate lunch an hour ago, and I just put away the last of our clean dishes.”

  Monroe’s shoulder drooped a bit, and he made a strange noise in his throat. “Oh, I see.”

  Belinda figured he’d probably hoped for an invitation to join them for the noon meal. “I’m surprised you’re not at work.” She pulled out a chair at the table and gestured for him to take a seat.

  He removed his hat and jacket before responding. Once seated, Monroe looked up at Belinda and said, “I checked in at the shop to make sure things were running smoothly this morning, and everything was going fine.”

  “So what brings you by here this afternoon?” she asked.

  “Came to see you and make sure you and your family are doing all right.” He glanced at the kitchen door, as though expecting someone to walk through it. “Did your oldest son and his family go home?”

  “Jah, they left two days ago.”

  “That’s good. I—I meant to say it’s good that they could spend Grischdaag with you.”

  She gave a nod. “Our Christmas wouldn’t have been the same without them.”

  “Makes sense. If I had a family like yours, I’d want to spend time with them too.” Monroe blinked rapidly as he stared at Belinda. “You’re still just as pretty as the day we first met.”

  She flapped her hand in his direction. “Need I remind you that we knew each other when we were children attending school together?”

  “I know very well when we met and need no reminder.” His brown eyes seemed to grow even darker as he continued to gaze at her. “You were a pretty girl then, and grew more beautiful when you became a young woman. I envied Vernon when you chose him over me.”

  Belinda felt the heat of a flush creep across her cheeks and radiate down to her neck. She was not used to receiving such compliments and didn’t know quite how to respond.

  “Sorry for making you blush. I just wanted you to know how I felt back then…and even now. I’d like to think I might have a chance for a future with you, Belinda, and—”

  Belinda held up her trembling hand. “Please don’t say anything more, Monroe. You must realize that I’m still in mourning.” She pointed to her black dress.

  “I am well aware, but in four more months, it’ll be a year since Vernon’s death, and—”

  Belinda shook her head determinedly. “While that is true, it won’t change the way I feel about my late husband, or about you.”

  Laying a hand against his chest, Monroe drew a noisy breath. “I understand, and if my coming around so often is a problem, then I’ll back off.” A slight smile formed on his lips. “I’m a patient man, so I will wait till you’re not wearing mourning clothes and feel ready to begin a new relationship.”

  Belinda pressed her lips together tightly. Doesn’t this man understand? Why is he not getting it?

  She cleared her throat and looked directly at him. “I may never be ready to begin a new relationship, Monroe.”

  “Then again, after some time’s passed, you might change your mind.”

  This man is relentless. I hope I don’t weaken and give in to his influence. “Althou
gh anything is possible, it’s doubtful that I will ever change my mind, Monroe. I loved my husband very much and still do.” She paused to collect her thoughts and make sure her words were spoken correctly. “I hope you understand, but it would be in everyone’s best interest if you didn’t come around asking about us.”

  He winced, as though he’d been slapped. “I’ve only asked about you because I care and am worried about your welfare. And I thought maybe now that Vernon is gone, I might have a chance with you.”

  “I appreciate your concern, but as I said before—”

  “There’s no need to say another word. I understand completely.” Monroe pushed back his chair and stood. “I won’t come around anymore unless I need to buy something from the greenhouse.” He hurried from the room so quickly Belinda didn’t have a chance to say anything else.

  When she heard the back door open and click shut, she lowered her head and closed her eyes. She’d hurt Monroe’s feelings and felt bad about that, but it was necessary to let him know where he stood. Unless sometime in the future Belinda changed her mind, she would never have a relationship with Monroe Esh. From some of the things he had said, it almost seemed as if he’d been waiting for Vernon to die.

  She pulled her fingers into her palms. Oh, surely that couldn’t be possible. No decent man would wait for a woman in hopes that her husband would pass away.

  “Did we have company?” Sylvia asked when she entered the kitchen a few minutes later. “I heard a horse and buggy pull into the yard, and then you speaking to Henry briefly. After that, I thought I heard you talking to someone else in here.”

  Belinda turned to face her daughter. “It was Monroe.”

  Sylvia frowned. “What did he want this time?”

  “Said he came by to see how we were doing, and he seemed disappointed that we’d already eaten lunch.”

  Sylvia’s gaze lifted upward. “That’s not such a surprise. Whenever he comes around it’s usually close to mealtime.”

  “Well, he won’t be coming here again unless it’s to buy something from the greenhouse.”

  “Oh?”

  Belinda pointed to a chair at the table. “Have a seat and I’ll tell you about it.”

  Sylvia did as asked, and Belinda sat in the chair beside her. She quickly went over everything that had transpired while Monroe was there. “I think I hurt his feelings, though.”

  Sylvia leaned close and gave Belinda a hug. “You did the right thing, Mom. I’m glad he took it so well and agreed to back off.”

  “I’m not really sure that he did take it well, but at least I finally got up the courage to speak my mind. By inviting Monroe to join us for meals and such, it probably seemed to him that I was interested in a personal relationship that could eventually lead to marriage.” Belinda sighed. “There’s a fine line between being courteous to people, and showing them so much kindness that they take advantage or expect something of you in return. I think that’s what happened where Monroe was concerned. My being friendly and nice made him believe that he might have a future with me. And the fact that he’d mentioned that in four more months it’ll be a year since your daed’s death made me even more eager to put a stop to his pursuing me.”

  “I can’t imagine you being married to someone other than Dad. It wouldn’t seem right for another man to move in here and take over the role of your husband.”

  Belinda gave a nod. “I love your daed very much, and always will.”

  “I understand, because that’s the way I feel about Toby. No one could ever take his place in my heart.”

  “I understand, Daughter. I wholeheartedly understand.”

  “What a lousy day I’ve had,” Virginia mumbled. She’d decided to make something new for supper, and it was taking longer than she’d anticipated. Earl won’t be happy if he comes home and there’s nothing ready to eat.

  The lamb roast she’d bought yesterday wasn’t a tender cut, so she’d chopped it into smaller chunks to hurry it up. The microwave had been acting funny, so Virginia had put the baking potatoes in the oven, but they still weren’t ready to serve.

  Virginia walked from the kitchen out to the living room. Looking at the front door, she stepped out onto the porch for some fresh air. She saw Amy come out of the house and get into an Amish buggy. The man with her looked familiar. Hey, isn’t that the fellow who reroofed our garage? Virginia stared intently. Yep, I think it is him.

  Virginia had met Jared when he’d come over to give them an estimate and had spoken to him again during the roofing process. He seemed like a nice young man, although she still wasn’t too sure about the Amish people in general. In fact, when she had first seen Jared’s horse and buggy parked in her and Earl’s driveway, she’d nearly freaked, hoping the beast didn’t do his business right there on the concrete. Virginia had felt sorry for the horse in a way. The poor animal having to work like it did, hauling people and work supplies around every day, seemed like animal abuse.

  But then what do I really know about horses? she mused. Virginia had heard it said that horses, like mules, were beasts of burden and didn’t mind the hard work of pulling a wagon or carriage.

  I just don’t get the whole Plain life those Amish people live. Yet they seem content with it. Shaking her head, Virginia moved away from the porch railing and went back into the house. After checking the potatoes and seeing that they still weren’t done, she picked up her cell phone and called Earl. She wanted to catch him before he headed home from work.

  Virginia punched in her husband’s number and a few seconds later, he answered. “What’s up, Virginia?”

  “Well, the meal I thought would be good tonight isn’t cooking so well, and it’s taking longer than I expected.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ll pick up some take-out when I’m done here, which should be soon.”

  “Oh, that would be nice, because the oven isn’t heating up well, and I’m sure that our microwave is completely shot.”

  “That’s a bummer. Appliances don’t last like they used to, and it may mean we’ll have to buy a new microwave, or even another oven. I’ll take a look at both when I get home. Gotta go for now, though. See you soon, Virginia.”

  “Okay, bye.” She clicked off the phone and took a seat at the table. It didn’t seem like Earl was upset, and for that, she was relieved. It never ceased to amaze Virginia how calm and understanding her husband could be.

  Since Earl would be bringing take-out home, there was no point in having the oven on. She turned it off, took the still-undercooked potatoes out of the oven and threw them in the garbage. By tomorrow evening, she’d hopefully have a new microwave, and then she could at least heat up something for them to eat.

  Sylvia stood in the barn beside her horse, Sugar, wondering if she would ever work up the courage to take the mare out by herself. After Toby’s death, Sylvia had sold his horse to her neighbors, Enos and Sharon Zook, who also kept an eye on her place. Henry had brought her horse over to Mom’s place, where she’d been put in the barn. In the nine months Toby had been gone, Sylvia hadn’t taken the horse out even once. Henry kept Sugar exercised and often took her on the road to run errands or make deliveries. Since he had no horse of his own and complained about Mom’s horse being too slow, the arrangement for him to use Sylvia’s mare had worked out well so far.

  The thought of taking her horse and buggy out on the road by herself sent shivers of apprehension up Sylvia’s spine. Although their family members’ deaths hadn’t been the fault of her father’s horse, the reality was that a horse and buggy couldn’t compete with the power of a truck or any other motorized vehicle. One never knew what a vehicle on the road might do. Sylvia’s sister could attest to that. While riding in Jared’s carriage this past fall, a car driven by a teenage boy had spooked the horse, which could have ended in disaster. Fortunately, Jared had managed to get his horse under control before an accident occurred.

  Sylvia gave Sugar’s flanks a gentle pat. “I’m sorry if it seems like I’ve
abandoned you.”

  The horse’s ears flicked as if she was listening.

  “Maybe someday, if I ever get over my fear of a potential accident, I’ll take you for a ride somewhere.”

  “Let’s do it now.”

  Sylvia whirled around at the sound of her sister’s voice. “Ach, you startled me.”

  “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to sneak up on you. I figured you would hear the barn door open and close.”

  Sylvia shook her head. “I didn’t hear you come in at all.”

  Amy put her hand against the small of Sylvia’s back. “If you want to go somewhere with the horse and buggy, I’ll ride along to help bolster your confidence.”

  Sylvia clutched her woolen shawl tightly around her neck. “I’d like to go over to my house and check on things, but I don’t have the nerve to be the one in control of my gaul. When I first came out here to the barn, I thought maybe I could do it, but I didn’t get Sugar any farther than taking her out of the stall and putting on her bridles before I realized that I’m definitely not ready.” She paused to draw in a quick breath. “Even though Mom said she would watch the kinner while I was gone, I think I’ll wait till Henry gets back from Seth’s and see if he’s willing to go over to the house with me. Of course, he will have to drive my horse.”

  “I can be in the driver’s seat, and I’m more than willing to go over to the house with you.”

  “But I thought you were working on wedding plans this morning.”

  “I was, but I didn’t plan to work on my lists all day.” Amy glanced toward the front windows of the barn. “Since the snow we had at Christmas is almost gone, now’s the perfect time to make the two-mile trip to your place. With this being the third week in January, you never know what kind of weather awaits us, so we need to take advantage of the nice day we’re having.”