Muse

by M. Lynne Cunning

  “I’ll let you two talk about whatever it is women talk about.” Dean squeezed her hand before getting to his feet. As he slung his laptop bag onto his shoulder and plucked his to-go cup from the table, he set his eyes on Lauren once more. “Please let Libby know it was a pleasure to meet her. See you in class tomorrow, Sarah.” She watched him turn and walk out of the cafe, the bell above the door sending a shrill toll throughout the room. She then turned to see Libby receive her change back from the barista and head back to the table, a to-go cup in hand.

  “Where’d he go?” Libby asked, staring at the closed door as though it held the answer.

  “He wanted to work on his assignment, I think,” Lauren lied. Well, maybe he was, but she was convinced he’d departed in that moment so she would be left with their conversation on her mind. Had he been joking when he questioned whether or not there was something going on between them? Surely, he must have been.

  “Oh.” Libby pulled the third chair back to the table beside them and sat down in the one Dean had vacated. “Well, that means we can talk about him now, at least. I think he likes you, you know.” Libby’s eyes lit up like a hopeless romantic watching the ending of a chick flick. Lauren loved romanticizing things just as much as the next person, but it was a little different when the subject was yourself. And the love interest wasn’t your husband.

  “I thought we were going to discuss the new assignment, or even something class related?” Her coffee was growing cold, but Lauren didn’t care. She took a sip from it to gain a few moments to plan how best to steer the conversation in another direction. Libby, however, had plans of her own.

  “Come on, Sarah, he’s interested in you. Who wants to discuss class and assignments when we can sit here, get a caffeine jolt, and talk about him and how he’s been keeping an eye on you?”

  Lauren shook her head, but was admittedly a bit amused. “You’re being dramatic.”

  “No, I’m being honest. You’re being blind. Besides, we’re women, aren’t we supposed to be dramatic?” Libby laughed, shaking her finger at Lauren in mock scolding.

  Lauren held her hands up in surrender. “We were partners in class once, so now we should hook up?” She chuckled.

  “Everyone knows you two wrote that sexy little assignment Anthony was raving about.”

  Libby’s revelation made Lauren stop and think. How did everyone know that? Anthony must have told someone or made reference to them in some way. However, the more she thought about it, she had to ask herself, why did it matter? Why keep hidden the fact that she and Dean had written such a beautiful piece of work? Did it hurt anyone to know they were the creators of it?

  “I didn’t realize it was public knowledge,” Lauren said.

  “Oh, trust me, it is.”

  “We followed the instructions and wrote a poem. It wasn’t a big clandestine affair.” She tried to make light of it, shrugging before taking another drink of her cold coffee.

  “Are you seeing anybody?”

  Lauren watched Libby’s gaze drift to her hands wrapped around the cup in front of her. For the second time that day, she found herself unsure of what to say. She knew the correct answer, the right thing to do. What she needed to do was be honest with Libby and Dean and tell them her name wasn’t Sarah. She had a husband at home in Texas and she was struggling to play the part of her main character in her novel in real life as a way of seeing how she reacted in everyday situations.

  She should be honest with everyone, including herself. This was a bad idea that had already gone too far, she just hadn’t realized how far it had gone until she made the awful decision to remove her wedding ring. She’d only been gone from Texas for five days and she’d already stripped herself of her wedding band. That should have been a warning bell that it was time to call off the game and come clean with everyone around her.

  Instead, she swallowed what little respect she had left for herself and looked at Libby with a defiant glare. “No, but that’s not really the point, now is it?” There it was, a lie to someone who wanted to be her friend in this vast city where she knew no one and still had months to go by herself.

  She wanted to tell Libby the truth, she really did, but there was no way she could let the facade down and ruin her chances of being able to write again. Being Sarah was the most eye-opening, creative endeavor she had experienced yet, if she didn’t count her collaboration with Dean. She needed to be Sarah right now, even if it was the wrong thing for her to do. The truth could surface later, but right now was not the time to destroy the scenario she’d unknowingly created. It was only temporary, and she reminded herself of that. It wasn’t as if anyone would get hurt.

  Libby arched a brow. “Then what is the point?”

  Lauren drew herself up and rested her elbows on the table. “If he’s interested in me, who’s to say I’m interested in him?”

  Libby snickered, leaning forward to match her pose. “I don’t even know you, Sarah, but I’m calling your bluff.”

  “You think I’m interested in Dean?”

  Libby nodded matter-of-factly. “Any woman who has ever been interested in a man would know that you are, so yes, I suppose I do.” She grinned back at Lauren, giving her a stare that dared her to deny it.

  Lauren pursed her lips together. “Well, Libby, it seems as though you think you’ve got me pretty figured out.”

  “Sarah, I might know you better than you think.”

  Lauren didn’t blink, giving Libby the opportunity to say more, but instead she pushed her hands against the table and got to her feet.

  “Just go out with him, will you?” she said as she pulled her jacket back on. “You’ll never know if there’s really something there until you do.”

  “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” After a pause, Lauren added, “I’ll think about it.”

  Libby rolled her eyes as she picked up her coffee from the table and turned to leave.

  “Just do it. Seriously, what harm could it do?”

  CHAPTER 13

  Libby’s words seemed to haunt Lauren as the next few days passed by. Dean didn’t make it any easier on her, choosing to seek her out before each class and sit beside her. The same amused grin was plastered on his face each time he took his seat.

  “Trying to dissuade me from sitting with you, Sarah?” he asked her once as he pulled his notebook and pen from the depths of his laptop bag.

  It was all Lauren could do to keep from blushing. It wasn’t so much that she didn’t want to be near Dean, quite the opposite actually. Her movements around the room to see if he would follow were a test of sorts, a challenge to see his reaction to the distance she kept between them. So far, Dean was playing right into her hand. She couldn’t deny he was attracted to her. She couldn’t deny her attraction to him either, for that matter, but her focus on him was largely for the purpose of her novel.

  Sarah wanted a man like Dean, and if leading him on a little was the only way to use him and gain leeway in the completion of her book, she would do it. In a few months, she would head home and never see him again anyway. It was college, and she knew enough about the typical college lifestyle to know she wasn’t the only one out there using someone on campus to get what she needed. What she needed just happened to be something completely different from what the typical college student was looking for. It wasn’t her usual style, and she didn’t particularly like the fact that she was using someone as nice as Dean the way she was. Perhaps Sarah was a bit more vindictive than Lauren thought she was.

  “Just trying to find my place in this room, I suppose.”

  “Your place is wherever the pen in your hand or the keys under your fingers takes you,” Dean said with a grin. “Wherever that is, I still hope I can be somewhere close by.”

  What a thoughtful thing to say. She made a mental note to use it in her novel later that night. Dean always seemed to come up with the most poetic things to say. His words had been repeated on the pages she wrote numerous times in the past few days
. Though not formally partners in their creative writing class for the last few assignments, Lauren couldn’t help but consult Dean and his creative mind. It was intriguing how the two of them could receive the same assignment from Anthony and yet submit two very different assignments based on their interpretation of the instructions.

  “I think you should go out with me sometime, Sarah.” Dean was leaning sideways in his chair just after class. His legs were sprawled out in front of him and he turned his head to catch Lauren’s gaze in his. It wasn’t the first time those words had formed on his lips, and Lauren was aware he was once again preparing himself for her to reject his proposal.

  “We’ve been through this, Dean.” Lauren attempted to give him a half smile, not wanting to be rude as she let him down as gently as she could. “You’re great, I’ve told you that. I just can’t go out with anyone right now. I have to focus on the course and my writing. That’s why I'm here.”

  Dean’s eyes glinted with a hint of humor. “Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard you telling me that. However, I’m here for the same reasons you are, Sarah. Meeting someone like you at the same time just wasn’t a part of the enrollment package I had expected.”

  When he said things like that, it became more and more difficult for her to ignore his advances. Lauren couldn’t deny their connection, both physically and creatively. She may have been playing hard to get, leading him on unfairly, but she knew she was giving him subtle signals and vague comments that were feeding his attraction and coaxing him to continue his quest to take their relationship beyond the literary level. The thing was, Lauren was beginning to find fewer and fewer reasons to ignore him any longer. Sure, she was still married to her husband and still living under the pretense of being someone else entirely, but she was beginning to feel that she was getting better at it, somehow able to distinguish between the actions Lauren was taking and the ones done by Sarah.

  The guilt she’d been plagued by in her first days of being in New York had been replaced by excitement and intrigue by the situation she’d never planned on putting herself in. As chapter upon chapter of her novel poured from her each evening as she sat in front of her computer monitor, she felt unstoppable, almost invincible. She had Dean to thank for that, but ultimately the drive and bravery had come from Sarah.

  Sarah. The woman with an abundance of confidence, an appeal that made men stop and take notice of her, and a drive to get what she truly wanted from life. Sarah and Lauren were nothing alike.

  “It’s been three weeks since classes started,” Dean said. “Go out with me once. You never know, you might enjoy yourself. Then I’ll let you get back home to that book you’re always slaving away on.” During one of their impromptu conversations between classes, Lauren had surprised herself by confiding in Dean about the novel she’d been writing. She had to be careful not to mention the previous book she’d written and published, needing to hide her true identity, but she’d felt relief at being able to discuss the romantic plot line so openly.

  “You’ll not stop at only going out once, Dean,” Lauren admonished.

  “You mean I’ll be begging for more? How self-assured you are.” His eyes shone with mischief as Lauren tapped her pen against her chin, her amusement outlined on her face.

  “I meant that you’re persistent enough, you won’t stop if I agree to go out with you one time.”

  “I won’t stop if you don’t either. Humor me, Sarah. One date.”

  A heavy silence fell between them as she searched his eyes for the answer. In them, she saw only determination. He was sure he had her. Lauren, on the other hand, could hear the small voice in the back of her mind telling her it would be wrong, she couldn’t do such a thing to Michael.

  “Dean…” she began, keeping her expression blank.

  “I need to talk to Sarah.”

  Lauren and Dean both broke their eye contact and looked upward. Libby stood there, giving a small wave. “I need to talk to you,” she repeated. “Alone.”

  For the first time, a flash of annoyance was visible on Dean’s face, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. He tucked his notebook and pen into his bag and stood. “I’ll go get us some coffee, Sarah. To give you two some time. Would you like anything at the cafe, Libby?”

  “Nothing for me. Thanks though, Dean.” Libby took an eager step back, giving Dean ample room to get past her and out of the way. Whatever she had to say, it must be important.

  He gave her a curt nod and turned back to Lauren. “I’ll be back. Dark roast, one sugar, one cream?”

  “Sounds lovely. Thank you, Dean.” Lauren set her pen and notepad down, watching him turn and descend the stairs leading down to the front entrance of the room. By the time the door shut firmly behind him, Libby was already perched in his chair, staring at her incredulously.

  “Are you nuts?” she blurted out. Lauren, eyes wide in confusion, answered with a disbelieving chuckle.

  “Last time I checked, no. What are you talking about, Libby?”

  “You’re actually going to turn him down again, aren’t you?”

  Her jaw dropped slightly. “You were eavesdropping on us?”

  “I’m only two rows away, don’t be so surprised. Besides, anyone in this room, no matter where they’re sitting, can tell by the looks on both of your faces exactly what you’re discussing. Blatant chemistry, my dear Sarah. You and Dean have it. So why in God’s name are you denying it?”

  Because I’m married to a good man back in Texas and know I should feel riddled by guilt for the way I’ve treated both Dean and Michael, Lauren thought to herself. The part that frightened her the most was that she didn’t feel the guilt the way she knew she should. What kind of person had she become in the short weeks since moving to New York?

  “Libby, it’s complicated. I’m here to work, not find a date,” Lauren said. “Besides,” she added, “do we really know each other enough to be discussing this so heatedly?”

  Libby sat up straight and crossed her arms. “Oh, please, Sarah. Fine, we’ll go out for drinks later, giggle like little schoolgirls about all the cute boys, and then braid each other’s hair while we bond. Better?” She glared at Lauren in disbelief. “Really, I thought you were more adventurous than that, Sarah.”

  The words hit Lauren like a ton of bricks. She wanted to be adventurous, take the necessary chances in order to find out who Sarah really was. If even Libby could see that Sarah wasn’t being as bold and tenacious as she thought she could be, how could Lauren ever fully learn from Sarah all she needed to know? Was she taming Sarah and pushing her away by not going out with Dean?

  “I am, I just…” Lauren stammered. Libby almost looked angry, but when she reached forward and touched Lauren’s knee, her touch was only encouraging.

  “Don’t waste the connection you have, Sarah. Seriously. Some people wait their whole lives to meet someone they can connect with on the level you two have. Give him a chance.” Libby’s tone softened, and Lauren found herself nodding in response, unable to form a verbal answer that would be deemed adequate.

  “I’ll think about it, okay?” She sounded less sure of herself than she had before. Libby nodded back at her in response, an encouraging smile showing faintly on her lips.

  “Just don’t think so long that you find out it’s too late, my friend.”

  With that, Libby stood up and brushed some nonexistent dust from her jeans. After a moment, Lauren still hadn’t said anything, so Libby took the opportunity to speak again. “I’m going to be away a few days over the weekend. I’m hoping to be back for Monday’s class, but if something happens and I’m not, can you text me and let me know what I’ve missed?” Lauren gave a nod, but Libby was already grabbing the pen and paper from the chair beside Lauren and scribbling down her number. She set it back down and smiled again.

  “Thanks, Sarah.”

  Lauren shook her head, smiling weakly. “No, Libby. Thank you.”

  A few minutes after Libby left, Dean returned with two steaming cups of
coffee. He gave Lauren a questioning glance as he handed a cup to her. He eased himself back into his seat and took a sip from his coffee.

  Lauren didn’t give him a chance to ask questions. Instead, she said the only thing that was running through her mind at that moment.

  “I’ll go out with you, Dean.”

  CHAPTER 14

  Lauren couldn’t remember the last time she had dressed up for an occasion, let alone went so far as to curl her hair and apply make-up. She even called Libby to see if she would be willing to accompany her to the mall to buy something nice to wear. Libby had squealed with delight and was all too keen to let her borrow something of hers. In the half hour she’d been at Lauren’s dorm room with her, she had aided her in transforming herself from an everyday casual looking woman with a natural femininity into a sexy and confident socialite with smoky eyes and red lips. She slipped on a pair of black pumps Libby had brought along with her, surprised that everything fit so well.

  “Do you even wear size seven shoes?” Lauren glanced toward Libby’s feet. She didn’t look like she would be able to squeeze into the shoes that were snug against the soles of Lauren’s feet. “They were a friend’s. She left them at my house. Her loss, your gain. You look hot, Sarah.”

  Lauren felt more attractive than she had in ages. For once, she felt like a true twenty-something with style instead of the easily overlooked wife who hid within the comfort of her own home back in Texas. She’d never even thought of owning black eyeliner or red lipstick before, and told Libby so.

  “Be brave, Sarah,” Libby encouraged her just before she hugged her tightly. “Details. I want ’em all tomorrow,” she added in a whisper before she pulled back, grinned, and left. Lauren wondered if maybe Libby was more excited for this date than she was.

  Lauren’s cell phone rang shrilly just as a knock sounded at the door, breaking her from her thoughts. That would be Dean. A quick glance at her phone revealed Nadine was calling. Lauren exhaled slowly and ignored the call, tucking the phone back into her purse. It was time to be brave, as Libby had directed. It was time to see what Sarah was really made of.