Straight To You: A Novella (Taking Chances Series Book 1)

by Liwen Ho

  “Their car is on fire and there are flames everywhere. I can see them, my mom and dad, through the window, but I can’t get to them.”

  “Oh, Ash…”

  “I scream for them to get out, but they can’t. There’s nothing else I can do. It’s the most helpless, horrible feeling in the world.”

  “I’m so sorry. I wish I had the power to erase that image from your mind so you would never have to see it again.”

  Ashlynn looked up and frowned. “No, it’s okay. In a strange way, the dream gives me a chance to still remember my parents. I can see their faces and hear their voices so clearly. In the dream, they’re not scared. They just want me to know they love me and they’ll see me again. I wouldn’t want to erase that from my mind, no matter how painful it may be. Is that weird?”

  He shook his head for he really did understand. “No, it makes perfect sense. Even the worst things in our life can have some traces of good in them.”

  “You think so?”

  “Yeah, I do. When my parents divorced and we moved to Boston, my mom was able to reconnect with a lot of her old friends. Some of them she hadn’t seen for years since they were in college, but it didn’t matter how long it had been. Those friends came and helped us find a place to live and invited us over for meals, made sure we were doing okay. The divorce, as bad as it was, gave her the chance to see how much people still cared for her.” He sighed. “It’s kind of ironic, but without the bad things in our lives, we might not have the chance to see some of the good. I like to think of it as God’s redeeming power at work.”

  “Maybe. I guess so.”

  He noticed some uneasiness in her hazel eyes as she spoke. He followed her gaze and realized what had caught her attention. The tank top he wore exposed his upper arms - and once again, his past - for her to see. But there was no need to hide anymore. “Yes, I did those to myself, too.”

  Ashlynn grimaced. “There are so many.”

  “I know. I used to wear long sleeves whenever I could, so I could hide these scars. But over time I learned to not care so much. Sure, they remind me of the darkest days of my life, but they also remind me of how much God has seen me through.”

  She nodded. “I think I know what you mean.”

  “I know you do,” Jeremy said with a small smile. He then noticed the weariness in her eyes. “Hey, it’s late. You should get some sleep. How about I stay here with you for a while.”

  Ashlynn shook her head. The two of them in the same bed? “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She pulled the blanket tighter around her body as if to protect herself.

  “Nothing’s going to happen, I promise. I’ll go as soon as you fall asleep. Lie down.”

  She saw the determination in his eyes and lay down, keeping a safe distance between them. “Okay.”

  He sat beside her on the bed, leaning his head against the headboard. “I’m right here if you need anything.”

  What Ashlynn needed was to reconcile the memories of the past with the facts of the present. The man who had come to her rescue tonight was the Jeremy she remembered from her childhood, the one she had fallen in love with. But there was the other Jeremy, the one with the indiscretions she couldn’t forget - where did he fit in? Could she accept both sides of him? These questions weighed on her mind as she drifted off to sleep, even as the last thing she saw before her eyes closed were the scars on his arm, permanent reminders of his colorful past.

  TWELVE

  “Jeremy Levi Adams!”

  Jeremy turned around with a guilty look on his face. He closed the carton of juice in his hands and returned it to the refrigerator. “My lips didn’t touch it, Jill, I swear,” he declared with three fingers raised. “I’ll use a cup next time, scout’s honor.”

  The stern expression on her face didn’t ease up. “That’s not what I’m concerned about.”

  “What is it then?”

  “Chris was up late working and he saw you sneak out of Ashlynn’s room. I know you’re a grown man, but you’re still staying in our home. We have rules! What would the girls have thought if they saw you two in the same bed?”

  Jeremy grinned. “I would have told them we were having a sleepover.”

  Jillian shook her head and groaned. “You know what I mean.” She crossed her arms as she sighed. “I know it’s none of my business what you do-”

  “But you’re going to make it yours anyway,” he added with a smirk. “Go on, I’m listening, big sis.”

  “I’m just kind of surprised that you two are, you know …” She raised her eyebrows suggestively. “Ashlynn seems like a really good girl. Really grounded and sweet and committed to God.”

  “She is. She’s amazing. Unlike any girl I’ve ever dated.”

  “I remember what it’s like to have raging hormones when you’re dating, but sleeping together isn’t the answer. Sure, it makes you feel close for a while, but your priorities get thrown out of whack. Instead of caring for each other, you just end up caring about getting your own needs met and-”

  Jeremy held up his hand to interrupt her. “Hold up, Jill. It’s not what you think. I was in Ashlynn’s room last night because she had a nightmare. I stayed until she fell asleep, then I went back to my room. Nothing happened.”

  Her eyes widened in surprise. “Oh, I sure jumped to conclusions, didn’t I? I’m sorry. I just assumed …”

  “It’s okay. I know I don’t have the best track record when it comes to relationships. But this time is different. I really want this to work out. I’m praying it does.”

  “Everything okay?” She saw the doubt in Jeremy’s eyes. “What makes you think it won’t work out? You guys are great together. I know how much you adore her, and she’s just so cute, the way she looks at you like she’s Rapunzel and you’re her Flynn.”

  “That’s just it,” Jeremy scoffed. “I’m not a prince riding in on a horse to save her. All I have to offer is baggage and a lot of it at that. It’s not fair for Ashlynn to have to deal with my past. She deserves more.”

  Jill placed her hand on his arm. “You forget that Flynn wasn’t your typical knight in shining armor. He was a thief looking to steal Rapunzel’s crown. But his love for her changed him for the better, and she eventually saw that about him. Love has a way of opening our eyes to see more than just what’s on the surface.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Am I the only one who finds it strange that you’re using a Disney movie to give me relationship advice?”

  “Hey, love is love, animated or not. But seriously, have some faith, why don’t you. God wouldn’t bring you guys back into one another’s lives for nothing.”

  Jeremy sincerely hoped the past six months were not for nothing. Jillian’s words from that morning had been playing over and over in his mind ever since he and Ashlynn had boarded their plane back to California.

  He looked over at her now as she sat beside him with her arms wrapped around a pillow. She looked peaceful for the first time in over a day, her face relaxed as she slept. Earlier, she had attempted to hide her feelings from Jillian, Chris, and the girls for the couple of hours they had spent together before their flight. He was impressed with the tenacity with which she had set her emotions aside and put on a happy face. While she was able to fool his family into believing everything was okay, he saw right through her facade. Her hazel eyes had turned a dark green and her dimple rarely peeked out when she smiled.

  Once they had gotten into the cab for their ride to the airport, she had shut down completely. Any question he asked her had been answered with a nod or shake of the head. She had finally pleaded with him to let her be and he begrudgingly agreed, sensing that his efforts were not helping the situation. She had spent the entire flight sleeping, or perhaps feigning sleep, to avoid talking to him.

  Now, as the plane neared San Francisco, Jeremy felt time was slipping out of his hands. He needed to talk to Ashlynn, to make her understand how much he cared for her. He was not giving up on them, even if she had. If she
wouldn’t talk or listen to him, then he would find another way to communicate. He pulled out his laptop bag from beneath the seat in front of him. He searched through the inner pockets, his hand bumping against a black velvet box in the process. Sighing, he pulled the box out for a moment, then returned it to the bag and found what he had been looking for. He unlatched the meal tray in front of him and placed the sheet of paper and pen on it. In a matter of minutes, he had composed a letter. He folded it and placed it in the outer pocket of Ashlynn’s purse.

  Shortly after, the plane began its descent and landed. Jeremy gently tapped Ashlynn’s arm. “Ash, we’ve landed. It’s time to get off.”

  She wiped the sleep from her eyes and nodded. She saw a swirl of emotions in his blue eyes as they studied her face.

  Worry. Tenderness. Longing.

  Her heart softened under his gaze. She wanted to forget everything that had happened last night and just hide herself in his arms. But his confession weighed heavily on her heart. Part of her didn’t know who he was anymore. How could he still be her knight when his armor was so tarnished?

  He grabbed their suitcases from the overhead compartment. She reached for hers. “I’ve got it, thanks.” Her fingers brushed his as the luggage exchanged hands and she inhaled quickly. His touch brought back memories of that summer day when they had met at Adorn. She needed to get away so she could think. Being near him was too hard. “I think I’ll take a taxi home.”

  “I can drive you,” he said with a frown. “There’s no need to take a cab.”

  “I just want to be alone, Jeremy.”

  “Please talk to me, Ash. We’re in this together.”

  “I need time to figure things out on my own. I’m really tired and I just want to go home. Please.”

  He nodded reluctantly. “Alright. At least let me get one for you.”

  They made their way outside the airport to the taxi pick up area. A cab pulled up and the driver placed Ashlynn’s luggage in the trunk. Jeremy held the door open for her as she sat down. Before closing it, he leaned in and handed the driver some cash. “Keep the change.” Then he turned to Ashlynn with a gentle smile. “Please call me when you get home.”

  She nodded briefly. “Thanks.”

  As he watched her taxi drive away, he felt a part of his heart leave, too. The only consolation he had was the text message she sent an hour later letting him know she had made it home.

  THIRTEEN

  “Ash, can I come in?” Melanie furrowed her brows as she stood outside Ashlynn’s bedroom. When she had declined to join them for dinner again, she told Ben she would bring a plate of food up for her. Through the crack of the partly open door she saw her sister-in-law sitting on the bed, her arms wrapped tightly around her knees. “I brought you some bok choy and your favorite basil chicken.”

  “Sure,” Ashlynn answered as she folded up a piece of paper and placed it under a textbook on the desk. “Thanks, Mel.”

  Melanie walked in and set the plate on the desk. The peppery and slightly minty aroma of basil filled the room. She noticed Ashlynn duck her head in an effort to hide the teardrops staining her cheeks. “You okay, Ash? You’ve been so quiet since you got back from Boston. You just stay cooped up in your room as soon as you come home from work or school. I know something’s not right.”

  Ashlynn sniffed. “I just have some stuff on my mind.”

  Melanie took her response as an invitation to ask more. “Work stuff, school stuff … or Jeremy stuff?”

  Ashlynn cleared her throat. “Um, Jeremy stuff.”

  “What’s going on? Did something happen between you two on your flight home? I thought everything was going so well.”

  “I’d rather not talk about it.”

  “Says the school counselor. Don’t pull one of those “do as I say, not as I do” deals on me.” Melanie shook her head. “Ash, come on. Ben and I are worried about you. Please tell me what’s bothering you.”

  Ashlynn saw warmth and concern in her sister-in-law’s brown eyes. She let out a breath of air. “He told me some things about his past, and it’s been kind of hard for me to swallow.”

  “Okay, let me guess.” Melanie crossed her arms as she thought. “He either told you he’s a criminal or he told you about his ex’s. It’s the ex’s, huh?” She knew nothing good ever came from those kind of disclosures. But knowing how harmless Ashlynn’s past was, anything on the contrary from hers would really come as a shock.

  Ashlynn nodded. She didn’t want to divulge specifically what Jeremy had confided in her.

  Melanie sensed her hesitation. “No worries, you don’t have to spell it out. Let me guess, he’s more experienced than you are?”

  She sighed. “I don’t know why I’m so hung up about it.” She had thought long and hard over the past week about why she took Jeremy’s past so personally. It had happened so long ago and had nothing to do with her or his feelings for her. Yet, she couldn’t help but feel there would always be an elephant in the room.

  Twelve of them to be exact.

  What did he remember about the other girls? Did he compare? How could he not? The more she thought, the more questions she had, many of which she honestly didn’t want answered. “I think insecurity plays a big part in how I feel.” She looked at Melanie with a pained expression. “What if I’m not as good, you know…”

  Melanie’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you guys sleeping together? Your brother would have a heart attack if he knew!”

  “No, no, actually quite the opposite. Jeremy’s good about going slow. He knows I want to wait and he respects my decision.”

  She pursed her lips. “It sounds like he’s certainly changed for the better. It’s not easy for any guy with a pulse to take it slow with the girl he likes.” She paused. “You like him a lot, don’t you?”

  “I do. That’s why it hurts so much. I had this image of him as the perfect guy back in junior high, someone who could do no wrong.” Her voice broke off, leaving behind a trail of dashed dreams. “I thought he was my knight…”

  “In shining armor?” Melanie finished with a wry expression. “Even knights have to polish their armor, Ash, especially after they go to war. The truth is we all face battles in this world. Sometimes we win, sometimes we don’t. Given the right circumstances, it’s pretty easy for any one of us to fall into temptation.” She raised her hands up. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making light of Jeremy’s past. But no one is perfect. We’re all broken inside. That’s why we need God. He is the only solution to our brokenness.” She sat down on the bed next to Ashlynn and placed a hand on her shoulder. “What I’ve learned over the years is that sometimes we need to fall in order to truly understand God’s grace. Then there are other times when we are given the opportunity to understand grace better by loving the people He brings into our lives. Either way, the end result is that we recognize how deep and wide God’s love is for us and how much we need Him.” She tilted her head to one side. “I know you didn’t expect your knight’s armor to be tarnished. But did you know that even when armor gets rusty, you can still clean the rust off? You just roll it around in a barrel of sand.”

  “Ben’s been watching the History channel again, hasn’t he?”

  “You know your brother well,” Melanie answered with a grin.

  Ashlynn nodded with a slight smile. “I like that. It’s just like how Jesus can make us new, no matter how damaged we are.”

  “Exactly.”

  “I know all this stuff in my head, Mel, but there are still so many feelings to deal with. The disappointment and sadness. Even anger. I’m having a hard time with all these emotions.”

  “It’s okay. You need to grieve what was lost - your hopes and expectations. Feel all the messy emotions you have going on inside you and talk to God about them. It will take time, but you’ll eventually come to terms with Jeremy’s past and it won’t haunt you anymore. But,” Melanie spoke gently, “if his past is too much for you to accept, then maybe you need to move on.”
>
  “Move on?” Ashlynn’s heart ached at the possibility. Moving on meant leaving the best thing that had ever happened to her. “I don’t think I can move on.”

  “Then choose to live in the present and let go of the past. Loving someone isn’t meant to be easy. If you love Jeremy, you have to love everything about him, the easy parts and the not so easy parts.”

  Ashlynn nodded. “I know. Easier said than done though.”

  Melanie smiled wistfully. “When I fell for your brother, I knew I was going to be in trouble. My parents had always told me I needed to marry someone from our culture and that guy better be either a doctor or an engineer.” She paused with a sigh. “You should’ve seen their faces when I told them about Ben. I might as well have said I flunked physics.” Melanie shrugged. “I just wish they would drop their expectations of him and see his heart.”

  Ashlynn knew Melanie had taken a risk marrying a Caucasian guy who happened to be a high school teacher. She felt saddened as she thought back to their wedding day and how Melanie’s parents had not shown up to support her. “I don’t know how you do it, Mel.”

  “It’s been hard, but Ben is totally worth it. At least you have no one standing in your way of love. The only person stopping you is yourself.”

  Ashlynn thought about Melanie’s words. They really hit home. She was the only person standing in the way of true love. And what was love anyway? Love was accepting the worst about someone and still believing the best about him. Hadn’t she told Jeremy she loved him?

  In her heart, Ashlynn wanted to let go of his past. She wanted Jeremy to know forgiveness and to forgive himself. She knew he was his own harshest judge, even more angry and disappointed with himself than she would ever feel about him. She hated how he had suffered before with the guilt and pain of his choices.

  Given the circumstances that he had grown up with, she could understand why he had done the things he had. She remembered back to the time after her parents’ accident, how she had fallen into a dark depression and was mad at God and the world. So many nights she had stayed out late and worried Ben enough that he had called all her friends looking for her. There was a time when she too didn’t care about consequences.