Tarrin Kael Firestaff Collection Book 5 - Weavespinner by Fel ©

by James Galloway (aka Fel)

  "Sorry isn't going to fix it this time," he said in a steely tone. "Look around you, Jesmind. Looks a little different than the last time you were in here, doesn't it?" he accused. "You had no right to destroy my room!" he shouted at her suddenly, and it made her take a step back.

  "Someone nearly kills you, and you want to fight about that?" Jesmind said in surprise.

  "People try to kill me all the time!" he said pugnaciously. "I don't remember it, but I know it because you told me so! Why shouldn't I be used to it by now?"

  He knew that sounded a little ludicrious, and Sapphire couldn't suppress a hissing giggle. Jesmind wasn't laughing, though. "I've had about enough of it, Jesmind," he told her bluntly. "This is what's going to happen. You're going to stop following me around. You're going to make sure the other Were-cats don't follow me around in your stead, and you're going to give me the space I want. You're going to leave me alone, because if you don't, I can guarantee you that you won't see me anymore. I'll have you thrown out of the Tower."

  "You wouldn't dare!" she shouted, looming over him threateningly.

  It was an empty threat. Tarrin knew that Jesmind would not hurt him, no matter how angry he made her. Not in his weakened condition.

  "When my sister is the Keeper, I think I can easily manage that," he said cooly, with narrowing eyes. "Just back off and leave me alone," he repeated. "If I forgive you for what you did, I'll start visiting you again. Until then, just leave me alone. And you'd better leave Auli alone too," he added. "If I hear of you harassing her, I'm going to be very mad."

  "I'm not letting that little tart get away with--"

  "With what? Doing to me exactly what you did to me?" he said, flinging that matter back in her face. "Me and Auli had a talk. She's sorry she did it now, and she's promised to not do it again. Auli is my friend, Jesmind. I'm going to spend time with her, whether you like it or not. So live with it."

  "What I did was different," she said, crossing her arms before her and glaring at him. "You are mine, Tarrin. I spent too much time protecting you and teaching you and helping you to give you away now. If you think I'm going to just do what you say, you've got another thing coming. I fight for what I want, and I want you."

  "If you don't give me what I need, you're guaranteeing you'll never get me," he shot back. "That choice is mine to make. Antagonizing me before I make it is a very bad way of influencing my decision. Nothing's decided until I get back my memory. Goddess, woman, can't you understand that? Everything going on right now, none of it really matters! So I slept with Auli. Big deal! If I love you as much as you say I do, do you really think that's going to matter once I can remember it again? Given what I know of Were-cats, do you think I'll care about it when I get back my memory, since it'll be the memory of me as a Were-cat? I'm going to make that choice, Jesmind. You're not going to make it for me, but damn it all, you're doing a good job of making me make the choice you don't want me to make!"

  Jesmind growled in her throat, taking a step forward, but Mist interposed herself between the two of them. With one hand on Jesmind's shoulder and one on his, she pushed them apart. "I'm surprised with you, Jesmind," she said calmly. "This is Tarrin we're talking about here. If you can't trust him, how can you call him your mate?" she demanded. She looked at him, a very calm, very rational look. "And he's talking truth. If I were him, I'd be really mad with you too. I'd probably think you were the biggest bitch to ever walk the earth and never want to talk to you again. Trees, woman, you tear up his room and try to kill his bedmate, and you think he's going to welcome you in here and offer you tea and cakes?"

  "Don't you start with me, Mist," Jesmind growled.

  "I'll start with you all I want," she said with a flinty look. "You forget your place, girl."

  That certainly pressed some hidden button that should not have been pressed. Jesmind hissed threateningly at Mist, putting her ears back and slapping the shorter Were-cat's hand off her shoulder. Blood spattered with the arc of Jesmind's hand, and Tarrin realized she'd used her claws and raked Mist a good one while doing it. If it hurt Mist, she didn't show it. She just looked up at the taller Were-cat and raised a clawed hand, claws out and fingers flexed in a crooked manner that exaggerated those wicked claws.

  "Children," Sapphire said in a strong yet measured voice, flapping over and landing on Tarrin's shoulder, "if you start fighting in here, you're going to answer to me. Do you understand me?"

  Tarrin doubted anything could have made those two seperate faster than that. Mist and Jesmind glared at each other, but didn't make any hostile moves towards each other. That they may actually fight surprised him, but it also fell into what he'd been told about their kind. "All that goes for you too, Mist," Tarrin said firmly. "I don't want you picking up where she leaves off." He pointed at Jesmind.

  "That's not a problem, Tarrin," she said calmly. "Unlike Jesmind, I understand the situation. I won't pressure you one way or another."

  "I understand the situation better than you!" she shouted. "We may lose him, Mist! Do you really want that?"

  "I'd rather lose him as a mate over losing him forever," she said cooly. "If we make him become a Were-cat again, do you think he'll ever forgive us, even if that would have been the choice he made? He'd never talk to any of us again, and where would that leave us? He'd be Were once more, but he'd be worse than feral. He'd never have anything to do with any of us ever again. He'd be totally alone. Is that what you want for him? Are you so set on keeping him that you'd drive him away just to prove your point? Are you willing to destroy his life, Jesmind? If so, then keep right on doing what you're doing."

  Jesmind gave Triana a helpless, pleading look, but she was rebuffed. "Don't look to me, daughter. I've been trying to drive that through your thick skull for days now. I want him back just as badly as you, but not at the risk of him washing his paws of us."

  "None of you understand!" she shouted, then she looked at Tarrin. "You are mine, Tarrin! I won't ever give you up! Never, do you hear me?"

  "I belong to no one!" Tarrin screamed at her, dislodging Sapphire as he stepped quickly towards her. "I'm not the person you remember! Can't you understand that? I'm sorry if it hurts you, but it's the truth!"

  "Oh yes you do belong to me," she said in a cold hissing voice, narrowing her eyes. "When you get your memory back, you'll understand just how much you belong to me."

  "If that's what you believe, why won't you leave me alone?" he demanded. "Do you really believe that, or is that just what you want me to believe? If I was this devoted to you, why are you so dead set on making up my mind for me? Don't you trust me, Jesmind?"

  It hung there for a very long moment, then she hissed. "No!" she snapped. "I leave you because I'm pregnant, and you end up with Mist. I send you off with Kimmie, and you impregnate her!" she screamed lividly. "And now you're chasing that Sha'Kar tramp! How can I trust you when you've proven you'll chase any girl who shakes her breasts in your face!"

  Tarrin wasn't the only one surprised by that declaration. Triana gave her daughter a startled look, and Mist looked both shocked and rather angry. One of those accusations was levelled right at her, and Jesmind probably didn't realize that she'd just indirectly accused Mist of being a flipskirt.

  "I can see now that jealousy is not going to give you a clear view," Triana said in a grim tone. "I never expected this out of you, daughter."

  "You mean all that talk of sharing Tarrin meant nothing to you?" Mist asked dangerously.

  "Of course it did, but this isn't the same thing!" Jesmind said defensively.

  "Well, let's just look at that a minute," Tarrin said hotly, getting so mad he really didn't realize what he was saying. "You never told me you were pregnant, if you recall, and I don't remember you ever saying much about me being yours. You never really said much to me at all! Just a couple of seductions, and most of the rest of the time you left me so confused about you I never knew what to think! I hardly call that a declaration, and I hardly think that means that I was ev
er yours back then," he said in a belligerent tone. "Why shouldn't I have taken Mist for mate? She needed me more than you ever will! And let's just look at Kimmie a minute," he said in a hiss. "You knew how Kimmie felt, and you knew that she would act on those feelings! Should that have shocked you? You allowed me to go with her, and you knew what was going to happen! So don't put that back on me! I--"

  Whatever he was about to say, it was suddenly lost in one of the most intense dizzy spells he had ever experienced. The entire room seemed to swirl around him, and his head began to pound with remarkable pain. He grabbed his head and bowed under, swaying as he tried to stay on his feet, then he dropped unceremoniously on his rump, so hard that it made him bite his tongue. His brain felt like it had turned to liquid, and it was sloshing around inside his skull. And every time it piled up against the inside of his head it made a throb of considerable pain lash out from behind his eyes and roll right down his body.

  He was dimly aware of large, strong hands on him, and when they touched him the pain eased greatly. He was a little dazed and somewhat confused, and he had almost no inkling of what had just happened. He looked up and saw Triana, and the only thing he could manage to think was to wonder when she had come into his room. Mist and Jesmind were there too, both of them kneeling by him with concerned looks, and he couldn't remember them coming in. He guessed it was a good thing Jesmind was there...he had to set her straight. It needed to be done, and--

  --no, wait. He'd been doing that. His brain slowly started to untangle itself, and he remembered shouting at her, and her and Mist nearly getting into a fight. The memory of most of it came back to him, but whatever he'd been saying right before he got dizzy was still lost in the haze. The room was still spinning around like a top, and it was only the Were-cats holding him that kept him from flopping back on the floor.

  "What's wrong with him?" Jesmind said in intense concern, looking at Triana. "Is he sick? Should we take him to Jenna?"

  "I think a little too much memory came back all at once, that's all," Triana said. "They tried restoring his memory before, but about all it did was what you just saw. Sometimes he remembers tiny bits and pieces of things, and whenever he does, it gives him a headache. I guess this time he remembered too much at once, and it nearly made him pass out." She patted his shoulder with her huge hand. "Just give him a few minutes, and he should be well enough to look straight."

  He could certainly accept Triana's explanation. He did sometimes recall little things, and it gave him a good headache. He had no idea what he'd rememebered, but it must have been big, because he thought his head was going to explode. During that acute attack, if he'd had a sword in his hand, he would have happily lopped off his own head if only to make it stop hurting.

  "I think we'd best not work him up," Triana said sternly. "I think when he got angry, it triggered that, and I don't think I want him to experience too many of those. They may do damage to his mind."

  "What do we do?" Jesmind asked.

  "We leave him alone," she said bluntly. "And I'd better not catch you arguing with him, daughter," she said flintily. "He doesn't need that kind of excitement right now."

  That did not sit well with Jesmind, he could see. There was a distinct hardness in her eyes when she looked at him, almost as if what he'd said to her before he got dizzy had antagonized her, and now she was robbed of the opportunity to reply. He still couldn't remember what he was saying before he got dizzy, but from the look on Jesmind's face, it probably hadn't been very friendly.

  "I think you three have done enough damage," Sapphire said from the bed table. "Put him in bed and leave."

  "I think that's a good idea," Triana agreed. "Tarrin, you lay down a while. Don't get up until Sapphire tells you that it's alright. You need to rest. I'll tell Jenna about this, and she can send one of those Sorcerers down here to make sure that you didn't suffer any kind of mental damage."

  "That would be prudent," Sapphire agreed.

  Three pairs of powerful hands picked him up, but with the utmost gentleness. He still felt a little dazed, and his head was still spinning, but he could think rationally again. They set him in bed, and he obediently laid back and put his head on the pillow. That helped his dizzyness quite a bit, and the room went from spinning wildly to only feeling like it was slowly rotating around an axis just underneath the small of his back. The strange confusion he'd felt after the attack eased, and much of the memory of his confrontation with Jesmind returned to him, but he still could not remember what he'd said just before he fell over. He guessed that since it had been gleaned from the forgotten memory, he forgot it when the memory fled from him.

  "Just lay back and try to rest. I'll have Jenna send someone to check on you," Triana said in a reassuring voice, brushing the hair back from his forehead gently. She had to be angry with him, but he saw that she still considered him one of her children. Triana didn't show such softness to anyone that wasn't her child. "Will you remain with him, dragon?"

  "I will care for him as long as is needed," she said simply.

  Triana nodded, knowing that her child was in good hands. "Alright, let's get you two out of here before he gets angry again," she told Jesmind and Mist. "I'll be back a little later to check on you cub."

  "Alright," he said in a disjointed manner, feeling the room stop spinning horizontally and start spinning vertically. He grabbed the bed as it seemed to stand on end, and he was afraid that he was about to slide out of it.

  They left him after that, and in a way, he was relieved. He really wasn't sure if he was done fighting with Jesmind, mainly because he couldn't remember what he'd said to her. In any event, their argument was on hold for now, and he doubted that Triana was going to let it degenerate to that level again. If he suffered these large flashbacks and the ensuing major attack that accompanied them when he got angry, then Triana wouldn't let him get angry.

  If anything, he'd know in a while.

  Jenna had sent Koran Dar not ten minutes after Triana hustled the other two Were-cats out the door. He knew so because he'd watched the clock hanging on his wall. His dizziness eased considerably over those ten minutes, enough to where he didn't have to hold onto the bed, but it got worse whenever he tried to sit up. Sapphire discouraged him from trying that by sitting on his chest. Her slight weight couldn't possibly hold him down, but when she stared at him with those reptilian eyes and told him not to get up, he couldn't really do much other than obey her.

  Sapphire filled him in on what he said to Jesmind, what he couldn't remember, and he almost whistled. He had no idea any of that had happened, but he'd sounded plenty mad. Jesmind had accused him of being unfaithful, when in one case he never knew he was taken, and in the other she'd all but handed him to her competitor. It let him understand her seething hatred of Auli a little better. She thought that he was going to fall in love with her too, like he had with Kimmie, and if that happened, he wouldn't want to be a Were-cat again. She wasn't about to take his word for it, either. She obviously felt that him giving his word wasn't enough. He had the feeling that he may have made some kind of promise to her over Kimmie, one that he hadn't kept. A promise not to touch her or something, he wasn't sure. He couldn't remember anything about that.

  Sometimes it was beyond frustrating. He knew that the answer was there, but he just couldn't remember what he needed to remember to find it. Having amnesia was at times a little interesting, since everything seemed new to him, but most of the time it was just a royal pain. People said things to him that he knew had to have some deeper meaning, but he'd lost the knowledge that would let him see it. Most of them didn't quite know how to treat him, and most of the things they talked about were beyond him. He knew that was why Keritanima and Allia hadn't been coming to see him quite as often as they had before. But then again, Kerri was married--and Teleporting back and forth between the Tower and Wikuna--and Allia had her own boyfriend. He couldn't begrudge either of them the chance to enjoy their own domestic lives, but a part of him felt that sin
ce they just didn't know or understand him as he was now, they weren't quite as willing to spend time with him. He wasn't really mad at them for it. Then again, he really didn't know either of them very well. He had to take it on faith that Allia was the closest friend he had and ever would have, and Keritanima was just as close to him as any other member of his family.

  At least Allia made an effort to visit him every day. Even if was for just a few minutes, and often in the company of that Sha'Kar boyfriend of hers, Allyn, she would always stop by and have a chat, or they would go eat. Keritanima was much more sporadic, than that.

  He couldn't really blame them. He knew they worried about him, but he was a stranger to them now. He was probably alot stranger to them than they ever imagined. From what he'd heard, he was very much different from the Tarrin they knew. He knew it had to be hard on them to come and talk to him and try to be upbeat and positive, when the radical alterations in both mind and body were so apparent, so blaringly obvious to them. He himself, to his own chiding, didn't miss their company as much as he knew he should have. He was a stranger to them, but they were also strangers to him. They called themselves his friend, but their friendship was virtually one-sided. Oh, he liked them, but he just didn't know them well enough to feel for them the same way they felt for him. About the only exceptions to that were Dolanna and Dar. He trusted Dolanna a great deal and he both liked and respected her, and he'd managed to learn that that was exactly how the Were-cat Tarrin felt about her too. That Tarrin, who dominated everyone around him, bowed to Dolanna in almost all things because of the towering respect he had for the diminutive Sorceress. Dar was also someone he very much called friend, but probably for different reasons. The Were-cat Tarrin probably had never seen Dar as a boy around his own age, someone that would understand the things he said in ways that most of the others never could. Dar understood becuase he could see it from a much more personal perspective.