Everything After

by Melissa Toppen

  He doesn't give me the chance to finish. Before I can get another word out, his lips are on mine. Soft and gentle and yet, urgent and commanding at the same time. I can't react, can't think. I am so taken aback by his sudden action that my body seems to be on autopilot while my mind struggles to catch up.

  Backing me gently against the hallway wall, he urges my mouth open by running his tongue lightly against the seam of my mouth, my lips parting instinctively. The moment the contact is made, I melt against him. My willpower simply floats away and I find myself gripping the back of his head, tangling my fingers in his hair, as I deepen the kiss.

  While I know that we kissed before, there is nothing like experiencing it one hundred percent sober and being completely coherent. His skilled mouth works perfectly against mine, coaxing me into a state of euphoria. Heat spreads through my body and a want I haven't felt in a very long time, takes over. A need so deep, I am prepared to ask him to take me right here and now.

  As if that thought alone brings the reality of the situation to the surface, I slowly pull away from Killian's mouth, the absence of his warm lips on mine instantly sending a feeling of emptiness crashing through me.

  “Killian.” I gasp, trying to catch my breath.

  “I'm sorry.” He whispers against my lips. “I've been wanting to do that for days now.” He smiles, gently pressing his lips to mine once more before pulling back entirely. “Come on. People might start wondering where we are.” He tacks on, clearly picking up on my lack of ability to form even one word at the moment.

  Taking my hand, he gives me that sexy smile of his and then pulls me through the house and back out the front door.

  “You know what, I'm not sorry.” He says as we cross the dark grounds, pulling me to a stop next to a huge tree just twenty feet from the rest of the group.

  “Killian.” I start to protest, but my voice is silenced when his lips once again connect with mine.

  “Killian we can't.” I manage to speak against his mouth, pushing gently against his chest. He immediately breaks away from my lips, dropping his forehead to mine. “Someone is going to see us.” I try to explain my reasoning even though it's not entirely the case.

  It's not just that someone might see us, it's that if he continues to kiss me the way he's kissing me, I am going to lose my ability to say no and who knows where I will end up. I can't let myself get caught up in this. I can't let myself be pulled into this with Killian, no matter how badly I want to. We are from different worlds and want different things. I could never exist as one of his many hookups, I know that about myself.

  “Let them.” He breathes, pushing his mouth back down to mine in one last deep kiss that literally causes my toes to curl.

  Once he's satisfied that he's got me, he backs away, taking my hand again as he leads me to the edge of the lake where a fairly impressive bonfire is already underway.

  I can feel Gabe's eyes hot on the side of my face as I take a seat on a small wooden bench next to Killian, but I refuse to look in his direction. Something tells me that while the others may not suspect anything, Gabe certainly does. He's spent enough time harassing me to know when I am frazzled and frazzled I most certainly am.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Nora

  “Well I see you survived a week alone with the guys.” Sean steps up beside me and pulls my attention away from watching the band do sound check.

  Turning to the side, I notice that today he is dressed more casual than usual. His normal suit has been traded in for a pair of dark shorts and he's sporting a white v-neck shirt. I have to admit, the style looks good on him.

  “I did.” I agree with a smile. “Look at you.” I gesture to his attire.

  “Yeah, this Texas heat is killing me. This is the best I could do.” He shrugs, wiping the beads of sweat that have formed on his brow away with the back of his hand.

  “I know what you mean.” I agree, having the same feeling about the temperature and like Sean, having dressed down significantly because of it.

  The last few days have been brutal and putting on anything other than a tank top and shorts seems impossible. It doesn't help matters that today's show is outdoors.

  “How was your holiday?” I ask.

  It seems like ages since I have seen him. As the band's manager I thought he would be more of a presence but that hasn't really been the case.

  “It was good. I flew out to L.A. for a few days, got some much needed work done.” He responds, falling silent when someone steps up beside me.

  I jump a little when Killian's arm settles over my shoulder, having not realized that the band was done with sound check already. I see Sean's eyes fall to Killian's arm and then back to my face before looking at Killian again, who addresses his manager casually.

  “What's up man?” He leans into me, causing Sean's gaze to fall back to his arm.

  Something about the look on Sean's face immediately makes me uncomfortable and I casually push Killian's arm off of my shoulder. I try to play it off like he's just being Killian and give him an annoyed expression. Showing affection to women is definitely his thing and I hope that Sean sees it this way as well.

  Killian immediately hits me with sad eyes, puckering his bottom lip out playfully, but doesn't make an attempt to put his arm back. I step a couple of feet to the side and pretend to be checking something on my phone as Sean goes over the details with Killian of what will happen between tonight's show and the next.

  When the other guys appear and Sean begins talking to them as a group, I take the opportunity to slip away. Anything I can do to put distance between myself and Killian, I am trying to do.

  It's been a week since the fourth of July. A week and yet, it feels like an eternity. Every second that ticks by since the moment Killian kissed me has felt like pure agony. Feeling his lips against mine and then refusing to allow it to happen again feels like a punishment worse than death.

  Okay, maybe that's a bit dramatic. But that's how I feel. What I need to do and what I want to do are two very different things, not giving into the want is so much harder than I anticipated.

  It's clear my avoidance of Killian is only fueling his fire. I have made this a game for him and a very challenging one at that; something I know he is far from used to. I can see it in his eyes, the knowledge that he's under my skin.

  He knows I am staying away from him because I can't trust myself to be alone with him. Because of this, I get the feeling that he is just waiting for his chance. His moment to pounce and corner me into a situation where I simply cannot run from this.

  “Hey. Why'd you run off?” Killian's voice instantly halts my movements as I rummage through my suitcase on the floor looking for an extra notebook. My entire body stiffens as his footsteps close the distance between us.

  “I don't know Killian, maybe because you insist on treating me like a girl your fucking rather than a girl that is here working for you.” I spit, turning my glare directly at him.

  “Whoa Nora. What did I do?” He holds his hands up in front of himself, the action only making me madder because my stomach immediately flips at how irresistible he looks in his thin gray shirt and black board shorts.

  “Listen Killian.” I say, standing from my crouching position in front of my suitcase. “I get that this is all fun and games to you.” I say, gesturing back and forth between the two of us. “See who can bag the prude journalist first, I get it. But I am here to work. The sooner you understand that, the better.”

  “One, this is not a game. If I wanted to bag you as you so delicately put it, I would have done so the night you threw yourself at me.” His words feel like a slap in the face and I have to physically hold my jaw shut so my mouth doesn't drop open. “Two, I have no idea what the hell I did to you to make you so upset.” His voice is a bit softer at the end.

  “Sean, for all intents and purposes, is my boss on this tour. He already seems leery of me spending so much time with you guys. To have you just walk up and drape y
our arm around me like we are a thing, sends the wrong message.”

  “What message Nora?” He seems genuinely confused.

  “I can't have him thinking that something is going on between us, because it's not. I can tell by how he looked at me that he already suspects something. The last thing I need right now is for him to call Clive at the magazine and report that I am acting inappropriately with a member of the band. I know you don't get it because you don't know what a real job is like, but behavior like this.” Once again I gesture between the two of us. “Is not acceptable between a professional and their client. I am not some well-established journalist that can afford to make mistakes, like letting herself get caught up with a womanizing musician. This is it for me. My first real shot and I can't, I won't let you ruin this chance for me. So please, do us both a favor and just stop.”

  “Okay, I'm going to pretend like you didn't just imply that what I do is not a real job because I can see that I hit a nerve and I'm sorry. But Nora, you need to stop acting like every time I touch you I have crossed some forbidden line. I can see through your pretend anger and I know what your problem really is. You can play like you have no interest in me all day long but I know better.” He reaches out, trailing his fingers lightly down my arm, smiling a knowing smile when goosebumps erupt across my flesh.

  “Besides, Sean is more likely to make a move on you than report to anyone that you are acting inappropriately.” He tacks on, finally meeting my gaze.

  “I'm sorry, what?” I try to shake off the tremble I feel working its way through my body and focus on what he's trying to say.

  “You really are blind aren't you?” He laughs. “Nora, Sean wasn't looking at you like that because he thought me having my arm around you was inappropriate or because he suspects that there is something going on. Sean was looking at you like that because he didn't like that I had my arm around you.” He pauses, waiting to see if I bite.

  When I don't, he lets out a loud sigh and continues. “My god Nora. Sean has a fucking thing for you.” He exclaims.

  “What? Oh my God, no he doesn't.” I immediately start shaking my head.

  “Really?” Killian cocks his head to the side. “Have you ever noticed how he gets upset when given the choice, you opt to stay with us? Or that he always finds a way to touch you, whether it be on your back or your arm, his hands are always on you? Or the way he looks at you when someone else touches you?” He raises his eyebrows, gesturing to what happened today.

  “No?” I breathe in disbelief.

  How did I miss all the signs? I couldn't possibly not have noticed. I am usually pretty savvy to when a person is interested in me. Maybe his actions are just very subtle, or maybe Killian is seeing things that aren't there.

  Besides, Sean is at least twenty years my senior. Which in my opinion, puts him outside the age range of an acceptable dating partner, at least for me anyways. I have always preferred someone closer to my own age.

  “Hey Chet.” Killian hollers loudly over his shoulder, startling me slightly as I thought we were alone on the bus.

  A couple of seconds pass before Chet pops his shaved head through the doorway that separates that bunks from the lounge area.

  “What up?” He leans into the door frame.

  “Does Sean have a thing for Nora?” Killian asks.

  “Most definitely.” His response is instant.

  “That's all I needed.” Killian nods to Chet “Told you.” He hits me with a knowing smile just as Chet disappears on the other side of the door again.

  “Whatever.” I shake my head in disbelief and crouch back down to close my suitcase and slide it back underneath the bunk.

  “So how much longer are you planning on avoiding me? Can I expect you to find something else to be mad at me about in the near future as a way of keeping distance between us?” He appears at my right just as I stand back up.

  Not wanting to, but having no other choice, I turn inward to face him, less than a foot of space separating our bodies.

  “I'm not avoiding you.” I play innocent.

  “Yes you are Nora.” He leans in a few inches, grabbing my chin with his hand to secure my gaze on him. “I know it's not because you didn't like that I kissed you. Is it because you liked it so much it scared you?” He asks, leaning his face down even further, his eyes dropping to my mouth for a brief moment before finding my gaze again.

  “You give yourself too much credit Killian.” My voice hitches slightly giving away the effect our close proximity has over me.

  “Do I now?” His smile slowly pulls up the corners of his mouth as his eyes once again fall to my lips. “So you didn't like it, is that what you're saying?” His voice drops lower as he steps in, closing any remaining distance between us.

  My entire body seems to come to life and it takes everything I have to keep my breathing even and my hands still.

  “Killian.” His name is barely off of my lips before his mouth is on mine. Like the last time he kissed me, the moment the contact is made my body immediately melts into him.

  He holds a power over me that even I can't understand. No matter how much I deny that I want this, my body betrays me. It tells Killian everything he needs to know. I try to keep my mouth closed and not give into the feeling of his lips on mine but it's no use. The moment his tongue requests entrance, my mouth instinctively opens. Again, betrayed by my own body.

  His sweet taste immediately invades my senses. It takes over every thought, every emotion, until all I see is Killian. All I feel is Killian. All I want is Killian. I jump when I hear Gabe's voice, which immediately pulls me from my haze. I breakaway from Killian just moments before Gabe and Aiden push their way into the back of the bus.

  The moment Gabe's eyes find mine, they flip to Killian and then back to me, a knowing smirk instantly pulling up his mouth.

  “Fucking accent. Does it every time.” He shakes his head.

  I turn towards Killian to see he's sporting a wide grin, making no attempt to use any discretion whatsoever. He might as well just scream 'We were just making out!' given the look on his face. I mean, that's exactly what that look is saying anyways.

  Gabe flops down into his bunk and I immediately turn, climbing up the short ladder that leads to my bed in record speed. I throw Killian an angry glare which is met with a deep laughter that bursts from his chest.

  His response only makes my annoyance sky rocket and I grab the thin curtain that hangs above my bunk and rip it closed. I hear him chuckle again and then his mattress creaks as he sits down on the bunk below me.

  I immediately throw myself backwards and drop a pillow over my face. Why do I continue to let him do that to me? Why can I not just hold my shit together?

  It's like the moment we're alone and he closes in on me, my mind goes haywire and my body has a mind of its own. It's infuriating that no matter how much I try to hide my feelings behind false anger, they always seem to find a way to show through.

  All Killian has to do is wind me up, and watch me go...

  Chapter Eighteen

  Nora

  “Yes everyone is treating me very well.” I assure my mother for at least the tenth time during our twenty minute phone conversation.

  “I just worry.” She sighs.

  “Mom. I promise, everyone has been nothing but nice to me. The guys are all respectful and have made me feel very welcome. It's not like your imagining.” I tack on.

  “Well what am I supposed to imagine? You're off touring the country with a bunch of sex, drugs, and rock and roll hooligans.” She exclaims, prompting an outburst of laughter to pour from my mouth.

  “Mom!” I take a deep breath and try to speak through the laughter. “Sex, drugs, and rock and roll?” I question. “We're not living in the sixties here. Just because people play rock music does not mean that they are on drugs or do nothing but have sex.” I stifle another laugh.

  “I don't care what year it is, men are men.” She tries to hide her offense over my reaction.
“It doesn't matter what they do for a living, I don't like the thought of my baby spending countless hours on some cramped bus with a bunch of horn dogs.”

  “I am not a baby anymore Mom. I'm twenty-two years old and I can take care of myself. I know you don't like that I am touring with the band but can you at least act a little happy that I am actually making my dream of becoming a journalist a reality?” I cover one ear as a radio jockey from a local station takes the stage and starts announcing the band.

  “Of course I'm happy.” She sighs, saying something else that I can't hear as Gabe starts the opening guitar solo for their song Limits.

  “Sorry, I gotta go Mom. Tell Dad I love him. I promise I'll call soon.” I say, not able to make out her response over the deafening noise of the band.

  “I'll call you later Mom.” I practically yell into the phone again before deciding to just go ahead and disconnect. It's not like I will be able to hear her anyways.

  Shoving my phone into the back pocket of my shorts, I make my way around the side of the stage to get a glimpse of the guys as they rock it out in front of a sold out show. While I originally cursed the fact that the show was being held outside, I am now kind of glad that it is.

  The sun has already set and there is a cool breeze whipping through the air, giving off just enough relief to keep the extreme heat at bay. The night sky hanging above the crowd with the stage lights highlighting the band is an incredible sight.

  Deciding I want to get the full experience, I make my way down the steps leading to the ground and like usual, have a couple guards help me over the gate, making sure at least one of them sees my face so I don't have trouble getting back over when I'm ready.

  You would think my all access badge would be enough but I have already ran into a venue that questioned me extensively and even checked with Sean before letting me back through.

  Slipping out into the crowd, it takes me nearly two whole songs to finally make my way to center stage where Killian is standing. He catches sight of me two rows back as he belts the lyrics of Escape with his eyes fixed firmly on my face.