Everything After

by Melissa Toppen

  “Nora.” My name is a whispered word that falls from his lips before he thrusts forward and enters me in one swift motion.

  I cry out from the intensity of being filled so full so quickly, my body taking a few seconds to adjust to his size. He relaxes his weight down on top of me and pushes my hair away from my forehead.

  Making no attempt to move inside of me, he simply continues to stare down at me for what feels like an eternity. And while my body is begging for him to move, to show me the pleasure I know only he can, my heart is perfectly content with exactly how we are.

  “Nora.” He says my name again, only this time his tone is almost pained. I can see he wants to say something but for whatever reason he's holding back.

  Panic suddenly grips at my chest and in an effort to silence whatever confession he's about to make, I softly place my finger over his lips.

  “Don't say anything.” I whisper, slowly moving my hips upward in an effort to distract him from whatever is suddenly troubling him.

  The truth is, I'm terrified of what he will say. This type of intimacy can pull a lot of emotion from a person and the last thing I want is for him to say something he can't take back or make promises he can't keep, simply because he's lost in the moment. I don't think my heart could take such a confession right now.

  He immediately follows my lead, pulling back and then moving forward to meet my hips as I raise and lower them. He takes his time, his mouth working gently across mine as he slowly thrusts in and out.

  The moment is perfect. Beyond perfect.

  The way his body seems to fit perfectly with mine.

  The way our hearts, while both rapid, seem to beat in perfect harmony.

  His whispered words against my lips, telling me over and over again how beautiful I am, how perfect, how incredible I feel around him.

  With each movement, each kiss, I climb higher and higher. Clawing at his back, I beg him for more, demand more, until I am dangling so far over the edge, I know I am only moments away from shattering to pieces below him. When I finally go toppling over, Killian falls with me, my release prompting his as well.

  Relaxing his weight down on top of me, his mouth immediately finds mine again. His kiss is so gentle, like a whisper against my lips. When he finally pulls back and looks down at my face, the intensity of his gaze literally takes my breath away.

  It's moments like this that I realize just how much has changed, how much I have changed. Killian has stormed into my life like a tornado, turning everything I thought I knew upside down. Like an earthquake rattling the very ground beneath my feet, demanding to be felt.

  But typically it's not until after the storm is over, and the destruction seems beyond repair, that you realize just how much you stood to lose. Because the tornado will pass, the earthquake will subside, and when they do, they will leave nothing but devastation in their wake.

  ****

  I wake with a start, my body feeling overheated and damp with sweat. It takes me a long moment to recognize my surroundings and to realize that the heat I feel is caused by a sleeping Killian, who has his leg and arm draped over my body as he breathes softly next to me.

  I can't help but smile at the memories that immediately flood through my mind. Making love to Killian multiple times on nearly every surface of this very room. The way he held me afterward. The way he hummed a song gently into my hair as I slowly gave into sleep.

  Glancing to the bedside table, the clock reads just after five in the morning. It's been less than two hours since I fell asleep but for whatever reason, I feel wide awake. I stretch out my legs, oddly satisfied by the soreness of my limbs. It's proof, evidence that last night wasn't just a dream.

  Being extremely careful not to wake Killian, I manage to remove his leg and arm from my body without issue before quietly sliding out of the bed and making my way to the bathroom. Once inside, I splash my face with cold water, trying to cool myself off before finding my reflection in the mirror.

  My green eyes are bloodshot and tired, my dark hair is a tangled mess of knots and kinks, and my skin is so red you would think I had spent the last two hours in the sun rather than lying in bed. Placing my palms against the small white counter, I lean inward and let my head sag forward.

  As much as I want to go out there and climb back into bed with Killian, I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. I guess partially because I feel so hot, but mainly because I am afraid of what I will feel tomorrow if I let myself spend the rest of the night wrapped in Killian's arms.

  My heart is already wavering, teetering between what it already knows and what my mind refuses to accept.

  Quickly exiting the bathroom, I fumble through the darkness to find my clothes. It takes me a good five minutes to finally locate all of the items but once I do, I am dressed in the matter of seconds.

  I make sure my hotel key is still in the pocket of my shorts. The moment I feel the small plastic card in my fingers, I head for the door. Turning, I take one last look at Killian's sleeping form. My chest tightens at the thought of leaving him, but I know it's for the best.

  Better to save ourselves any awkwardness when the sun rises and erases the fantasy of last night in its wake, leaving us only with an air of uncertainty. I'd rather remember last night like this...

  Perfect. Beautiful. Magical.

  Just like Killian.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Killian

  “Hey man. Have you seen Nora?” I ask Aiden the moment I step into the lounge area of the bus. He looks up from his place at the table and shakes his head.

  “No. I think she left with Kate early this morning.” He shrugs, looking back down at his bass as he fiddles with the strings.

  “What time are we scheduled for sound check?” I ask.

  “I think noon.” He speaks without looking at me.

  Checking my phone, it's already after eleven. As much as I want to track down Nora before we hit the venue, I know I should really get ready.

  “I'm gonna go get changed and then we can head over together if you're ready.” I say, heading back towards the bunks when Aiden nods.

  It takes less than fifteen minutes before I head into Richmond Theater with Aiden. When we arrive, Chet and Gabe are already inside and huddled at the side of the stage talking to a small group of people. It isn't until we reach them that I realize I recognize who they are talking to.

  “Well, well, well, if it isn't Killian Adair.” Sidney throws me a wide smile before practically tackling me in a hug.

  It takes me a moment to return her embrace because I am so caught off guard that she is here. I haven't seen Sidney in over a year. We used to hook up back in the day when our bands were both playing the underground Athens music scene.

  When we got signed, they also got picked up by an indie label and we just kind of went in different directions.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I ask, pulling back to meet her still smiling face.

  “We are opening for you tonight, didn't you know?” She cocks her head, causing her long blonde hair to fall to the side, revealing thick chunks of blue running along the bottom layer.

  “No.” I shake my head, looking from Chet to Gabe, both of which are wearing amused grins. “I thought Royal Affair was opening for us.” I tack on.

  “We are Royal Affair. The label had us change our name right before we started recording.” She shakes her head like she can't believe I didn't know that. “Sean scheduled this with our manager about two weeks ago. I thought for sure he would have told you.”

  “Sid, they're ready for us.” Brad, their guitar player, waves Sidney over from his place at the front of the stage before I can comment further.

  “I gotta go. We'll catch up later?” She drops her voice and hits me with hopeful eyes. Grabbing my hand, she gives it a squeeze before throwing me a wink and then skipping off to join the rest of her band for sound check.

  “What the fuck dude?” I immediately turn on Chet.

 
; “What?” He plays innocent, like he has no idea what the big deal is.

  “Why would you not tell me Sidney's band was opening for us?”

  “I thought you knew.” He shrugs. “Besides, I don't see what the big deal is anyways. Last time I checked, you two were pretty cozy.”

  “Were being the operative word.” I practically growl out my frustration before Gabe pipes in.

  “What is the big deal man? Maybe if you're lucky, she will be game for another round. From the looks of it, I would say the odds are in your favor.” He laughs.

  The music from the stage kicks in and is so loud we have no choice but to end our conversation. Turning, I watch Sidney approach the microphone and then seconds later her crisp voice cuts through the theater.

  ****

  “Come on. You guys have to come out with us.” Sidney insists, practically begging me to join her and the other guys for drinks.

  Honestly it's been one hell of a day and the show tonight really took it out of me. As much as I enjoy hanging out, I really have no desire to revisit memory lane with Sidney.

  What the fuck has gotten into me?

  Since when am I not up for hanging out with someone I know knows how to have a good time?

  I guess the question is not what but who.

  “What do you say Killian?” Chet nudges me, clearly realizing that I have zoned out.

  “What?”...

  “You in?” He laughs, shaking his head at me.

  “I don't know man.” I immediately move to make excuses. All three of my band mates mouth off their protests in unison.

  “Seriously dude. You never come out with us anymore.” Gabe huffs, obviously choosing to forget that I went out after our last show with them for a while.

  “You have to come.” Sidney whines, pouting out her bottom lip at me.

  “Where are you going?” I hear Kate just before I see her squeeze in next to Chet.

  “We're going out for a few drinks.” He leans in a kisses her on the forehead. “You interested?” He asks, dropping his arm over her shoulder.

  “I could use a beer or four.” She laughs, nudging him with her hip. “But first I have to find Nora. I think she headed back to the bus.” She throws a glance in my direction before looking back up at Chet. “Text me the address of where you are and we will catch up.” She says, pushing up onto her tip toes to lay a quick kiss to his mouth.

  “Will do.” He says, slapping her ass as she walks away, causing her to yelp loudly and turn around to throw him a playful glare.

  “Killian's in.” Gabe smiles, knowing that if Nora plans on tagging along with Kate that there is no point in me sitting back on the bus by myself.

  Sidney immediately lets out an excited squeal, not questioning my sudden change of heart as she loops her arm through mine, dragging me alongside her before I have a chance to say anymore.

  ****

  “So who is this mystery girl I keep hearing everyone talk about?” Sidney asks, leaning closer to me as we sit side by side at a rectangular table in the corner of a little dive bar in the heart of Richmond.

  Shaking my head, I take another long gulp of my beer, trying not to spit it out when she elbows me playfully in the ribs. “Oh no you don't.” She waves her finger at me, taking a drink of her own beer before setting her sights back on me.

  “There is no mystery girl.” I lie, trying to keep Nora away from Sidney and her prying mind.

  Nora has made it perfectly clear that she is not comfortable making our relationship known. The last thing I am about to do is tell someone with a mouth like Sidney's. Hell, I might as well announce it to the world instead. Fuck if she wouldn't, if she found out.

  “So no girlfriend then?” She asks, trailing her finger lightly down my forearm.

  “You know I don't do girlfriends.” I remind her, knowing at one point and time she would have killed for the title. Hell, by the way she's acting I would say she still would.

  “So then why are we still sitting here?” She leans in closer, her breath hot on the side of my face as she kisses my jaw.

  “Sid.” I immediately start to object, turning my face towards her.

  “Don't Sid me.” She breathes, grabbing my face with both of her hands as she crashes her lips down on mine.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Nora

  Life is made up of moments, little snippets of time. Many pass by with little significance, while a select few have the ability to alter our entire course.

  This is one of those moments.

  A moment where I know, nothing will ever be the same again...

  Watching Killian locked in a passionate kiss with the hot blonde rocker from Royal Affair does two things to me simultaneously.

  First, it sends a jealous rage through me like I have never experienced. In the matter of seconds, I go from completely normal to feeling like I am about to punch this bitch in the throat.

  Second¸ and most importantly, it brings to light a very real truth that I have been fighting with for weeks.

  I am in love with Killian Adair.

  I knew it was happening. I could feel myself slipping more and more with each passing day. Each look became more important. Each touch more precious. Each moment, more magical. But it takes this, seeing Killian for the man he is, that makes it all seem blindingly clear.

  I wouldn't feel this rage, this pain, this pure and utter betrayal if being in love with him wasn't suddenly my harsh reality. I watch his lips move against hers, watch him make no attempt to push her away.

  I'm sure the kiss lasts less than thirty seconds in reality, but to me it feels like hours have passed from the moment their lips first meet until the moment they break away. I watch her push his hair away from his face and smile but I can't see his reaction because he is turned away from me.

  I stand frozen in the middle of the floor just feet from their table. I don't know what to do. Do I leave? Do I stay and pretend like I don't care? Even the thought of that seems impossible. How do you pretend not to care when you feel like your insides are literally ripping apart?

  I completely forget Kate is next to me until I feel her hand close around my forearm. Having clearly witnessed the kiss as well, she doesn't even get a word out before Chet announces our arrival and all heads turn in our direction, including Killian's.

  He knows...

  The moment his eyes settle on my face, I know he knows. I can see the panic flash through his eyes before he is shaking Sidney off and pushing away from the table. I spin, practically sprinting out of the bar before he can reach me.

  I just need to get away.

  Away from the band.

  Away from Killian.

  Away from everything...

  I hear him yelling my name behind me but it doesn't give me the same floating sensation that it did just earlier today. Instead, it makes me angry. More than angry, it makes me furious.

  He continues to chase me. I hear his footsteps as he closes the distance between us. I am no match for his long legs but that doesn't stop me from trying to out run him.

  When his hand finally closes down around my forearm and halts my movements, I am so out of breath that it's a wonder I am still able to stand. Whipping around, I rip my arm out of his grip and take a few steps back.

  “Nora, please. It's not what you think.” He immediately starts, struggling to catch his own breath as well.

  “No? Funny, to me it looked exactly like what I think.” I spit sarcastically, trying to reign in my emotions before I let them get the better of me.

  “She kissed me Nora, not the other way around.”

  “Is that supposed to make me feel better? That she kissed you?” I hesitate.

  “Nora please. I wasn't trying to hurt you. I would never do that to you.”

  “Whether hurting me was your intention or not, you managed to do a pretty stellar job.” I manage to calm my voice a bit.

  “It was just a kiss.” There is a fear in his voice, a desperatio
n I have never heard before and the sound alone nearly drops me to my knees.

  “What am I to you Killian?” The question falls from my lips before I can stop it.

  “What?” He stutters, clearly caught off guard.

  “What am I to you?” I repeat slowly, asking the same question again.

  “I don't know how to answer that Nora.” He hesitates for a moment. “You know how much I care about you.” He says, attempting to take a step towards me, only to stop when I take a step back.

  “Do I? Because right now I'm not sure I know anything.” I can feel the tears pooling in my eyes and I fight like hell to not let them spill over.

  Why do I feel like the entire world is falling down around me? Have I really given him this much power, that something as simple as a kiss could spawn this type of reaction from me?

  “I'm sorry you had to see that, but I promise you, it meant nothing to me. She means nothing to me.”

  “How do I know you're not lying?” I ask the one thing I am suddenly realizing.

  Do I really know Killian? I mean, really? How do I know that all this time he has not just been showing me the person he thinks I want to see?

  “I've never lied to you Nora. I have told you things that I have not talked about since I was a child, confided in you in a way that I have never confided in someone, and not one thing I have told you has ever been a lie. You have to know that.”

  “How can I know anything Killian when in reality, I don't know you?” I wipe at a stray tear that manages to escape my eye, not missing the pain that tightens his features when I do.

  “You know me Nora. You know me better than most.” He insists.

  “I know you use women, discard them the second they have served their purpose. I've watched you do it and yet, you still managed to pull me into bed too. Good job. You did it. You conquered the unconquerable.” I say, repeating something I overheard Gabe say just a couple of days after I arrived in Georgia.

  I see the recognition on his face, the realization that I have seen and heard much more than he has realized.

  “I was never trying to conquer you Nora. That's not what this is.” He says, gesturing between the two of us.