by Anyta Sunday
SHANE & TREY
By Anyta Sunday
Chapter One WATER SPRAYED OUT of the pool, landing on my bare feet and tempting me to take a dip. The sun laughed at me for not going in, doing its best to burn my nose.
June, my twin in nothing but birth date, looked at me over her boyfriend’s shoulder. “Come on, Shane,” she cried, “you must be dying out there.”
Well yeah, in a way I was. Ryan, my friend, popped up from under the water, having swum the entire length in one breath. My gaze roamed straight to his lazy grin, his toned upper body. I wasdyingof this secret. See, there was a good reason I didn’t dive into that pool. For about three months I’d known, one—I was gay, and two—I fancied Ryan. In a very hard way. Good hard.Hothard. But damn was it hard. He didn’t know. Nobody knew. Oh, and I had a hard (haha) time controlling my dick around him. That’s why I remained clothed, a towel on my lap.
Ryan had been the one to suggest the swim. He didn’t have a pool at home, the day was a scorcher, and I was head over heels for him. Like I was going to say no.
“Come on. It’s so refreshing in here.” Ryan hoisted himself out of the pool and shook his head, fanning water in wide circle. His smooth body glistened, a trail of dark hair ran toward his tight swimsuit (what a package, eh!). Anyway, it was enough to send more than half my blood supply downward. Oh baby, yeah was I gay.
I waited for him to bomb into the pool like he’d done the last time. I loved it when his splashes hit me—they sent shivers all through me thinking his sweat was mingled with it.
But Ryan didn’t go for the pool. In two steps he bounded toward me. I didn’t process what was happening until—he flung the towel off my lap and jumped on me, trying to get me all wet.
Well, we were both surprised. “Shit,” he yelled, leaping off me, a disgusted look on his face. “You schwanged on me, man.” It was the type of thing he’d say, so I should’ve ignored it, but…that moment my heart just cracked. Because all my secret dreams of him being in love with me shattered. I could’ve cried, except for the fact June and Trey were looking on with open mouths. My sister’s was open more in sympathy more than disgust, but Trey’s, his was almost worse than Ryan’s. Words almost seemed to scream from it:fucking fag you disgust me. And even though he was still in the pool, he kept moving, distancing himself from me. Like gayness was an infectious disease or something.
It was the quickest I’d ever lost an erection. Yet weirdly the moment still hadn’t passed. It was the slowest of my life. Ever.Each second stretched out taunting me, spitting on me.
My entire body reddened. Right up to the tips of my ears. If only the ground would swallow me up. Ryan grabbed the towel, covering his body and laughed. “You’d better not have a thing for me man.” I looked down in shame, and he gasped. “Are you telling me you’re part fag?”
Part fag?Part fag? The safety, keeping my reactions in check, came off. Those words hurt so bad I skipped the sadness level and went straight to the angry one. I stood up and met his eye, my fists pulsing at my side. “It’s gay,” I shouted. “I’m gay. Not a fag. Don’t youevercall me that again.”Who the f*** cared? And so what, man. Just get overod it.
I had no idea what I said. Just a whole heap of stuff flew out of my mouth, speedy bullets looking for a target. I was pretty sure I managed to offend all three of them in some way. Or at least, I hoped so.
With a speed I didn’t know I possessed, I ran into the house, slammed my bedroom door and collapsed onto the bed.
I slapped both palms to my head. If before I was dying of a secret, now I was dying of mortification. What had I been thinking? Should’ve laughed it off, joked about it.
I rolled onto my belly, digging my head in the pillows. Oh my God they knew.Ryan knew. There came a soft knock at the door, and I choked back a pitiful sob. Was it…? Could it be…? Had Ryan a sudden change of heart?
Giddy, I lurched to open the door. Deep down of course I knew it wouldn’t be him. Knew he wouldn’t jump on me, wrap his legs around my waist, let me take him to the bed and let me kiss him until he begged to be fucked. But idiot I was, I clung to fine thread of hope. Really I should forget about him. Who needed a straight, homophobic guy as a crush?
I ought to hate him. And a part of me did. Just not the part that had control over my dick. What could I say? It wanted what it wanted.
I yanked the door handle, startling my sister poised to knock. Disappointment swirled and acid flared up my throat. Straightening my shoulders for some semblance of togetherness, I stared at her. “What?”
She glanced nervously at Trey lurking at the far end of the hall, his back to us. “Um, can I talk to you a sec?” Without waiting for an answer, she slid into the room and perched herself on the wooden end of the bed. Wiping the wet straggly hair from her face, she prepared herself to say something difficult. I knew that because whenever June got uncomfortable she’d squirm, her thin torso twisting this way and that.
But it was rarely she did that with me. I glanced once more out the hall to make sure Trey wasn’t anywhere near us, and shut the door. Wiping my palms on my shorts, I sat on the bed behind her. “So, where’s Ryan?”
She craned her neck in my direction. “He left.” “Oh, but he doesn’t have a car—” I shut my trap. Why was a concerned how he got home after what he said? Why did I still care if he’d be all right? I clenched my teeth. Part fag, he’d called me.Part fag.
“It’s cool, you know.” A small grin graced June’s angelic face. “Being gay and all. I mean, I’m surprised, but…” She shrugged. “I dunno. You’re still you. The best brother I have.”
“The only brother you have,” I said, a fraction relieved, but not enough to alleviate all of my anger. She turned completely and swung her arms up over my neck, hugging me tight. Chlorine filled my nose, and a little warmth uncurled in my stomach. I squeezed her back. “Thanks, June,” I croaked into her hair. If you could call a sister a friend, June was a close one. I loved hanging with her, and we agreed on most things—all the big stuff anyway. Hmmm. Except for Trey.
She’d been going out with him coming on three years, and for two and a half of them, I wished she’d dumped him. But she was madly in love with the guy. It was always Trey this and Trey that. And on a physical level, I could see why she’d be interested. He was some seriously hot piece of ass. Yeah, I mean crack-an-egg-on-him-and-watch-it-fryhot.
But he freaked the shit out of me. I mean, June and I were both pretty tall ourselves, but he towered over us. The guy was str--ong. All muscle and not an ounce of fat. One push of his hand could send me flying. Which, end of sophomore year, it did.
He went to a different high school to June and I, but we both played hockey—field hockey, right—and our teams met for the semi-finals. We won the game thanks to some speedy work on my behalf. But this guy, the sheer size of him should have clued me into the fabotct he wouldn’t be happy at the loss. Anyway, twenty minutes after the game, I found myself under a tree outside the changing rooms, Trey smiling at me.
At first I thought it was a sweet smile—and I had to admit that stirred me a bit and certainly had the potential to make me hard, but then one of his teammates trundled over. Trey grabbed me and in one swoop he dug his hands into my shorts, grabbed the waistband of my briefs and, well —ouch. He pulled my underwear so high my balls hurt for days. Then, with one casual push, I landed flat on my back (and cried like a baby).
The memory still made me wince. June, of course, didn’t know anything about this. Like I was going to tell her, or anyone, I got handed a wedgie.Come on.And the fact was, while I hated his guts. He did alright by June. Treated her well, made her feel special. Protected her—she was
just such a sweetheart, always so kind and generous that some people were prone to taking advantage of her. Well, I knew if she ever got into trouble for being too kind to a stranger, Trey would sort them out.
“When do you—do you…” June said, bringing me back to my senses. She swallowed. “When do you think you’re going to tell Mom,” her voice fell to a whisper, “and Dad?”
I internally groaned. Did I have to tell anyone else? Wasn’t it enough my sister knew? And I mean—“Dad? You’ve got to be kidding. I do want to be alive for starting college.”
It was one of those lame half-jokes. I wasn’t sure Dad would get violent if I told him I was gay—oh yeah and to clarify, I wastotallygay. At least, no girl had ever turned me on yet —but I was a hundred percent sure he’d be disgusted, ninety percent sure he’d use the terms fag, fairy and butt pirate in one sentence, and eighty percent sure he’d disown me as his son. Yeah, I wasn’t planning on telling him,ever. It wouldn’t be too hard to avoid either, we only heard from him twice a year for our birthday and Christmas —Mom had been right to quit the relationship long ago.
“Well, I think Mom will be alright.” June winked. “She has me to give her grandchildren.” She glanced toward the closed door and smiled.
I couldn’t hold back a gasp. “You think he’sthe onefor you?” I prayed to God I misunderstood that look. She smiled. “It’s not going to happen for years yet, but yeah, I know I love him. And he’d be a great dad. He’s so sweet and gentle.”
Stop. Were we really talking about the giant in our hall? I gave her a tight smile. “Just see how things work out once we’re all in college, yeah? Away from home he might be a different person than you think. Just give it time.”
She nudged me in the ribs. “You’re so serious sometimes, Shane. You’d make a good dad one day too.” That little compliment went a long way to making me feel better. I rested my head on her shoulder. “I want a whole pack of them, you know. Enough so I can start my own hockey team.”
June laughed. “Wow, and here I thought you’d be put off kids after a year running an afterschool care club.” I stiffened, images of Ryan flooding my mind. He and I had run the club together. I tried ignoring the pain and, and— embarrassment that came thinking of him. For the first time I was relieved Ryan wasn’t going to the same college as me. To think that a half hour ago the same thought was a stab to the heart.
But it was a good thing his college was much further from mine; it’d mean he wouldn’t continue with the club. I’d just find someone else to run it with me. Maybe a girl. That’d be better, because I didn’t want to fall head over heels with any guy again. Period.
Chapter Two
MID-MORNING SUN peeked through a crack in the curtains. I kicked the blankets off me,ebr letting my sweaty body feel the relief of air. As I did most mornings, I reached for the towel I kept in a box under the bed, and began rubbing one out. I couldn’t help picturing Ryan. For the last two weeks I’d tried getting him out of my head, and knew I shouldn’t be using him as my fantasy anymore, but—old habits die hard?
I felt sort of weird about it because Ryan had made it uberclear he wasn’t interested, to the point of saying he didn’t even want to be my friend anymore. So I was jerking off over him without consent. I wasn’t sure if that made me a bad person or not. It’d probably be best to get me some mags.
The worst thing was after I finished—man I felt sad at how things turned out. I mean, even if he never wanted to be with me in any sexual way, did three years of friendship mean nothing? I would’ve liked to remain his bud.
After I’d showered and before I dressed, I grabbed my guitar and strummed some. Call me strange, but I just loved the feel of its vibrations against my skin. Like I was touching the music itself.
A knock came at my door. “Open up, Shane.” June sounded excited. “Just a sec.” I carefully placed the guitar on the stand, and then pulled on some shorts and a t-shirt. I swung open the door. “What’s up?”
She bounced on the balls of her feet and shoved a piece of paper before my eyes. “Guess what?” She laughed. “My roomie’s name is Sara.”
I ripped the sheet from her. “Sara who?” “It doesn’t say. Only first name’s there. Oh, I’m so excited. Sara sounds like a friendly name. She’s gonna be real kind I bet.”
I grinned at her enthusiasm. She’d have no trouble making new friends, which was her biggest fear starting college. All the girls and guys she’d hung with in high school were going someplace else.
“And,”—she whipped out an envelope from her back pocket—“here’s yours. Come on, open up. And hurry, I’ve got to run off to work.”Workfor June meant polishing people’s nails and bearing the grunts of pain coming from the adjoining waxing room. I shuddered just like I did whenever I passed the bright purple store. It was a reminder, avery goodreminder, curiosity didn’t always lead to something good. Yeah—I’d tried it. Andowweeee. Oh, andnever again.
I took the letter and worked my pinkie under the flap. Who would it be? I’d given a pretty detailed profile of myself in the application. The guy was surely going to have some of the same interests as me, right? I mean, they had a computer system for this stuff.
In a sudden burst of excitement and confidence I winked at June. “Jeez I hope he’s hot.”Yeah, smoking hot with a tight ass and great pecs I can ogle at. That’d be real nice.
She laughed, and scanned my room. “Well whoever he is, he’s lucky. You’d be a good roomie. So tidy.” She gazed at her letter again. “They should come with a profile picture. Or at least a last name to google them. Shoot. I hope Sara will be nice.”
“Ach, don’t worry she will be. And you can always come hang with me if you don’t like her.”
“Or she doesn’t like me.” I snorted, scanning over the letter. “Not gonna—” happen, June,I was going to finish. Until I read my soon-to-beroomie’s name.
Trey. I frowned, trying my damn best to ignore my sinking insides. Surely there were like, loads of Trey’s, right? I mean what fucked up coincidence would it be to end up rooming with my sis’s boyfriend?Oh, please don’t let the world actually be that cruel.
“Well, who is it?” I swallowed and managed a fake grin. “Funny. His name’s Trey.”
* * * I parked across the street from his house. I knew where he lived because I’d dropped June off a couple of times. It felt weird being here without her though. But she’d been the one to sugdengest coming here and finding out if—and I prayed to God it wasnotthe case—he got a letter withmy name on it.
As I had no AC, I’d made sure to lower all the windows. It was too hot a day for anything else, and even with the light breezes I was sweating. I gripped the wheel so tight my palms grew hot and slippery.
I narrowed my gaze on his pristine house with its perfect flower beds, and then to Trey, who mowed the lawns. Fuck, I felt like such a stalker sitting in my car and watching him. But I couldn’t get out. I mean what was I thinking coming here? The guy had heard me come out. What if wanted to beat on me? Did I really care to find out that much? Hell no. But then, if hewasmy roomie—I gulped—I’d have to live scared shitless by his fists all semester. Better grow a set quickly. This could be like mental preparation. I’d gauge his reactions today and figure out how best to deal with him before getting to college.So go on, what am I waiting for? Get out of the fucking car.
I grasped the door handle, and unbuckled the seatbelt. Then froze again as Trey stopped the mower. He wiped the back of his hand over his glistening forehead, and then ran his fingers through his dark hair.
He wandered toward the patio, and as he did the sun worked a small miracle in combination with all his sweat, making him sparkle. This was so unfair. He’d so better not be my roomie. I mean sure a hot bod would be great, but jeez, just give me a chronic farter—anyonetrumped this Trey.
I let go of the handle. Oh crap. I was a wuss. I didn’t want to talk to him at all. Nope. I wasn’t going too. June could just tell me later. Then I’d join
a gym and buff myself up so I’d be a match for him—okay probably only a sort-of match. But it’d be something.
I groaned and hit my head on the steering wheel. “Fuuuuck.” “Were you going to come out any time?”
My head snapped up. Trey, now in a tight white t-shirt, waltzed toward me. His stare seemed to penetrate a hole through my skull.Ahhhhh—“HmmMmm.”Yes? No? Maybe? Hell no?
He raised his brow slightly, then walked in front of the car and let himself into the passenger seat. I tried to determine what I’d do if he started throwing punches. I could run off. Actually, I’d probably have the strength enough to push him out of the car. Then I’d hit the gas. Was I over-thinking? Yeah, probably—this guy was my sister’s boyfriend after all. If he loved her anywhere near as much as she did him, he wouldn’t be messing me up too bad.
“Didn’t realize you’d seen me,” I said at last. “Your car is red, man. I noticed.” So much of a stalker I’d be.
Trey sucked in air making it whistle between his teeth. “So, wazzup?” He calmly leaned his torso back into the chair, gazing out the front window. Somehow that went a long way to calming down my nerves.
I cleared my throat. Did I lead in with a Not much, how‘bout you? Or just get to the point? Funny that my sister had gone out with the guy three years and I’d only had a handful of conversations with him. And they weren’t exactly revealing. Like I knew he had a brother, and wassuper, super good at basketball—but those were my sister’s words.
“Ummmm,” I finished the word with a loud smack. With all my hmms and umms no one would believe I was going to study to become a speech therapist. I glanced at Trey who surprised me by grinning. “Do you know who you’ll be rooming with in college?” I burst out.
“Shane?” My name mixed with his deep voice… damnthat sounded sort of—sexy? Whoa! I looked away from him, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks. Where the hell did that come from? “We’re gonna be roomies,” he said.
“We are?” Well that came out much higher than anticipated. “I’ve known for sure ever since I saw your car pull up witnnihout June in it. Why else would you be here? You’re very good at avoiding me usually.”