by Anyta Sunday
“ Me avoidingyou?” I mean, yeah I did, but it went both ways. If I didn’t, he would. (So what a bad stroke of luck it was he’d been around with the whole Ryan thing, huh.)
Trey chuckled, something I’d never heard him do before. Fascinated, I watched his grin widen and his torso quiver. “Well, you’re going to have to start learning to relax around me man. I mean you’re as stiff as”—he hesitated—“a board.” Yeah,that’s what he was going to say. “Looks like you need a good back rub.”
WTF? That was the last thing I thought would come out of his mouth—and like, was he offering? The answer came in form of a large hand reaching toward me.Okay, think of something to say—anythingto stop this. “June!”
He paused as if trying to make the connection, a frown pushing his thick brows together. I continued to ramble, “June loves a good back rub, huh? Her and Mom are always bribing me to give them one. But I’m sure your fine hands do it better—they really like the pressure.”
I stopped, sure I was scarlet now. Your fine hands could do better?—what was I on? My tongue needed some serious reprimanding.
Trey chuckled again. “You’re funny when you’re nervous.” He rested his head back on the headrest. “I feel like I’m getting to know you some, already.”
Well that did not go both ways. Didn’t he hate me? Think I was disgusting? Shouldn’t he try to threaten me somehow? I didn’t understand how he could be so, so easy-going. Not knowing what to expect of him made me antsy.
From somewhere deep and brave, and without my entire consent, words spilled from my mouth. “Actually, I find it quite unfair. You know more about me than most, but I hardly know a thing about you.”
“What do you want to know?” What do you think of me being gay? Will that be a problem for us as roomies? Will you hurt me again?But because that brave place closed up, all I came out with was, “Um… so… what papers are you taking?”
“Mostly math papers, stats, calculus, physics.”
Wow. Okay, that sounded smart. “I thought you got into college with some sort of sports scholarship.” Trey faced me, his green eyes darkening. “Why is it so fucking hard for people to believe I have a head on me? I’m not just about sport, you know.”
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Seemed I also squirmed when I was nervous. Maybe June and I were more alike than I’d thought. “I didn’t mean to imply you were dumb.”
“Sure you did, Shane.” And the truth was he was right, a part of me had thought him a bit of a meathead. But now I really had no clue who this guy was.
After a few moments of silence, I spoke, “Are we going to have problem?” My grip tightened on the wheel.
Of course, he knew exactly what I was referring to. He shrugged. What did that mean?
“Nah, you’re all right, I suppose. I just…” he trailed off, his face tensing, as if he were concentrating hard. I wasn’t sure what to make of his comment, but it sounded promising. I guess so long as he stayed with my sister, things would be okay.
A light breeze came in through Trey’s window, bringing with it a trace of his sweat. I found myself inhaling deeply, liking the tangy scent. I had a sudden vision of me licking the side of his neck up to his ear, having that saltiness on my tongue.
Shit, the thought was making me hard. Socks. Smelly socks. Socks on a hot day after a game of soccer.Nope, that didn’t seem to be stopping it.
I moved a bit, and hoped the straining wasn’t too obvious. This was not good. I mean, come on, he’s straight, my roomie, and my sister’s boyfriend—this was just not meant to happen. It was definitely time to get out of here hi. “I’ve— ah, got to get to the library. I promised Mom I’d meet her for lunch.” Well that was a lie, but whatever.
Trey sat up straight. “Oh, I have some books to return, do you mind, man?” Yes, yes I do. I forced a smile. Why did I find it so hard to say no to someone? Even if I disliked them? “Nah, give them to me and I’ll drop them off.”
He smiled and raced inside. I took the opportunity to quickly rearrange myself. Within the minute he was back in the front seat. Not only did he have a stash of books, but he had a shoulder bag with him as well.
I raised a brow. “Oh, yeah. Well I need to go to town anyway. Give me a ride?” He leaned over and knuckled my dark tree-brown waves. “That way I can learn more about you, man. Your sister brags about you of course, but I think I’d prefer to learn for myself, make up my own mind, like.”
I was pretty sure goose bumps covered my scalp. It certainly felt all tingly where he’d touched me. I shook my body, trying to get rid of it.
The whole giving him a lift was so not part of the plan. I glanced at his lap, quickly focusing on the stack of books. Of the seven, three were Harry Potter. Well, that made me want to whoop with laughter. I mean, he just didn’t look the type. At all. I did my best to choke it back.
“What on earth was that noise you just made?” I shrugged, and hit the gas.
“Well that’s the first time I’ve ever seen you smile like that,” he said, suspicion soaking his tone. “There’s got to be a reason for it.”
I calmed myself. It was totally possible he was dropping the books off for his brother, who—actually now I thought about it, I didn’t know anything about. I knew he had one, but was he twelve? Fourteen? Sixteen? “How old is your brother?”
“Where did that come from?” Trey shook his head. “He’s twenty-three.” I let loose a bout of laughter. I slowed the car down until it was all out, and forced myself not to imagine giant Trey reading the books. I’d read them all myself, there was nothing wrong with it. It was just—the image was too cute. “Hey, you’re not a vegetarian are you?”
“What the fuck? Now you’re making me laugh.” I waved a hand toward the books. “I just thought anything was possible.” I glanced at Trey. He’d actually gone red and lowered the stack to the floor. I smiled internally. Was June right? Was Trey really just a sweet guy? No. He couldn’t be—I’d seen the real him, and it was bullying.
As we continued into town our chatting became more and more easy, making my nervousness earlier seem ridiculous. I was still—and would still be—cautious of the guy, but maybe, just maybe things would be okay. * * *
In the library parking lot we clambered out of the car. Trey walked around to my side, leaning on the back door whileI grabbed his books. Which meant leaning over the seat to grab them off the floor. As I brought them up something grazed my ass. The soft touch sent butterflies to my stomach. My breath caught, and I slowly pulled out of the car.
Trey stood exactly as I’d last seen him, only his face was now completely blank, and I couldn’t make out any emotion, except perhaps boredom. I scanned the area. Surprised as it made me, I’d really thought it’d been Trey. But now I wasn’t so sure. Maybe—could it have been a bird or something?
“Hey did you…” see a bird land on my sweet tushie? Seriously, hadn’t I said enough weird stuff today? “Uh… never mind.” Anyway, it was more likely I’d imagined it.
Trey swung his shoulder bag in front of him and fiddled with the buckle. Without looking at me, he spoke. “Look I’ve got to run, man. Thanks for the ride, yeah?”
“Sure.” I guess. I watched him stride across the parking lot. More specificy dally, I stared at his ass. Guilt at checking out my sister’s boyfriend sent heat rushing to my face, but it didn’t stop the blood from rushing to my dick. The image of me lapping up his sweet scent came back to me, and I was on the verge of jizzing in my pants.
Fuck. The world really could be cruel. Chapter Three I FLATTENED THE boxes and rested the cardboard against the wall by the door. At last the move was all done. I looked over the almost symmetrical room with its two beds against the walls, the dresser and the desk in the corners, and the side tables next to the beds. The only furniture difference was Trey’s bed, which was longer and slightly wider. Oh, andcoveredwith pillows. Big fat plump ones, taking up half the bed space and demanding to be pounced on.
I ignored
the urge and jumped on my own one-pillowed bed. But even though I was unpacked and alone, I wasn’t able to relax—hadn’t been able to all day. Strike that. I hadn’t been able to since talking with Trey a few weeks back. It didn’t help he’d taken to coming over to our house more often during that time too, always finding an excuse to chat with me. My mind continuously wandered between fear and curiosity at what it’d be like living with him. Although with each subsequent conversation I did find myself fearing him maybe a fraction less?
A crazy part of me, though, hoped the living would be unpleasant. I mean, I didn’t want him messing me up or anything, I just…I wanted to lose this sort-of interest I had in him. Ah, yeah, because I was having some fucked up transition from Ryan. Hmmm. Well it was working in that I hadn’t fantasized about Ryan in weeks, so I could be glad about that. But whacking off to the image of my sister’s boyfriend’s bod wasn’t any better. No. It wassooooomuch worse.
I rolled off the bed and picked up my guitar case, in an effort to distract myself. Having this with me made the room that much homelier. I tightened the strings and played a tune. I wasn’t a very good singer, but I liked to hum along. A soft knock came at the door and I rested the guitar on the bed and answered.
June flashed me a quick smile. None of her usual cheeriness in it. She’d been like this for a couple of weeks now and I guessed she was nervous about living away from home. Sad or something. “Come in, sis.”
June stepped into the room and immediately bounded to Trey’s bed, jumping into the pillows like I’d wanted to. She snuggled into them and patted the end of his bed for me to sit down. Seeing her entitlement in this move made me blush.Howcould I think about Trey the way I have, when he so clearly belongs to my sister?All right. I was going to get over whatever weird thing this was, develop some gaydar and get me a real boyfriend.
“Sara seems okay,” she said, over the rim of a pillow.
I perched next to her onhisbed. “Told you it’d be fine.” “Yeah.” She remained quiet for a few moments. “Is it…” A hesitation. “Is it…” Another pause. I studied the small frown cutting into my sister’s forehead. She looked so worried this way. Pulling her to me, I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a big hug. “What’s up?”
Over my shoulder she whispered, “Is it normal for guys to just not want to do it for like, weeks?”
I tensed, and she pulled away. “It’s just… I don’t know. Trey doesn’t seem to be in the mood. Or he, you know, can’t…” I stood up and strode over to my side of the room. The last thing I wanted was to talk in detailthat waywith my sister about Trey. I grabbed my guitar and stared the strings intently, without actually seeing them. I had to answer her though, this was my sister, and I loved her. I wanted her to be able to come to me for anything. She trustedI^ me, too. “Um… well it’s not unusual for that to happen. Was he drunk?”
June sighed. “I’m not talking one time. I mean he’s tried, but well, he keeps only getting softies.”
I strummed, wishing the conversation would be over. “Maybe it’s stress? Some emotional problem? He’s sad to be leaving home?”
She shook her head. “He doesn’t seem too upset about moving out. In fact, he’s been so excited about coming to college. Dorm life and all. The thing is,” she glanced at the door, and lowered her voice, “when I stayed with him last night he, you know, to himself. In the bathroom. But only minutes before he couldn’t get it up for me. I don’t understand.”
Well neither did I. But there could’ve been a whole heap of reasons for it. “I wouldn’t really worry about it. Just settle down into college life a bit. It’s bound to work out.”
“Right.” She climbed off the bed and rummaged in the bookshelf. “How do you like your view?” she asked glancing out the window at the parking lot.
“Haha.” I gave up playing and put the guitar away. June tore out a piece of paper from one of Trey’s math books. After jotting down a quick note, she rested it on top of his dresser.
“It’s going to be interesting to see how you handle living with him,” she said, a small twinkle in her eye. “He’s a bit of a slob, and not good at picking up after himself. Maybe you’ll have better luck, though.”
I smiled inside. Good. I hated sloppiness. So it probably wouldn’t take long to go off the guy. Everything had its silver linings. “I’ll manage.”
June gave me a quick hug goodbye and left, taking my cardboard boxes with her. (She’s such a doll.) Deciding to get out of the room, I found my wallet. As I went to leave, June’s note caught my eye and I found myself checking it out.
Came by. Place looks good. Be nice to Shane, yeah? See you. --June. Be nice to Shane? Why did she have to tell him that? Had he said something to make her worry? I set the note back on the dresser. Trey’s top drawer, partially opened, caught my eye. I felt like such a snoop peering in, but, I don’t know —I couldn’t help it?At the sight of boxer-briefs, at the images of Trey in nothing but them, I grew aroused. With insane effort I stepped away from the drawers, away from the temptation to grab a pair and rub them over my face, breathing them in. Oh this was so much fuck, fuck, fuckityfucked up.
Angry at my lack of control, I stormed down to the cafeteria, knocking over a guy with his tray. I sucked up my issues, and helped the guy up, and then collected his packaged sandwiches.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, handing over a salmon and asparagus sandwich that made me realize how hungry I was. The guy, blonde and almost as tall as me, smiled. “No probs. Lucky I didn’t go for that chocolate milkshake, I guess.” Then he flicked his hand up in a sort-of wave and shuffled over to the nearest free table.
I bought a sandwich and, still feeling bad about knocking the poor guy over, ordered a chocolate milkshake as well. I carried my tray over and slipped in the chair beside him. “Hey,” I said, sliding the milkshake over. “I really am sorry about before.”
“Oh, you didn’t have to,” he said, his face flushing a soft pink, “but, ah, thanks.” He cleaned a hand on his jeans and offered me his hand, which although formal was sweet. “I’m Syd. Sydney, really, but anyone I like calls me Syd.”
I shook his hand, surprised at the firmness of his grip. “I’m Shane.” We chatted a while before I opened my sandwich and started munching. Syd was quite nice to look at. Not only was it obvious he kept himself in pretty good shape, he had these electric green eyes that almost looked as if they’d have the capability to attract insects. Well, certainly they attracted me.
Syd laughed, reached over w amith a serviette and dabbed my chin. “You’re drooling.” “I was not.” He winked. “Well, it sure looked like it.”
Totally speechless, I took another bite of sandwich, and almost choked when he said, “So, how long have you known you’re gay?”
I glanced around the cafeteria, nervously. No one seemed to be looking at me though. I faced Syd, squirming in my chair. “What? I mean, how...” I stopped and rested both elbows on the table, then said in a low voice, “Coming on five months. But I don’t know, maybe before that even.” I pushed the crusts away. “How did you know?”
Syd twisted facing me directly, thrusting his hips slightly as he leaned back into his chair. “There’s your answer.” “What?” He smiled, slowly ran his gaze down my body and stopped on my crotch, after a moment he met my eye again. “You did that to me three—four times now, counting the last one. I’d say it was more than a lucky guess.”
Well, I didn’t have a mirror, but I could have sworn I’d just turned lobster red. Although I normally hated crusts, I picked one up and stuffed it in my mouth for something to do. Then I picked up my tray to get the hell out of there, but Syd stopped me placing a hand atop of mine.
“Where do you think you’re going? You haven’t asked me out yet.” His tone was sweet, but there was a challenge in it too.
I let go of the tray, and met his eye. “So you are… too?” I swallowed. “I mean, you’re gay too?”
Syd removed his hand, but slowly letting hi
s fingertips tickle my skin. “I’ve known since I was twelve.” “Shane!” someone bellowed across the cafeteria. I stiffened. I knew that voice. It was deep; it was sending sparks in waves through my body.
I looked up to Trey striding across the room in my direction. My breath suspended in the air as his deep brown eyes rimmed with thick lashes gazed at me. His dark hair sort of spiked up gave him even more height and attitude. I was aware many eyes were peeled to his sexy gait and I had mixed feelings about it. Internally, and without license, I scowled at anyone checking him out.Don’t even think about it,I silently yelled,he’s mine. Which of course wasn’t true at all, but try telling my head that. (When it came to Trey, I’d lost all sense of reason.) It also excited me that while all these people checked him out, he didn’t see a single one of them. His eyes remained riveted to mine.
But that wasn’t allI felt. In fact, that was probably the tip of the iceberg, because more than anything, I felt dread. Dread that even while I sat next to a really cute (available) guy, Trey still thrilled me. And I didn’t want that. I needed to escape this. Yet just the thought of trying to escape made me sick.
What the hell was wrong with me? And—because why not have things more complicated?— the guy still freaked me out. There was a part of me that, at the mere sight of him, wanted to cower and hide under the table.
Syd leaned toward me. “Who’s that?” Good question. I still had no idea. “Um… that’s my roomie.”
Trey reached the table, pulled out a chair and sat down, darting his gaze to Syd. “Hey,” he said shortly.
I snapped out of my reverie and introduced them to each other. Trey took my left over crusts and stuffed them in him mouth, while I just sat dumbly, one brow raised. “Crusts are good for you, man. Help you get big and strong.”
Syd chuckled, a sweet sound that made me smile. “Doesn’t look like you need anymore, then.” I laughed, uprooting my gaze from Trey to Syd. Maybe, if I gave it the chance, I could really like this guy. He was cute, and gay so those were pluses, and well, Ireallyneeded to get over this, thisthing.