Jane In Bloom

by Deborah Lytton

  Inside, I cover the cardboard with a velvet shirt of Lizzie’s. I place Lizzie’s notebook of poems inside, photos of us as little girls, a copy of Vogue magazine. I take her favorite bracelet with a heart charm on it and the number she wore when she ran her first 10k. Her favorite photo of herself. The photo of my mother bringing me home from the hospital. And I place one dried yellow rose from Ethel’s garden. Last, I put in the pictures from the funeral.

  I cry as I make the box. And I know that it isn’t finished. I will add to it over time. But when I close it and slide it underneath my bed, I know that I am ready to help Mom pack up Lizzie’s room. I am ready to accept her absence from this world. Because I believe I will see her again. I believe she is with me. And I think she wants me to move forward.

  Because loving her and missing her doesn’t mean I have to feel sad all the time. And being sorry that she’s gone doesn’t mean I can’t have fun or laugh and smile. It just means that I will always and eternally miss my big sister. And that I will love her forever.

  I take the tiny blue box out of the drawer in my bedside table. I look at the silver hoops. I go to the mirror and hold them up. In a few weeks, I can change the piercing earrings for the hoops Lizzie gave me. I can’t wait.

  I look at myself in the mirror. I look different. Older. Wiser. But I also notice something else.

  I am me.

  Jane.

  And I am perfect. Just the way I am.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Thank you to my agent, Stacey Glick, for your unending faith in me. None of this would have happened without you. Thank you to my editor, Julie Strauss-Gabel, for your guidance and your wisdom—working with you has been an absolute joy. I also want to thank the creative team at Dutton Children’s for an exquisite cover, which represents this book so beautifully, and the Dutton Children’s Sales and Marketing team for all your work on behalf of this book—I am so grateful. Thank you to my family for your constant love and support and the million things you have done for me. Thank you to my friends for your encouragement and for reading everything I send you. And a special thank you to my daughters, Ava and Caroline—you inspire me every day. I love you.