Love Songs (Secret Songbook #1)

by Jamie Campbell

  “He was everything I ever wanted.”

  “No, he wasn’t. Otherwise he wouldn’t have done what he did. Especially not tonight of all nights.”

  Kaley wiped at her eyes and sniffled. Perhaps Harper was right, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. She wished words could heal her heart, it would be nice and simple.

  “Why were you looking for me, anyway?”

  Harper hesitated, inwardly struggling with something. “The Ravens are sick, they’ve all gone to hospital with suspected food poisoning. Cooper was one of the worst.”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry. You didn’t even get to dance with him.”

  “Nope. So much for our dream guys, huh? I think I had more fun when we were invisible losers with no dates.”

  Kaley couldn’t suppress a laugh, wasn’t that the truth. “Next year, I’m staying home with a rom-com marathon. But now, I’m going to call my mom to come and pick me up. Do you want a lift?”

  “You can’t go. Which brings me to the reason why I was looking for you. The band is gone, the dance is in dire need of some entertainment. You need to replace The Ravens.”

  “Nice one, Harper. I’m calling my mom, are you in or out?” Kaley took out her phone, ready to dial.

  “I’m serious. You are the only one at this school with some talent. You need to go on, sing and play your guitar. The dance is dying. Mr. Stephens sent me to find you. He says he’s going to flunk you out of music class if you don’t do it.”

  “He can’t do that. And why do I care about the dance anyway? If I’m miserable, they can all be too. My singing isn’t going to save anything.”

  “It will save your grade. I’m pretty sure Mr. Stephens wasn’t joking,” Harper said earnestly. It didn’t seem like a plot, Kaley was actually starting to believe her.

  She weighed up the idea of losing her perfect grades to going out on stage and performing in front of others. And not just anyone, but her entire school. She would rather lose the grade.

  “I’m going home,” she said resolutely.

  “Please, Kaley, do it for me? I promised Cooper I would organize something.”

  “I don’t even have my guitar.”

  “There are three in this room alone. You can use one of those.”

  Kaley gave Harper the stare, trying so hard to resist her. Didn’t she realize what she was asking was impossible? It wasn’t like it was easy for her to stand up in front of a few hundred people and pour her heart out. It was worse than a nightmare, it was hell.

  “Please?”

  She couldn’t take it anymore, the realization of knowing she was not going to be leaving that music room without agreeing to it dawned on her.

  But could she really do it?

  She had never performed in front of anyone before besides a few guitar notes. She probably looked a mess and she had suffered the trauma of breaking up with her cheating boyfriend. It wasn’t exactly a recipe for her debut.

  But maybe that’s what she needed. Seeing Abigail get what she wanted had changed something inside her. She didn’t want to be that scared girl anymore, one that was so worried about being seen that she had made herself invisible.

  What had her mother said in her lyrics? That it wasn’t too late to start living? She had something to prove now – not just to Abigail but to herself too. She wanted to be visible.

  “Okay, I’ll do it.”

  “Yeah! Come on.”

  Harper grabbed her wrist and pulled her up before she could even have a second or third thought. First stop was the girls’ bathroom where she could fix her makeup.

  As she reapplied her mascara from Harper’s stash in her handbag, she noticed Harper playing with her phone.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, thinking it was no time to be texting, not when her best friend was trying hard not to freak out.

  “Just checking for messages. Cooper said he would let me know if he was okay,” Harper lied. She was texting and it wasn’t to Cooper Sutton.

  Harper was texting Harvey, telling him to get his butt down to the gym as quickly as possible. If he missed Kaley’s big debut he would never forgive either of them for not telling him about it.

  “How do I look?” Kaley stood back from the mirror to get a second opinion. In her mind, she figured she would do. People probably weren’t going to be obsessing over her eyeliner being straight when she was making a fool of herself on stage.

  “Perfect. Now, let’s go.” Harper handed her the guitar and they headed for the waiting area beside the stage. Mr. Stephens was standing there, expecting them.

  “Glad you finally made it,” he said sarcastically. “Go out there and sing whatever you want – but no swearing or lewd behavior. Have I made myself clear?”

  “Sure.”

  “Good. You can do this, Kaley. Go and rock them.” Mr. Stephens gave her a pose like a rock groupie and waved her on.

  “Break a leg, you’re going to be great.” Harper nodded, urging her to move.

  The recorded music stopped, putting the entire gymnasium into silence. People booed and stared at the stage expectantly, waiting for something to happen.

  As Kaley saw beyond the stage and into the crowd, fear set in. She couldn’t move her legs and had forgotten every single song she ever knew. She turned to leave.

  “I can’t do this.”

  Harper caught her before she could get anyway. “Yes, you can.”

  “I’m going to throw up.”

  “You can throw up after you’ve performed. Now, get out there.”

  With one final move, Harper pushed Kaley onto the stage. She stumbled, tripping over her own feet but quickly regaining her composure. Kaley walked toward the sole microphone, gripping the guitar so hard she thought she might break it – or her fingers. She didn’t mind which one if they got her off the stage.

  Standing in the middle of the platform, the hundred set of eyes staring at her didn’t seem real. She felt like she was having a nightmare and would look down to discover she was naked at any moment. Then she would wake up and her rapid heartbeat would slow down and everything would be alright again.

  Except, when she looked down, all she saw was the navy blue dress she loved so much. It was real, it was actually happening. And all those eyes expected to be entertained.

  The seconds ticked by, but they felt like hours. It became a contest about who was going to blink first, her or the audience. They shuffled in their fancy outfits and shoes that probably hurt, while Kaley stood as still as a rock. There weren’t really any thoughts running through her mind, it was like she was frozen in time.

  Glancing around the room, the individual faces became a sea of people that weren’t distinguishable on their own. The lights were too bright in her eyes for her to see them in too much detail. That was probably a good thing.

  Across the room near the doors, there were two faces Kaley could see. Eli and Abigail had returned to the dance together, just in time to see her make a fool of herself. The moment she saw them, it brought her back to her body.

  She couldn’t do it, she couldn’t perform in front of everyone, especially them. What was she even thinking? It was stupid to think she was able to sing in front of people. Ridiculous, even.

  She turned to the backstage area, ready to walk off without even playing a note. Harper looked terrified, like it was her out in front of everyone and not Kaley. She would understand why she had to back out, her best friend had to know why she couldn’t do it.

  Kaley was about to take her first step when she saw Harvey. He was puffing, like he had been running. She had no idea what he was doing or why he was there, but just the sight of him stopped her in her tracks. The three amigos were at the dance, just like she had wanted all along.

  Harvey wouldn’t understand why she couldn’t do it. He would tell her she was a scaredy-cat and should have given it a try, at least. He wouldn’t say it to be mean, but to ensure she reached higher than she believed possible.

  She couldn’t walk of
f the stage, she couldn’t let him down.

  She looked directly at Harvey, he smiled and nodded – the exact same look he had given her through the window just hours earlier when he said she was beautiful.

  Kaley made a decision in that moment – she had to do it. It was no longer a choice to run away and forever hide from people. She had to face her fears, she couldn’t let her friends down. She turned back to the audience, took a deep breath and started strumming.

  She hadn’t planned what she was going to play, in fact she had no idea until she played that first note. It was a happy song, one she had written a long time ago when she was bored and happy and full of hope for the future.

  From that very first strum, she had the audience captivated. They took their partners and danced, never once stopping.

  We were just having fun,

  Out in the hot sun,

  On a warm summer’s day.

  When you threw up your hands,

  And made silly demands,

  Like kiss me before I die.

  It was a perfect day,

  Until it all went away,

  When you turned around and said –

  By the time she reached the chorus, Kaley didn’t care anymore. There was nobody booing her, nobody looking at her in disgust. All she had was the music and it was all she needed.

  I think we should run away,

  Get far away from here today,

  We’ll run and hide and get married,

  We’ll live in a house with a picket fence,

  And we’ll be so very happy.

  I froze on the spot,

  Said take it from the top,

  Because I don’t think I heard right.

  So he turned to me,

  Got down on one knee,

  And asked me to marry him.

  Her feet were no longer planted on the floor. As all her nerves disappeared into thin air, so did her stiffness. She danced in place, playing up to the crowd. The guitar was her safety blanket, as long as she had that, nothing could hurt her.

  We’ll run and hide and get married,

  We’ll live in a house with a picket fence,

  And we’ll be so very happy.

  I looked down at my feet,

  My heart missing a beat,

  I didn’t know what to say.

  So I looked him in the eye,

  Said I just might die,

  Because my dream had come true.

  We walked down the aisle,

  On my face a big smile,

  And I knew we’d be so happy.

  As she finished the song with one last stroke of the strings, Kaley waited. She waited for the disapproval, the laughter, the humiliation. She waited for them to make fun of her for thinking she was a singer. It had to come eventually, she wasn’t any good at it, right?

  However, instead of doing any of that, every single person in the gymnasium started cheering. They applauded, whistled, stomped their feet. They loved the performance, they loved her song, and they loved her. She was a hit. Just as good, if not better, than The Ravens and anyone else they had ever heard.

  Kaley couldn’t keep the smile off her face. The energy and acclaim coming from the audience was amazing, unlike anything she could have ever dreamed of.

  It was the greatest high imaginable. They fed her soul just like her music. She belonged on stage, singing her songs and playing her guitar. Everything was exactly as it was supposed to be.

  She looked backstage, making sure she wasn’t the only one seeing what was happening. It felt too good to be real. Harper and Harvey were both clapping enthusiastically, jumping up and down with the excitement. They liked her performance too, she wasn’t just imagining the whole thing.

  Kaley looked back to the audience again, they were expecting more. She couldn’t stop at one song, they wanted to dance and they wanted to do it to her songs.

  In her mind, she scrolled through her songbook, picking the next one to play. All her fears of embarrassment and humiliation were now a distant memory.

  She didn’t care who heard her songs anymore, she was visible. They could see her.

  And by the end of the night, they wouldn’t be able to forget her.

  Chapter 34

  It took eleven songs before Kaley could leave the stage. And even then, it was only because the teachers wanted to close the place down. Principal Lockie entered and took over the microphone.

  “Thank you all for coming but all good things must come to an end. Please join me in thanking Miss Kaley Thorne for providing the wonderful entertainment tonight at such short notice.” He had to pause, the noise coming from the crowd was too loud. Their cheers completely drowned him out.

  Kaley returned to the stage to give a bow after Harper pushed her. She held her guitar in one hand and did a curtsy as best she could in her dress.

  Never in a million years did she ever think she would be hearing such acclaim for her performance. She never thought she’d even have an audience or make a performance.

  “Okay, okay,” Principal Lockie said, signaling for quiet. “Thank you for coming and make sure you get home safely. See you all on Monday.”

  The full lights came up, taking away the mystery and magic of the night. Everyone made a dash for the doors, not hanging around now the fun had been called off.

  Kaley joined Harper and Harvey, her head spinning from everything. The entire night had been a rollercoaster, never knowing what was around the next bend.

  “That was the most amazing thing I have ever seen,” Harper gushed, wrapping her arms around her. “You can never say again that you aren’t any good at anything.”

  “Did you really like it?” Kaley needed to hear the words from their lips, their opinion was the only ones that counted.

  Harvey gave her a hug next. “It was awesome. I can’t believe you’ve been hiding all this talent from us all these years. You could have been our own personal entertainment.”

  “Maybe that’s why I kept it a secret,” Kaley teased. “I should probably return the guitar to the music room. Will you wait for me?”

  “Of course.”

  Kaley hurried off, walking on air. She just wanted to return the guitar and then hang out with her friends on the way home. Even though it was late, she didn’t feel tired at all. She thought for sure she could have run a marathon and still had energy to burn.

  The empty corridor didn’t seem as spooky as before. She let herself into the music room and returned the guitar to its stand. She wiped it with a cloth, making sure it suffered no damage with her performance.

  As she turned to leave, Kaley saw someone at the door, she jumped with the fright. They walked in from the shadows. She was filled with dread as she recognized Eli.

  “I don’t want to talk to you,” Kaley said as bluntly as possible. The last thing she wanted to do was see him and let him bring her down. She wasn’t going to allow him. She stepped into the corridor, hoping he wouldn’t come after her this time either.

  “Kaley, stop, you have to let me explain.” Eli’s voice sounded too loud behind her. She wanted to keep walking away from him but something stopped her. She was angry at him and she wanted him to know it.

  “How can you explain away ditching me and sneaking off to kiss Abigail for an hour? I’d really like to hear you try and explain that. Go.”

  Eli faltered, he probably wasn’t used to hearing someone actually stand up to him. “She tricked me into going with her. I didn’t know what she had planned.”

  Kaley laughed, not just at his answer but the whole damn thing. She had been so blind over the last few weeks but it was all becoming so clear now. “So she lured you behind the administration building and then cast a spell over you so you would make out with her? Is that how it happened?”

  “Something like that. Please, Kaley, I’m sorry. I don’t want to break up, can you please find it in your heart to forgive me?”

  Eli grabbed her wrist and held it, stroking her hand gently. His eyes were
pleading but they lied, just like everything else he said and did. Kaley didn’t even need to think about it. He deserved Abigail and all the badness that came with her.

  “Leave me alone, Eli. I never want to see you again.”

  She pulled her hand free and started walking again. This time, no matter what he said, she wouldn’t turn around. She was done with the drama, the pain, the unknown.

  Even though she was walking away from the butterflies, the kisses, the holding hands, she didn’t care. He wasn’t worth it, the good didn’t outweigh the bad like it should.

  As she walked, Kaley saw movement ahead of her. The door outside closed, she only just caught a glimpse of someone leaving. There had been someone else in the corridor with them. She knew it wasn’t Eli, he was still behind her. She figured it was probably Abigail, she seemed to haunt her more than anyone else.

  Harper was waiting at the school gates. She had called her mother and arranged for a lift home.

  “Do you want to sleep over?” Harper asked. “We could plan your entire singing career.”

  “Maybe another time.” Kaley suddenly felt drained, the night was taking its toll on her after all. Eli had tipped her over the edge of comprehension, she was tired and her feet hurt. “I’m beat.”

  “Okay. Perhaps I’ll just plan it for you anyway. I’ll probably get more done without you having an opinion.”

  Kaley smiled, the scary thing was she was probably speaking the truth instead of merely joking. She looked around, noticing someone wasn’t there. “Where’s Harvey?”

  “He went home, he said he was going to walk. He was a bit huffy, I have no idea what his problem was. He was fine before.”

  “That’s weird.”

  “Harvey’s weird sometimes. That’s why we love him.”

  Kaley nodded, hoping it wasn’t something more. He had seemed fine when she left him in the gymnasium, she wondered what could possibly have happened in the few minutes while she wasn’t there. It was strange, but she was too tired to try and figure it out right then and there.