Burnt Snow

by Van Badham

  ‘I’m coming as a witch, I told you,’ I said.

  ‘I thought you were coming as a lingerie waitress?’ said Michelle.

  ‘Classy,’ piped Belinda.

  ‘No – you’re getting confused with an idea Fran had,’ I said.

  ‘You can’t be a witch vampire,’ Nikki said.

  ‘That doesn’t even make sense,’ concurred loyal Ryan.

  ‘Then I won’t be a vampire,’ I said. ‘It isn’t a big deal, is it?’

  ‘But we all have to come as the same thing!’ hollered Nikki. ‘Otherwise what’s the point in being in a group?’

  ‘Witch vampire makes about as much sense as a catwoman vampire,’ Michelle offered.

  ‘I think if Sophie doesn’t want to be in the group, no one should force her to be in it,’ said Belinda in a treacly voice.

  ‘Okay, you can be a witch vampire,’ Nikki said. ‘You can be a dirty slutbomb vampire, I don’t care because, man, I am so looking forward to tonight!’

  ‘I’m just so glad there is going to be a tonight, baby,’ said Ryan, cuddling her in his arm even as he mocked her intonation.

  ‘Weren’t you gonna come?’ I asked Nikki. ‘Or is this a couple joke thing?’

  ‘Evil sister ruining her life,’ said Ryan in a fake monster voice, rubbing Nikki’s shoulder.

  Nikki stared at me. ‘Halloween party? Marlina would have totally exploded. Had everyone killed. Not joking.’

  ‘What’s happened to change her mind?’ I asked.

  ‘Her mind hasn’t changed – she’s just gone,’ said Nikki. ‘Cleared out. Packed up her stuff and left for Sydney this morning. Whatever she was looking for in Yarrindi, she did not find. And I’ve got my life back!’ She raised a fist in the air and cheered herself.

  ‘And I’ve got my girlfriend back!’ cried Ryan, mimicking Nikki’s hand gesture and wrapping his arms around her waist.

  ‘What about Marlina’s boyfriend, the English guy?’ I said, trying to suppress a smile.

  ‘All gone, the lot,’ Nikki said, then, in a different tone, ‘Okay, so it’s agreed, Sophie’s coming as a witch vampire and everyone’s okay with that.’

  ‘Has anyone heard what Fran’s coming as?’ asked Michelle, looking around the group.

  Silence fell. ‘I heard her and Joel talking about it in English this morning,’ Kylie confessed with a frown.

  ‘How bad could it be?’ asked Belinda, slurping a carton of juice through a straw.

  ‘Joel picked her costume,’ Kylie said, her voice withering with derision. ‘She’s coming as a princess.’

  Silence fell amongst the group again.

  ‘Oh, man, that is rank,’ said Nikki really loudly.

  57

  Nikki was back to her old self in Ancient History, lending credence to pre-Joel Fran’s assertion that her uptightness over the past few days had more to do with the influence her sister wielded over their parents than any genuine personality change on Nikki’s part. She ignored the teacher all lesson, instead babbling on about the party, how disgusting Joel Morland was, and how she thought I should do my eyeliner to make my eyes ‘pop’ in an outfit that was predominantly black and purple.

  By the time I made it down to Art, Nikki had written me a list of all the makeup she recommended I buy to get my look right. I spent Art thinking about Brody and doodling with charcoal on a sheet of art paper, distracted to the point where Ms Jackson felt forced to remind me at the end of class that my work was getting sloppy. With a promise to improve, concentrate, do whatever she wanted, I floated out of the school grounds and into Yarrindi, stocking up on cheap makeup at a chain pharmacy with at least five other girls from my year who were also missing Sport.

  As I walked out of the pharmacy with a bag full of goodies, the sun shone brightly and I clutched my stone, singing a formless, wordless song in honour of the sunshine. I decided to walk home, almost skipping as I passed the old fire station, Babes, the bookstore where I’d once seen Brody shelter from a storm …

  Thinking my day could not get any better, I was startled to hear a loud caw sound in the sky above my head.

  I looked skyward and saw an enormous crow, his wings outstretched, gliding in wide circles through the sea air.

  58

  At home, I repeated my daily ritual of lighting my orange candle, fixing some food onto a plate and making myself a cup of tea. ‘Izek, I’m coming!’ I called as I carried the plate outside. ‘The candle’s on inside if you need it,’ I called behind my shoulder as I walked back through the sliding doors, leaving them open enough to let a crow fly through. I went into the bathroom to run a bath.

  I spent hours in there bathing, scrubbing my skin, and shaving my legs for the first time in weeks. I got into the shower to make sure my hair was properly rinsed and I did a thousand things to myself with creams and lotions before blow-drying my hair. Then I wandered out to the kitchen to eat something before I got dressed.

  Dad was already home by now and had made a salad for dinner. He suggested we eat it on the deck, and I was so preoccupied with planning my makeup that I almost didn’t notice that the food I’d left out for Izek hadn’t been eaten.

  ‘Your crow friend’s not hungry today,’ Dad said, pointing at the plate.

  ‘He seems to be a lot better – he was having a bit of a flap above Yarrindi when I was buying stuff this afternoon,’ I said, munching my salad. ‘I’ll move the plate closer to the tree just in case he’s having a sleep after flying around and needs a more convenient meal.’

  ‘I’ll do it,’ offered Dad. ‘What time’s the party start?’

  ‘Seven.’

  ‘It’s six now,’ he said, consulting his watch. ‘I know you have things to do, but I would like you to call your mother.’

  Taking my plate inside, I wandered over to the house phone and called Mum. I was relieved when she didn’t pick up – I left a voicemail message.

  ‘She wasn’t there?’ Dad said as he saw me wandering back into my bedroom.

  I shook my head. ‘Maybe she’s at the hospital?’

  ‘That’s unusual,’ he said. ‘I might keep trying her.’

  Even though the party was supposed to start in an hour, I took my time getting ready. I turned on my computer for the first time in days and consulted a video makeup lesson on YouTube to make sure I knew exactly what I was doing before I started playing around with my new eye pencils and liner. Dad knocked on the bathroom door three times while I was in there, just to remind me that the clock was ticking. I’d never been to a proper high school party before, but even I knew I wasn’t expected to turn up on time.

  When my face was ready, and my hair set in loose curls that were held out of my eyes with a couple of invisible pins, I went back into my room and put on my whole outfit. I half-considered wearing the crown again, but it was an in-joke between Brody and me that I didn’t feel like sharing with the whole of Year 11 at Yarrindi High. I made sure to keep my cardigan on so Dad wouldn’t kibosh the outfit before I made it out the door. It was going to be a warm evening, but even so, I did up the bottom buttons of the cardigan before I walked into the lounge room.

  ‘Ta-da!’ I said to Dad with a little twirl.

  ‘That’s an incredibly short skirt you’re wearing,’ he said over the rim of his glasses.

  ‘Dad, it’s a Halloween costume,’ I said. ‘I wouldn’t wear this out, out. I’ve got tights on.’

  ‘You look very pretty,’ he said. ‘But if it’s a costume, what are you supposed to be? A vampire?’

  I laughed. ‘I’m supposed to be a witch.’

  ‘Maybe you need a broomstick or something?’

  ‘Has Mum got any spare? Joke!’ I cried. ‘She may have a few pointy hats. She has something made out of yak felt that your grandmother gave her.’

  ‘I know,’ I said to Dad as an idea struck. ‘Wait here.’

  I walked back into the bathroom. As I did, I heard the telephone ring, and Dad pick it up.

  I didn’t list
en to his conversation. Instead, I picked up the black pencil I’d used to do my eyes and wrote the word WITCH in black letters across the top of my chest, across my collarbone. That, I thought, should answer any questions for the rest of the evening.

  I walked back into the lounge room, where Dad was saying, ‘Hang on – hang on … Yes, she’s here, just hang on,’ into the telephone.

  ‘Is it Mum?’ I asked when I saw him put his hand over the receiver to mute it.

  ‘No, it’s Lauren,’ said Dad. ‘She sounds very upset, Soph. I really think you should talk to her.’

  59

  I took the phone. Dad left the lounge room. ‘Hey there!’ I said.

  ‘Hey there? You mean you’re not dead or in hospital? No, wait, that was me,’ said Lauren. ‘Almost dead, definitely in hospital. Oh, that’s right – you were there. Why won’t you take any of my calls?’

  ‘It’s been crazy at this end,’ I explained. ‘I’ve been trying to call—’

  ‘When? When hell froze over? I’ve messaged you twenty times a day for a week. I’ve emailed. You’re supposed to be my best friend, I’ve had this horrible stuff happen to me and you’ve checked out of my life. I deserve so much better than “I was trying”.’

  ‘I tried, I promise … I’m so sorry.’ I sat down. My cheeks were warm with a growing sense of guilt.

  ‘ “Sorry” doesn’t really cut it, sister … I’ve been worried out of my mind!’

  ‘Has something happened with the police – about those guys?’

  ‘Worried about you, you fat idiot – your insane school, homicidal psycho-boy and the vindictive bitch brigade. I didn’t know if you’d been attacked by killer blackbirds or carried off by leprechauns or … something worse.’ Lauren grunted. ‘I had to call your goddamn landline.’

  ‘There’s just been too much going on. I knew you had your own stuff and I didn’t want to dump all my problems on you.’ It sounded so lame, even if it was true.

  Lauren growled. ‘I’m your best friend! Maybe, just maybe, I’ve had the worst week of my entire life and knowing I was important to someone – important enough to talk to or just listen to whatever was going on – may have actually helped both of us? Do you get that? Or are you so wrapped up in yourself that you don’t understand that sharing your problems with other people actually helps them too?’

  ‘I’m not wrapped up in myself! There’s been all this …’ With each word out of my mouth, my tongue felt heavier. ‘I’ve been wrapped up in myself,’ I admitted. ‘Has something … happened since you got out of hospital?’

  ‘Out?’ said Lauren. ‘I’ve been in and out all week – doctors, clinics … I really, really needed you.’

  Lauren did something she had never done for the entire history of our relationship. She started to cry.

  ‘Hey,’ I said, aware I was almost strangling myself with my pendant. ‘I messed up, but I’m here. I’m back. Don’t lose it. Please don’t lose it, Lauren. Tell me—’

  ‘They had to do swabs.’ Lauren was in a flurry of tears. ‘Because no one knows what those slimepackets did to me, because everything that happened with them is a blur and … I’ve had things stuck into me, and blood tests and counsellors … I had to have an AIDS test. In case they gave me … I’ve never even kissed a boy and I had to have an AIDS test. I’ve been so frightened and alone and you wouldn’t answer my calls and I felt so tiny—’

  ‘I’m so sorry.’ I was crying too.

  ‘—and the whole time I was freaking out about you because I didn’t know where you were or what was going on. And what I remember about Saturday night and—’

  My heart skipped. ‘But you were … so out of it—’

  ‘Yeah,’ she said, ‘but not for all of it. I remember that creepy guy talking to you, and I didn’t know—’ She blew her nose on something.

  ‘And after that?’

  She blew her nose again.

  ‘What do you remember after that?’ I repeated. My wrist was stiff around the phone.

  ‘They showed me pictures of that guy’s cut-up face – I had to identify him, and the other one. And throughout all of this – the cops and the needles and the horrible, horrible … Oh my God, you can’t imagine what they have to do to put you in the clear …’

  I felt terrible for Lauren, but I had to know whether she remembered the bear. ‘So how long do you reckon you were out for?’

  ‘Hours. I remember the two guys buying champagne and then hospital.’

  I let out a relieved breath so cool I worried she could feel it through the receiver.

  ‘Oh, man, in the clinic,’ continued Lauren, ‘waiting to see what comes up when I’m strapped into stirrups – and me panicking, freaking out, terrified that something even worse, something beyond frightening, might be happening to you. If it’s been carnage, are you okay?’

  Lauren had had an AIDS test and yet she was worried about me. ‘I won’t ever disappear again,’ I said. I meant it.

  ‘Good. You get forgiven one time because you saved my life – you crazy bear.’

  The phone almost fell out of my hand – I had to juggle to catch it. ‘Lauren—’ I didn’t know what to say. ‘Lauren, I—’

  ‘They said it at the hospital. If you hadn’t’ve found me and got Lucy, brain damage would’ve set in. And then I’d have had to hang with your dumb Yarrindi friends, just to feel intellectually superior.’

  ‘About the bear—’

  ‘It’s what your nanna calls you, isn’t it? I don’t have AIDS, by the way. Though I have to have another test in six weeks, just to be sure.’

  Grasping the phone, my fingers were sweating. ‘Because you were blacked out for hours, right? Because you don’t know—’

  ‘If any memories come back,’ Lauren paused, ‘I’ll let you know.’

  60

  ‘How’s the Brody situation?’ Lauren asked.

  The change in her tone was so sudden I actually burst out laughing. ‘Some guys picked a fight with him on Wednesday and he put one of them in hospital. I’m seeing him tonight at a Halloween party.’

  ‘Oh, that sounds awesome,’ said Lauren, blowing her nose again. ‘Dare I ask your chosen costume?’

  ‘I’m a witch,’ I told her with a self-mocking smile.

  ‘That’s a relief,’ said Lauren. ‘We’d have to renegotiate the terms of our friendship if you went as a vampire.’

  ‘No, that would be the girls in my group.’

  Lauren made a noise like a rat being strangled, and the two of us burst out laughing.

  It was so good to talk to her that as I gossiped about what the girls had been doing lately – without the magical details, of course – I lost all track of time. The next thing I knew, Dad had come back into the lounge room and was pointing a finger at his watch.

  ‘It’s almost eight o’clock,’ he mouthed.

  ‘Loz,’ I said, ‘I’m late. I have to get to this thing – it started an hour ago.’ I had a momentary panic that I might have missed Brody’s appearance in the band.

  ‘Don’t drink anything,’ Lauren said. ‘Anything at all. Die of thirst first, okay?’

  ‘That’s a promise.’ My brain still echoed from hearing that Lauren had had an AIDS test. ‘When I’m in Sydney on the weekend, I’ll definitely come over. Maybe Dad can give me a lift – and then I can tell you what’s been happening … the whole story.’

  ‘If you can do that, you’ll have to add what happens tonight with lover-boy,’ said Lauren. ‘You know, if he kisses you … or kills someone …’

  ‘I will.’

  ‘Oh! Before you go,’ Lauren said. ‘Big news: Sue kissed Vijay. He freaked out, called her a sex maniac and broke up with her. Then he realised that maybe your girlfriend being a sex maniac was a good thing, phoned, grovelled, and now they’re back together – but she’s enforcing a kissing ban until he stops acting like a jerk.’

  ‘It must be wonderful to be normal,’ I sighed.

  ‘Soph,’ Dad interjected,
‘if you want to get there before it finishes—’

  ‘There’s no such thing as normal,’ Lauren said as I stood up with the phone, ‘there’s just different degrees of crazy that you let the world see.’

  ‘I love you, Loz.’

  ‘I love you too. Have a good night,’ she said, ‘you crazy bear.’

  61

  Dad must have reconsidered my outfit while I was on the phone because he wouldn’t let me leave the house without a jacket. In my room, donning the tuxedo jacket, my eyes lit on the witch box and I wondered if it would be sensible to take some kit with me to the party, just in case. A small black shoulder bag was part of my outfit, but it only fit my wallet, phone, keys and a lipstick. On impulse I snatched a small orange candle and a lighter and slid them into my inside jacket pocket.

  Before I left, I checked outside for Izek. Dad had put the plate of scraps under the tree but they hadn’t been touched. ‘Have a good night, Ashley,’ I said to the tree on my way to the car.

  As I walked through the gate, I thought I heard the leaves of the ash tree rustling, even though the air was still.

  62

  As Dad drove me down Boronia and then down Frankston towards the party, I checked my phone. There were a series of messages from the girls.

  We’re all at Kylie’s. Want to join us? X Mish.

  Still at Kylie’s. Where are you? Niks.

  On way to surf club. Know where that is? K.

  At surf club. Where you? K.

  Belinda looks amazing! X Mish.

  Boys look hilarious. K.

  RYAN is the FUNNIEST BOYFRIEND in THE WORLD. Nkks!

  ‘Maybe we should go back so you can put some trousers on,’ Dad said as we turned out of town, heading for the beaches to the south. ‘Black trousers with that jacket is much more in keeping with a vampire.’

  ‘Witch, Dad.’

  ‘I don’t want you to get cold down there by the water.’

  ‘I’ve got my jacket.’