Reading Her Heart

by Ashlynn Kenzie

  "I smell something wonderful," she said. "Peaches, I think. Peaches warm in the sun."

  "You take home the prize, Miss Carlisle. There aren't many of them anymore, with no one to tend them, but this used to be a thriving peach orchard. Most of them are pretty wormy now, but the smell is still pure bliss when they're ripe."

  He hauled two coolers out of the trunk and set them on the ground at the edge of the quilt.

  "What else do you notice?"

  She was quiet a moment. "Leaves rustling. Not like in the fall when they're dry and they crackle a bit. This is sort of a whispery sound, like they're just gliding past each other and touching fingertips every once in a while when the wind makes them dance. And birds, but not too near. They come and go."

  "They're beyond us for the most part, probably waiting for us to leave. I think they get used to the solitude up here, so they complain a little when someone shows up."

  "Who comes here besides you?"

  "Just a neighbor from the next farm over. He mows it for me and sees to the fence. Clears away branches after storms if I can't get up here right away and discourages trespassers. He lets me know if there are problems."

  "There's a funny little buzzing noise, too."

  "That would be the wasps. They love the fruit. It's okay. They won't bother you unless they think you're stealing the produce," he said as she began to inch back toward him, her arms wrapped around herself in a defensive gesture and her head ducked a little. How frightening it must be to hear a potential enemy and not be able to tell if it was invading one's territory, Nick thought.

  "Why don't you hop back in the car a minute? I always bring a can of insect spray, just in case I drop by on a day they don't want visitors. Let me douse our picnic spot and then you won't have to worry."

  She found the vehicle with amazing accuracy and slipped inside while her knight made the kingdom secure. When he joined her, it was to sit for a few moments telling her a little of the history of the place while they waited for the insects to move on and the aroma of the peaches to permeate again.

  In spite of her determined attempts to enjoy herself, Andee seemed rigidly controlled, more than genuinely peaceful, he thought, watching her carefully while he talked about his family. He wondered when the storm he knew was still brewing deep inside her would break. From the way she was quietly wringing her hands and tapping one small foot while he talked, he suspected it might not be long.

  Yesterday's experience, he knew, had made an impressive chink in the dam she had constructed to contain her raw emotions, but the walls were still standing, and the pressure was building. He had to help her find some relief before she faced whatever Monday brought her way. He knew better than to think words alone would do the job. But he was prepared for that call on his abilities, as well.

  "Wasps should be long gone by now," he said finally. "You'll be able to enjoy the smell of peaches again. Come on out and have a seat on the quilt. I have something very special for you."

  She forced enthusiasm into her voice, he knew, as she followed him back to the area he had prepared, and it gave his heart a sharp little pang to see her struggle so. He wanted to take her in his arms and rock her gently, easing her troubles away, but he feared it might only drive them deeper. Who knew when they might erupt then, and with what disastrous results?

  When the cork popped on the chilled bottle he had taken from the first cooler, she jumped and squealed.

  "It's white," he said. "Well, actually a little pink. But sweet. Perfect for toasting all your good news tomorrow." It was time, he thought, to nudge her on.

  "Sure. Just hand me the bottle. I need the taste more than I need the toast."

  "I don't think so. But here's a glass. Enjoy."

  She downed half the drink in one gulp and her body language dared him to criticize.

  "If you keep drinking like that, it will be all gone before you get to sip it with the rest of the picnic," he said mildly while he opened the second cooler and lifted out a polished cardboard container divided into a dozen two-inch-square compartments. Nestled in blush-colored tissue paper in each small area was a large, luscious strawberry, beautifully dipped in white or milk chocolate and decorated with designs in the opposite flavor.

  "Open your mouth. Wider," he urged and brushed one luscious dipped berry against her lips and the tip of the little pink tongue she had stuck out to aid her in assessing the nature of his surprise. He teased her with the hint of chocolate and fruit until the subtle clues made sense in her brain. Anxious to confirm her suspicion, Andee pushed his hand more firmly toward her mouth and managed to bite into the treat. Small crumbs of chocolate broke away and fell to her lap while the ruby red juice of the berry trailed down her chin. He wanted badly to kiss it away, and wondered where the impulse had come from, since it was totally foreign to anything he remembered experiencing before.

  Andee sighed and smiled when she had swallowed the last bite. "Another, please, sir."

  "And what makes you think there are more? Maybe you're only worth one," he teased, then was immediately sorry when he saw the corners of her mouth dip briefly in a wince of pain before she forced her lips into a smile. "Happily for you, though, I consider you worth much more, and that's why I brought you a whole dozen. White or milk chocolate?"

  Her grin, this time, was genuine. "You got white chocolate? How did you know? It's my favorite. Gimme, gimme. Right now. No, wait, I need to cleanse my palate with some wine."

  "You're supposed to be cleansing your palate so you can appreciate the wine, not the other way around."

  "But there's only one wine and there's all this wonderful strawberry-chocolatey flavor just waiting for me. Who cares which way I do it, as long as I get to enjoy them both?"

  "Indeed. Slow down then, and get a full measure of the pleasure. That's exactly what I brought them for."

  "You are so darn bossy," she said impatiently. "I'm not in the mood to slow down. I need to have it all, right now."

  "Andee, hey, sweetie, there's no rush…"

  "There is, though," she said, and her voice was a little desperate.

  He drew a deep breath and hoped she couldn't hear it.

  It was coming, he thought. The storm was building.

  *****

  Andee ate half his surprise and had two glasses of wine before she paused in her pursuit of bliss. "That was wonderful. I loved every bit of it. I'll bet I go to sleep tonight still tasting it."

  "You deserved it. You've worked so hard to get to this point. I would love to see the look on your professor's face when he hears your responses."

  "You'll get to. He called me Friday to say he's going to be free tomorrow morning. He's going to sit in on the exam. Is that okay with you?" she asked hesitantly.

  "I'm fine with it. What about you?"

  She shrugged. "It scares me to death, but I can't very well tell him no. I guess he wants to be sure I don't cheat."

  "Does he have some reason to think you might?"

  "You mean have I done it before? No, I most certainly have not. I've earned every single one of my bad grades honestly," she said with a grimace.

  "Well, tomorrow will be the exception then. Because you're going to earn a top grade honestly."

  "You sound awfully sure about that."

  "Andee, you know this material inside and out. I'm actually glad he's going to be there, because if he weren't and he had to grade you based on the tape we'll be making, he would probably think you had found a way to rig the test. You're that good, sweetie. Just trust yourself and answer the questions tomorrow the same way you've been doing it with just the two of us. Forget he's there and just talk to me."

  "You make it sound so easy. You don't know what it's like. I'm afraid I'll forget the question or go off on a tangent because I'm nervous."

  "I'll repeat anything you need, and I'll keep you focused."

  "There's just so much tomorrow. I feel like my whole life depends on what happens Monday." Her voice contained
a note of desperation. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

  He bit back a sigh. There was no way to avoid telling her, as much as he dreaded it.

  "Honey, I'll pick you up at eight-thirty in the morning and take you to the library and I'll be there every step of the way for that exam. But I can't take you to Dr. Wilson's office."

  "What? Why not? I can't go alone." She shifted to her knees and leaned toward the sound of his voice, her own rising dramatically.

  "It's all right, Andee. I used your phone this morning to text Leila. She's finished with her exams and she has the afternoon free. She's going to wait for you at the front desk at the library and make sure you get lunch. Then she'll go with you to your doctor's appointment and get you back home."

  "But I don't want Leila. I want you to go." She was on her feet now, her arms rigid at her side.

  "Listen, sweetie, surely you know by now I will do anything I can for you. But the Buckley owner is in town tomorrow and he's called an urgent meeting of all employees. At least he says it is. I can't miss it. They're letting me come in a few minutes late if I have to in order to get you through the test, but it could mean my job if I don't show up. I don't have a choice, Andee. Leila will make sure you get to your appointment just fine, and we'll celebrate all the good news I know you're going to get tomorrow night—or, well, whenever you want to. If you want to, I mean." He was suddenly a little uncertain.

  "But what if it's not worth celebrating? What if I don't ace the test, and what if I can't see? Did you think about that, at all? What if I'm blind forever? What am I supposed to do if you're not there when I find out?"

  He was grateful she could not see his face. Every fear that haunted her had been troubling him, as well, but he knew he could not let her suspect for a moment. Andee had no need of pity or shared misery. She needed strength and assurance. She needed proof that her future was going to be filled with good things, proof she could grasp in her hands and cling to until she could finally see it for herself.

  He stood up slowly and reached for her, but she jerked her body away and stumbled back a few steps.

  "Don't you touch me. If you're not going to be there when I need you, don't you dare touch me. I can't believe you're doing this to me."

  "Andee, don't…"

  "Shut up. I'm not listening to anything you say." She covered her ears in a dramatic, thoroughly childish reaction. Then she let loose with a string of invective that decided his next course of action.

  "You know better, missy," he growled, certain she could hear despite her stance and her own bitter voice raised in denunciation of his family line. When he tried to pull her hands away from her ears, she yanked out of his grasp and whirled away, headed straight for the fence at a stumbling run.

  "Andee! No!" he shouted. "There's a cliff—" but she ran on, so determined that she came within steps of the old wall guarding the lip of the ridge that fell away hundreds of feet before he could grab her and haul her back. His heart was pounding when he realized how close her foolish flight had brought her to death.

  Oblivious to his warning, she struggled in his grasp. "Let me go. Let me go! I hate you!"

  "Then you're going to hate me a whole lot more in a minute, because I'm not about to let you come so close to killing yourself without learning a lesson, young lady. And you will obey me. I insist on it, since you don't seem to be doing too well at managing your own life right now. So get yourself over to my car and bend over that hood."

  He emphasized his order with the hardest licks he could manage across her spandex-encased bottom as he hauled her toward the spot he had decreed for her punishment.

  "Don't waste your breath arguing with me, either. You know what you deserve. You've been asking for it hard enough," he ordered with menace in his voice and fire in his palm as they made double quick-time back to the car.

  It was, she realized all too soon, impossible to break his grip or avoid his punishing hand that was making unerring contact with her bottom, although she did her best to twist away. That effort robbed her of the energy to do anything more than squeal and dance across the meadow.

  She had barely had time to register the feel of warm metal pressed against her lower body before Mr. Benjamin pushed her over the hood and held her there with the weight of his arm across her back.

  "One step too far, little girl. I know you're upset, but you can't get your way by throwing a tantrum. If I could change anything about tomorrow to give you what you want, I would. I can't, though. What I can give you is a lesson in handling your disappointments and your fears. You don't bottle them up and pretend they don't exist until they overwhelm you and you risk hurting yourself or other people," he preached, still peppering her squirming bottom with hard smacks. "This little show you just put on almost got you killed and it didn't do a lot for my peace of mind or pleasure in your company. Apparently, the lessons I've been trying to teach you haven't gotten through to you the way I hoped they would, but I can assure you, I'm going to have your undivided attention in about two minutes. Now, if you have any sense of self-preservation at all, you stay right there and think about just how foolish and childish and downright ugly you have been. And then you can devote a few seconds to wondering how you're going to make up for all that. Because I can promise you, you're going to pay exactly the price you evidently decided on yourself, and you're going to get rid of all this stuff you've been building up inside you for the past two weeks. It's not going to be fun, but it's going to be a lot better than falling over a fence and bouncing down a cliff, or running into a wasp nest, or slamming into a hedgerow full of thorns, or stirring up that bull in Mr. Morgan's field."

  The last two threats were pure invention on his part, but he felt no guilt over his scare tactics whatsoever.

  "Now stay still," he ordered, punctuating his command with three sharp slaps that made her moan through her sniffling. "And no rubbing."

  He backed away from her, watching her body tremble a bit and her hands clench on the hood of the car, but she made no move to escape. His mouth grim, he turned toward the orchard, reaching into his pocket as he went. It took less than a minute to find what he was looking for—two sting-filled peach tree switches he cut with his pocket knife and efficiently stripped and trimmed of all buds. He sincerely hoped one would be enough, but with Andee, it was best to be prepared for a battle until she could conquer her perverse will and yield to what she had been seeking all along.

  Throughout his search and preparation, he had kept a careful watch on her, knowing she was fighting the need to run and was held in place only because he had reminded her she would be courting disaster to do so in her present sightless circumstances.

  Now it was time to help her cross into safe territory and prepare for the future.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Andee heard him coming back and sucked in her breath. She knew what he was going to do, knew what she deserved to have him do. The mystery was how he would go about it, and how long she could bear it. She intended it to be a long battle, her temper still boiling over as disappointment and fear stirred the bitter broth she despised but was helpless to stop brewing. Whatever she did, she told herself, she would not give him the satisfaction of having her bend to his will as she had in the past. He no longer deserved that. He was deserting her. She was going to make him pay.

  "I don't want to do this, Andee, but you're giving me no choice." Mr. Benjamin's fingers were skimming down her pants and the simple white nylon beneath them, then rapidly rolling up the hem of his oversized shirt and tucking enough of it into her narrow bra strap to keep it from getting in his way.

  "Count. And don't you dare miss one. We're going to start with six."

  She felt a moment's hope, confident she could handle a half dozen more smacks with his hand, or even his belt. She was going to win this contest, even if victory only fueled her dark emotions, she thought bitterly.

  She felt his palm and his fingers spread firmly just above the divide of her bottom an
d steeled herself for a smack. What she got, instead, was an almost gentle tapping of something long and thin that spanned both cheeks. Her brain identified the implement he had chosen for her discipline a split second before the tapping came to an end and the fiery bite, unlike anything she had ever felt, bisected the crown of each firm mound.

  Andee would have come upright if his palm had not held her firmly in place. As it was, she simply shrieked and threw her hands behind her, hoping desperately to ward off another such attack.

  "Move them or I'll add three licks," he said calmly.

  "I c-can't," she sobbed.

  "Then nine it is."

  "No! No! Wait!" She forced herself to move her arms and draw her hands back into tight fists on either side of her head, resting on the car's hood.

  "Count them. This isn't a game. I've got a whole orchard full of switches, and I'll use as many as you make me, little girl."

  "O-one," she moaned around clenched teeth as she tried to squeeze her bottom into a smaller target. The effort seemed to give new energy to the blaze left behind by the first lick.

  She discovered, to her horror, that she could hear the whining threat of the switch before it sawed in, and then could register the sound and the almost dull feel of the impact a half second before she was forced to wonder if the lick had split her flesh open with its fierce cut.

  He gave her credit. She managed to count the first three before she began to lose the words in her sobs. She even stayed remarkably still, so much so that he began to worry how far she would make him go.

  But the fourth bite made her shriek and fight him, with legs kicking and her body twisting.

  It was good, he thought with relief. They were getting there, but he couldn't let her off the hook or she would use his weakness to reinforce her stubbornness.

  "Be still and count. And since I had to remind you, you can ask me to repeat number four."