Pure Choice dm-6

by Jeff Inlo

  She wasn't sure just how much that upset her. The emotions that were attached to the foreign memory strands were not her own, so they interfered with any true response. Once the alien emotions faded, she was left fatigued and indifferent. She was incapable of registering a sincere reaction.

  And so, she contemplated her future, their future, with muted feelings. She wondered if she could make realistic assessments under such conditions, but at the same time, she didn't care much either way. Everything seemed so insignificant. It was easier to become disinterested than to fight through the haze.

  Just as she sank into greater unresponsiveness, another wave of sensations rushed across her. The feeling was so odd. At first, she was aware of something trying to take hold of her, as if she could sense a hand reaching toward her, but whatever it was, it could not touch her. It was nothing more than a flailing attempt to reach into her. She did nothing to avoid contact. She didn't have to. Her immunity kept her safe from the unprovoked connection.

  While the mysterious hand of distant energy couldn't touch her, it could still somehow point to her. As it did, she felt another intense surge press against her, but it, too, bounced away. It was magic, and it could not invade her being on its own.

  But just like the past three encounters, the magic was not completely pure. Even as it deflected away from her, it left something behind. The action of crashing against her broke off small segments of the flow, particles that didn't belong but found their way into the substance, like woodchips scattered over the top of a stream. When the current hit Linda, it was as if the water broke away but the excess debris kept moving in the same direction.

  As these foreign substances congregated against her, they eventually pressed themselves into her mind. Once more she experienced the strange flash of disjointed images. They manifested themselves like a bizarre dream. She was simply a bystander. She didn't invoke the scenes into her memory. They just raced by unannounced and uninvited.

  As the fragments of thought rushed forward, they bombarded Linda with scores of negative emotions. All of the previous destructive feelings, such as anger and sadness, returned with renewed vitality. She shrank from the coldness ingrained in them, and her body shivered despite the warm temperatures in the room.

  The stream of emotions took hold of her in a way that the initial magical contact could not. A fierce bond allowed the segments of scattered images and crushing emotions to reach deep into her soul. Most of her own emotions remained boxed away, but an invading anger and frustration brought out her fury.

  She leapt from the bed, disgusted with herself for being so passive. She cursed and screamed, but there was no one there to hear her, and in that, she thought of Ryson.

  He had left her, so she would leave him. She raced out of the bedroom and then out of their house with just the clothes on her back. She carried nothing with her as she stormed toward the western gate.

  As she drew near the guard post, one of the soldiers recognized her. It was odd enough for someone to be moving toward his post so late in the afternoon on foot and empty handed, but it was also out of the ordinary to see the delver's wife stray far from her home or the Borderline Inn where she worked. There was little to the west but the river and Dark Spruce Forest, and the soldier never encountered Linda heading off alone in that direction, so his concern grew.

  "Linda? You're leaving? You might not want to go out there alone. There's been some…"

  "Get out of my way," she hissed without looking at the soldier.

  Her rebuke caught the soldier off guard and she crossed past the gate before he could question her further. His surprise quickly faded, and he caught up with her before she made it too far down the dirt road.

  "Don't you think you could use an escort? There's been a great deal of activity in the area lately."

  "No," she growled.

  The soldier was at a loss of what to do, but he didn't believe he should just let her continue.

  "Really, Linda, it's not safe. If something happens to you…"

  She cut him off with an angry glare.

  "Did my husband need an escort when he left?!"

  "No, but he's a delver."

  "So delver's get special treatment, do they?"

  "That's not what I meant."

  "If you're going to prevent me from leaving, I'm going to demand to know why!"

  The guard became defensive.

  "It's my job to protect the gate and the people that come and go into Burbon."

  "And is it your job to interfere with everyone's business?" she demanded. "If I feel like going for a walk, I'll go for a walk!"

  "But why into the forest?"

  "Why is that your concern?"

  They were going in circles and the soldier was growing frustrated.

  "I have to warn you that it's not safe."

  "Fine, you've warned me. Do you have the authority to stop me?"

  The soldier grimaced. He could stop her if she posed a threat to the town, but she didn't. There was little he could do.

  "One last time," he offered, "I can get you an escort, or I would recommend you head out to the east if you're just looking to go for a walk."

  "I'll go where I want," and she stormed away from the confused guard.

  Chapter 21

  When Ryson appeared at Enin's front step in Connel, over a half dozen dogs ran to greet him. The delver happily bent low to acknowledge each one. He smiled broadly as they licked his cheeks, nose and ears. It was the greatest feeling in the land to be recognized, and accepted, by such loyal and loving animals.

  "They are always so happy to see you," Enin noted as he walked out to meet his friend.

  "And I'm always happy to see them."

  Ryson spied a medium sized dog with a dark brown coat. It was a mix of breeds too numerous to mention as well as difficult to identify.

  "He's new," Ryson noted. "Haven't seen him before."

  "You're correct."

  "You find a stray?"

  "No, no strays in Connel. Dogs are much too valuable. Best warning systems in all of Uton, even better than magic. He was somewhat of a gift."

  "A gift?"

  "Well, he belonged to a friend of mine, an older gentleman. The dog was actually a gift to him from his son. They were together for a short while, but my friend unfortunately became very ill. He knew of my love for dogs and asked me to take care of this one if he didn't get better."

  "He didn't?"

  "No."

  "I'm sorry."

  "Thank you," Enin responded sadly, but then looked to the dog and a smile returned to his face, "but I know they will be together again eventually. We all will. Dogs and people have a bond that is stronger than this existence."

  Ryson didn't quite understand exactly what Enin meant, but he took great joy in the words as he continued to pet and scratch every dog around him. As he rubbed the new dog's ears, the delver posed a question to the dog's face.

  "What's your name, big guy?"

  "Stomps," Enin answered for the dog.

  "Stomps?"

  "Yes, he has a habit of stamping his front paws when he wants something. Apparently, he did it when he was a puppy and still does it today."

  The delver peered into the dog's eyes.

  "So you're a demanding fellow? Good for you."

  Ryson's interaction with the animals made Enin's smile even stronger.

  "Why don't you get a dog?" the wizard asked.

  It was a question that always crept into the back of Ryson's mind every time he visited the wizard, but he always suppressed any further considerations. Enin's question pulled the idea further out into the light and forced the delver to deal with it more openly.

  "Dogs aren't easy to come by," Ryson answered as a way to approach the issue in a more practical manner without the influence of emotion. "You said it yourself, they're valuable; more valuable than gold, land or magic in my eyes."

  "Stomps here would be willing to go home with you," Enin offered.
"I can tell. They talk to me you know."

  Ryson looked back and forth from Stomps to Enin. The question of having a dog was no longer simply pulled from the back of his thoughts for further consideration. It was presented to him as a clear choice. He was pleased beyond measure to hear the dog would be willing to accept him, but reluctance born of his insecurities quickly chased any immediate acceptance away. Unable to simply say no, Ryson again attempted to deal with the matter based on circumstances and not desires.

  "I thought his previous owner wanted you to have him?"

  "He just wanted me to make sure Stomps was taken care of. I know you would make sure of that. I'm not breaking any promise, if that's what concerns you."

  And just like that, all barriers seemed to be removed. If Ryson wanted a dog, he could have one, but he also realized it was an enormous commitment, one he shouldn't make in the spur of the moment.

  "I would love to, but…"

  "You think Linda would mind?"

  The mention of his wife revived the concern that brought Ryson to Connel. He didn't know what Linda would think of having a dog. In truth, he was very confused as to what Linda was thinking about anything. With their relationship weighing on him, he realized what was truly keeping him from immediately accepting the proposal.

  "I want to talk about Linda with you. That's why I'm here."

  Ryson turned his attention back to Stomps. Crouched down before the dog, he found happiness, but he finished revealing his reluctance as if explaining it to Stomps.

  "I would love to take you home, but I'm away too much. I wouldn't want to leave you alone."

  "You could take him with you on your scouts," Enin suggested.

  "Too dangerous. I don't know what I would do if something happened to him. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."

  Stomps looked back into Ryson's eyes and then licked the delver's nose.

  Enin chuckled to himself, and then explained what he saw in the dog's mind and heart.

  "That's okay, Ryson. Stomps understands. The time isn't right for you at the moment. He knows that. He'll be fine here. He likes me, though he thinks I'm a bit odd."

  Ryson smiled back at the dog. He whispered a response, but said it loud enough so that the wizard could hear him as well.

  "I'm with you, boy. Wizards are odd people. They do odd things."

  Enin chuckled again, but then took a hard look at the delver and considered everything that Ryson had said.

  "Why don't you come inside?" Enin asked. "We should talk in private."

  The wizard guided Ryson into his study. They both sat down and Enin started the conversation without hesitation.

  "You are concerned about Linda," Enin recognized. "What is it that I can do for you, or her?"

  Ryson wasn't sure how to start, so he simply threw out the one concern that seemed to create Linda's downward slide.

  "Linda doesn't think we can have children."

  "She's right," Enin responded simply.

  The wizard's certainty shocked the delver. He didn't have a great understanding of the magic, but he believed its very existence made almost anything possible.

  "You're sure?" Ryson asked.

  "Absolutely. She's physically immune to magic. A delver child is part magic. That's just the way it is."

  Ryson rubbed the back of his neck, uncertain of what to say or do next. He realized that Linda was right. She didn't need to speak to Enin, or anyone else. She knew the truth. At that moment, he did, too, and it left him confused… uncertain of his future.

  "This surprises you?" Enin wondered.

  "Yeah, I guess."

  "I suppose it might," Enin allowed. "Did you plan to have a family?"

  Ryson struggled for an answer. It was a very personal issue and it was difficult to discuss.

  "It's complicated," the delver finally admitted. "It's not that we didn't talk about it. We just never made a decision one way or the other."

  "Yes, family life is indeed complicated."

  Ryson felt the urge to explain further. Revealing that they had not made certain decisions left him uneasy, as if he had acted irresponsibly.

  "I guess we were just taking things as they came. Maybe that's not the smartest way to handle things, but you have to realize delvers don't always have a plan. We tend to switch paths quickly. You also have to consider everything that's happened since we got together. We met right when the magic returned. After that, it's been almost one crisis after another. We've been happy to just stay alive."

  "That's true," Enin conceded. "Okay, so there was no set plan and many challenges, but if you don't mind me asking-and this is just about you, it has nothing to do with what you think Linda wants-did you want to have children?"

  Ryson had to give Enin credit. The wizard pulled another question from the depths of the delver's heart and forced him to face it. It was indeed a very personal question, but also a very important one, one that he believed he might have been avoiding.

  "Like I said, it's complicated."

  "That might be, but if you want to get through this, you're going to have to be honest with yourself first before you can deal with it honestly with Linda."

  Ryson sighed and made a very truthful admission.

  "I don't think so… want to have children that is. I'm away a lot. I face a lot of danger. Godson! Look at what's been happening to me over the past few seasons. I've been fighting monsters and demons. Do I really want to bring a kid into something like that? I mean, you just asked me if I wanted Stomps. It's not that I don't want him, it's just that I don't want anything to happen to him because of me. If I'm concerned about having a dog, why would I want a child?"

  "Your point is well taken. Your honesty is also to be commended. That's a very good start to handling your problem, but now we have to consider the other half of the equation. What about Linda?"

  What about Linda?

  Yet again, another difficult question. Ryson rubbed his forehead as he dug through his memories of his discussions with his wife. He tried to piece them all together and come up with a clear answer.

  "She worries about me as it is. I'm not sure she would want to add to that."

  "But maybe with a child she would have something to divert her attention," Enin proposed.

  It wasn't a thought completely foreign to the delver.

  "I know what you're saying. If she was taking care of a child, it might take her mind off me being gone, but I'm torn about that. I feel bad about leaving her alone. If she had a child, she might not mind as much, but then I'd be leaving them both. And that's not right. We shouldn't start a family just so I could run off and explore. It sounds terrible. I don't want to just leave everything to her. Raising a family is tough. I should be there."

  Enin began to see a fault in Ryson's reasoning.

  "That matter is now irrelevant," the wizard remarked. "You can't have children, so agonizing over whether or not you should be there for them is not the question. You seemed surprised to find out you couldn't have children with Linda. I asked if you had planned on having a family. You obviously didn't. As for Linda, you seem to be focusing on whether or not it would be fair for her to have them without you being around. That doesn't really answer the question. Do you think Linda wanted to have a family?"

  Ryson couldn't avoid the issue any further. He had to give his honest opinion.

  "I don't think so. That's the truth."

  Enin nodded and accepted the presumption, but he would not allow the discussion to end there.

  "Yet you seem concerned about leaving her alone. I'm just wondering if having children is the real problem. I don't doubt that has caused some immediate concern, but is there something else? I don't mean to pry, but I can't dismiss the obvious. You've been talking about leaving Linda alone. I know you do that because you have to… you're a delver. But you seem almost guilty about it. It sounds as if you may be questioning whether or not you really want to be a delver."

  Ryson wasn't sure if it was
anguish or relief that sliced through his spirit. The wizard cut right to the heart of the issue. Enin had addressed the concern that perhaps scared him the most, yet it was also the reason he came to the wizard for assistance.

  "I'm not questioning it. I think she might be. Actually, I'm wondering if Linda wants to be with a delver."

  "I see," Enin acknowledged as he considered the serious question with great deliberation. "I have spent time with your wife, even talked to her about it. She knew what to expect. She was always going to worry about your safety, but I don't think she ever held it against you, wanted you to be something else."

  "That might have been before, but she seems different now. She made this remark about not having children and now she doesn't seem to care about anything. It's the magic she's immune to, not me, but something happened to her."

  "It might have been a shock to her. Not wanting children and not being able to have them are two different things. In the back of her mind, it was always a possibility. Now, she realizes it no longer is. She probably just needs time."

  It made sense, but the conclusion was much too abrupt for Ryson's liking. He had hoped Enin would be more proactive in offering a more helpful solution.

  "So that's it?" Ryson asked.

  "You hoped for more?"

  "Yes! I don't understand this magic stuff, not like you do. I was hoping you might be able to do something."

  "I can't change her immunity, and I can't make you something you're not."

  "But maybe you can do something else."

  "What did you have in mind?"

  Ryson knew of Enin's great powers. He even knew of abilities the wizard had discarded.

  "You used to talk about seeing the destiny in people, you had the ability."

  "Yes, I did, and I blocked it out. I was making judgments of people based on what they would face, and that was wrong. No one should make a decision based on what I was able to see. It wasn't fair."