Pure Choice dm-6

by Jeff Inlo

  "If you understand all that, then why did you get so mad at me?" Sy wondered.

  "Things got out of hand. It was tense. I didn't like what happened with the large goblin. We were both upset at what happened that night. That doesn't change the fact that this is all still only about a difference in opinion. For me, it's not so much about agreeing or disagreeing. I understand your perspective. Like I said, I even respect it, but it's still different than mine. I'm hoping you can understand my opinion, because the only time I really got mad at you was when you tried to force me to give up my beliefs… to change my opinion of what was right."

  Sy wanted to debate that assertion. He believed he allowed everyone their own beliefs and that he didn't infringe upon them. He wanted to say that he never attempted to alter his friends convictions, but he couldn't. The truth was that he did want to change Ryson's mind. Deep down, he couldn't deny it.

  "You're right," Sy admitted. "I did want you to see things my way. I value you too much, both as a scout… and as a friend. I was afraid I couldn't count on you, and I wanted you on my side. I still do."

  "I am on your side."

  Sy frowned slightly. At first, he wanted to simply agree with the sentiment and move on, but it wasn't the complete truth.

  "I know you're not against me," Sy acknowledged, "but when we don't agree on the best way to handle a problem, then we're not necessarily on the same side."

  "But I won't get in your way."

  "And that's how we leave it?" Sy wondered. "Because I'm not sure if this situation is any different than what it was before. I still have to give orders and I expect them to be followed. If a river rogue gets inside of the town again, I'm not going to risk my soldiers to protect its life. I realize you have your beliefs in what's right, but I can't let them interfere with what I have to do."

  "Then don't let them. All I'm asking is for you not to give me an order you know I won't follow. And I won't put myself in a position where I might question your orders… like with Okyiq. I tried to make a deal with him for my own purposes. I was wrong. And then, I didn't like how you handled the situation. Wrong again. I'll try not to make those same mistakes. I know you don't want me to question your orders, but I still think I can help you, help this town… my home."

  "What is it exactly you propose?" Sy asked.

  "Let me do what it is I do best. Let me scout the lands around Burbon, let me find the threats for you before people are in danger. Just don't use me as a tool for unnecessary killing."

  "And that may be our problem," Sy admitted. "That was our problem on the night we argued. Who gets to decide what's necessary?"

  "I guess that's what we'll have to figure out. Maybe we can discuss things before they happen, work out a general idea ahead of time."

  "I have no problem with being better prepared, so maybe we can work it out. Still, I need you to understand that the safety of this town is the most important factor, not my reputation, or even your beliefs. Nothing can get in the way of defending the people that live here."

  "Like I said, let me help with that. I can be more active in my scouting. We can do more to keep threats out of Burbon."

  "I can't argue with that."

  There was an uneasy pause. They had seemed to find a potentially feasible solution, but both knew they would have to work at it and only time would tell if they would succeed. Ryson ended the silence as he didn't wish to delay his trip back to Connel any longer.

  "So… when Linda is well enough to travel, we'll be back."

  "You'll both be welcome. You've both been missed."

  Epilogue 2

  When Ryson returned to Connel, he met with Enin at the entrance to the Church of Godson. The wizard had made one last check on Linda and gave a glowing report to the delver. Ryson rushed inside to give the good news to his wife. After a much more joyful and affectionate meeting than they had had in the past few days, the delver bubbled with enthusiasm.

  "Enin thinks you're fine," Ryson revealed to his wife. They stood in a back office of the church and were able to converse in complete privacy. "He said if there were any lingering effects of the arasaps, we'd know by now."

  "I know," Linda replied. "He just told me."

  "Did he also tell you we can go home any time you're ready? He said he would teleport us back to Burbon. He said he could send us right back to our house."

  "That would be nice."

  "Where's Dzeb?" Ryson asked. "I didn't think he was going to ever leave your side."

  "He told me I was better before Enin did. He said it was time for him to go, but if I ever needed him, he'd be there."

  "He already left?"

  Linda nodded.

  "I'm sorry I missed him," Ryson revealed. "I wanted to thank him."

  "I thanked him for both of us."

  "Well, I'm ready any time you are," the delver noted.

  Linda was indeed ready to return home, but there was one thing she felt she needed to do before they left. The small office in the back of the church seemed to be the perfect place to deal with the tensions she knew were still standing in their way.

  "Ry? I want you to know that I'm sorry for the things I said and did."

  Ryson shook his head.

  "No need for that. I understand."

  "Do you?"

  "Probably more than you know."

  Still, Linda felt the need to explain.

  "Those things inside me… every time Ansas purified one of his spell casters, they pulled something through me. It wasn't magic. I know that. The magic can't get inside me." She paused, but then willingly revealed her own perspective, and the unease that went with it. "That's why I knew we can never have children. Each time the magic was thrown at me, I could feel it just bounce away. For some reason, I thought of you and the magic that's always been a part of you. It all just became very clear to me, but that's not really what I'm talking about."

  "Just say what you feel you have to say."

  "They pulled emotions into me, not mine, but I could feel them… and I couldn't control them. I know Enin called it spell residue, but that's not what I felt. I felt someone else's… I don't know what to call it, 'will' maybe. It was the way they shaped the magic, but there was no magic to shape when it came inside of me. It was so strange."

  "I imagine it had to be."

  "But what was worse was it flooded my emotions. Everything became so scattered inside of me. Those creatures, I could feel them eating it all, taking it from me, but not all at once. Everything just bubbled to the surface. I was afraid, I was confused, I was even exhilarated, but mostly I was angry, but it wasn't really me. Well, the emotion wasn't mine."

  "But a lot of the things you said were the truth," Ryson acknowledged with a knowing glance. It hurt for the delver to admit it, but he wouldn't hide from the truth. "I know you weren't the one responsible for all the emotions behind them, but the words… I heard every word you said. They didn't come from someone else. They were your words because they dealt with us and our situation, not someone else's."

  Linda suddenly became very worried about where they were headed.

  "No, that's not it."

  "Don't worry," Ryson reassured his wife. "Like I said, I understand more than you know."

  "But you need to know what it's really about," Linda implored. "The words might have been mine, but they didn't carry what I really felt. Words can be… confusing, especially when I was so out of control. I never wanted to hit you and I never meant to say the things I did."

  "I realize that, but certain things came out. The emotions weren't yours, I know that, and you weren't in control. I know that, too, but there are things we have to face."

  Linda stared down at the floor, but only for a moment. She looked back into her husband's eyes and decided to deal with the truth.

  "I get lonely."

  "I know. I didn't realize how much… until this all happened."

  "I've gotten used to it. I'm able to deal with it."

  "But w
hen you lost control of your emotions, it all came out… and we shouldn't hide from it."

  "I don't like it when you leave," Linda admitted. "And sometimes… sometimes I think you're more concerned with helping others than you are with taking care of me. Do you think that's selfish?"

  "Not at all. If we're going to be truthful, then I have to admit I take you for granted. I'm grateful for the way you've dealt with being married to a delver. I probably don't say it as much as I should."

  "I have accepted it, and I wouldn't change it," Linda admitted.

  "I'm glad to hear that because I started to worry that you thought it was all a mistake."

  "A mistake?"

  "Yeah, a mistake for us to be together."

  "Don't ever think that."

  "We're being truthful, remember? That was what I worried about the most. I guess I still am. You tell me you don't want me to change, and I believe you, but I also realize just how lonely you are sometimes. It's a conflict that can't be resolved."

  "But I know it's something I can live with," Linda stated.

  "I don't want you to live with being unhappy."

  "I'm not unhappy! I just want you to understand why I said those things to you."

  "I know. It was the emotions…"

  "It wasn't just that," Linda revealed. "I know we never made a decision about having children, but it was always in the back of my mind. It was something for me to fall back on. When it became clear that it could never happen, it hit me harder than I thought."

  "I see."

  "You said you were worried I might think it was a mistake for us to be together. I don't think I made a mistake, but…"

  "But what?"

  "But I wondered if we were supposed to be together. How could I not?"

  Ryson nodded.

  "I don't blame you," he admitted. "I thought about it, too. But I thought about every thing else as well. We've been through too much together and I realized it wasn't a mistake. Whether we can have kids or not isn't going to make or break us. And just because you're immune to magic, doesn't mean you're immune to me. We belong together because we do. I've accepted that. I hope you do, too."

  "I have, but I want to make sure you see the whole picture."

  "I do. I'm a delver, remember."

  Linda couldn't help smiling and then she hugged her husband as hard as she could.

  Ryson believed they had overcome the biggest obstacle, but he was not yet completely satisfied with the situation.

  "We still have to deal with you being lonely. Where do we go from here with that?"

  Linda stepped back. She almost spoke right out, but then held her voice. She hesitated for a few moments more and then decided to simply say what was on her mind and in her heart.

  "Can we get a dog? Someone to keep me company while you're away? I've always loved dogs. I know you do, too. It would be good for us both."

  Ryson smiled. He almost laughed out loud, but he didn't want Linda to think he was laughing at her… or her request. He thought it was a wonderful idea.

  "Absolutely, I even know where we can get one. His name is Stomps." Ryson paused and then he did laugh. He thought about how things came into his life. It wasn't going to be a goblin or a river rogue, or even a sorcerer. It was going to be a dog named Stomps… and for some reason, Ryson believed that Stomps already knew what was going to happen. "You know, maybe that's what this was all about. I think we were supposed to get a dog, just like we were supposed to be together. We can make choices, and the right ones will bring us where we need to be. Come on, I'll introduce you to Stomps."

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