The Fall (The Siren Series)

by Higginson, Rachel

  Ryder. I needed him so badly. But what if he never even wanted to see me again? What if he realized how broken I was? How beyond out of reach I was?

  What if he had given up on me?

  He was the only thing tethering me to sanity… to hope. He was my life line while I felt the tide pulling me under. He was my anchor while I drifted in a sea of confusion and distress. He was every breath, every moment of life.

  And without him, I wouldn’t just wither, I would drown.

  I walked into the kitchen for the first time in days. My mom hadn’t exactly been interested in making sure I ate or took care of myself. And I was used to that, so I would have been fine if she would have stopped coming into my room just to stare at me. She was really starting to weird me out. I didn’t get why she kept watching me.

  She was waiting for something… but I didn’t understand what it could be. She had never seemed more afraid though. Her eyes were wide all the time, panicked and flighty. Her fingers would tremble and sometimes I would catch her with her arms wrapped around her waist while she cried quietly and shivered uncontrollably.

  She never cried near me. But the way she watched me, made me feel like she would start at any moment.

  And then Nix would come over to check on me and she would flee to her bedroom so I would have to deal with him all by myself.

  Those were the worst moments. I had always hated my mom, but lately it was like having a beaten puppy around the house. She jumped at loud noises, ran and hid when someone else walked into the room and seemed unfixably cracked. I could ignore her easily as long as I didn’t look into her haunted eyes and question why.

  Nix on the other hand… never brought up Ryder. Not once. He didn’t even punish me beyond what he did to Ryder in the apartment. He just gloated. He watched me with a smug expression on his sinister face. He walked into my house with a puffed up chest and an “I rule the world” attitude. He didn’t have to set rules, because he knew I wouldn’t do anything without his permission.

  He thought he broke me. He thought he succeeded. But I had never been more determined than this moment. I just needed to bide my time until I heard from Mallory.

  Which would mean Ryder would have to talk to me no matter what.

  Maybe I would get the chance to apologize.

  My mom walked into the room and watched me for a few endless seconds before she announced, “Exie called. They’re downstairs waiting for you.”

  “Thanks.” I grabbed my purse and slipped on some wedge sandals.

  “If you need anything, just use one of the girls’ phones.”

  “Okay.”

  I tried to get by her, but she took up a surprisingly large amount of the doorway. “Ivy,” she started and I could already tell I wasn’t going to like what she had to say. “I know that you don’t take instruction well… but you need to be careful. Eryn isn’t just… Eryn and Nix have a history.”

  “Obviously,” I snorted, thinking about the vicious scar that ran the entire length of the fury’s face.

  Where was she going with this?

  She put a cold hand on my forearm and shook me gently. “Eryn is dangerous. She’s as dangerous as Nix, if not worse. She’s a Fury, Ivy. They define destruction. Do you understand? The gods unleash them only when they want to utterly annihilate something or someone. Entire villages. Entire kingdoms fell by their swords.”

  “Why are you telling me this?”

  “If Eryn thinks your Nix’s, she might come after you. She might end you just to get back at Nix. If Olympus understands his intentions then you could easily be a target. They would kill you without a second thought. They can’t kill him, but you mean nothing to them.”

  “Why can’t they kill Nix?” I wanted them to kill him, not me. That seemed beyond unfair. I wasn’t anything to them. I didn’t want anything to do with them! Ever. And yet my life might be in danger because he had some sick fascination with me? I didn’t get it.

  “He’s one of them, their brother. They can’t kill each other. No matter how much they hate one another, or how evil they grow, they cannot kill each other.”

  “But then who can? They’re gods. Who can kill a god?”

  “Exie’s waiting for you,” she said instead of answering my question. “You’d better go.” She pulled back and walked away without a second glance.

  What was with all the cryptic information? Couldn’t she just give me a straight answer? Other than that people wanted to kill me.

  I didn’t exactly know what to do with that.

  So I left it. I didn’t think about it again as I walked out of my apartment and worked my way to the circle drive. Exie waited for me on the hood of her silver BMW M3 and started squealing as soon as I appeared at the top of the stairs.

  I bounded down to her and leapt into her arms. We hugged extra tight, both clinging to each other sincerely. I had my own trauma to live with but hers came in the form of her older sister.

  “How’s Ana,” I asked gently.

  “Better than Evaleen,” she whispered.

  I looked into the backseat of Exie’s car and waved at Sloane. She was sitting there holding Eva’s hand while Eva stared out the window at nothing.

  “Anaxandra couldn’t come,” Exie explained. “Her bruising is still bad. She was embarrassed.”

  “It’s good you got Eva out.”

  Exie made a noncommittal noise and left me so she could climb in the driver’s seat. I jumped in the car too, just happy to be out of house arrest for a few hours.

  As soon as the door closed behind me, Exie started asking the hard questions. “Where have you been? Why does Nix have your phone? What’s going on with Ryder? Is Nix really taking you back to Greece?”

  I waved my hand in the air to get her to stop. “Wait, slow down.” She raised her eyebrows at me expectantly. “Um. I went to Ryder’s house for breakfast on Monday-”

  “Wait, breakfast?” Exie jumped in. “That’s awfully relationshippy!”

  “Stop,” I laughed. “It’s this thing his dad and his uncle do. It’s not relationshippy at all. It’s really non-relationshippy. Trust me.”

  Although… before Nix… before the scary parts… it had been nice and sweet and parts had been more than nice and sweet.

  Exie didn’t agree. “So not just breakfast, but breakfast with his dad? How is that not relationshippy?”

  “Don’t interrupt,” I scolded Exie in an effort to get my mind back on track. “Anyway, I was at Ryder’s. And we were doing dishes. See? Not romantic.” I gave Exie a look but she just smiled. “His dad and uncle had gone out by this time. We were having fun, like… talking and stuff. Then suddenly Nix is there, banging down the door and yelling at me.”

  “How embarrassing,” Exie sympathized.

  “It’s worse than embarrassing.” I cleared my throat before I went on. “Ryder stuck up for me, because, well you know Ryder. He wasn’t going to let someone yell at me and demand I go home. Especially not Nix. But then Nix…”

  “What, Ivy?” Evaleen demanded gently from the backseat. “What did Nix do?”

  “I don’t know how to explain it. He filled Ryder with water. It was like he was drowning and his entire body was full of water. He just kept coughing it up. He couldn’t breathe… it was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.” My voice sounded foreign to my own ears, distant, detached, and devoid of all the emotion that pooled just beneath my surface.

  “When did Nix stop?” Exie gasped.

  “As soon as I agreed to leave with him.” I looked out the window, ashamed by my cowardly behavior. “Nix took my phone after that. He told me not to leave the apartment. This is the first time I’ve been out of the house all week.” I looked back at my friends and admitted, “I’m actually surprised he let me out, even with you guys.”

  “It’s a test,” Evaleen said quietly. “He’s testing you.”

  That made more sense.

  We fell into restless silence the rest of the way to the brand new out
let mall. It would be packed with people and hot and sweaty, but I loved the idea of getting lost in the crowd and fading into the scenery.

  The drive took a while because it was located outside of Omaha toward Lincoln. Our initial energy smoothed out to a peaceful trip. Exie turned the radio up and we let the miles of highway soothe our collectively troubled thoughts.

  Exie found a parking spot in the middle of the lot and we embarked on our shopping. Evaleen trailed behind us, languidly moving from one store to the other. Sloane stayed with her, hovering like a mother hen. I didn’t blame her; Evaleen looked like she needed to be on suicide watch.

  “Has she been like this the whole time?” I whispered to Exie when there was some space between us.

  “This is a good day for her,” she confessed. “Ana’s just as bad. It’s like… it’s like they really did give up their souls.”

  My chest ached and tears heated my eyes. “But they haven’t even been sold yet. They’ve only been on display so far.” Once we turned twenty-one, Nix shopped us around to bidders interested in our virginity. We were required to keep it until Nix could make money off it. Evaleen and Anaxandra had both turned twenty-one this year. This was their big debut.

  “My mother keeps telling Ana that this is how it starts, but it gets better. She says we’ll get used to it.” Exie shuddered and I caught it, both of us quivering in the sweltering humidity.

  “I’ve never seen my mother come home black and blue,” I whispered but then my thoughts flashed to Nix’s hands around her throat. Had she lived a lifetime of that? Had I been blind this whole time? Or had she hidden it from me?

  “I have.” Exie guided me into a generic clothing shop that I would have never picked out. She seemed determined. She started picking up all kinds of clothes off the racks and layering them over her arms. She caught my eye from over a sale rack. “After all that with Nix and… Ryder… are you still up for…? Are you still ready?”

  I nodded simply, “More than ever.” A searing pain sliced through my chest and I immediately thought about never seeing Ryder again. “He’s never asked me to stay. He’s never tried to talk me out of this.” I know I sounded pathetic, but I couldn’t help it. I had to say those words to someone. I had to just speak the heartache out loud once and then I would be able to move on. It wasn’t like I had a choice. It wasn’t like I could stay for him even if he asked.

  “He’s not going to ask you to stay, Ives. He would never ask you to stay.” She had never looked more serious in her life. She was Malibu Barbie, fun, bubbly, ditzy! But now… I couldn’t argue with the conviction staring through her ice blue eyes. “He’s been calling me nonstop since Nix took your phone. He wouldn’t tell me what happened, he just seemed… he’s been really worried about you. I know he wouldn’t ask you to stay here, but maybe he’s waiting for you to ask him to leave with you.”

  “Do you think he would?” I couldn’t begin to hope. That would be too… He couldn’t. He couldn’t finish school or continue his music. And besides, after I left him to die he probably never even wanted to see me again, let alone run away with me.

  “Go try these on,” she ordered while shoving armfuls of clothes at me. “Last dressing room on the left.” I took the clothes dumbly and lifted my eyebrows at her. “Go! And don’t say I never gave you anything!”

  A spark ignited in my belly and quickly spread to a wildfire of hope. I pushed to the back of the store, knocking into mannequins and customers with my large burden of clothes. I followed Exie’s instructions and jiggled the handle. It was locked. A huge sinking feeling washed through me and disappointment hazed my brain. I didn’t know what I’d been expecting, but clearly I was an idiot for thinking anything would be back here.

  I stared at the door handle, trying to find the energy to try on all the clothes Exie wanted me to when the handle turned and the door creaked open. I held my breath and looked through the crack.

  Ryder stared back at me. His eyes were dark, desperate and glossy. One of his hands rested on top of his head, tangled in his crazy hair. He hadn’t shaved in several days and his jawline filled out with a rebellious scruff that wasn’t quite manly but so much more than boyish at the same time. His body vibrated with emotion and his throat worked to swallow as he stared at me.

  It had only been five days… but it felt like we’d been forcibly separated for years.

  I drank him in, every inch of him. My body hummed to life and my heart softened.

  Ryder. Ryder. Ryder. My heart pulsed his name with every beat.

  He was within reach.

  “Get in here, Red,” he commanded in that gravelly voice that made my skin tingle. “We need to talk.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  I stepped into the dressing room. Ryder reached around the gigantic pile of clothes in my arms and my shaking body and closed the door. His torso brushed my arm as he reached by me and I breathed him in, inhaling his coconut oil shampoo, the rich smell of his deodorant and aftershave and the rest that was all him.

  The lock clicked into place and I tossed the pile of clothes on the floor. As soon as my hands were free I wrapped them around Ryder’s neck and threw my body against his. Tears started to fill my eyes but I held them back. I didn’t know how long I had here and I didn’t want to waste it on stupid sadness.

  His arms wrapped around my waist so he could hold me to him as tightly as I would fit. He buried his face in my neck and nuzzled me with his nose. I felt his entire body as he crushed me to him. His arms held me in a refuge of his affection, his thighs pressed into my hips, his firm stomach and solid chest moved with each of his breaths. I felt the tip of his nose as it trailed up and down the curve of my throat, the softness of his lips as he pressed sweet kisses intermittently. I felt the rough abrasion of his jaw line, the thick, course strands of his hair that seemed to defy gravity. I felt his fingers dig into my sides and his heart beat pound against mine.

  I loved this man.

  Loved him.

  Everything in my soul told me that he was it. There was no one but him. There would never be anybody but him.

  “Ivy,” he grated. “God, these last few days.” His voice caught and I allowed one tear to escape. I couldn’t handle it if he showed his heartbreak. If he was anything less than absolutely strong, I would lose it.

  “I thought… I didn’t know what happened to you! I couldn’t-”

  He pulled back so he could stare down at me. “Shh.” He brushed his lips across mine. Once, twice… and then slowly built the kiss to something that would heal my broken soul. His mouth moved delicately across mine, tasting the tear that had fallen across my bottom lip, tangling our tongues together in a sweet dance of reassurance and hope. “I’m fine.” He tightened his embrace and rested his forehead against mine. “I need to know if you’re alright.”

  “I’m fine,” I sniffled. “I’ve been fine. You were the one that-” I hiccupped a sob, unable to finish that sentence.

  “Ivy,” he groaned. He gave me another slow kiss to stay the tears. “Ivy, I can’t fight that. I can’t go up against someone with that kind of power. We have to run.”

  I snapped my head up and stared into his granite eyes. I searched for truth, I searched for… regret. “You would go with me? You would leave your life and go with me?”

  His lips twitched. “Did you think you were going to leave me behind?”

  “I thought I had to.”

  “Red,” he rumbled. “Don’t you feel this?” He laid his hand across my heart and caught the frantic beats with his warm palm.

  “What is it?” I needed to hear him say it. I needed to hear the words come out of his mouth.

  “Friendship,” he smiled at me. My smile wavered and I felt near tears again, but then he went on, “And respect. Acceptance, devotion, loyalty, attraction, a lot of attraction actually.” His grin grew wicked and he laughed lightly. “It’s every emotion and every feeling. Ivy, I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time. And before you argue with me
, this has nothing to do what you are and everything to do with who you are. You tell me you captivate men and force them to fall for you. I’ve watched it happen. But the same thing happened to me. Only it wasn’t natural and it wasn’t instinct. Every natural reaction told me to run from you, told me that you were dangerous. But getting to know you has changed my life. You’re the first person I want to talk to every day. You’re the only person I want to talk to at the end of the day. I’m lonely when you’re not there. I’m bored, I’m cranky, I’m half of myself. You haven’t forced me to fall for you, but I have. And you haven’t tricked me into loving you, but I do. Leaving with you is the only option for my life. We go together. We fight this or we run from this together.”

  I laid my head against his chest and just stayed there, holding him, letting him hold me. I’d lost my equilibrium and as I spun in dizzying circles, I let him steady me and bring me back to my center. My heart beat furiously and my lungs struggled for air. I had never been cared for so deeply. I had never heard words like these from anyone. And he was giving them to me so freely. He just let them fall from his lips like they were truth and he couldn’t hold them in anymore.

  In that moment I felt like myself, I felt like I was who I was supposed to be. I wasn’t a slave trapped in human-trafficking. I wasn’t a victim imprisoned in a lifetime of nightmares. I was loved and cherished. I was cared for and protected.

  “Red,” he murmured into my hair.

  “Hmm?” I looked back up at him and fell straight into those silver depths.

  “I didn’t uh know, um, maybe I thought you might have something to say, too?” His charming smile wavered in the corners.

  I grinned like an idiot. “Don’t you know that I love you? That I’ve loved you since possibly the first day I met you? You’ve always been right for me, Ryder. Since I spilled coffee on you and you didn’t want anything to do with me. I’ve loved you for almost as long as I’ve known you.”

  His entire body relaxed with my confession and he captured my lips with his. We had never let go of each other, but we repurposed our hands so we could cling tighter. He moved more insistently against me, more purposefully. His tongue invaded my mouth and I shivered at the rightness of it.