Everything's Eventual
Page 24
This can be the beginning of a great career!
I went back into the living room, still looking at the money. Know how weirded-out I was? I almost sat on my bowl of popcorn. I saw it at the last second, set it aside, and plopped back on the couch. I picked up the phone, really sort of expecting Sharpton to be gone, but when I said hello, he answered.
“What’s this all about?” I asked him. “What’s the seventy bucks for? I’m keeping it, but not because I think I owe you anything. I didn’t fucking ask for anything.”
“The money is absolutely yours,” Sharpton says, “with not a string in the world attached. But I’ll let you in on a secret, Dink—a job isn’t just about money. A real job is about the fringe benefits. That’s where the power is.”
“If you say so.”
“I absolutely do. And all I ask is that you meet me and hear a little more. I’ll make you an offer that will change your life, if you take it. That will open the door to a new life, in fact. Once I’ve made that offer, you can ask all the questions you like. Although I must be honest and say you probably won’t get all the answers you’d like.”
“And if I just decide to walk away?”
“I’ll shake your hand, clap you on the back, and wish you good luck.”
“When did you want to meet?” Part of me—most of me—still thought all this was a joke, but there was a minority opinion forming by then. There was the money, for one thing; two weeks’ worth of tips driving for Pizza Roma, and that’s if business was good. But mostly it was the way Sharpton talked. He sounded like he’d been to school … and I don’t mean at Sheep’s Rectum State College over in Van Drusen, either. And really, what harm could there be? Since Skipper’s accident, there was no one on Planet Earth who wanted to take after me in a way that was dangerous or painful. Well, Ma, I suppose, but her only weapon was her mouth … and she wasn’t into elaborate practical jokes. Also, I couldn’t see her parting with seventy dollars. Not when there was still a Bingo game in the vicinity.
“Tonight,” he said. “Right now, in fact.”
“All right, why not? Come on over. I guess if you can drop an envelope full of tens through the mail-slot, you don’t need me to give you the address.”
“Not at your house. I’ll meet you in the Supr Savr parking lot.”
My stomach dropped like an elevator with the cables cut, and the conversation stopped being the least bit funny. Maybe this was some kind of setup—something with cops in it, even. I told myself no one could know about Skipper, least of all the cops, but Jesus. There was the letter; Skipper could have left the letter lying around anywhere. Nothing in it anyone could make out (except for his sister’s name, but there are millions of Debbies in the world), no more than anyone could’ve made out the stuff I wrote on the sidewalk outside Mrs. Bukowski’s yard … or so I would have said before the goddam phone rang. But who could be absolutely sure? And you know what they say about a guilty conscience. I didn’t exactly feel guilty about Skipper, not then, but still …
“The Supr Savr’s kind of a weird place for a job interview, don’t you think? Especially when it’s been closed since eight o’clock.”
“That’s what makes it good, Dink. Privacy in a public place. I’ll park right by the Kart Korral. You’ll know the car—it’s a big gray Mercedes.”
“I’ll know it because it’ll be the only one there,” I said, but he was already gone.
I hung up and put the money in my pocket, almost without realizing I was doing it. I was sweating lightly all over my body. The voice on the phone wanted to meet me by the Kart Korral, where Skipper had so often teased me. Where he had once mashed my fingers between a couple of shopping carts, laughing when I screamed. That hurts the worst, getting your fingers mashed. Two of the nails had turned black and fallen off. That was when I’d made up my mind to try the letter. And the results had been unbelievable. Still, if Skipper Brannigan had a ghost, the Kart Korral was likely where it would hang out, looking for fresh victims to torture. The voice on the phone couldn’t have picked that place by accident. I tried to tell myself that was bullshit, that coincidences happened all the time, but I just didn’t believe it. Mr. Sharpton knew about Skipper. Somehow he knew.
I was afraid to meet him, but I didn’t see what choice I had. If nothing else, I ought to find out how much he knew. And who he might tell.
I got up, put on my coat (it was early spring then, and cold at night—it seems to me that it’s always cold at night in western Pennsylvania), started out the door, then went back and left a note for Ma. “Went out to see a couple of guys,” I wrote. “Will be back by midnight.” I intended to be back well before midnight, but that note seemed like a good idea. I wouldn’t let myself think too closely about why it seemed like a good idea, not then, but I can own up to it now: if something happened to me, something bad, I wanted to make sure Ma would call the police.
VIII
There are two kinds of scared—at least that’s my theory. There’s TVscared, and there’s real-scared. I think we go through most of our lives only getting TVscared. Like when we’re waiting for our blood-tests to come back from the doctor or when we’re walking home from the library in the dark and thinking about bad guys in the bushes. We don’t get real-scared about shit like that, because we know in our heart of hearts that the blood-tests will come back clean and there won’t be any bad guys in the bushes. Why? Because stuff like that only happens to the people on TV.
When I saw that big gray Mercedes, the only car in about an acre of empty parking lot, I got real-scared for the first time since the thing in the box-room with Skipper Brannigan. That time was the closest we ever came to really getting into it.
Mr. Sharpton’s ride was sitting under the light of the lot’s yellow mercury-vapor lamps, a big old Krautmobile, at least a 450 and probably a 500, the kind of car that costs a hundred and twenty grand these days. Sitting there next to the Kart Korral (now almost empty for the night, all the carts except for one poor old three-wheeled cripple safely locked up inside) with its parking lights on and white exhaust drifting up into the air. Engine rumbling like a sleepy cat.
I drove toward it, my heart pumping slow but hard and a taste like pennies in my throat. I wanted to just mat the accelerator of my Ford (which in those days always smelled like a pepperoni pizza) and get the hell out of there, but I couldn’t get rid of the idea that the guy knew about Skipper. I could tell myself there was nothing to know, that Charles “Skipper” Brannigan had either had an accident or committed suicide, the cops weren’t sure which (they couldn’t have known him very well; if they had, they would have thrown the idea of suicide right out the window—guys like Skipper don’t off themselves, not at the age of twenty-three they don’t), but that didn’t stop the voice from yammering away that I was in trouble, someone had figured it out, someone had gotten hold of the letter and figured it out.
That voice didn’t have logic on its side, but it didn’t need to. It had good lungs and just outscreamed logic. I parked beside the idling Mercedes and rolled my window down. At the same time, the driver’s-side window of the Mercedes rolled down. We looked at each other, me and Mr. Sharpton, like a couple of old friends meeting at the Hi-Hat Drive-In.
I don’t remember much about him now. That’s weird, considering all the time I’ve spent thinking about him since, but it’s the truth. Only that he was thin, and that he was wearing a suit. A good one, I think, although judging stuff like that’s not my strong point. Still, the suit eased me a little. I guess that, unconsciously, I had this idea that a suit means business, and jeans and a teeshirt means fuckery.
“Hello, Dink,” he says. “I’m Mr. Sharpton. Come on in here and sit down.”
“Why don’t we just stay the way we are?” I asked. “We can talk to each other through these windows. People do it all the time.”
He only looked at me and said nothing. After a few seconds of that, I turned off the Ford and got out. I don’t know exactly why, but I did. I w
as more scared than ever, I can tell you that. Real-scared. Real as real as real. Maybe that was why he could get me to do what he wanted.
I stood between Mr. Sharpton’s car and mine for a minute, looking at the Kart Korral and thinking about Skipper. He was tall, with this wavy blond hair he combed straight back from his forehead. He had pimples, and these red lips, like a girl wearing lipstick. “Hey Dinky, let’s see your dinky,” he’d say. Or “Hey Dinky, you want to suck my dinky?” You know, witty shit like that. Sometimes, when we were rounding up the carts, he’d chase me with one, nipping at my heels with it and going “Rmmmm! Rmmmmm! Rmmmmm!” like a fucking race-car. A couple of times he knocked me over. At dinnerbreak, if I had my food on my lap, he’d bump into me good and hard, see if he could knock something onto the floor. You know the kind of stuff I’m talking about, I’m sure. It was like he’d never gotten over those ideas of what’s funny to bored kids sitting in the back row of study hall.
I had a ponytail at work, you had to wear your hair in a ponytail if you had it long, supermarket rules, and sometimes Skipper would come up behind me, grab the rubber band I used, and yank it out. Sometimes it would snarl in my hair and pull it. Sometimes it would break and snap against my neck. It got so I’d stick two or three extra rubber bands in my pants pocket before I left for work. I’d try not to think about why I was doing it, what I was putting up with. If I did, I’d probably start hating myself.
Once I turned around on my heels when he did that, and he must have seen something on my face, because his teasing smile went away and another one came up where it had been. The teasing smile didn’t show his teeth, but the new one did. Out in the box-room, this was, where the north wall is always cold because it backs up against the meat-locker. He raised his hands and made them into fists. The other guys sat around with their lunches, looking at us, and I knew none of them would help. Not even Pug, who stands about five-feetfour anyway and weighs about a hundred and ten pounds. Skipper would have eaten him like candy, and Pug knew it.
“Come on, assface,” Skipper said, smiling that smile. The broken rubber band he’d stripped out of my hair was dangling between two of his knuckles, hanging down like a little red lizard’s tongue. “Come on, you want to fight me? Come on, sure. I’ll fight you.”
What I wanted was to ask why it had to be me he settled on, why it was me who somehow rubbed his fur wrong, why it had to be any guy. But he wouldn’t have had an answer. Guys like Skipper never do. They just want to knock your teeth out. So instead, I just sat back down and picked up my sandwich again. If I tried to fight Skipper, he’d likely put me in the hospital. I started to eat, although I wasn’t hungry anymore. He looked at me a second or two longer, and I thought he might go after me, anyway, but then he unrolled his fists. The broken rubber band dropped onto the floor beside a smashed lettuce-crate. “You waste,” Skipper said. “You fucking longhair hippie waste.” Then he walked away. It was only a few days later that he mashed my fingers between two of the carts in the Korral, and a few days after that Skipper was lying on satin in the Methodist Church with the organ playing. He brought it on himself, though. At least that’s what I thought then.
“A little trip down Memory Lane?” Mr. Sharpton asked, and that jerked me back to the present. I was standing between his car and mine, standing by the Kart Korral where Skipper would never mash anyone else’s fingers.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“And it doesn’t matter. Hop in here, Dink, and let’s have a little talk.”
I opened the door of the Mercedes and got in. Man, that smell. It’s leather, but not just leather. You know how, in Monopoly, there’s a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free card? When you’re rich enough to afford a car that smells like Mr. Sharpton’s gray Mercedes, you must have a Get-Out-of-Everything-Free card.
I took a deep breath, held it, then let it out and said, “This is eventual.”
Mr. Sharpton laughed, his clean-shaven cheeks gleaming in the dashboard lights. He didn’t ask what I meant; he knew. “Everything’s eventual, Dink,” he said. “Or can be, for the right person.”
“You think so?”
“Know so.” Not a shred of doubt in his voice.
“I like your tie,” I said. I said it just to be saying something, but it was true, too. The tie wasn’t what I’d call eventual, but it was good. You know those ties that are printed all over with skulls or dinosaurs or little golf-clubs, stuff like that? Mr. Sharpton’s was printed all over with swords, a firm hand holding each one up.
He laughed and ran a hand down it, kind of stroking it. “It’s my lucky tie,” he said. “When I put it on, I feel like King Arthur.” The smile died off his face, little by little, and I realized he wasn’t joking. “King Arthur, out gathering the best men there ever were. Knights to sit with him at the Round Table and remake the world.”
That gave me a chill, but I tried not to show it. “What do you want with me, Art? Help you hunt for the Holy Grail, or whatever they call it?”
“A tie doesn’t make a man a king,” he said. “I know that, in case you were wondering.”
I shifted, feeling a little uncomfortable. “Hey, I wasn’t trying to put you down—”
“It doesn’t matter, Dink. Really. The answer to your question is I’m two parts headhunter, two parts talent scout, and four parts walking, talking destiny. Cigarette?”
“I don’t smoke.”
“That’s good, you’ll live longer. Cigarettes are killers. Why else would people call them coffin-nails?”
“You got me,” I said.
“I hope so,” Mr. Sharpton said, lighting up. “I most sincerely hope so. You’re top-shelf goods, Dink. I doubt if you believe that, but it’s true.”
“What’s this offer you were talking about?”
“Tell me what happened to Skipper Brannigan.”
Kabam, my worst fear come true. He couldn’t know, nobody could, but somehow he did. I only sat there feeling numb, my head pounding, my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth like it was glued there.
“Come on, tell me.” His voice seemed to be coming in from far away, like on a shortwave radio late at night.
I got my tongue back where it belonged. It took an effort, but I managed. “I didn’t do anything.” My own voice seemed to be coming through on that same shitty shortwave band. “Skipper had an accident, that’s all. He was driving home and he went off the road. His car rolled over and went into Lockerby Stream. They found water in his lungs, so I guess he drowned, at least technically, but it was in the paper that he probably would have died, anyway. Most of his head got torn off in the rollover, or that’s what people say. And some people say it wasn’t an accident, that he killed himself, but I don’t buy that. Skipper was … he was getting too much fun out of life to kill himself.”
“Yes. You were part of his fun, weren’t you?”
I didn’t say anything, but my lips were trembling and there were tears in my eyes.
Mr. Sharpton reached over and put his hand on my arm. It was the kind of thing you’d expect to get from an old guy like him, sitting with him in his big German car in a deserted parking lot, but I knew when he touched me that it wasn’t like that, he wasn’t hitting on me. It was good to be touched the way he touched me. Until then, I didn’t know how sad I was. Sometimes you don’t, because it’s just, I don’t know, all around. I put my head down. I didn’t start bawling or any thing, but the tears went running down my cheeks. The swords on his tie doubled, then tripled—three for one, such a deal.
“If you’re worried that I’m a cop, you can quit. And I gave you money—that screws up any sort of prosecution that might come out of this. But even if that wasn’t the case, no one would believe what really happened to young Mr. Brannigan, anyway. Not even if you confessed on nationwide TV. Would they?”
“No,” I whispered. Then, louder: “I put up with a lot. Finally I couldn’t put up with any more. He made me, he brought it on himself.”
“Tell
me what happened,” Mr. Sharpton said.
“I wrote him a letter,” I said. “A special letter.”
“Yes, very special indeed. And what did you put in it so it could only work on him?”
I knew what he meant, but there was more to it than that. When you personalized the letters, you increased their power. You made them lethal, not just dangerous.
“His sister’s name,” I said. I think that was when I gave up completely. “His sister, Debbie.”
IX
I’ve always had something, some kind of deal, and I sort of knew it, but not how to use it or what its name was or what it meant. And I sort of knew I had to keep quiet about it, because other people didn’t have it. I thought they might put me in the circus if they found out. Or in jail.
I remember once—vaguely, I might have been three or four, it’s one of my first memories—standing by this dirty window and looking out at the yard. There was a wood-chopping block and a mailbox with a red flag, so it must have been while we were at Aunt Mabel’s, out in the country. That was where we lived after my father ran off. Ma got a job in the Harkerville Fancy Bakery and we moved back to town later on, when I was five or so. We were living in town when I started school, I know that. Because of Mrs. Bukowski’s dog, having to walk past that fucking canine cannibal five days a week. I’ll never forget that dog. It was a boxer with a white ear. Talk about Memory Lane.
Anyway, I was looking out and there were these flies buzzing around at the top of the window, you know how they do. I didn’t like the sound, but I couldn’t reach high enough, even with a rolled-up magazine, to swat them or make them go away. So instead of that, I made these two triangles on the windowpane, drawing in the dirt with the tip of my finger, and I made this other shape, a special circle-shape, to hold the triangles together. And as soon as I did that, as soon as I closed the circle, the flies—there were four or five of them—dropped dead on the windowsill. Big as jellybeans, they were—the black jellybeans that taste like licorice. I picked one up and looked at it, but it wasn’t very interesting, so I dropped it on the floor and went on looking out the window.