Purpose

by Andrew Q. Gordon

  Thirty years of denial didn’t seem real when their lips met. His walls didn’t crash, nor did the flood of feelings from his old life overwhelm him. It felt like he had never changed.

  The tongue that tentatively touched his lips was answered. The slow, hesitant movement quickly gave way to a more deliberate exploration. When they moved back, Will kissed him gently on the forehead.

  “Let me wash up and we can go back to bed.”

  Ryan shook his head. “No, let me clean you. Then we can go.” With a small, impish grin on his lips, Ryan peered up even as he fumbled to find the soap. He ran the white bar across Will’s chest, down to his stomach, and below. The careful touch on his genitals forced Will to close his eyes, enjoying the sensation.

  Light pressure turned him around so Ryan could wash his back. Deft fingers glided over his tight muscles, across his butt, and between his legs. Pressing his hand between Will’s buttocks, Ryan teased him by running his hand over, but never trying to penetrate.

  “Turn again for me?”

  When they were facing each other, Ryan dropped to his knees and rubbed his soapy hands across Will’s legs. Ryan took a deep breath, put his lips around Will’s achingly hard cock, and swallowed most of it in one fluid movement.

  A low moan escaped from deep inside him. Forty years were compressed into a moment. There was no sense of loss to salve over. Will only knew here and now. He let Ryan continue for a minute before he decided to move things to the bedroom.

  Tugging softly, he moved Ryan back to his feet. Will’s smile was not matched by his partner’s.

  “Did I do something wrong?”

  Will shook his head and brushed his lips across Ryan’s. “No, but I’m clean, and the bedroom would be better.”

  Ryan’s pulse still raced as they helped dry each other. Will stopped to brush his teeth, adhering somewhat to his nightly pattern. His eyes lingered a moment on the counter as he touched a second toothbrush, the one he had given Ryan the night before. Were they already settling in with each other?

  Squeezing out some paste, he watched Ryan reach into the cabinet behind him. Mouthwash. For years, he wondered why he kept buying it. He didn’t date, and it certainly wasn’t because he had guests. Finally, he accepted it was a link, a small one, to his past.

  Accepting the bottle, he heard Ryan working it around his mouth with gusto. Watching the naked boy, for he was still a boy in so many ways, with a mouthful of Scope almost caused Will to spit out the swig of green liquid he had just taken.

  The absurdity of the moment didn’t tamp out his mood. After spitting out the liquid, Will nodded toward the bedroom.

  “WHO doesn’t have condoms and lube?” Ryan ran his hands over Will’s sweat-slicked chest. Despite the lack of supplies, they had found other ways to enjoy their time.

  “Who goes out and buys half the store and forgets to buy condoms and lube?” Stroking Ryan’s nearly dry hair, Will felt content. Sooner or later, he needed to understand what was happening, but tonight he was happy to let it linger another day or two.

  “You’re right. Maybe I should have snooped a bit more.” The sarcasm in his voice was only half convincing. “Had you told me before you left this morning, I might have known to buy some.”

  “Sorry you had such a horrible time. Would you like me to go sleep on the couch?” Will tried to sit up, but Ryan pressed a hand on his chest. It wouldn’t have stopped him, but he let it do as intended.

  Humor. It’d been a while since he joked with anyone like this. Then again, considering he hadn’t been like this for so long, it wasn’t surprising.

  “I never said I didn’t have fun.” Ryan’s voice was almost a purr. “Besides, it leaves me something to look forward to. Tomorrow, I’ll be sure to be prepared.”

  Ryan’s hand slid down from Will’s chest to his abs. “Your body is incredible. You feel like stone. I mean, I know about hard muscles and all, but this is….”

  Will didn’t respond. What answer could he give? Ryan pulled his hand away and twisted until his head rested on Will’s right shoulder. “Where did you go tonight?”

  Why did he ask things he already knew? “I had business I needed to handle.”

  “I thought you said It was dormant.” The soft, whispery voice hovered on the edge of sleep.

  “Not dormant.” Searching inward, he felt It, resting yet aware. No doubt ready to alert him when the time came. “Calm is a better word. It’s still there.”

  Ryan started to yawn but stifled it. “Does that mean you don’t have to do what It wants anymore?”

  “No, I still do.” The soft breath on his skin and the warm body next to his left him drowsy. Sleepy? Him? Sure he slept, but only to keep a semblance of a normal life. Usually, he had to force himself. He never got tired.

  “Why?” Propping himself on his elbow, Ryan stared down at him.

  “How about we go to sleep and talk about this tomorrow?”

  “Will, why can’t you tell me?” His body tightened next to Will’s.

  “I can, but you were about to drift off. It can wait.” Maybe by morning he’d better understand what had happened himself.

  “No.” Ryan brushed the back of his hand across Will’s face. “I’m awake. Tell me.”

  Pulling him closer, Will breathed in. Even though they used the same soap and shampoo, Ryan’s scent was different. Not better or worse, just different. Smiling, he leaned over and kissed the top of his head.

  “Okay, but remember, I don’t fully understand this myself. If I say I don’t know, I’m not being evasive. I really don’t know.”

  Surprising him, Ryan leaned over and kissed Will before snuggling back onto his body.

  “Are you sure you don’t want a pillow?” Will said, remembering what Ryan said a moment ago about his body feeling so hard.

  “No.” He pulled himself tighter. “Surprisingly, you’re very comfortable to lie on. You don’t feel so hard when I’m like this.”

  Unable to dispute that, Will ran his hand over the bare skin of Ryan’s back. “Okay.” He took a deep breath and let it out loudly. “Right now, the Purpose is still awake and alert. I can feel It just as I always have. What’s different is there is no urgency. Almost like It knows I’m going to do what I’m supposed to, so It doesn’t press me.”

  Was it gaining sentience? Unlikely, but he couldn’t rule it out. “Remember what I told you about the souls of the innocent calling out to the Purpose? That hasn’t changed. When the little girl died, she called out for vengeance.”

  “Little girl?” The words came out choked, the hurt evident in his voice. Did Ryan feel things through him, or was he just sensitive?

  “She was nine years old. Some scumbag raped her, then killed her to hide what he did.”

  The moan Ryan let out stopped Will. Should he check Ryan’s mind to be sure he wasn’t leaking emotions Ryan was picking up? No, probably just sensitive.

  “When I felt the pull, I acted. That’s when I left earlier tonight. Somehow, and I can’t explain it yet, I knew that if I ignored the call, It would flare back to life.”

  “That’s what you meant by the Purpose knows you’ll do what It wants, right?”

  “Exactly.” Now came the harder part. Ryan couldn’t see the frown Will knew was on his face. “When I arrived….”

  “Where did you go?” Why did Ryan ask? Given the neighborhoods he went to were rarely the tony sections of town, it would only upset him.

  “Barry Farms.” He gave Ryan a moment to respond, but he remained quiet. “The moment I got there, I felt the presence of the innocent. Her call was strong, stronger than most. The locals didn’t want me there, but I didn’t care. One of them tried to run me over with a car….”

  Ryan’s head jerked up. “Will!”

  Stroking Ryan’s head, Will gently pressed it back. “Shh, it’s okay. Never came close to hitting me. Once I took out the driver, he crashed into two parked cars. People started to come out to investigate. The killer was one of
them.

  “I could have snapped his neck and been done with it. Vengeance would have been satisfied.” He’d done it that way hundreds of times. Lately, however, he’d been trying to have the deaths appear more random to avoid a pattern for the police to trace. “But I didn’t. Instead, I let him live.”

  “You did?” The hint of hope in Ryan’s voice made Will smile.

  “Yes, I did.” His smile faded. “I might not have done him any favors, however. Instead of killing him, I exposed his crime. I convinced the people he was the killer. Vile piece of filth stole the little girl’s gold necklace to pawn later. Someone found it in his pocket.”

  Ryan snorted softly. “Found it? Just like that?”

  “I helped.” Will tried to choose his words carefully, as Ryan showed signs this discussion unnerved him. Sanitizing the story was a must.

  “Everyone quickly forgot the car crash. Instead, they grabbed the killer. The necklace was damning evidence, so they brought the grieving mother to identify her daughter’s property. Once she confirmed he had the stolen necklace, she and the others beat him up.”

  “Did you encourage them?” The tone, the way his body tensed, said Ryan thought he did.

  “No.” His answer drew a sigh as Ryan pushed his head tighter to Will’s body. “They didn’t need any help to punish him. The police showed up before they killed him. He’s paralyzed from the neck down, probably permanently. He might wish he died, given his state and that he’s facing life in prison.”

  “What changed?”

  “I’m not sure.” When Ryan exhaled, Will shook his head slightly. “That’s not me being evasive. If I said the Purpose is quiet, you’d ask what caused that, and I don’t know. For reasons I can’t articulate, tonight I knew I didn’t have to kill the guilty.”

  Ryan ran his hand lightly over Will’s stomach, tracing an unseen pattern. “Wasn’t it risky, trusting your instincts like that?”

  “No, if vengeance wasn’t satisfied, I could’ve gone back and killed him later.” He hadn’t meant it to sound that way.

  Ryan jerked up. “That’s so cold.”

  “Sorry.” Gently stroking Ryan’s hair, Will hoped it would calm him.

  “Would you stop killing people if I asked?”

  “That’s not a question you should ask.” Why was Ryan doing this? He wouldn’t like the answer.

  “So the answer is no?”

  “Correct. I would not stop, even for you.” His answer was blunt but honest.

  “That shows where I rate.” The hurt in Ryan’s voice stunned Will.

  “Actually, it does, but not the way you are seeing it.”

  Ryan snorted. “What other way is there?”

  Feeling the warm body pressed against his, Will still wondered if this was a mistake. Ryan might want to understand him, but he acted like Will was a normal person. He wasn’t, and expecting him to be like everyone else could prove fatal.

  “Were I to go insane like the others who refused to do Its will, as the person closest to me, physically and emotionally, you would likely be the first to die. I won’t allow that to happen.”

  “But if the Purpose is calm, that won’t happen.”

  The hope in Ryan’s voice troubled Will. If he didn’t understand why Will had to keep silencing the calls for vengeance, this was going to be a recurring conversation.

  “Do you know that? I don’t. Right now It is quiet, but I don’t know why. Tomorrow It could be back to being active. Until I know why, I won’t risk the consequences.”

  “What if—”

  Will put his finger to Ryan’s lips. “I don’t want to play what-if. Let me figure out what’s happening. Then we can talk about what-if.”

  “Suppose you never figure it out?”

  Will smirked, unseen, at Ryan’s attempt to skirt the no “what-if” policy. But this got to the heart of the problem. Ryan might not want to stick around if Will still avenged the innocent.

  “Then I’ll keep doing what It wants. I’ve told you before, I’m too dangerous to lose control.”

  Ryan lay quietly, his breathing shallow and fast. After a moment, a drop of water landed on Will’s chest.

  “Ryan.” Will twisted to see his companion’s face. “You knew what I am. It’s why I insisted we talk before this could happen. But don’t take my resolve to mean you aren’t important to me. I promise you I’ll find out what is going on, somehow.”

  “But what if you can’t?”

  Smiling, a feeling that was beginning to come naturally again, he kissed Ryan’s forehead gently. “What did I say about ‘what-if’?”

  Ryan laughed softly, seeming to relax. “Okay, but promise you’ll talk to me about how it’s going?”

  “If you stick around, I promise to answer your questions.”

  “All of them?” He leered suggestively, forcing Will to laugh.

  “Yes, all of them.”

  Ryan leaned in, kissing him passionately. “I can live with that.”

  He rolled on top of Will, grinding their bodies together. Will let his hands run down Ryan’s body, lingering when they reached his nearly smooth butt. Squeezing the cheeks gently, he stifled Ryan’s moan with his lips.

  When their tongues separated, Ryan rested his head by Will’s right ear. “Definitely need to get supplies tomorrow.”

  10

  “GOOD morning, Detective Griffin.” Will was close enough to see the man’s eyes widen. “I see you know who this is.”

  The Detective scanned the area around his car.

  “We did this yesterday, Detective. Unless and until I want you to find me, you won’t.”

  “What do you want?”

  “To talk. Alone.” Maybe it would be best to abandon this angle. Last time he tried, it didn’t work out.

  “Alone? I don’t know your name or what you look like, and I’m supposed to trust you?”

  “Detective, if I wanted to harm you, I would have done it already.” Let him stew on that.

  “What’s there to talk about? I don’t give amnesty to criminals.” The indignation in his voice seemed forced to Will.

  “Detective Griffin, first, I’m not a criminal. We both know I was saving an innocent victim from harm or worse. What I offer you is a chance to solve dozens of violent serious crimes.”

  “And what do I have to give you in return?”

  Skepticism? Good. “I need answers to some questions.”

  “What questions?”

  Will laughed. “I applaud your attempt, but I’ve been around. Either we meet or we don’t. The choice is yours. But bring anyone else, wear a wire, have yourself under surveillance, and I will leave. Trust that I’ll know if you try.”

  “You sound like I’ve agreed to meet you. So far, you’ve not offered me anything of value.”

  Another bluff. “Very well. I’ll just find the answers I need on my own. I thought it only fair to offer you something in exchange for the information I’ve already taken. Good day, Detective.”

  Will paused. Either it worked or he was going to have to do it the hard way.

  “Wait!”

  Hooked him! He smiled. “I’m here.”

  “When and where?”

  “Get in your car, make a right onto Branch Avenue, and stop at the corner of P Street. Stay on your phone, and I’ll meet you there. Remember, I’m watching you.”

  He watched the detective search the area. Was he wavering? Looking for backup? If there was trouble, Will was gone.

  “Detective, either do it, or don’t. I don’t have all day.” Actually, he had time, but he was ready to move on if this didn’t work.

  “Fine.”

  Walking toward P Street, he watched Griffin ease the car out of the lot toward the designated place. “You just passed me, Detective. I’m half a block away.”

  “Where?”

  “Patience. I’ll be there in a moment.”

  “This better not be a joke.” Doubt? A reasonable thing.

  In the rearvie
w mirror, he could see the detective looking back the way he came, then to the front, then back again. Too bad he wouldn’t find what he was looking for.

  Staring at the reflection, Will walked up to the open window. When Griffin looked in the side mirror again, he decided it was time they “met.” One tap on the ever-present box on his hip and a different person “appeared” before the door of the car. Tall, blond, bearded, pierced lip. Same long coat. He needed a new look, but he was partial to the duster.

  “Detective.”

  “Holy shit!” His arms flew up, then he pulled his gun. “How….”

  “Unless you plan to shoot me, you should put that away.”

  For a moment, Griffin appeared shocked he had the gun out. He holstered it and started to open the door, but Will pushed it shut.

  “No need to get out. I’ll get in.”

  Slowly, he walked around the front of the unmarked police car. He gathered his long coat under him and eased into the passenger seat, inches from the detective.

  “Are you armed?” Griffin’s hand rested close to his weapon.

  Turning away from the detective, Will grabbed the seat belt and pulled it across his body. “Of course, as are you.”

  “I’m a cop, I’m allowed. It’s illegal for you—”

  “Detective, I just walked up to you without being seen. I could just as easily leave the same way. Moreover, as I pointed out before, if I wanted to harm you, you’d be dead already. You’re going to have to trust that, if nothing else, I won’t harm you.” Locking eyes with the officer, he shrugged. “But if you’d feel better, go ahead and shoot me. It won’t have much of an effect.”

  “What, you’re bulletproof?” Griffin hadn’t drawn his weapon again, but Will noted his hand was closer now.

  “Yes, I am.” Will kept his gaze fixed on the detective’s eyes. “We waste time. If you want to speak to me, we should go. If not, I’ll take my leave.”

  “Go? Go where?”

  “Are you familiar with Congressional Cemetery?” It was the only open place Will could think of to speak.

  “In Southeast, by the jail?” The suspicion was back.