Surviving Broken

by Beverly Preston

  Growing up, her dad always said, ‘Your Word is your biggest character trait. It’s a measure of who you are as a person and lying is unacceptable.’ JC’s Word had just turned into a big pile of shit.

  The second call she made was to Lisa Levi, apologizing for the incident.

  “Don’t be ridiculous, JC. Benny’s the one who feels horrible. He knows this is going to put you back in the line of fire with the paparazzi. We have to play this game every day. We don’t like it, but it comes with the territory.” Lisa laughed flippantly, dismissing the issue saying, “If you have any big Christmas wishes, like a new car, now would be the time to ask your dear sweet uncle.”

  JC huffed out a sickened chortle at the ironic term Lisa used, line of fire. She thought to herself, If she only knew how right she was.

  Christmas came and went. New Years came and went. But Dr. Phil showed up nightly, every time she closed her eyes. Why am I still here? Why am I afraid to leave? So what if they publish my picture, bruised and battered on the cover of a magazine. Why do I even remotely care for him? What the hell is wrong with me?

  JC wanted to confide in her sister, but she couldn’t force herself to dial Tracy’s number. Her family called several times. If Luca was home, she ignored the ring fearing another outburst.

  Luca had changed. At first, she assumed her opinion of him darkened because of what happened, but he was not the same man. His temper changed like the desert weather, hotter than blazes during the day and freezing cold at night. Only it didn’t matter whether it was day or night, he unraveled over nothing.

  The most confusing part, was that at times, he could be wonderful, charming, attentive, and sexy. Every time JC let her guard down, exposing a moment of happiness, Luca was right there to insult her.

  It took a month for all of her bruises to heal completely. She knew she needed to leave, but didn’t know how and feared the hostile repercussion of getting caught. He called her ten times a day and threatened her harshly more and more. She even caught him searching through her cell phone records.

  They went out one night to a dinner party at a cast member’s house. She refused to go at first, fearing someone would bring up Benny, but her refusal only agitated him, so she went. Big mistake. When they returned home, he screamed in her face, accusing her of checking out other guys packages, one man in particular. Luckily, Luca drank too much and passed out before his temper exploded full force. Lying in bed, JC actually thanked God for Vodka. Oh, I am so pathetic.

  JC’s phone chirped and vibrated on the kitchen counter. She trotted down the hall yelling, “I’m right here. I got it.” Tom showed on her caller ID. “Hi. What’s going on?”

  “Hey Frog! How are you? Damn I miss you!”

  “I miss you too.” Melancholy hummed in her tone hearing Tom’s voice. “Where’s Mom?”

  “That’s why I’m calling. You know her birthday’s in two weeks,” Tom said in a hushed voice.

  “Of course I know it’s her birthday! She’s turning the big 5-0. Why are you whispering?”

  Luca lurked in her peripheral view, eavesdropping on her conversation. She turned her back, ignoring his habitual reaction every time the phone rang.

  “I’m throwing her a surprise party. She’s expecting you kids, but I’m inviting about fifty friends to the house in Greece. John and Shayla and the boys will be here a week early. Can you come early too? It would make your Mom so happy. She misses you.”

  “Ooo she’s gonna be so mad at you for throwing her a surprise party,” JC assured playfully. “What day is Tracy getting there?”

  “Tracy and Vincent are coming the day before. And for your information, your mother only pretends to get mad over my surprises, but it only lasts five minutes.”

  “We’ll be there.”

  “Luca’s coming with you?” Tom asked warily.

  “I’m sure he won’t be able to stay as long as me, but I’m assuming he can make the party,” she stated, giving Luca a questioning glance. She secretly prayed he wouldn’t go. It didn’t matter if he went or not, deep down inside, JC knew she was done.

  “Perfect! See you soon. Love you.”

  “Love you too.” JC hung up and ambled nonchalantly into the kitchen, keeping her cool. She could feel the fumes rippling off him in waves.

  “Why did you tell him we’d be there? You know we can’t make it to the party.”

  Bring it on. She thought to herself. “Why can’t you make it to my Mom’s fiftieth birthday party?” She questioned snidely.

  “It’s the same night as the previewing of Spartacus,” he grumbled nastily.

  Perfect. Her tone lowered to a relieved simmer. “I’m sure my Mom will understand why you can’t make it.”

  A raging storm front gathered in his eyes, slamming into her with a cold hard stare. “I’m not going alone! You’re going with me. I need you there.”

  Her mouth dropped open in disbelief. “You expect me to miss my Mom’s fiftieth birthday party to attend a preview of your series with a bunch of people I don’t know? I’m going to Greece, Luca.”

  “You’re so fucking selfish. You don’t give a damn about me. You don’t give a shit about your Mom’s party. You just want to go see your stepdaddy. Everybody knows it! You hang on him, flirting and laughing,” he seethed in a winey voice coated with insinuation.

  Luca Santini just went too far.

  Her eyes narrowed into a hard line filled with hatred.

  “I’m not going to fight with you Luca. If you want to hit me, go ahead. I don’t care anymore. I’m going to the party without you.”

  Luca slammed his fist on the counter. JC jumped at the deafening noise. She heard the front door open, but refused to turn and look at him.

  “We’ll see about that.” He warned gruffly right before he slammed the door, shaking the apartment walls.

  Walking on eggshells became routine over the next two weeks. She tolerated his drastic mood swings, repulsive insults, evenings of silent treatment and sleeping in bed next to him. She even stomached having sex with him. It seemed easier and less frightening to just say yes and get it over with. When she left for Greece, she wasn’t coming back. Luca Santini would simply be a bad memory in her past.

  Everything changed four days before her Mom’s birthday party. She and Luca ate dinner together and JC was in the kitchen doing dishes when her phone rang. Luca picked up the phone, glared at the caller ID, and chucked the cell phone at her growling, “It’s your fucking boyfriend.”

  She caught the phone in her wet sudsy hands. Without looking, she knew who it would be. “Hey Benny. What’s going on?” Shivers ran down her spine, feeling the scorch of Luca’s breath on her neck as he stood behind her.

  “Hey squirt. I was calling to see if you wanted to hitch a flight with us to Greece. We’re leaving tomorrow afternoon. Lisa’s planning a spa day with your Mom and thought you might want to spend the day with them.”

  JC heartbeat thrashed in her chest, pounding violently. The dinner she just finished threatened to creep back up her throat.

  “Umm. Thanks, but I can’t,” she stammered, unable to think up an excuse.

  “What’s going on? Are you okay? You’re not still mad at me over the Milan photo, are you?” Concern riddled Benny’s voice.

  JC tried to keep calm as Luca gripped her shoulders with his fingers. She huffed out a fake laugh, “No. Of course not Benny. I...I…I have a dinner event with Luca tomorrow night. But I’ll see you at the house. Thanks for the offer.”

  “Alright. Let me know if you change your mind. See you in a few days.”

  “Bye, Benny,” she whispered closing her phone. JC slipped her hand over her shoulder, a false attempt at caressing his fingers clutching her skin tightly.

  Luca hissed nastily in her ear, “You’ve been keeping secrets from me. How long have you known your boyfriend was going to be there?”

  Scared to death, but standing her ground, she turned to face him. “He’s not my boyfriend. He’s m
y uncle. Considering they are my parent’s best friends, I assumed Benny, Lisa and their two kids will be there.”

  Luca’s eyes blackened. “You’re not going. You are not leaving.” His fingers slid from her shoulders to her neck, squeezing with pressure as his thumb circled the hollow at the base of her throat.

  A burst of perspiration broke over her flesh like she’d been branded with a hot iron.

  JC rambled on, desperately reassuring him that it was only for a few days and that he was more than welcome to come with her. Color heightened on his cheeks. The more she talked the tighter his grip became around her neck. His lips twitched, snarling vulgar words in Italian, squeezing harder, constricting her breath. The man she knew as Luca was disappearing right in front of her very eyes. She pried at his fingers, fearing he was losing all control.

  Panic stricken, she croaked through ragged breaths, “I won’t go. You’re right. I should stay home with you.”

  “What did you say?” His face shadowed with suspicion.

  “You’re right. I’ll go to the party with you.” Sweat trickled down her temple.

  He loosened the hold around her throat.

  “You’re more important.” She warily wrapped her arms around him, holding back the bile churning in her stomach. “You mean everything to me.”

  Silently she waited, praying he bought the lies flowing from her lips.

  Luca blinked repeatedly, staring at her with mistrust, until she kissed him passionately asking him to take her to bed. He obliged, taking out his fury that lingered in his blood. Utterly defeated and scared to death, she laid on her back staring at the ceiling until daybreak streamed through the window. She rolled onto her side five minutes before Luca’s alarm went off, pretending to be asleep. He swatted at the beeping machine and reached for his phone.

  Luca called in sick.

  He acted as if nothing was wrong, as if he hadn’t tried to choke her. He hammed it up, as if he was the best boyfriend ever, even bringing her breakfast in bed. If she wasn’t so terrified, she’d laugh at his ridiculous performance. His sham of a relationship. His con.

  As she sat in bed attempting to swallow down the eggs that burned her sore throat, JC thought to herself, Screw you Luca. I can act too. By the end of the day, somebody should give me a damn Oscar! Playing the role of the caring, considerate, loving, obedient girlfriend, she talked about how excited she was for the preview, how great he was, how talented he was, stroking his ego as if it were a lapdog. She even picked out a dress to wear to the preview, modeled it for him, asking if he liked it or should she try on another.

  Luca stayed home from work to babysit her, so she couldn’t leave. So, JC did whatever it took to get him out of the apartment the next day. And it worked. He woke up early, excited for his big day, kissed her on the lips as she smiled up at him, and walked out the door.

  The minute she heard the click of the door shutting, she leaped out of bed and watched out the window, making sure he left. Her emotions ran the gamut between fear, nervousness and bliss. She showered, scrubbing off every last scent, every last touch, and every last kiss of Luca.

  The blood rhythm of her pounding heart hummed in her ears as she packed her things. The chirping vibration of her phone made her jump and screech out loud. Blowing air out her tightly pressed lips, she closed her eyes to calm the racing of her heart rate as she reached for the phone, preparing for her second act.

  Opening her eyes, she sighed falling back onto the bed, snorting out a shaky chuckle at her own ridiculous anxiety. The caller ID read Tracy. JC’s fingers trembled opening the phone. “Hi sis.”

  “Hi JC. How’s it going? I can’t wait to see you.”

  Tracy’s happy voice sounded like heaven.

  JC’s quaking fingers came to her lips, masking the hysteria rising in her voice. “Me too.” She nodded through the slick of tears blurring her vision.

  “Benny called offering us a flight and he said you’re leaving today. What time is your flight? We’re leaving tomorrow morning. I was thinking about calling Mom, but I’m afraid I’ll spill the beans on accident, so I’m not talking to her until tomorrow.”

  “You are terrible at keeping secrets. I’m leaving in two hours. God, I can’t wait to see you.” JC closed her eyes and drew a cleansing breath through her nose to keep from crying. “Hey Trac, I’ve got to finish packing okay. I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you.”

  “Okay. Love you too. Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, I just—“ she considered confessing. “—miss everyone. See you tomorrow.”

  JC frantically fumbled through her things. Over the last year, she’d acquired more than her suitcases would hold, but she was not returning. Ever! She plopped two large suitcases on the bed, tossing in her favorites.

  To her own amazement, a deluge of hot tears streamed down her face. Tears of relief, tears of pain, tears of sorrow, and too many tears attempting to analyze herself. What the hell is wrong with me? Why couldn’t I see him for what he truly was? She knew the answer to the latter question. She’d been afraid. His Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde performance was enough to scare the hell out of any woman.

  Wiping the wetness from her cheek with back of her hand, she zipped up the contents of her life and blew out a breath of air. She tugged her suitcase over the edge of the bed and dropped it to the floor.

  And then, her plan went horribly wrong.

  The faint thud of footsteps jogging up the stairs captured her attention. She froze listening to the jingle of keys outside the front door. “Shit.” Her heart rammed into overdrive. She shoved her suitcases into the closet and shut the door. Pathetically enough, she peeked out the window, estimating if she could make the jump. Fuck! Too far down.

  Swallowing hard, she gulped down her fear and trotted down the hall toward the living room. JC did not want Luca in the bedroom. She halted mid trot as the door flung open, slamming against the inside wall leaving a doorknob impression in the drywall. Standing casually in the middle of the room, her chest heaved in and out with her erratic breathing. A thin layer of sweat covered her body.

  Without taking his infuriated glare off her, he kicked the door shut and locked it. Luca reached her in two strides, grabbing her wrist and bending it downward, making her buckle over in pain.

  “You think that you can leave me? Do you think I’m fucking stupid? Do you think I’m going to let you go see your boyfriends, hmmm, your stepdaddy and Benny?” Luca spewed spitefully through clenched teeth.

  “What are you talking about?” JC winced yanking her wrist free.

  “Mrs. Giovanni called me an hour ago inviting me to dinner.” Suspicion, hatred, anger and doubt hung around him like a cloak. His shadowed black stare never left her face, tracking her reaction as he paced back and forth like a caged animal. “According to your sister, you’ll be in Greece!”

  “You’re crazy! I told you, I’m not leaving.” Swathed in a nervous sweat, she elusively eyed the door handle, waiting for the precise moment. Praying he’d take one more step down the hall.

  Luca hesitantly advanced toward the bedroom.

  Ceasing the opportunity, JC bolted toward the front door, yanking it open and crossing the threshold. Only to be grabbed by the back of her hair and thrown inside, landing on her back in the middle of the living room floor. Scrambling to her feet, Luca shoved her back down, throwing himself on top of her. Kneeling over her, Luca slapped and punched at her face repeatedly.

  Adrenaline coursed through her veins as she fought back, swinging and bucking violently to get out from under him, fighting to get free. Luca toppled over, catching the corner of the coffee table in his side. JC clambered to her hands and knees, grappling to get to her feet. He scrambled after her, crawling and pawing, until he grabbed her by the leg. They wrestled, each swinging wildly at the other, struggling ferociously for power.

  Her ears rang with the high-pitched sound of white noise. She collapsed in pain.

  Luca stood over her shaking his wrist loos
e after punching her, swearing filthy words in Italian. Dazed by the blow, she flopped to her side moaning in agony, holding the part of her face that felt like it was on fire.

  He reached down and shoved his fingers into her mass of hair, dragging her down the hall into the bedroom. Her hands swatted and tore at his fingers until he released her. She crawled to her feet sobbing in fear.

  He flung open the closet door exposing her suitcases. Luca came at her again. JC tried to cross over the bed, but he caught her by the waist of her jeans, knocking her flat on her stomach on the bed. Fearing he’d suffocate her face in the comforter, she clawed at the bedding scrambling frantically to get off the bed. Luca pulled her head back by her hair, lifting her chest completely off the bed. She winced in pain.

  Catching a glimpse of her Dads bat leaning between the bed and the nightstand, she fought to get to the edge of the bed. Her fingers stretched out, brushing the ridge of the bat, but Luca flipped her onto her back and grabbed her by the throat. She begged for him to stop, but his black eyes glazed over with fierce loathing.

  JC bucked and kicked violently, shaking her head back and forth, only tightening his fingers like a noose around her neck. Blood vessels bulged in his neck and forehead as the color of his face grew purple. She couldn’t breathe. Panicking for her life, she wildly pulled at his fingers, gripping at his arms and hands, fighting for air.

  Able to get a breath, she wailed, “Ti amo! I love you.”

  His nostrils flared as his rabid stare fixed on her face.

  “Stop Luca. Ti amo,” she pleaded through broken sobs.

  He loosened his grip and buried his face in her hair, kissing her neck and shoulder. “Ti amo JC. Why do you do this to me? I warned you not to leave me. I told you, I am your family. I love you.”

  Lying on top of her, he raised to his palms grinding his hips into hers, waiting for her to return the words of love.