“I can follow you today, my Love,” Adrian says. We lie together, wrapped up gently; deeply in love. “Tentatively——I will follow.” I find it difficult to describe our chemistry; our synchronicity, except to say it is the most exquisite experience of my life. I am overbold by Adrian’s noble bearing, his sensual grace and movement and I know he admires something in me of the same nature. We are so aligned that our togetherness; our embrace, resembles a swan-courtship. Necks and limbs twine and curl around each other in spontaneous, natural rhythm. The beauty is intoxicating and liberating; surprising us both with the understanding that this is a familiar form. Even when we are lying beside each other the Rhythmic Dance continues. I am completely in awe of this rare and unexpected gift. Held in its real folds, I lead Adrian to The Garden Gate, to that land where I dwell and he yearns to follow. “Step this way, My Lord Swallow”——
BUCKLES AND VELVET—{extended version as a song}
The Leafy Glade beckons The Prince and his Lady,
As they play and they chase through the last dappled light,
Enticing with lips and hands they take flight,
Away from all eyes, save those of Angels and birds.
The Glade is a soft, quiet place,
Where small birds linger and drink in the light.
If you wait a while, you will find
Buckles and velvet, breeches and lace,
Scattered about, discarded in haste
For these Lovers’ desire to entwine and unite,
Under moving green leaves, long into the night.
“Pray Sir, wont you follow”, she asks with a smile,
Adding shyly, “we may well be gone for some while,
I have secrets to tell you and truths that can’t wait,
If you’ll just step this way through The Green Garden Gate.”
So, linking their hands they step into the light,
He’s been holding The Key to The Gate all his life.
Buckles and velvet, breeches and lace,
Scattered about, discarded in haste
For these Lovers’ desire to entwine and unite,
Under moving green leaves, long into the night.
Now, many a month has gone by since that time,
And of The Prince and his Lady, there isn’t a sign,
I think we all know where they are in their bliss,
Still behind The Green Gate, it’s been sealed by a kiss.
But on warm summer nights carried in on the breeze,
You’ll hear whispers and laughter and songs in the trees,
Buckles and velvet, breeches and lace,
Scattered about, discarded in haste
For these Lovers’ desire to entwine and unite,
Under moving green leaves, long into the night.
I leave Adrian, saying goodbye beside his latest masterpiece; an old-fashioned sawhorse——inspiration from memories of his Grandfather. He sits astride the almost finished article, complete with integral seat and lever. He found a picture in an old book to copy. It is a lovely piece of work and he is rightly proud of his achievement. “Goodbye, My Love——until tomorrow. I’m taking the children to meet some friends on the beach.”
P.m. Mouse: How’s the sawhorse, My Friend? Hope I didn’t distract you too much from the tasks of the day. Amazing surf, here on the beach. Kinder have gone off with Marie and her family. I’m food shopping. Text me if you need anything. Otherwise, have a good evening. Big hug——M——X
Adrian: Slow but steady progress. Grandfather inspired I think. Mad ideas working——hmm. A few things from the supermarket please. Tin of tomato puree and some corn thins if possible. Might get to see you again? Love to——band practise at 7p.m
P.s did we do the D’s?
There is just time for a grocery delivery and delectable, goodnight kiss before I speed up the hill for the evening duties. I leave a secret note in my Prince’s bed before I take my leave:
The Ocean moves and breathes, and so do they.
Thursday 5th October 2006
A.m Adrian: Deep, she dives, down to the dizzying depths. Dancing——delighting in the delicious dappling of the dark in the day. He descends delicately——deliberating——detecting for danger, drawn by her dance but desiring the daylight. He drowses and dreams on her deep drawn breaths, descending to her depths in darkness——
Mouse: Dare he descend to join her in the depths? She desires his Spirit to enter this delicious domain. She already detects, and knows the Dance they can be. In fact, she has taken him there many times before. There is no darkness in the true depths, My Darling. The light in the treasured depths is truly divine. It is Christ centred. It is intoxicating and depleting, in as much as we loose ourselves to melt into the perfection——X
P.s I’m heading down the hill with the car for its ‘Warrant of Fitness’ test. {M.O.T} Do you want to see me, or are you too busy?
Adrian: Would be lovely. Big J. is just leaving, and I’m still in bed.
Mouse: Still in bed, My Lovely? Must have been a good band-practise. Hope not too jolting for the system this time? I am at Tui Park. The Go-Getter has just been delivered to me. I could dive in for a few minutes before we join the family at Shell Beach. Am just walking back to Waikite Bay garage now. Love you. X
I park the car and dash into The Leafy Glade, lingering longingly with Adrian. His lips brush mine and my fingers play with his. We re-fuel for the rest of the day while the children wait in the car. Well, at least we will never get bored with each other at this rate! An everlasting longing, measured out in tantalizing, passionate teaspoonfuls. Yum——
Early P.m. Mouse: Hi Friend. How goes the music? I am heading down the hill again; alone this time. Shall I dive in, or are you busy with Karen and the guitars?
Adrian: Just thinking about you as I bolted my lunch. Love to see you.
Mouse: Just leaving cold Mountain. Funny——just bolted late lunch too——X
I find My Lord Swallow in over-stressed mood, needing to unwind and cuddle quietly in The Leafy Glade. I help him clean up his room before we retire to the sumptuous bed. A cup of tea always helps and Adrian fills his metal thermos with a dried herb concoction before pouring in the boiling water. He has several glass jars full of obscure looking ingredients. One of them holds chunks of pink salt stone. The room is a treasure trove; the musical instruments take up most of the space. His fluffy grey cat eyes me patiently from the laundry heap while I sweep up the remnants of the latest School expedition. She has been his faithful companion for years, moving from pillar to post without batting an eye-lid. My arrival in her domestic life is nothing remarkable. Adrian and I are blessed with enough time to sink into each other’s sacred welcome this afternoon. Lips and eyes and the most gentle of caress——we take each other to those longed-for, newly discovered places.
SUNLIGHT GAME
Is this really happening?
Sunlight, creeping through an open door becomes a strong beam.
———The door has opened———
A dream brushed with gold foretells a tangible destiny.
I watch it unfurl like a glorious, unbelievable game.
P.m. Mouse: Thank-you for the most beautiful kissing in deep, deep mellow this afternoon. We are strolling through The Garden Gate——perfect. Hope the course was as uplifting as always? Tuck the Small One up in bed tonight. I shall join you both. Laird might have a very early fishing trip tomorrow. Will text if he does——in case you feel intrepid. Big love——M——
Friday 6th October 2006
A.m. Mouse: Good morning, My Friend. The Laird has just bounced his way down our bumpy drive with his boat on board. If you feel our Mountain beckoning, please feel free to bomb up for bed and breakfast. Your Lady in her boudoir quite understands if you would rather stay a-bed and prepare for the day beyond. No obligation. Love you big time——X
Adrian: Mmm——Aaahh——Yawn——Stretch. My bed beckons——my guitar cries for plucking——my Lady holler
s for——
Supergreens need entry to cleanse these stiffening joints and Worthy Man will keep his word. Indulge not until responsibilities are met. My Love, your soft body must wait to press deep against mine. Tend your brood——and may an opportunity arise very soon to be close and cosy with confidence. Thank-you for your love——and sweet, sweet kisses——X
Mouse: Here’s one I prepared yesterday. It wasn’t relevant in the end, but I thought you might enjoy it anyway: ‘Your Damsel of the Dawn will be dashing with her dog, dragging her on a dishevelled lead, probably in some disarray herself at Tui Park while the dependable carriage is at the garage. Should you feel the danger to be dissolvable, do join her for a demure walk along the beach. We could discuss any disquiet, disclose our dreams and openly display our dependence. Only if you are feeling a daredevil, of course. I quite understand if it is too difficult. The decision is yours’——X
We chat on the phone instead——for a long time. We talk about our deepening connection, especially after the intimacy of yesterday. Adrian raises concern over my ability to be at one with The Laird; how can I maintain my special love for him at the same time? I assure him that in an extraordinary way, when I am with My Lord Swallow I am able to see my husband in a more objective manner. I can see the whole of him. In seeing the whole of him I can love him more deeply. In having that central part of me reached and cared for I am able to love my husband without feeling any lack. The more Earthed my core becomes; the more likely it is that I might lead him there one day too. “You see, for a long, long time our love has remained on a certain level. Our married connection is not as privately personal as ours is becoming; it has always been about giving out to others, not about giving to each other. How else do you think I can allow myself this intimacy beside my marriage? Can you accept its unusual nature?” He thinks a while, looking long and deep into my integrity, and says: “Yes, I can accept that.”
I am able to escape The Mountain and join Adrian at school later in the afternoon. We sit in the sun at the incomplete barbeque site, {an unfinished project from Class 3 the year before.} We spend two-and-half-hours together, enjoying each other’s company in the spring weather. Adrian works on the brick laying and I sand down the old paintbrush handles before re-painting them. We spend a happy, contented time together, stealing a kiss or two without hiding ourselves particularly. I chat away about my past. I tell Adrian about life in the cottages in the West of England; about family, brothers, sister, boarding school, and the wedding. I mention the Christian Pilgrimages in Europe where I met The Laird.
How strange that Adrian knows nothing of my past. Here I am on the other side of the world and my old life is still a part of me but not relevant; not in this new, unexpected chapter anyway. I wonder how long it will remain that way. “Did I tell you that I am a quarter Russian?” I add as an afterthought. “Ah——that explains the Singing Gypsy in you,” My Friend remarks with a mischievous twinkle.
I collect a new tyre before I drive home. My thoughts turn to lunch preparation and how best to ask The Laird if I can sing with Adrian at the café tonight. This sparks his first, serious question about my friendship with another man. “I think you are infatuated. I think you are seeing him every time you go into town——am I right?” I cannot deny the truth, but will not admit to any infatuation. I don’t tell him this is way beyond any passing infatuation. I can’t hurt him like that. “I keep asking you where the boundaries lie, but you won’t tell me. I can only assume there are none. Until you tell me I am uneasy; unhappy. I couldn’t remain in the same room with you if I found out you had been intimate with him. You have to choose your boundaries. I need to know by the end of the week”.
I am the school student being lectured by the ever-calm, ever-sensible schoolmaster. His reasoning is lucid, fair, strong and earthed; albeit it from an unemotional, controlled stand that gives my truth little breathing space.
Hmm——fair enough. Boundaries——they don’t apply to the land Adrian and I inhabit. I have told The Laird that my friendship with Adrian is a spiritual, artistic liaison; something I have needed for a long time. He is being so generous in allowing me this relationship, knowing I have plateaus beyond his reach. My poor Laird. How can I ever explain that he has not been at the centre of my spiritual life for many years? How can I confess that another man has reached my hidden sanctuary——that I don’t feel I am cheating on him because this sanctuary has never been his? He is one hundred percent Earthed. He tries so hard to understand an esoteric dimension but his practical, everyday emphasis is always the dominant factor.
I recall a dream; a dream that came to me before Adrian and I started seeing each other. We were walking together in what appeared to be a dock, or a boat-yard. I remember Adrian sitting on a bollard, his head in his hands. As I approached he looked up at me, asking: “What are we going to do? What are we going to do?”
So, I don’t dare ask again about going to the café tonight; I was really looking forward to it. Oh well, perhaps one day I will play the Singing Gypsy to my Smiling Minstrel. I take the boys to have their hair cut instead, sending Adrian a text to say I can’t join him. I keep it light, not wanting to worry him about the seriousness of the Laird’s conversation.
P.m. Mouse: Hello, My Friend——how goes the creativity? Don’t think I can make it this evening sadly——too complicated with children etc. I’m so sorry, My Darling. I would love to one day soon. I hope it is a great success. I’ll be with you in spirit. Your Loving Lady——X
The Laird is especially kind and loving when I get home. He knows how much I wanted to go out. He is beginning to tie me down and pull me back into the tunnel of his Mole Home. I am a Thumbelina with long strings, but strings nonetheless. I chose these strings so I must do my duty. I have been tied for over eighteen years and I am cared for and loved. Should I turn my back on this longed-for gift? I suppose there is little wonder that I seek the skies. Of course I care for my husband, but I have discovered something of extraordinary profundity. Heaven verses Earth? Perhaps.
Late P.m. Mouse: Sleep well, My Love. I hope the music was flowing freely. I really enjoyed working in the sun with you this morning——t’was bliss. Are you at school tomorrow? I could get some more work done on the brushes if you like. I will have Rinky and a friend in tow. Laird is leaving the house at 5.30 a.m for most of the day if you are feeling daring. You’ll probably need to stay a-bed though. I was given a lecture earlier on——when I asked if I could go out. Will tell you about it when I see you——M——
Saturday 7th October 2006
Early A.m. Adrian: I’m keen to come up this morning. Wonder if the Saturday morning yoga class is on? I want to get into that each week. Health——so, let me know when a good time is. Hope you slept well? Adrian.
Mouse: Good morning, Lovely Friend. Laird is driving out as I text. Your Lady is here if you would like to join her, but only if you are feeling energetic. Don’t push yourself——M——X
Adrian: On my way Darling.
We chat beside the fire while the children sleep. Adrian holds me for a long, warm while and I tell him about The Laird’s lecture. He is pleased to be in the picture. I find him stressed and pale; definitely too thin. We chat about his health and diet. Perhaps he should ask Hau for a massage. We agree that our feelings are unchanged. We look seriously at each other. “Are we in love?” I ask. “Yes, we are,” he answers. The depth of our connection is a pleasant shock to us both, but Adrian is rattled by my duplicity; by the need for secrecy. “I’m going through a big change,” he admits. “Can you feel that in me? You are part of it.” The chickens scratch at the back door, the dogs are resigned to our stillness and sunshine touches the distant hills with shades of lilac. Poignant moments. Reality brushing our glory——“and what if we conceived a child? How on earth would we handle that?” Hmm——how indeed?
Adrian departs before the children wake. He needs to collect materials for the barbeque, and there is some wood he hopes to harvest o
n his way back down the hill. He feels better that The Laird has voiced his concerns. We have achieved another rung of the ladder; ascending or descending? Perhaps The Angels know.
The dog and I take a sunny stroll later in the morning. We sit on a newly exposed log at the end of the drive. She enjoys watching the bugs as they rush about in confused neighbourhood; a real puppy moment. I can tell the boys have been busy down here. They have been weed-eating, {strimming}, and a mass of blackberry has been cleared. The Kiwis don’t use the term ‘Brambles’.
Mid morning, Mouse: Another rung of the ladder achieved and they are left rattled but holding strong to their conviction. “Are they ascending or descending this golden ladder? Is it on their Boat? A ladder to the Crow’s Nest?” A strong, Angelic presence is with them. They will take a day at a time——blessed by every breath——integrity uppermost and a recognition that they are in love. See you soon, my Darling. M-—X
Adrian: Thank-you. Still in the Bush with a King’s harvest.
Cordelia’s home welcomes us this afternoon. The renovation is nearing completion. Patrick drove to Auckland to collect the oak floor and the wood has transformed the space. They laid it themselves with a friend’s generous assistance. Adrian and I value Cordelia’s presence in our lives; at our Workshops, on the Festival Group and at School. She is aware of our friendship too; I’m sure——a Guardian Angel to us both. She is a deeply spiritual person, meditating twice a day. She occasionally hints at an ability to communicate directly with The Angels. Exuding serenity and calm she is without doubt an Angelic being. In fact; we are surrounded by Angels, all from our beautiful school. Even The Laird has a special connection with many of them. I know he has shared his worries with Cordelia. I can see the three of us; myself, Adrian and The Laird in the centre of a tight circle. We each know The Angels, personally: Hau, Cordelia, Simon, Felicia, Carla and others. The picture keeps returning to me——lovely. I feel we are being cared for; truly being held in this massive adventure. I can’t begin to guess what it is all about, but an adventure it most certainly is.
The Celestial Sea Page 27