The Celestial Sea

by Marina de Nadous

  Lured by the trees and undergrowth of the surrounding Bush we head for some shelter; the drizzle is persistent. The dogs mooch about, Rinky plays happily on a fallen log and Adrian and I enjoy a few private moments. “I have been longing for your kiss,” he tells me——“my loins are bursting for you my Darling. Here, take my hand.” Gentle eyes and hearts are so close for a stolen moment before we rock-hop our way back to the car.

  I love being with Lord Swallow in his trusty vehicle; I never know what might happen. Spying a new road with potential timber or discarded farm debris he swings off our route to go exploring. This is more like it; what fun! An elderly man is chatted up; “Yes, we can have any of the old wood lying about; collect it next time you are passing.”

  “Oh, I forgot to tell you,” Adrian announces as we drive along the main road back into town. “I saw a couple of big windows at the dump. Could you use them on The Mountain?”

  P.m. Mouse: Laird asks how long are the windows. Yummy, slow kiss from your Lady——X

  Adrian: 2.5 to 3.0 metres——just found a beautiful walking spot. Very close to us both. Lovely for a stroll and quiet catch-up——

  Mouse: Is that the length or width? If the length, what is the width? Walk sounds wonderful——let’s go soon——X

  Adrian: My chest height; 1.2 metres or so. Mmm——very-nice spot.

  Mouse: Lady of the Castle thinks they would be great. She and the gardener could put them to use in some fab little dwelling in a private corner of The Mountain. However, The Laird is not in a good mood; cross with me for being away beyond our allotted time and spied me bringing in shirts off the line that don’t belong to him. He thinks we should only take on extra building items if we have a definite place for them. Think we might have to let it go, sadly. Need to kiss you——badly——X

  Adrian: No worries mate. And I agree with him. Too much crap starts to accumulate. When we come to build, we’ll find others easily. Lots of love.

  We settle down for family calm and animal nosh. Whenever The Bog-Brush eats or drinks we have to wipe her beard afterwards with a towel. She really is the most amusing creature. Like an Irish Wolf Hound, she stares at me from under shaggy eyebrows as I prepare her evening rations. She reminds us of an 18th Century General sometimes. Just as well she can’t talk——the tales she would tell!

  P.m. Mouse: Hi, My Friend——have you somewhere to sleep tonight, or is your room still full of party guests? I feel like meeting you in the early hours——under the stars——under the trees——wrapping each other up for ages. Love you——X

  Adrian: My Lady, I’m busy in the garage making bows and arrows. I’ll stay here tonight, My Love. Been thinking of you all afternoon. Had a great walk through many tempting Leafy Glades. May we see each other tomorrow? I’ve been invited to sell trolleys in 2 weeks time at a fair in Wellington. Might go for it. We’ll see. Sleep well—X

  Mouse: Fine Sir——thank-you for your lovely message. How I wish I were sanding the bows and arrows for you. I am aching to see you. I can taste the Angel nectar as our whispers meet. Will try to see you tomorrow——3 days without holding each other is difficult. It’s that time of the month again. Boundaries being demanded by The Laird though; by the end of tomorrow please. How badly do you want me, My Lord Swallow? X

  Monday 23rd October 2006 Labour Day, a Public Holiday

  A.m. Mouse: Good morning, My Friend and Lover. I have been laying a-bed, feeling your healing hands holding my womanhood pains, sensing your gentle, caring lips upon my brow as our Boat rocks us quietly. A symphony of Rainbows is cascading through me from top to toe as I imagine you enveloping me. I hope a good night’s sleep has refreshed My Lord Swallow? His Lady will try to meet him today. She will surely float away, over the edge of The Boat and into the sea, if a window of opportunity doesn’t appear. X

  Adrian: Good morning. Awoken heavy with doubt; another affair song in my ears. Will check out what this is. Had a long talk with Edwin. Might be something there——not sure yet. Dreams——I’ll let you know as soon as I get it——X

  Mouse: I am awash with us. Doubt? Let me know what the dream says. I take my lead from you, My Love. I am far too gone for worldly reason——X

  Midday, Adrian: Hi, It’s Adrian. My phone is on the blink. I’m feeling clearer now. Hope you are okay? I’m busy as hell. On a mission with small boys who are staying here. See you soon, Sweet.

  I don’t reply immediately. I sense Adrian is in another space, with understandable questions disturbing him. Besides, I am feeling pretty rough today with heavy blood-loss and debilitating tiredness, on top of a nagging sadness at his reasonable concern. Has Edwin been speaking to him about our situation? He has unnerved him before. I expect so, and Adrian will be affected by his opinion and clairvoyant knowledge.

  * * * * * * *

  P.m. Mouse: Violent wind and rain batter the windows of opportunity. My life-blood spills out of me. I am left drained and hardly present on The Earth, reluctant to leave the sofa, although I am free this evening. Wondering how My Friend is doing? Sounds like a fun day. The mending pile is being reduced and our many-fold texts are logged. What mighty romantic Lovers we are. Makes for heart-stopping reading. Missing you——X

  Adrian: Hello, My Dear. Back on line and ready to rumble. Just sent you a text using Big J’s phone. May have had your old number listed, so possibly The Laird’s phone? How are you? I am finally settled back home. Aaahh——mmm——so, fire away if you are able. A phone call is okay too. Lots of love for you. X

  I don’t respond immediately. Adrian’s indecision concerns me. I notice he shrinks from my bold questions; questions like; ‘how much do you want me?’ I should lovingly turn him away. I have no clear future to offer. I should be unselfish and let him go.

  Late p.m. Adrian: Tell me about ‘free’, my love——and ‘drained’——and ‘mending.’ Was that my doing? Casting you into the Ocean of doubt? My Darling, I was thrown by the events of this place and the party etc. And then your text came through about the demands for boundaries, which threw me more. Guilt and doubt had their way. I’m clear and longing again——but how do you meet this demand? Is it serious? And what do we do? The truth——

  We follow these texts with a warm telephone conversation. My domestic commentary must have confused Adrian; ‘reducing the mending pile’ meant I was sewing on buttons and stitching torn jeans, not playing the victim through obscure metaphor! His sensitivity is heart-warming and aligned with his tendency to self-accuse. Everyday I learn more about him.

  I hear all; the wonderful walk and den construction, and the discovery of various ‘Leafy Glades’ for our clandestine afternoon meetings. Adrian says he felt moments of guilt hunting out the perfect places for our ‘catch-up’ sessions; lustful thoughts enticing him to lead me there soon. I reassure him that we have chosen to accept this beautiful gift and we needn’t be afraid. “I told Edwin about us. I asked if he could see anything,” Adrian continues. “He sensed something; he said The Small One was involved. There were some question marks that threw me. He felt a psychic link with The Laird.”

  Adrian had taken all the children from the party into The Bush. They had made bows and arrows together and ridden the ‘Forest Racers’, {trolleys}. His delight is infectious and I have to smile as he chats away. If I were to sum up my Friend I would say; “just watch him in the Bush with a group of inspired children.”

  “I have found our very own Sherwood Forest, My Love.” My Swallow Man is excited. “I can’t wait to take you there.” His day had ended with the little girls demanding a bedtime story; all of them piled under a big duvet at the end of their exciting weekend. What a special, gifted man he is——a delight to all children——and to Ladies seeking Heaven. I forgot to ask which message he might have sent to The Laird’s phone.

  P.m. Mouse: The night closes in. Your Lady takes her leave of the day. The big discussion has just taken place. I blurred some edges, told The Laird what he wanted to hear——no sexual kissing, no c
lothes off, but that we do snuggle up close; that we do hold hands. I also told him some important truths: “this is something I need for myself while you go deeper into your various interests. You could have a great support team in us; we would be behind you, holding everything while you run with your vocational calling.” He is a happy Laird now. I don’t feel bad about the blurred edges. They are our secret. I need to break him in gently to our truth, My Friend. The ‘drip drip’ process is the kindest way for him, I know, allowing him time to find a new strength that doesn’t depend on me. I will tell you more when we can curl up together at last. Sleep long and well X

  Tuesday 24th October 2006

  A.m. Adrian: Wow! Whoosh! A wave of admiration and respect for this gutsy woman who can walk the knife-edge with such courage. Deep longing fills him——but carefully acknowledged——lovingly directed——into helping paths——fulfilling——heart-warming. The Angels’ gold-dusted way. Praise to our Lord Christ. Thanks to our guiding friends. May we stay safely in their sheltering arms. May our hearts be more keenly polished and refined in life’s upholding stream. Love.

  Mouse: How your silver quill flows this morning, My Glorious Friend and Lover. And so——one more rung of the ladder is achieved. We bow our heads in astonished thanks and praise. May we keep our integrity, develop our prayer and live this gift of Divine Love——always——X

  Adrian: Looking forward to meeting you today. A new horizon lies before us as we lean into the wind and take a new course——a new sea with less darkness——more light falling on stunning land-forms that we spy from the bow. New paths through the water. We have been climbing the ladder individually; now we climb together. Ocean swell, Leafy Glade and friendly animals abound. Let us take care, and enjoy these waters with great thanks. I love you.

  Mouse: My Love——yes——hand in hand we climb together now. Long-parted Soul Mates reunited. We have waited many years for this day. We have climbed long and hard. Nearly there now, sending my love to you, my eyes fill with the blessed tears of homecoming. We are one. I love you. Let’s sail home carefully and enfold each other while the world hurries by. Come to me.

  * * * * * * *

  Lunchtime, Adrian: My Love, I am halfway to the Castle.

  Mouse: The fire is lit. Your Lady of the Mount awaits the Man she loves.

  We slip into our favoured routine of drinking tea and sharing a light snack; a perfect way to realign. Each of us places a high demand on the other to achieve our focused connection. Adrian is especially firm about this. By reaching sacred integrity we obtain tickets to a forbidden realm. I am always happy to be led by him. We both know the significance of where we tread, in fact our union is fast becoming our spiritual practise. Adrian blesses the simple meal with his priestly reverence and we chat happily for half an hour. Coming together after intense longing can be an anti-climax, we both agree——but never for long. I am always surprised at how naturally we slip back into perfect harmony.

  We snuggle into the cushions and plaid blankets of the sofa, greeting each other at last. Contentment wraps our easy communion. I can honestly say that we have never taken each other lustfully, something we intuitively know to avoid. When two honest people embrace an illicit gift of such beauty, all they can do is go with their heart-felt, soul-felt intuition: ‘softly——gently——quietly.’

  Adrian’s strong limbs press deep against mine; my voice angel whispers in his ear, our lips and fingers speak unvoiced mystery, man to woman, woman to man as we pour golden blessings into each other. Our lovemaking is gentle, passionate and considered, but we both feel slight unease in going against The Laird’s wishes. “We should have climbed to the top of the Maori Pa site instead of making love,” Adrian voices. “Perhaps that would have been a more fitting way to celebrate nearing the top of the golden ladder. Let’s listen really carefully to our intuition next time; maybe keep our clothes on and not have lovemaking on the agenda every time we meet. Let’s honour the boundaries and only go beyond if we feel totally clear. Are you alright with that?” He asks. “This has been important lesson for us.”

  The afternoon ends in our usual rush. I leave Adrian dismantling the Nesty Place and finishing a few jobs around the chaotic homestead. “You need better systems up here, Woman,” he calls after me in playful exasperation at our unfinished home. “And more shelves. I shall build you some!” I head down the hill at speed for another late, school pick-up.

  Mouse: My Love, don’t forget your dog-food in the fridge, your toothbrush on the seasonal table and my heart, which is yours. Lots of learning on our great adventure. Love you—X

  Adrian: My Darling, made some popcorn for the children——out on table——and flimsy fence around leeks. Just left now. Passed Laird on the road. Have a lovely evening.

  * * * * * * *

  P.m. Mouse: Dear Friend, how lovely of you to do all that for us. Am just finishing Stephanie’s pump-room painting. On my way home now. Had some thoughts about today; could dive in and see you for a short while after The Go-Getter’s teacher/parent meeting. It might be over by 8.30ish. Are you at home or do you need peace and quiet? Loving you——X

  Adrian: Sounds good. Be very nice. Good luck. Take care of The Laird and his Lady.

  What a rare treat to finish the day together. I find Lord Swallow sitting up in bed with his school books. I curl myself beside him and we talk further about our day; about our lesson. I explain how I find it difficult to move from a spiritual to a physical plane when we are intimate. “I lose you sometimes; you can disappear,” he admits. He likes me to talk to him when we are making love, especially in poetry. He yearns for my spiritual journeying within the physical but sometimes our joint response can be overwhelming and we miss the moment. Our connection offers irresistible, distracting arousal and immediate, physical release.

  Adrian gives me a head massage for a nagging headache before I drive home, with a guided visualization to self-heal the pain; lovely; my Medicine Man to the fore. His lingering kiss sends me on my reluctant way. The dense foliage of our Mountain road listens to my heart as I drive home in silence.

  Late P.m. Adrian: Hope you made it home safe and sound. Nice to talk to you. Sleep like a healthy baby——swaddled and loved——enfolded. See you later. X

  Mouse: Thank-you my Friend. I feel held and safe——enfolded in gossamer Angel wings. May you sleep well. Again, I bow before you. I shall indeed see you later——under the stars——X

  Wednesday 25th October 2006

  A.m. Mouse: ‘Tall and straight, my Prince, he stands’——he has reached the Crow’s Nest first, his impressive strength clearly visible from the deck below. He has earned his gossamer wings. She looks up——and gasps at his beauty. He, whom she has held for many months, now stretches out his hands to her, helping her achieve the final, hidden part of the climb. Soon she will stand beside him. When she does, they will know.

  Adrian: Nice——I woke wolf-like and grumpy. Angry at dog for scratching. Angry with myself for nothing I could pinpoint. I tried to process. Dog pressed into me. I got angry——beat her up——beat myself up and realized I needed to push. New energy needs use. Lots of red meat——lustful activity and growing esteem means fire. Went for a hard, pushing run, then a stretch session. Woah! New wave of being——energy. I’m gonna be busy. New strength——balanced with new feeling. Look out!

  Mouse: Wow——male vigour and vitality——that’s My Man. But chosen, not driven. A choice to use our God-given gifts wisely. So many can benefit. Good morning, My Darling——X

  Adrian: Looking forward to fun with you. Want to run through this Forest together. Keep the dog today. You can show The Laird this place one day too. Sharing. I feel so much clearer with boundaries——don’t have to do anything. Man, I can get into obligation, even with the nice stuff. Phew. Let’s have fun. X

  Mouse: Fun it is then, Lord Swallow. Have kept the dog. We deserve a day of lightness after our hard climb. You’ll have to run fast to catch me in the Forest though. X<
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  P.s——Do you have a wide paintbrush I could borrow? And shall I bring lunch and a picnic rug? ——M——X

  PP.s——I just discovered the alternative text form of ‘wide paint’ is ‘wife saint!’

  Adrian: Hi Little Mouse, please do. No ‘wife saint’, I’m afraid. How I wish! I’ll bring salad. Can you bring crackers, soup and pate? What time shall we meet? I’m all scattered and blown away by School. Big raw heart from pushing into exercise this morning. Very keen to go walking with you. 1 o’clock?

  Mouse: Mrs Mouse says: “yes please” to Mr. Adrian. Have reached a full stop here, for now. I’ll be at the garden centre at 12.30. Will do some paperwork. Come join me when you are ready——X

  * * * * * * *

  Midday, Adrian: Hi Little Mouse. Big J. is heading to the garden centre for lunch now. Meet you by the big tree instead, further up the road. Not too far up. Yum.

  Mouse: See you soon, My Friend. I am in the Ute——just beyond the big Oak Tree——X

  Adrian: On my way now.

  We set off on the new walk Adrian discovered at the weekend. Taking me confidently by the hand he leads me under a cathedral canopy of tall trees, majestic and silent above our heads. “So, Mrs. Mouse, what are these trees?” He asks. “I’ll give you a clue. They are fruit trees”. I scan the beautiful boughs. “Goodness, I haven’t any idea. Give me another clue”. “They begin with A,” he teases. “Apricots? Almonds?” I blindly guess. “No, they are Avocado trees, really old Avocado trees. I met a dog walker here at the weekend. She said we could gather any windfall fruit.”

  “Well,” I reply; “I am amazed. I have seen many Avocado trees since our arrival on these shores but never any as large as these; they are huge!” The hounds dash ahead in great excitement, leading us further into the private sanctuary. The woodland lies at the bottom of our Mountain road, secret and nestled in one of the deep gullies; so common in the area. This country constantly surprises me; sheep paddocks are common amongst modern housing estates, and pretty parks appear in unexpected locations. I had been amazed to find wild Bush at the end of a central street in Wellington when we visited last Christmas. I can’t imagine finding that in Chelsea!