“Some things never change. You have always been one to speak your mind.”
He smiled. “I guess so. “Telton had looked positively stunned when I uttered the words, and even more so when my father agreed.” Caspian chuckled. “But my father agreed to let him serve as your formal guardian even though you’d be living full time in the palace. That suited Telton well since he was away so often with the Explorer unit.”
“You’ve told me this story before, but you never told me why you said what you did.”
He pulled me back against him. “Because I knew from that first moment where my destiny lay. My heart was already in your tiny little hands even though neither of us was old enough to understand.”
“But why?” I watched as the smaller of the moons started to fade out.
“My heart knew. And it was right. It must have known how perfect you’d be for me.” He turned me in his arms. “And how that tiny little Earth girl would grow into the most beautiful woman in all the galaxies.”
“That’s not true.” I could feel blood rushing to my face.
“In my eyes you are.” His lips connected with mine as his hand cradled the back of my head. I responded immediately without consciously thinking about it, allowing him easy access to my mouth.
I let go of everything. I stopped worrying about how I felt or why. I let the modifier do what it was meant to do. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He tasted good—spicy in a way no food on Andrelexa was. He broke the kiss, but he didn’t release me. Instead his lips moved to my neck and slowly moved down.
I moaned, keeping my eyes closed shut. Then he stopped.
I opened my eyes and stumbled back. He turned toward the door to the atrium.
“I’m sorry to interrupt.” An older man, far shorter than the usual Lexa, stood in the entryway. He was accompanied by Kelby, Caspian’s cousin. “The Emperor suggested I come find you.”
“Yes, Dr. Graham.” Caspian looked at me. “Would you mind if I talked to the doctor for a short while?”
“I’ll keep her company.” Kelby winked at me.
“Is that okay?” Caspian looked deep into my eyes. “I’ll come find you later.”
“It’s fine.” I was suddenly hit by a wave of exhaustion, and I realized the modifier must have been wearing off.
“Great.” Caspian kissed my cheek before meeting Dr. Graham in the doorway and disappearing from sight.
“Big night.” Kelby gently bumped his shoulder into mine.
“Yes. Very big.” I tried to force a smile, but I felt even worse than before. Taking the modifier had been a huge mistake.
“You don’t have to worry. Caspian’s going to come back for you.” He laughed. “You look devastated, and he’s only been gone a minute.”
“I’m just tired.” I was tired, but there was nothing just about it.
“Want me to walk you to your room?”
“Oh. Sure.” I could have argued that I was more than capable of doing it myself, but that wasn’t going to go over well. Wearing this necklace had changed things. Even my most basic freedoms were now gone. “If you don’t mind.”
“Why would I mind? I told Caspian I’d look out for you.”
Look out for me. His words made me bristle.
“It looks good on you.” He nodded toward the necklace. “Not that anyone doubted it would.”
“Did you know he was doing it?”
“We’ve known he was going to do it for years, but yeah, I knew he was doing it tonight. Caspian tells me everything.” He raised his chin.
“I figured.”
“He wanted you to be surprised, and it looked like you were.”
“I was. I wasn’t expecting it.” If I had been I probably would have found an excuse to avoid the gala.
“Then it was worth all the secrecy. You know he hates keeping things from you. It eats him up.”
“I don’t like keeping things from him either.” Which is why it was hard to hide how I really felt. “Is the offer to walk me to my room still on the table?”
“Of course.” Kelby linked his arm through mine. “Try not to fall asleep on me as we walk.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“You look very nice tonight.” He glanced down at me as we walked.
“Thanks.”
“Is Caspian going to get you to wear more dresses now?”
“I prefer to pick my own clothes,” I mumbled.
“But you can’t wear simple jumpsuits all the time. Not anymore.”
I said nothing. I didn’t have the strength to argue. Plus anything I said would be directly reported to Caspian.
He leaned in. “You know you can take something for that exhaustion.”
“I don’t want another modifier, but thanks.”
“Another?” His brow furrowed. “You took one recently? Does Caspian know?”
“I didn’t think it was something I needed to tell him. Everyone else takes them.” I used Gardenia’s words. They didn’t sound any more convincing coming from me.
“Of course you need to tell him.” Kelby stopped, making me stumble. He caught my arm before I tumbled to the floor. “You don’t know how you are going to react. He needs to keep a close watch on you.”
He already does, I thought but kept that part to myself. “Gardenia promised it would be fine.”
“Gardenia supplied it?” He rubbed his temple.
“Yes.” Hopefully she didn’t get in trouble, but I wasn’t going to lie.
“She knows what she’s talking about with these things. I guess it’s fine, but I’m going to tell Caspian just in case.” He started walking again.
I tried to keep pace. It was harder now that we hadn’t linked arms. His legs were so much longer than mine. “I can tell him.”
“You can, but I need to as well. I can’t risk him questioning his trust in me.”
“Ok.” We reached my room, and I pushed open the door. “Thank you for walking me back.”
“It was my pleasure.” He bowed.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Yes I do.” Kelby smiled before silently disappearing down the hall.
I closed the door behind me wishing, not for the first time, there was some mechanism to lock it. There wasn’t.
I changed out of my dress, careful to hang it up. Even if I preferred bodysuits, Alda had spent considerable time on the dress. For that reason alone it deserved respect.
I slipped into my favorite silky nightgown—also made by Alda. I’d requested nightwear when I first arrived, and although met with confusion as most Lexa slept naked, Alda had figured it out. She’d been making me nightgowns ever since.
I looked around my windowless room before slipping underneath my sheets. I touched a button by my bed and sent my room into darkness.
* * *
“Couldn’t wait for me, huh?” Caspian rubbed my back, stirring me awake.
I pushed off my heavy sleep and turned. He was lying beside me. “You came to my room.”
“Of course I did. I told you I would find you later. Kelby told me you got exhausted all of a sudden.” He ran a hand through my hair. His arm rubbed against my face. His bare arm.
I kicked my leg around and found his. His leg was also bare. I realized he was under the covers completely naked.
I tried to quell the panic.
“You took a modifier.” He smoothed my hair again.
“Yes.” I’d already admitted it to Kelby. No reason to hide it.
“Why? You’ve never taken one before.”
“Gardenia suggested it.” I was sure Kelby had already supplied that information.
“But why did you take it?” He cupped my cheek with his hand. “I would have thought tonight of all nights you would have had all the happiness you needed.”
“It wasn’t for happiness,” I quickly replied. “It was for getting over the shock.”
“It really came as such a shock to you?” He picked up the necklace
, his fingers brushing against my skin. “You knew I’ve been wanting to for months now.”
“But not so publicly….”
“It is always done publicly.” He ran his finger over my lips. “Some traditions must be followed.”
“I understand.” I didn’t. I didn’t understand anything anymore. But I remembered why we’d parted. “Who was that doctor?”
“Dr. Graham. He was also saved from Earth.”
“Really?” I sat up.
Caspian laughed. “That woke you up.”
“I’ve never met anyone else from Earth. Why didn’t you let me talk to him?” Excitement morphed into a mix of disappointment and anger.
“Because we had things to discuss.”
“What kind of things?” I turned on the lights. This wasn’t the type of conversation I was going to have in the dark.
I blinked a few times. Caspian didn’t. His eyes adjusted to light instantaneously.
“Nothing you need to worry about.”
“But I want to know about it.”
Caspian sat up, offsetting the sheets in the process.
I averted my eyes as his very aroused lower region came into view.
“Rachel, you don’t need to do that.”
“Would you please put the sheet back?”
He tugged on my hand. “You have to get over this. I don’t understand where this fear of nudity is coming from.”
“Maybe everyone on Earth is like this. Could I ask Dr. Graham?”
“Would you really ask a man about that?” Caspian teased. “I’d like to be there for that.”
“I just mean I bet it’s not me.”
“You came here so young. Any societal views from Earth should have disappeared.” He sighed. “I’m covered. Would you look at me?”
I lowered my eyes from the ceiling. He was true to his word.
“But eventually you’re going to have to sleep without that gown.” He slid one strap down my shoulder a little. He replaced the fabric with his lips, sliding the strap down, and following it with his lips.
“Not tonight.”
He turned his attention to the necklace, lifting it so he could look at it. “You won’t let me see how this necklace truly looks on you?”
“You can see it just fine as it is.”
“It looks perfect on you.” He ran his fingers over the chain.
“It would look perfect on you too.”
“But I already have something with the crest.” He showed off his ring. “I’ve been waiting to share this one with you for years.”
“Do you need to return to your room?”
“Are you trying to throw me out?” He released the necklace and leaned back on his elbow.
“No. I’m only asking.”
“The only way I’m returning to my room is if you come with me.”
“But I’m already in bed for the night.”
“As am I.” He pulled me down next to him in the sheets. “Tell me the truth, Rachel. How did you feel when I gave you this?” He touched the necklace.
“Shocked. You already know.”
“You didn’t feel anything else?”
I had to lie. If I truly angered Caspian I had no idea what my future would hold. “I was thrilled.”
“I knew you would be.” He ran his hand down my arm. “But I was nervous. Can you imagine? I never get nervous about things.”
“How do you feel about the advancement?” I changed the subject. My room felt suffocating. I wanted nothing more than to run outside, but I couldn’t. I’d be dead in seconds. The air of Andrelexa was poisonous to me.
“It brings me a step closer to Emperor.” He brushed his lips against mine. “But that wasn’t the highlight of the evening for me. You know that.”
“How can anything surpass that?”
“Because seeing you wear that necklace means everything. It’s what I’ve always wanted.” He once again ran his lips down my neck. Pausing at my throat. “Because having you means everything to me.”
He wrapped his legs around me. If I hadn’t already known he was aroused, I knew it then. Caspian was never this pushy. “Did you take a modifier tonight?”
“Me?” He put a hand to his chest. “No way. I wouldn’t want to interfere with my true feelings.”
“Oh.”
“Why do you ask?”
“Only… only you don’t usually come into my bed like this.”
“Rachel?” His face turned serious. “Have I failed you?”
“What?” I shook my head. “No.”
“Then how is it that you don’t understand the significance of what you wear around your neck?”
“I understand.”
“Then tell me. What does it mean?”
“It means I’m going to be part of the royal family. Specifically I’ll be your life mate.”
“No.” He shook his head. “It means you already are my life mate.”
“Oh.” A chill spread through me.
“Why do you think it’s made of that metal?” He tugged on the chain. “I don’t want to hurt you, so you try it.”
I tugged.
“It’s not going to budge. No tool is going to break it.”
Even stronger shock reverberated through me, and it had nothing to do with his disclosure about the metal. I already knew the necklace was unbreakable. “So you’re here in my bed because…”
“Because you are my life mate.” He smiled. “But that doesn’t mean I’m a monster. I’m not taking what you don’t freely give. But I will sleep beside you from now on. How is that for a compromise? I get the pleasure of your body in my arms each night, and you decide when you’re ready to allow me inside?”
“Allow you inside?” I repeated his words. “There are better ways to describe that sort of intimacy.”
“What words would you like me to use?” His eyes twinkled, and I immediately regretted even broaching the subject. “Here. Let’s try this.” He pulled the translator earring from my ear and wrapped his hand around it.
I touched my ear. I’d worn the translator for as long as I could remember, only trading up to a larger size as I grew. They’d told me it was impossible for me to learn their language; my brain couldn’t handle it. I reached for his hand to get it back.
He shook his head and smiled.
“Fine. Then I won’t understand anything you say.”
He tapped his closed lips. He wasn’t going to talk. Then what was the point?
I shrugged and turned away. I was too tired to play any games. He’d give me back the translator eventually.
His hands descended on my shoulders. His knees pressed into my back as he gave me a back massage. I closed my eyes, allowing myself to enjoy the sensation. I was so tense and stressed.
His lips brushed against my neck, and he returned to giving me small kisses. He stopped at the most sensitive spot on my neck and sucked lightly. There was no question that would leave a mark.
Then all at once he stopped. He turned me gently and held out the translator to me. I returned to its spot in my right ear.
“Not all things need to be communicated with words, my love.”
“I guess not.”
His watch beeped from its spot on the floor. He picked it up and cursed under his breath. “I have to attend to a matter.”
“Is everything okay?” I slipped back under the sheets.
“Yes. Everything is fine.” He kissed my forehead. “I’ll be back when I can.”
“Good night.”
I waited for the door to click closed behind him before I shut off my light again. I knew there was no way I was getting any sleep.
4 Rachel
A loud knock on my door woke me up late the next morning. I’d already woken a few times before, but I’d pushed off getting up for the day. I wasn’t ready to face reality.
Whoever was outside knocked again. I couldn’t ignore it much longer. “Come in,” I called before really thinking it through. Alda never knock
ed. She always walked in to wake me up.
“Good morning, Rachel.” Tesa, one of the young servants, smiled.
“Hi.” I sat up, pulling my sheet with me. “Where’s Alda?”
“She’s preparing for your move to Caspian’s room. But I am here to assist you in any way.”
I tried to stay calm. Move to his room? Did everything really have to change so quickly? “I’m fine on my own. She only comes by in the morning out of habit.”
“That’s fine. Please let me know if you need anything. I’ll wait outside.” She bowed slightly before walking out of the room and closing the door behind her.
Now that morning had arrived my situation seemed worse. What was wrong with me? Why wasn’t I happy about being Caspian’s life mate? I’d known it was the plan for years, yet the thought had never phased me. At one point I’d actually been excited about it; now all I wanted to do was run and hide. I wasn’t ready for any of this, and Caspian had thrown it on me with no warning.
I stepped into the air shower, looking for a way to stall. I ran the shower three times before dragging myself out. I slipped on a bodysuit and my favorite slippers before opening the door.
Tesa was waiting right outside. She wore her red hair in one long braid down her back.
I glanced back into the room. “I’ll be back to pack my clothes later.”
“No need to touch your clothes.” She still wore a bright smile. I was positive it was a result of modifiers. “Caspian has ordered an entire new wardrobe made for you.”
“What? What’s wrong with what I have?”
“He wanted clothing more appropriate to your new position.”
“I’m taking my old clothes with me.” If the new clothes were anything like the dress I’d been made to wear last night—especially prior to the alterations— it wasn’t happening.
“That is between you and Caspian.” Her smile grew wider. “I am sure you two can work something out.”
“I need to find Alda.” I hurried away down the hall and ran smack dab into the Emperor.
“Oh. I’m so sorry,” I quickly apologized while bowing.
“It is no trouble at all. I was looking for you anyway.”
Stardust: Half Light Page 3