Stardust: Half Light

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  “He’s away. It is yours for now.”

  “Do you know for how long?” I’d never hoped for him to take a long trip before. I used to hate when he went away, both because I missed him and because I was jealous of all the different places he got to go. I’d been nowhere aside from tours of Andrelexa all within a ship. Other than those short treks I had never been outside of the palace.

  “I can’t know for sure, but for now he’s away.”

  “Your point is to take advantage of it while I can.”

  “Yes. And not just for sleeping.” She winked.

  “You think I can get access into his system?” That might be the only chance I had to find out exactly what he knew.

  “I think you can. What can’t you do given enough time? Besides, if you hack into his system, you have bought the doctor cover.”

  I nodded. “No one else knows I know?” That’s what everything was going to hinge on. This wasn’t going to work if I got caught a few minutes in. Besides finding out more on Caspian’s involvement, I needed to know more about where I came from and what was left. I wanted to see the Earth’s history and uncover any details I could about its true location. Had they lied about that too?

  “No.” Alda shook her head. “Dr. Graham came directly to me.”

  “How did he know I came from Earth?”

  “I knew because Caspian told me.” Dr. Graham stepped out of his office. “It’s how I connected the dots and determined you were a prisoner.”

  I turned toward him. “Were you listening to us this whole time?”

  “There is only so much these doors keep out.” There was a flare of something in his eyes. Not a twinkle, more a flash of something else. What he was really reminding me was that walls were thin. There were plenty of ears all over the palace.

  “I need to go figure this out.” There was too much going on to handle it all. And I couldn’t give up the little time I had to find answers.

  “Take your time but not too long.” Dr. Graham leaned on the door frame of his office.

  “I know.” This would be my only chance. Memories were starting to come back, a fog was lifting, and I knew I’d never be happy until I had answers.

  Alda and I walked back toward Caspian’s wing of the palace. We talked about pointless things like music and upcoming events so if anyone was listening they would think we were having our typical conversations. I took Dr. Graham’s warning to heart. If anyone had looked closer they would have noticed the dry tears on Alda’s face and the stress on mine, but thankfully we didn’t run into any guards who gave us more than a quick nod.

  “Have a nice afternoon.” Alda bowed before leaving me at the door of Caspian’s room.

  I pushed the door open, trying to work through the onslaught of new information. Above all else: Earth still existed. My entire life had revolved around the premise that my home planet was gone. That Telton had saved me from a certain death. I was one of only a handful of survivors. Otherwise my species was gone. Yet none of that was true. Or so it seemed. I believed the footage. It was all too real, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t follow up on things myself.

  I closed the door, once again lamenting the lack of locks. I doubted anyone would be barging into Caspian’s room. Besides Caspian. His arrival could be without a moment’s notice, so I had no time to waste. I went over to his desk and set to work breaking into his login. Generally everything needed to be done through a facial or fingertip scan, but I knew there was a couple of fail-safes. I was wearing one of them.

  I leaned over and let the medallion sit on the sensor. There was a small beep, and the screen lit up. I’d found one good use for the necklace.

  I sat there for a full two minutes debating what to do first. I decided to go right for what would hurt most. I pulled up Caspian’s off-planet travel records. Most of the names listed were of the usual places, planets we had treaties with, a few names were of planets that had been destroyed. I continued scanning down. And there it was. Earth. The visit had been within the past year. I scanned down further. That recent visit proved he knew the truth, but not how long. I saw nothing. I scanned all the way down to the year I arrived but saw no other mention of Earth.

  I wasn’t sure what to make of the information. He’d still lied to me. Even if he’d known for less than a year, that was still enough time to tell me everything. And he had to have known longer. That reality bugged me. It latched on and refused to let go. There was no way he’d been kept in the dark for thirteen years.

  Caspian’s account had access to everything and everyone. I found my name under off-planet arrivals.

  I clicked on it.

  Rachel Miller

  Origin: Earth. City of New Orleans. Parents deceased. No other known family.

  Was that true? No. It wasn’t. There was someone. A brother? I struggled to remember, needing to know who the new face in my memory belonged to.

  I closed my eyes. A name came to me. Benjamin. Yes. And we had an aunt. Aunt Ruth. There’d been a war. Faint memories started to come back to me.

  I pushed away the memories. I’d save them for another time.

  I went into the planet directory. I clicked on Earth. It pulled up. I found myself staring at a blue and green ball covered in white wisps of clouds floating in space. A blue and green ball I’d watched explode over and over in videos. A blue ball I believed had been gone for thirteen years. I felt sick. I signed out of the portal and ran over to the bed.

  Not only had they lied to me, but they’d gone through the effort to create fake videos.

  There was a knock on the door less than two minutes later. I said nothing. If it was Alda she’d just come in. There was no one else I wanted to see.

  “Rachel?” Kelby called from the door. “Are you ill? Shall I call a doctor?”

  “No. I’m not ill.” I forced myself to sit up. I had no desire to see any doctors. I wasn’t even ready to see Dr. Graham again. I had no idea what I was going to do.

  “You haven’t been at any of the meals today.” Kelby walked into the room.

  “I wasn’t aware I needed to be.”

  “You don’t, but you also failed to order any meals to your room. You need to eat. Caspian would want you to eat.”

  “But I’m not hungry. I will eat when I’m hungry.”

  Kelby sat down on the edge of the bed. “I know that you are up to something. I can tell you are spinning lies.”

  A shiver ran through me, but I tried to brush it off. I couldn’t let on. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “I do.”

  “You don’t.” I refused to accept it. If he knew I was out of options.

  “It doesn’t matter anyway. Your place is here.”

  My place was there? How much did he know? My chest clenched, but I tried to play it calm. “Of course my place is here. I’m Caspian’s life mate.”

  “It’s not his fault.” Kelby looked down at his feet. “He didn’t mean to surprise you like that.”

  “Well, I was surprised. Very surprised.” So all of this was about my reaction to receiving his medallion?

  “The Emperor gave Caspian an ultimatum.”

  “An ultimatum?”

  “Officially claim you or—”

  “Or what?” I was in no mood for theatrics.

  “Or he’d find a new place for you.”

  I said nothing. I felt nothing. There was only one reason I lived in the palace. I shuddered to think of the prison the Emperor would want to send me to.

  “But that’s not why I’m telling you.” Kelby leaned in.

  “Then why are you?”

  “Because Caspian doesn’t know it yet, but there’s going to be another ultimatum.”

  “How could Caspian not know?” He was next in line to be Emperor.

  Kelby put his hand over mine. He never touched me, and I knew this couldn’t be good. “If you don’t give him an heir quickly, the Emperor is going to make sure Caspian selects someone who will.�
��

  “He’d take this back?” I picked up the chain. Maybe there was a way to remove it after all.

  Kelby looked down again. “You know that chain can’t be broken.”

  “Then how could he select someone different?” The icy reality hit me square in the face. “Oh.” There was only one way the chain could be removed now.

  “Please, Rachel. Caspian would be destroyed if that happens.”

  I pulled my hand away. “Caspian would be destroyed if his father cut off my head. Is that what you are telling me?”

  “I—no. Yes, he would be. But I don’t want that to happen.”

  “Please leave.” I pointed to the door.

  “Rachel. There is a very easy solution. Caspian will be back and everything will be okay.”

  “Please leave.” I fought back the tears and rage that begged to spill.

  Kelby stood. “If that’s what you want.” He bowed before slipping out the door.

  He had to be kidding. I was beginning to realize my whole life was one big never ending joke.

  6 Rachel

  I refused to wait in Caspian’s room. I was too hurt, angry, and scared to do what anyone wanted me to do. I needed to leave, yet I wasn’t even sure how that could be possible. More than likely I’d get caught and killed. Before I faced that fate I needed to see him one more time. But it wouldn’t be in his room. I’d do it on my own terms. And I’d pretend everything was okay just long enough to meet with Dr. Graham one more time and see what kind of chance I had.

  I headed directly to the observatory. No one stopped me. Maybe they all knew my fate better than I did. I walked right inside and settled down on a chaise sofa near the windows.

  The two moons were back, resuming their nightly dance in the sky. They were like lovers, entwined until separated either by choice or circumstance. Depending on my mood I’d imagine it were one or another. Tonight it was by choice.

  I wasn’t sure how much more my mind could handle. Earth was still there. Caspian had lied to me. The Emperor was going to have me killed. Yet somehow I hadn’t broken down into pieces on the floor. I watched the moons for over an hour, until I somehow fell into sleep.

  “Rachel?” Caspian’s voice came from right next to me. I slowly opened my eyes, blinking a few times. It took me a moment to remember where I was.

  “What are you doing up here?” He moved my legs onto his lap to sit down beside me.

  “I came up here to enjoy the view.”

  “And you brought linens with you?” He patted my pillow.

  “Is there a problem with that?” I couldn’t keep the edge from my voice.

  “In theory no, but I was disappointed. I came home expecting to find you waiting for me in bed.”

  “Sorry to disappoint you.” I wasn’t sorry. Not in the slightest.

  “Ok. What did I do?” He ran his hands over the blanket covering my legs.

  “I don’t see why I had to give up my room.” I needed to come up with some excuse, and that did annoy me, especially since he hadn’t warned me.

  “Sorry about that. My father’s decision.”

  “And do you always let him make the decisions?” The words came out before thinking. I wondered how much he knew. Did he know about his father’s plans? Was Kelby right, and he had no idea what was coming?

  “He is the Emperor.” He leaned back. “Is this really about the room?”

  “This is about everything.” Technically true, but most specifically him lying about Earth.

  “What can I do to make it up to you?”

  “Tell me about the planets you’ve visited.”

  “Which ones? I’ve been to dozens.”

  “All of them.”

  He laughed. “Are you serious? We’ll be here for hours.”

  “I’m okay with that.”

  “Aren’t you tired?”

  “You woke me up.”

  “But you need sleep. I’ll carry you to bed.” He started to lift me.

  “Can’t I stay here?”

  “Why?”

  “The view. I want to watch the moons.” I wouldn’t spend a night in a windowless room with him. I’d never make it.

  “There’s a reason we don’t have windows in our bedrooms.” He ran his hands through my hair.

  “Because it can impact sleep. But not my sleep. I was sleeping fine.”

  “You really expect me to leave you up here?”

  “Am I going to bother someone if I do?” I normally didn’t ask for reasons, but tonight I would. I needed him to speak truths to me.

  “You shouldn’t sleep near windows.”

  “Why not? I’m from Earth. On Earth people might sleep near windows all the time.”

  “Might. You can’t know that. And the people of Earth aren’t ones I’d try to emulate. Look at where they are now.”

  “Yes, look at them.” I sat up straighter. “And remember I am one of those people from Earth.” So there it was. He was going to continue to lie to me.

  He shook his head. “You left so long ago. You aren’t anymore.”

  “I wish I could go back.”

  “You can’t. You know that.” He pulled me into his side. “Did Dr. Graham say something?”

  “Huh?”

  “The timing of this conversation is odd.” His voice deepened.

  “Odd? The only thing Dr. Graham told me was I should be careful with modifiers. Our bodies may metabolize them differently. What else would he have said?” I tried to sound as innocent as possible, but I was giving Caspian another chance to come clean.

  He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Do you really want to sleep here?”

  And of course he didn’t. He’d never tell me the truth willingly. “I do.”

  “Then I’ll stay with you.” He pulled a second chaise over to mine.

  “Near a window?”

  “Yes. If you’re going to do it, so am I.”

  I wasn’t sure if he was doing it out of concern, because he cared, or he was on to me, but I knew I couldn’t really argue with him. I’d managed to stay out of his bed, and I was going to take that as a win given the circumstances.

  I settled back in and covered myself with the blanket.

  “Since I gave in and agreed to sleep up here, could you give me something too?”

  “I didn’t make you stay…” In fact I’d have preferred to be alone.

  “You didn’t have to make me. I wanted to stay with you.” He took my hand.

  “What is it you want?”

  “Tell me what I can do to make you happy again.” His eyes were intense.

  “I am happy.”

  “We need to be open and honest with each other.” He rested our entwined hands on top of the blanket.

  I gasped. I didn’t mean to, but it happened.

  “What?” He startled.

  “Nothing.”

  “That’s not a nothing.” He scooted his chair closer to mine.

  “It’s nothing.”

  “And you are holding back from me again.”

  “I’m going to get some sleep.” I closed my eyes. There were so many things I wanted to say, but how could I possibly say them? It didn’t matter if he’d only known for a year. A year was far too long. I didn’t need or want to know how much longer he’d been aware or at least suspicious.

  “Come on. Don’t shut down on me.” He ran his fingers up and down the inside of my arm from wrist to elbow. “I would worry you are upset about becoming my life mate, but you’ve made your feelings known on the matter before. You love me.”

  I said nothing because he was right. I did love him. But now I had to view those feelings through a whole different lens. All I wanted to do was run and hide.

  “I will talk to Dr. Graham. Maybe he’s right about the modifiers, but we have other methods.”

  A horrible thought struck me. The fog clearing. My lost memories suddenly coming back. “Have you tried them on me without my knowing?”

  “Rachel!” He g
ulped. “How could you suggest that?”

  “Maybe not you but your father.”

  “He wouldn’t do that.” Caspian put his head in his hands. “I wouldn’t allow it. How could you think that about us?”

  Once again I said nothing.

  “Does it feel that way?” He rested his elbows on his knees. “As though you’ve been modified and now aren’t?” There was fear in his voice.

  “I have no idea. I don’t know anything about how my body or mind works.”

  “We have Dr. Graham here. He can help.”

  “He delivers babies.” I rested my head back.

  “He told you that?”

  “Yes.” I didn’t see how admitting that detail could hurt anything.

  “I’m not pressuring you to…”

  “Your father is.” I thought over Kelby’s words—or what he’d implied.

  “This isn’t his decision.”

  “I’m going to go to sleep now.” I was going to start crying if I wasn’t careful.

  “We’ll fix everything in the morning.”

  “Caspian?”

  “Yes.” He cupped my face with my hand.

  “Never mind.” I couldn’t ask the things I needed to ask.

  “You sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ok. Sleep well.” He released my chin, but he kept my hand in his. I waited for his breathing to even out before pulling my hand from his. I took one last look at his sleeping form before slipping out of the observatory and down the stairs. I hoped Dr. Graham was still awake.

  * * *

  I ran right into Alda as soon as I reached the bottom of the stairwell. She put a finger to my lips to keep me from saying anything. Despite everything I needed to trust her. Otherwise I had no one. She knew where I wanted to go. We hurried down the corridor and into a lift. I didn’t see any guards around, and I assumed that was thanks to Alda too.

  She pulled me past Dr. Graham’s lab.

  “Stop,” I whispered.

  “No, this way.” She pulled me along. She turned a corner and stopped in front of a double set of doors. I looked at her questioningly.