Recklessly Ever After

by Heather Van Fleet

  “I’m sorry you went through that.” He studied me through the dark. It was as if he had super X-ray vision and could make out every inch of my face, every line, every freckle. With Gavin, I felt exposed.

  “Why were you suspended?” I finally asked, needing to break the moment.

  Just like that, his intensity disappeared and in its place was a mask of…nothingness. The same one I put on constantly myself. Guess we had more in common than I’d thought.

  “A guy was running his mouth at me.”

  “And let me guess…” I poked him gently in the ribs. “You had to show him who’s boss, right?” I grinned, trying to play it off as a joke, but he didn’t respond to it that way. Didn’t bat an eye or show even a shadow of emotion.

  Cringing, I propped my head up on my hand, bringing our faces closer. “I’m sorry. You know I was kidding. I’m sure you had a great reason for—”

  “Breaking his nose with my fist?”

  “Oh.” I cringed again.

  “Yeah, oh is right,” he scoffed. “Took two guys to pull me off him, and if it wasn’t for the fact that he was sexually harassing one of the female EMTs, I would’ve gotten into a hell of a lot more trouble than I did. Four weeks of suspension is enough as is.”

  “Jesus.” I hadn’t heard about that. Then again, the EMTs ran in their own circles outside the hospital. They were our delivery people; at least, that’s what the nurses tended to call them.

  “Not really something I wanted advertised. Besides, he was fired—with compensation, if you can believe that—while I was put on unpaid leave.”

  “Bullshit.” I narrowed my eyes. “Sounds to me like you were trying to defend that woman, yet you got the shit end of the deal.”

  Gavin’s brows furrowed as he spoke. “In the world of adulting, you apparently have to go to a supervisor to report certain behaviors.” His voice became mocking as he finished. “Fighting with your hands in a workplace environment is deemed the most irresponsible thing a person in the medical field can do.”

  I snorted, remembering that night Gavin and I hooked up. Remembering my fist plowing into that preppy kid’s face because of what he said to me. “It sounds like you’ve had some experience with Jayla in HR.”

  A real smile graced his lips, sending a shot of warmth into my chest. “She’s never been a marine.”

  “And she also wasn’t raised by a father who fought for money on the weekends at an illegal underground club, while leaving his daughter at home alone—from age thirteen to seventeen—in a one-bedroom shack in the worst part of a town. I would’ve totally punched that bastard too.”

  Gavin mirrored my position, propping his head on one hand. He moved his hand from my waist and pressed his palm against my cheek. His grin was gone, replaced by silence and a locked jaw. “That really happened to you?”

  “Maybe.” I shrugged, hating how easily I could blurt things out with him. It reminded me of Paul. But with that asshole, I’d believed in false promises about never letting someone hurt me again.

  Gavin, on the other hand, didn’t offer me false possibilities of protection. Instead, he offered me ears and a nod—and a little bit of himself too. “I had a pretty shitty upbringing myself.”

  “Yeah?”

  He nodded. “Before I was shifted to my first foster home,” he started, heaving a giant sigh, “I lived with my uncle until I was ten. He…wasn’t a good man. Had no interest in raising a kid who’d just lost both parents, not even when one of them was his own fucking brother. He was cranky and walked with a cane that he used to beat me when I didn’t do my chores the right way.”

  I gasped, touching his chest with my free hand. Beneath my palm, his heartbeat was steady, which surprised me for such a wretched memory. “Oh, Gavin.”

  He squeezed his eyes shut as he continued, almost as though this was something he’d been holding in for so long that he couldn’t stop talking.

  I could relate. So very much.

  “When DCFS came and found out I hadn’t been going to school, mainly because he didn’t bother to register me and didn’t have the money to pay for it, I become a ward of the state.”

  I sucked in a breath, waiting for him to continue. Part of me wanted him to stop talking. A part that said If you know him, you won’t be able to walk away from him. But a tiny part of me—okay, a huge part of me—did want to hear what made up the mystery that was Gavin St. James. Which is why I didn’t interrupt him or make a joke or even try to distract him with sex.

  For the first time in a long time, I just listened.

  “My first year, I went through six different foster homes. After a couple of months, most of the people who’d taken me in decided they didn’t want broken ten-year-old boys. Babies and toddlers were easier.”

  “More bullshit,” I blurted out. “Babies and toddlers are hell.” I shuddered, then cringed when I remembered how in eight months, I’d be popping out one of those.

  Fingers brushed against my chin, and I reopened my eyes, finding him even closer, our lips nearly touching. “Gotta agree with you there, but I wasn’t exactly an easy kid.”

  My heart skipped as one side of his mouth curved up. An image ran through my mind as he studied me: a baby boy with a grin, his father’s green eyes, and my blond hair.

  Panic forced my stomach into knots, and I rolled over onto my back, needing distance.

  He sighed, the sound filled with disappointment, but resolve at the same time. “The point of the story is, at the last house where I stayed through my high school graduation, I had a pretty good foster family. A foster mom named Heidi, a foster dad named Jake, and an older foster brother, Adam, who was huge on all things sports, including that underground fighting shit.” He laughed softly under his breath. “Seventeen years old and he’d sneak out at night, then come back later with a wad of cash and promises to get us to college.” Gavin moved onto his back too, but his hand was down, and before I could protest, he laced our fingers together. As much as I knew I should move away, I couldn’t.

  “He was awesome, always standing up for me. Introduced me to baseball and football. Pretty much any sport I wanted to learn, he’d teach me about it.”

  My words were a whisper as I said, “He sounds amazing.”

  “He was.”

  And just like that, Gavin’s mask went back into place. Only this time, I didn’t see it. I heard it, felt it. I waited for him to finish his story. To tell me what he meant by was. But by the time I turned my head to ask him, his breaths had evened out and his lips were parted in sleep. His chest rose and fell, up and down. I watched, soothed by another’s breaths—soothed by his story, even if it wasn’t necessarily happy.

  And as I studied him in the dark, I came to the sad conclusion that Gavin was pretty much just like me. Someone with a shitty past but a future full of possibilities—including one currently swimming like a flea in my lower abdomen.

  That’s when I decided to do what I’d sworn I wouldn’t and stay the night in his bed. Because it was apparent the both of us had been alone for too long.

  Baby steps. That’s what I’d call this.

  Chapter 14

  Gavin

  “Good morning.” I smiled. Big, wide, real. Because for the first time in a long time, I had something to smile about. McKenna was in my bed.

  “Thank you,” she whispered, taking me by surprise.

  “For…?”

  “Last night. For just listening to me. Nobody has done that for a long time.”

  I reached over and touched her cheek, knowing what that was like. “Feeling’s mutual.”

  Telling her what I had the night before had been a risk. But I’d never expected her to open up to me too—even the small amount that she did.

  Slowly, she lowered her lips to my chest, kissing my skin, the spot over my racing heart. My cock jerked to attention.
I swallowed hard, watching, curious what would happen next. I could have stopped her. No, I should have stopped her. But that would mean letting her go. And after last night, I wasn’t ready. Likely not ever now.

  “This okay?” she asked, thick lashes batting against her cheeks.

  “More than.” My voice cracked.

  “Good.”

  Her fingers joined in on the action, but they had a mind of their own, skimming down my stomach and landing at the top of my boxers. There, she hesitated for a second, waiting for my approval.

  Hands shaking, I reached down and tugged my boxers to my knees. Her cheeks went pink as she watched, an adorable shade I wasn’t used to seeing on her face.

  But the second she eyed my cock, her vixen ways were back. She inched her hand closer, wrapping it around the base, lips parting as she pressed them against my stomach.

  I hissed through my teeth, watching as McKenna’s soft hand began to stroke. One long pull, another shorter one… A dribble of come spilled out of the tip, and that heavenly hand used its thumb to coat the head.

  I hadn’t been given a hand job in at least five years. And fuck if I wasn’t suddenly fifteen again, feeling on top of the world.

  Not wanting to disturb the beautiful blond on the giving end, I lay as still as possible, my eyes closed, curling my fists into the blanket. My thighs burned as I flexed them in place, but I refused to move. A low moan sounded from my throat though; I couldn’t help it. It felt so good. So tight. So warm. So real.

  Jesus. Who was I kidding? This was very, very real.

  “Kenna,” I finally said, reopening my eyes to look at her. More than anything, I had to know she was with me. This wasn’t what I’d intended today. Not that I wasn’t pleasantly surprised, believe me. But she’d been pushing me away for five weeks straight. I figured I’d have to take what I got.

  Still, I hadn’t expected a good-morning hand job.

  Unfortunately, it’d never be enough for me. Which is why I reached down to grab her wrist, stopping her. “No. This isn’t right. We shouldn’t…” I gritted my teeth, hating my morals. Hating how badly I wanted to forgo my need for security and control. To just let myself feel with this woman. To take what I could get.

  “W-what’s wrong?” Her blue eyes searched my face when she leaned back.

  I sucked in a breath to speak. “You can’t do this to me and expect me to walk when it’s all done. I can’t handle having you leave again.”

  That bottom lip of hers puffed out into a frown, and more than anything, I wanted to pull it between my teeth. Still, I waited as patiently as I could, watching as a battle seemed to be waging behind her pretty stare. I held my breath, my chest going tight as I did. I didn’t take relationships with women lightly. Hell, I’d only had one one-night stand in my life, and that was two years ago.

  Her hand loosened around my cock, but she didn’t let it go completely. Instead, she looked at me, unsure, waiting…confused most of all.

  “What’re you gonna do, McKenna?” I asked, leaning forward to run one finger down her cheek, down her chin, down her neck, stopping right above her heart.

  “I…”

  “Tell me yes or tell me no. It’s that easy.”

  Her lips parted as if she wanted to talk. But before she could, I sat up, leaned forward, kissed her once, and made the decision she obviously couldn’t—raging hard on be damned.

  “Time to get up. I promised you breakfast this morning.”

  * * *

  She ate like a woman on a mission, shoving in food left and right. Bacon, eggs, hash browns, pancakes… And I couldn’t stop grinning across the table at her because of it. She was not just gorgeous; she was damn near glowing with every bite she took. As though it was the first meal she’d eaten in years, the best food of her life.

  “You eat like you’re feeding an army.” I took a sip of my coffee. “I’m not going to take it from you.”

  Mid-bite, fork still in the air, she froze, face paling. I leaned closer and pressed my hand against her wrist. She startled at the contact, and her fork fell against the plate with a clatter, eggs splattering all over the table.

  “I need to use the restroom.” She jumped out of the booth and ran to the back of the restaurant.

  It took me thirty seconds before I could take my head out of my ass. And then another thirty seconds to realize it was my job to go after her. I wasn’t good at this romance thing.

  Just outside the door to the ladies’ room, I found her sitting on the floor, leaning back against the wall. Déjà vu hit me full force, only this time she wasn’t drunk. Fear had me dropping to my knee in front of her. I cupped her face between my hands.

  “What is it?” I asked. Her cheeks were red, her lips quivering. My heart thudded harder in my chest at the sight, the thumping beats reaching my ears. “Talk to me.”

  “I…” She blinked, and tears slipped over my fingers.

  “That was an asshole thing to say at the table. I’m sorry.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “That’s not it.”

  “What is it?”

  She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, holding a breath. Once she let it out, she whispered, “Gavin, I’m pr—”

  My phone rang. “Damn. Hold that thought.” I reached into my pocket to mute it, but then I got a look at who it was. “I’m sorry. I gotta take this. It’s Collin.”

  She wiped at her tears and nodded, pushing up off the floor. “Yes. Answer.” She smiled, but I could see the strain. I knew already which smiles were real and which weren’t. She pointed to the bathroom, one finger in the air. I nodded and waited outside as I answered the phone.

  “What’s up, Colly?”

  “At the airport. Got an early flight in. Can you come get me?”

  “Yeah, of course. We’ll be there in twenty.”

  “Who’s ‘we’?” he asked.

  “McKenna and me,” I answered, no hesitation. From here on out, I’d make it known to the world what my intentions were with this woman. And I didn’t care what anyone thought or said. I wanted her, and I’d do anything to make her mine.

  “That’s real good, Gav. She’s a sweet girl. Reminds me of you in a lotta ways.”

  I smiled at his approval. “Yeah.”

  Kenna came out of the ladies’ room just then, looking a little more composed. I reached for her hand, gave it a squeeze, then told Collin to hold tight. That we’d be there soon.

  We walked back to the table and grabbed the bill, taking it to the register. Kenna stayed stuck to my side like glue but didn’t speak.

  Whatever she’d been about to tell me before Collin called was obviously important. But the moment had passed, and the last thing I wanted to do was upset her again.

  I’d told her where we were going, and she’d agreed to ride with me, but she was quiet along the way—not the same girl who’d lain in bed with me last night. She was closed off. And I hated it. I wondered if this was what it was like for people who hung around with me.

  “Tomorrow morning, I go back to work, but I was hoping you’d go out with me tonight.”

  She snorted, the sound loud and abrupt in the space of my SUV. I turned to look at her, frowning.

  “You don’t need me. I’m pretty much a hot mess of dog shit.”

  I wouldn’t take the bait. She was trying to push me away again. “Maybe I like the smell of dog shit.”

  “If you liked the smell, you’d get a dog.”

  “Can’t do that. I already have a cat.” I chuckled.

  She rolled her eyes, which meant her sass was coming back. “Whatever. Take me out. Just know I am not the easiest person to please.”

  I reached down to grab her hand again, this time pulling it to my mouth for a kiss. “Good thing I like a challenge.”

  * * *

  McKenna


  I’m not sure when or how it happened, but somewhere along the way from the restaurant to the airport, and back to the hospital, I’d become a part of Gavin’s inner circle.

  I sat in the passenger seat of his SUV, my hand in his as he drove us down the highway. Collin’s feet were kicked up between us on the console, and my elbow and Gavin’s were propped up in front of them. It was weird and awkward, but neither Gavin nor Collin made a big deal out of it, so I let it be, pretending I wasn’t drowning in a sea of testosterone.

  “The doctor said her mom wasn’t gonna make it through the day. Addie’s handling it okay, but…shit, I wanted so bad to be there for her.” Collin sighed, and I immediately dug my phone out of my pocket, the pain for my best friend bringing tears to my eyes.

  Addie may not have had the best relationship with her parents, but they were her parents. Losing her mom wouldn’t be easy, no matter the situation.

  I texted her.

  Me: You okay?

  Addie: Hey. Yeah, I’m as good as I can be.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat, wishing like hell I could be there to hug her.

  Me: Text me if you need anything. I’m thinking about you.

  Addie: Thx. And BTW? Will you officially be my maid of honor? =)

  Me: WTH?

  “What the hell?” I said it out loud as I typed it, then looked over my shoulder at Collin.

  His eyes were bloodshot red, and there were dark shadows underneath. He didn’t look like a newly engaged man as he stared out his window. He looked like a worried father and boyfriend. Or should I say fiancé?

  Gavin’s brows rose. “What’s wrong?”

  I giggled, then nodded as I typed my reply, thankful for a little happiness when things were kind of messed up for both of us.

  Me: You’re kidding, right?

  Addie: Nope.

  “Holy shit.” I might have been anti-relationship, but seriously. Holy. Shit. My best friend getting engaged was pretty much the most epic thing ever.