Recklessly Ever After

by Heather Van Fleet

  But then I saw him smile. That’s also the moment when my heart decided that this man was going to be my man, baby or not.

  “McKenna!” he called, jumping over rugby bags, racing around people, nearly frantic, as though time was running out.

  Unable to hide my grin, I watched as he ran my way, his body lithe with every movement, yet strong and brave and everything I’d always wanted in my life. Seconds later, he was there in front of me, panting, and my knees…they nearly buckled with relief.

  “Hi,” I whispered, breathless myself.

  As though knowing the effect he had on me, Gavin shot his arm around my waist in a quick save, our chests suddenly pressed together. Flush.

  This man was my real-life superhero.

  And my new home.

  “McKenna.” Fingers pressed to the base of my chin. He urged my gaze up, then searched my face, suddenly mute.

  I nodded, having no idea what was going on in his head. “What happened to Max?” I clutched the front of his shirt, righting myself enough that he no longer had to hold me upright—not that I wanted him to stop.

  “Someone from the other team was wearing illegal cleats. Fucked Max’s hand up. Colly’s taking him to the hospital. I’m gonna meet them there.” Gorgeous green eyes held mine as he spoke. This was the controlled version of Gavin I was seeing. The worried friend, the fierce protector, the lover I’d never get enough of.

  “Okay. Well, let me know what happens?”

  He nodded, eyes glancing back at the outhouse. It was so quick I barely noticed. “Who was that girl with you and Addie?”

  “My sister.”

  He nodded.

  “Remember when I told you I had some family drama?” I winced, hating how that sounded.

  “Yeah.”

  I cleared my throat. “Well, Hanna had some problems back at home and is staying with me for a few weeks.”

  A look of understanding passed through his gaze. “Is that why…”

  “Why I haven’t called you?” I cringed.

  He nodded, then said, “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “Being distant that night at my river house. Not…talking. Sometimes, you know, I just can’t.”

  “Oh, Gavin…” I said his name like a prayer, willing him to be my savior for all of eternity. My knight in black rugby shorts with a beard that rivaled Jesus’s. “Don’t say ‘sorry’ when you have nothing to apologize for. I was a bitch that night.”

  Gavin leaned over and kissed my forehead, staying there while he said, “No. You were scared.” He took a small step back, distancing himself from me. Already, I felt cold without him close.

  “Not a good excuse. I told you I suck at this kind of stuff.”

  He smiled but didn’t press the issue. “I miss you, Kenna. Every day we’re apart…it kills me.” My eyes welled with tears at his words, and I watched his throat work as he spoke a truth I could never deny. “Can we just, I don’t know, start over or something? See what happens? We have time.”

  My heart leaped into my throat. Seven or so months wasn’t long, but details didn’t matter when it came to affairs of the heart, right?

  “Really?”

  He nodded, taking another step back, adding more space between us. Space I hated it, even knowing why he had to go. “Yes.”

  “Okay.” My cheeks ached from smiling, but Gavin’s face stayed serious. He rarely showed emotion, unless we were alone.

  “You’re in my dreams at night, Kenna.”

  I blinked, losing my smile as I watched him bend over to pick up his abandoned rugby bag. He hitched it up onto his shoulder as he continued. It was then that I saw a tiny quirk of his lips.

  “I am?” Drawn to him like always, I found myself moving closer, even as he took another step back.

  He nodded again, pieces of his light-brown hair falling over his cheek from out of his rubber band. “You’re also the first thing I think of in the morning when I wake. It’s been that way since that night we first met last November.” His voice grew louder over the surrounding crowd. “And you’re also the last thing I think about before I go to sleep at night.”

  In spite of the heat, the crowd, and the noise surrounding us, I wanted nothing more than to pull him close to me again. Leap into his arms. Hold him with no end. No second thoughts, just Gavin and me together, seeing where this went.

  “Go out with me again tonight,” he hollered a little louder, putting more distance between us.

  A small shiver rocketed through me, the need to say yes on the tip of my tongue. I held his eyes across the distance a moment longer, seeing an exposed version of this man I’d never seen before. But I couldn’t say yes…

  At least not tonight.

  “Can we do tomorrow instead?” I yelled, both hands now cupping my mouth. The commotion of players and spectators, though not too terribly many, still held a high volume in the open field.

  His smile grew wider. Then I saw his nod, the excitement in it so young and boyish and—

  “McKenna.” I jerked my head back at the sound of Hanna’s voice, the moment over as the soft voice played a sad tune in my ear. “I want to go home now.”

  “Are you okay?” I asked, turning to face her. Gravel hit tires and the side of cars as Gavin’s Suburban tore away from the lot.

  Nervousness flickered across my sister’s face as she peeked down at the grass. “Yes. Just tired is all.” Tired was her code for I’m done with people for the day.

  “Sure, hon. Anything you need.”

  We found Addie a minute later. She immediately called off our girls’ night out. Her worry for Max and the guys was the reason. She loved Max and Gavin like brothers. And I could see why. They may have had their crass moments, but their unit as a whole was unbreakable.

  As Hanna and I settled into my car and buckled a few minutes later, she broke me out of my thoughts with a question. “The man who you were talking to… Is he the baby’s father?” Her voice was thick with emotion. But I didn’t know what kind.

  “Yes.”

  A beat passed before she said, “He’s kind of…bushy.”

  At that, I laughed, relaxing a little as I pulled us out of the lot. “He hasn’t always been like that. Gavin is just…” Complicated. Broken. A lover. A fighter. A man I could see myself falling for, if I hadn’t already been on the verge. There was no denying he and I were a match in a lot of ways. But was it enough? I wasn’t sure.

  “All that facial hair and the man-bun thing he has going on? It’s kind of intense, don’t you think?” She clasped her hands on her lap.

  Which is why it fit him so perfectly. “I prefer to think of him as lumber-sexual.”

  Her smile pulled up one side of her mouth, giving her a look of ease that I hadn’t seen since she’d arrived. “Try unshaven and motorcycle badass.”

  “Motorcycle badass, eh?” I snorted. “That’s pretty accurate, I suppose, except that he drives a huge-ass Suburban and he’s more a big softie than a rough biker.”

  A few seconds passed before she spoke up again. “Mom would hate him, you know.”

  I shrugged, knowing that already. “Mom hates all men, except for your father and brother. And even with them, she can be a royal bitch.”

  “True.” Hanna sighed. “He seems nice though. I’d…like to meet him.”

  Nice wasn’t the adjective I’d have used to describe Gavin St. James. It felt too mundane and overused. And while Gavin was a complicated creature, he was also a whole lot more than that. Sweet, charming, the quiet to my loud—a perfect counterpoint to my messed-up self in general. In fact, the longer I thought about it, the more I realized how true that was.

  Gavin was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

  Chapter 22

  Gavin

  I made it into my house by
eleven fifty-five on the dot, just five minutes to spare. After spending the day at the hospital with Max and dealing with all the drama that came with the illegal cleats and the rugby club in general, I was more than ready to be done with this day.

  Once I was inside my place, I rushed to get showered, changed, and in bed. At exactly 12:31 a.m., I dialed Kenna’s number. My plan was to leave her a voicemail. Tell her how Max was—though I was pretty sure she knew already from Addie—then tell her I couldn’t wait until I saw her again.

  But that plan didn’t work because she answered on the third ring, voice heavy with sleep.

  “Did I wake you?” I switched off the light next to my bed and lay back on my pillow.

  “Hmm, yeah, but it’s fine.”

  I sighed, imagining her sleepy eyes looking up at me. “Sorry.”

  “Everything okay?” Kenna asked, yawning.

  “Yeah. Max made it through surgery fine. Lia’s there with him now.” I cleared my throat. “Lot of bullshit politics going on about the leagues after today.”

  “How do you mean?”

  I ran my fingers through my hair, taking out the rubber band I’d pulled it back with. More than a few times, I’d been made fun of tonight for my hair—even got called Jesus’s twin by some asshole from the Macomb team during an earlier match today.

  “The game, the competition. The younger guys doing shit like they did today. There’s talk of other leagues in the Midwest playing by a different set of rules and whatnot, which means people think all normal rules are bullshit now.”

  “That sucks,” she said on another yawn.

  I shrugged. “It is what it is, you know?”

  “I do.”

  Silence lingered between us, and at the same time, Cat jumped on the foot of my bed. His purring sounded like a motor, and he rubbed his nose and chin against my head and the hand holding the phone.

  “Is that Cat?” she asked. I could hear the smile in her voice.

  “Yeah, he’s a needy little shit.” I rubbed the top of his head. My hand dwarfed his face and ears, but he liked it. I was glad I’d decided to keep him. Having him there made me feel less alone.

  “Poor guy. I bet he’s missing me.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, the words He’s not the only one right there in my mouth. “Yeah, you can stop by anytime and see him now that you know where my extra key is.”

  “You know it’s totally cliché of you to leave it under the doormat,” she huffed.

  I rolled onto my side. “I’m a simple cliché man. What can I say?”

  She laughed, the easy sound making my cock twitch. Eyes squeezed shut, I thought of anything that would get my mind off sex and Kenna—having sex with Kenna.

  Cleaning Cat’s litter box, dirty laundry, dirty diapers… But it wasn’t enough. I missed this woman. The feel of her hands on my body, the smell of her skin when I inhaled. The taste of her lips when I kissed them, and the way her lips parted when I sunk my cock inside her.

  Christ, get it together, St. James.

  “Can you hold on a sec?” Without waiting for an answer, I dropped my cell on the bed and stood, rubbing my hand over my face with quick passes. I paced the room, even stubbed my toe, but nothing could contain the hardening in my shorts.

  Guess I hadn’t realized how tough this would be, talking to her so late at night, listening to her sleepy voice on the other end. So close, yet so far away.

  Once I’d inhaled enough breaths to fill a balloon, I got back on the phone. “Sorry.”

  “You okay?” Her voice cracked with sleep.

  My eyes shut again, imagining her settled in bed, covers up to her chin. I’d slept next to her all night twice before, and both times I’d woken up before her, studying her face, her beautiful lips parted in sleep.

  Screw the hard-on. When it came to Kenna, I couldn’t control it. “I’m good now that I’m talking to you again. I’ve missed you, Brewer.”

  She snorted. “You flatter me, St. James.”

  “Good.” My cheeks hurt from smiling so damn much. I felt like a kid. “You need to be flattered all the time.”

  She giggled. “God, I feel like I’m sixteen again: staying up late, talking with boys on the phone, trying not to be heard…”

  “Hmm.” I cleared my throat, still grinning.

  “Bet you were quite the lady’s man back in the day, huh?” she asked. “The quiet, baseball-playing hottie and all.”

  I rubbed my forehead. “Not really. I only had one girlfriend in high school. But I didn’t have a phone to talk to her with.”

  It was the summer after my junior year when I met Lacey—six months after my foster brother killed himself. Regardless of what I’d been through, I was still a decent enough kid. Smart. Studied, kept my grades high, never got in trouble.

  Lacey became my world—the only person in my life who seemed to give two shits about me. Her father was a minister who treated me like a son, and her mother, a homemaker, had been the same. I’d struck gold when it came to that girl. To this day, I had no idea what she’d seen in me back then. Had no idea why she fell in love with a bum foster kid who barely spoke.

  Still, we spent a year together. Then she left to go to college in New York, and me to the University of Illinois. Neither of us looked back.

  “You mean to tell me you’re twenty-seven years old and—”

  “I just turned twenty-eight last month.”

  She gasped. “I missed your birthday?”

  “I don’t celebrate it. It’s no big deal. Collin and Max didn’t even know.”

  “Gavin.”

  “Again. Not a big deal.” I rolled over to my other side and threw an arm over my eyes.

  “It is a big deal. And we are going to celebrate it by staying up on the phone together all night. Complete the rite of passage you never got to experience in high school. If we fall asleep, then we still can’t hang up, so like, make sure you don’t roll over onto your phone and accidentally mess this up, okay?”

  My lips twitched. I loved it when she rambled.

  “We’re going to talk about all the good things you’ve experienced in your twenty-eight years of life this time, and I’m going to give you what you never had as a teenage boy.”

  “Oh yeah?” She left herself wide open with that one.

  “Oh yeah. And if you’re really good…” Her voice lowered. The husky sound was filled with promises and secrets. “We can maybe check off another thing you probably haven’t done before.”

  “What’s that?” I dropped my arm and sat up a little, leaning back against the wall, shoulders rigid, gut tight, cock so hard I couldn’t control it if I tried.

  She was quiet, but I could hear her breathing, almost as though she was shifting in the bed. If I listened hard enough, maybe I could hear her legs sliding against her sheets. In my mind, she’d inhale heavily, her moans soft as her hand crept up underneath her shirt. She’d stroke her breasts until her panties were wet, then she’d reach between her thighs, slide a finger under the seam…

  My cock twitched, growing even harder, reminding me how alone I was, how much I wanted this woman too.

  “Gavin?”

  “Hmm?” I shut my eyes, freezing like I’d been caught, but imagining her eyes on me at the same time.

  “Let’s play a game,” she said.

  “What kind of game?” I yanked my hand through my hair and sighed.

  “How about Never Have I Ever?”

  “Not sure I’ve ever played that one before.”

  “Really? Not even in high school or college?”

  “Nope.”

  She sighed. “Oh. That’s sad.”

  “Not to me. I preferred it that way. Hated talking to people. Still do.”

  “But you talk to me.”

  I grinned. “You’re easy t
o talk to.”

  “Aww, Gav…”

  My heart twisted when she used my nickname like that. Whether she knew it or not, this woman had me so wrapped around her finger it wasn’t even funny.

  She cleared her throat. “I’ll go first.”

  “You going to tell me how to play, or should I just pretend to know what the hell I’m doing?”

  “It’s pretty easy. Just follow my lead. I’ll say never have I ever and you say yes, I have or no, I haven’t. Then we’ll switch.”

  I shifted around, annoying Cat. He mewed low, then ran from the room. “Sounds good.”

  “Okay, I’ll go first. Never have I ever been on a blind date.”

  “Me neither.”

  “Now your turn.”

  I scratched at my beard. “Feels like there should be some sort of compensation that goes along with this game. A win-lose scenario.” I sat up in bed and kicked the covers off, restless.

  “There is compensation. We get to know each other better.”

  I laughed. “I was thinking we know each other pretty well already, don’t you?”

  And in more ways than just sex. I knew she talked a lot. I knew she loved to have fun and hang out with our friends. She liked her job when she was working at her job, but off the job, she hated it. She had crappy parents, an equally crappy childhood as mine, but came out on top as a survivor and strong. Did I know her favorite color? Her favorite food? No. Those things would come later. All that mattered was that I knew the important stuff. The stuff that counted.

  “Oh. Well, do you not want to do it?”

  “No, I do. But, like I said, we should make this interesting.” I cleared my throat. “You have FaceTime on your phone?”

  “I do.”

  I grinned. “FaceTime me, then.”

  “On it,” she said, only for the line to go dead a second later.

  I fought a smile when my phone began to ring again. Just the thought of seeing her had my heart racing.

  “Hey.” She waved.

  “Hi.” I studied her face, the light on her phone highlighting it. Pale cheeks and blue eyes, that wide, addicting smile, a white T-shirt hanging off one shoulder… God, I’d be a lucky bastard if I could get her to agree to be mine.