A Desperate Longing

by Brenda Williamson

  Opening a drawer, she found a roll of gauze, and after washing away what blood she could, she bandaged the cut.

  “There, that should keep your wound clean.”

  Gulliver stood and tested out the wrap job by wiggling his foot. “Appears I might walk again. Let’s see if I can do other manly things.”

  “Gulliver.” She laughed and held on as he scooped her off the floor.

  His swiftness prevented her normal flinch. He moved too quickly for her to have a chance to become alarmed.

  “We should wash the blood off our hands,” she suggested.

  “We should.” His mouth neared hers.

  She closed her eyes and cocked her head. Desires tied their lips together in a long and passionate kiss. The only reason Kacy stopped was to wash her hands.

  He stood her on the floor in front of the sink as if he had the same plan. From behind, he wrapped his arms around her middle while she turned on the water. She enjoyed the openness of his affection. She hadn’t experienced uninhibited closeness for a long time. In the soapy lather she created with the liquid soap, he cleansed his hands by rubbing over hers. They worked well together.

  Without drying, he slipped his hand beneath her shirt. Her belly jumped at his touch.

  “You can tell me to stop if I make you uncomfortable,” he whispered in her ear.

  She put her hand over his and guided his fingers to the front of her pants. He didn’t need to be shown what she wanted. The zipper tab slid easily.

  Her whimper made him pause and she pushed his hand to go on.

  “I can’t begin to tell you how much I want to make love to you.” His fingers dipped below the elastic of her panties.

  She turned her head and kissed his jaw. “Please do.”

  “Tell you?”

  “Show me,” she breathed into his mouth.

  She seized his kiss and reached back, holding onto him as he massaged her clit into a quick frenzy. His fingers curled and pressed into her pussy and pulled back out. He opened her blouse and slipped a hand over the cup of her bra.

  “Is this good?”

  “Uh huh.”

  She wanted to twist in his arms, face him so they could kiss. He had other plans and held her in place.

  Her bra popped up over her breast from Gulliver’s tug and he fondled her nipple.

  “Yes,” she moaned. “Don’t stop.”

  She made her wishes clear, even though her writhing within the binds of his arms suggested she wanted to be freed. While she hung on to him with one arm back behind his head, she reached in front of her with the other. She gripped the edge of the sink and let an intense orgasm shudder through her.

  Happiness swept from her thoughts to her voice. “Thank you.”

  His chuckle made her laugh and she turned in his arms.

  “I mean that.”

  “Wait until you see what else I can do.”

  “You’ve done more than I could imagine.”

  His brow furrowed.

  “I didn’t think I’d ever let anyone touch me again,” she went on to explain. “Especially intimately.”

  He didn’t say anything. Lifting her from the floor, he carried her to the side of the bed and lowered her into the downy bedspread. She left him no choice other than to follow with her arms encircling his neck like a noose.

  “You’re perfect, Kacy. Everything about you is beautiful and perfect.”

  Without looking, he slid his hand over her breast. She shivered at the idea of being considered perfect when she had scars. If she had thought of them in the bathroom, she would have stopped him from opening her blouse even a little.

  “Too fast?” His hand moved to her shoulder and to her face.

  “No.” She poked the remaining buttons of her blouse through the holes. “I’m just not so lovely.”

  Gulliver’s gaze lowered to watch the blouse fold open. His expression never changed.

  “I saw this in the mirror over the sink.” He dragged a finger over her chest.

  “You did?”

  “You’re perfect, honey.” He bowed his head and kissed the area speckled by the scars from the knife marks her attacker left.

  “Scars are not—”

  “You’re beautiful in every way that matters to me. From the stars in your eyes right down to your pink-painted toenails.”

  “You’ve looked at my toes, too?”

  “Uh huh.” His kisses traveled the curve to the dip of her cleavage. “I’m very observant that way.” He moved upward to the hollow of her throat.

  He lifted his head and hung over her. A halo of glossy black framed his tan face. She loved his smile, the twinkle in his brown eyes, and him.

  She loved him and they were only on day two of their relationship.

  “I thought we were going to look at the stars.” She smiled.

  “I already see them and they’re beautiful.”

  “You know that line will get you everywhere with me.”

  “Good to know,” he whispered before capturing her mouth.

  His drew back from his brief kiss. “Delicious.” He nibbled her lips. “You’re a sexy, desirable woman and I want you.”

  She believed him. His tender kisses never stopped, never hesitated. Her lips quivered with the realization he really wasn’t bothered by the fan of white stitch marks representing the time she fell into hell.

  Her blouse fell away and his shirt came off over his head. Once her bra was unfastened, nothing separated her hard nipples from pressing against his solid chest.

  She wouldn’t have minded if they were both fully naked, yet she’d not fault Gulliver for taking his time with her. He did everything to make her feel special and she loved it.

  Stretched out over her, Gulliver continued his fondling. In the process, he managed to roll her pants off her hips. He played with the lacy trim on the leg hole of her panties without going beneath. It drove her insane for his touch.

  Soon he was down to his boxers. The simple grey and black stripes suited him. The kissing deepened and her hands made all her wishes known as she rubbed circles on his skin beneath the elastic band. Foreplay ebbed and flowed. Tides of desire washed away all apprehensions.

  He had already passed first and second base with her. Skipping third and going straight for home had a lot of appeal.

  His lips fastened on one sensitive nipple. Greedily, he sucked and nipped at the hard, tip of her breast. She arched back, forcing him to take it all and knowing her breast was too big to be fully inside his merciless mouth. He latched onto the other breast, deftly squeezing the ache into a pleasurable sensation. Between thumb and forefinger, he tweaked her nipple. She lifted her head to watch, and found it erotic to see the man’s lips sliding over her sensitive skin.

  He lowered his mouth to her belly. Each kiss made her flesh quiver and shrink back from his hot, moist lips.

  “Gulliver we need to talk.” She lifted his face.

  “Now?” His inky brows wrinkled and his mouth drooped into a frown.

  Kacy hated stopping him, but it was the right thing to do. He had to hear the horror of what had happened to her. One man had already left her because of her neurotic behavior. She didn’t think she could handle trusting Gulliver and then having him leave her.

  Chapter Eleven

  In the past two years, Kacy’s life had become routine. She didn’t like confrontations. She didn’t like change. Worse, she loathed to have to tell anybody about the nights burned into her memory. Each day the memories seemed more vivid because of the nightmares she endured. She had tried to forget. She wanted to die and yet she wanted to live to see her demon die.

  Gulliver had upset her world. She truly felt a bond with him. He had forced her to break the shell she cowered in, and he deserved to know details.

  He moved off her.

  “He frightened me for so long I thought I was going to die.” She pulled her knees up and held them against her bared breasts.

  “You don’t have to talk
about this if you don’t want.”

  She had to. He only told her she didn’t have to out of kindness.

  “He was so meticulous about breaking down my mind, giving me hope and pleasure, and then taking them away. Each time was more severe.”

  Gulliver slid up alongside her and pulled her into his arms. She nestled her head against his shoulder.

  “It was a nice night,” she continued. “I had just gotten home from shopping. The sun had gone down so the twilight had that red glow just before dark. I used to have a bad habit of putting stuff away as I went and once I forgot the ice cream in the car until last and it melted all over my trunk. That night, I made several trips to the car and carried all my groceries into the kitchen before putting any of them away.”

  She rubbed her face against the hardness of his bare chest. The skin was warm, soft and finely layered with short, velvety hair.

  “My open door was like an invitation for anyone to enter. I shut the trunk and headed back in the house and there he was, standing in my foyer.” She brushed her hand over Gulliver’s stomach, not knowing how agitated her moves were until he gripped her fingers and pulled them to his lips.

  “He didn’t come through your bedroom window?”

  “No.”

  “The report said he entered the residence through the window.”

  “What report?” She pulled away and gathered her blouse together. “When did you read a report about me and why?”

  His snooping around into her past gave her a creepy feeling, like the time she came home and found the china figurine moved.

  “I got it from the police department.”

  “When?”

  “Before I moved in. I did a check on who my neighbors would be.”

  “So Allen wasn’t the one that told you what happened to me.” She scooted off the bed.

  “No, but he did know, so don’t go jumping on me for spreading the word. I’m guessing he read the news back when it happened.”

  “Did you fill in the blanks and give him more to say about me to the parents of children I know?”

  “I wouldn’t do that.”

  “The other day when you were standing at the back of your car watching me, what were hoping to see? Did you think the loony lady from the psycho ward might put on a show?”

  She went to the bathroom and returned with her robe on. Gulliver had moved to a sitting position on the side of the bed.

  “I didn’t think any such thing. I saw you answer the door and quite frankly, I thought you were too beautiful for words. So maybe I stared a little too long. It was rude, intrusive and upsetting to you, and I’m sorry.”

  Kacy stood at the window and looked at Gulliver’s house. A sea of questions parted her from him as she studied his room across the trampled flowerbed. The daisies and poppies would survive. They’d come back stronger next year. She always believed she could return to being a strong person and now she didn’t think she’d see that part of herself ever again.

  “Would you leave, please?” She hugged her body and rubbed her hands up and down the silky sleeves.

  “Kacy, you don’t really want me to go.” He came toward her.

  She turned and faced him with renewed determination.

  “Yes, I do. I don’t want you here right now, not while I feel as if nothing about me is private.”

  She expected him to put up more of an argument. His silence wounded her as she watched him put on his pants. For the first time, she saw him from a distance and she took in the full length of his gorgeous body. Muscles rippled beneath the olive-bronzed skin. Each move reshaped and remolded him beneath his smooth, taut flesh. She had a small taste of the hardness of his body and she wanted more. Except he didn’t argue to stay and she stubbornly wouldn’t back down.

  “If you need me,” he said, picking up his shirt and shoes, “well, you know where I live.”

  His gaze dropped from hers and lifted. She waited to hear him ask to stay. She’d be forgiving if he met her halfway. Instead, he turned and left the room.

  Inhaling sharply, Kacy didn’t let out the air until the front door snapped shut. Changing her mind, she ran down the hall. She didn’t want Gulliver to go and she knew how to beg. Her captor had conditioned her well.

  The barrier of the door between them reinforced her reasons to be alone. She turned the lock and went back to her room to cry.

  * * *

  Morning came.

  The cake sat abandoned on the dresser and Kacy took it to the kitchen. It wouldn’t have spoiled overnight so she stuck it in the fridge. The sun came as a bright surprise after a horribly fitful night of pounding rain and wicked nightmares. Twice she sat with the phone in her hand to call Gulliver. Not knowing his number saved her from making a fool of herself.

  She took a last look at the kitchen to make sure she had everything back in place. All the dishes washed and put away, along with anything else that had been moved. Sometimes the neatness spooked her when she stared too long at the rooms in her house. Each one had the unlived-in look to it, as if she occupied a window display.

  Purse in hand, Kacy set out to fetch the comforter from the drycleaner and head to the store to buy Andy a birthday present. She checked the list and made sure she had written the exact video game Ginny told her he wanted. She knew kids—he’d prize it far more than the clothes she planned to buy as well.

  On the floor of the foyer lay a bright orange piece of paper someone had slipped under the front door. She bent over and retrieved it with caution. Slowly she unfolded the one crease. A smile touched her lips and a tear blurred her vision. She wiped it away and looked at the short message from Gulliver. Simple and sweet, it said she was to call him for any reason, good or bad. He had printed his cell phone number neatly below.

  “Oh, Gulliver.” She pressed her fingers to her lips.

  The man did everything so right.

  Kacy tucked the paper in the front pocket of her white jeans. She’d destroy either him or them both by her hysterics. He had every reason to know who lived next door. She had done the same before buying her house, but she used different methods. Instead, she’d sat in her car and watched the neighbors as if she were a cat burglar. She never got out and never hid the fact she watched them. It surprised her no one called the police when her car occupied various locations on the street for over two weeks.

  Kacy opened the door to leave and jumped back. “Gulliver! Oh God, you scared the crap out of me.”

  “I remembered after I put the note under the door that I was going to take you to the station.”

  “Can’t it wait until later? Besides, they have the general description. How much can I add? It’s not as if I stood before him and made a detailed study. I was scared.”

  “Every little bit helps. You’d be surprised at what you’ll remember with a sketch artist. Small details of the shape of his nose, the set of his eyes and the length of his hair will come back when you see him appear on the computer screen.”

  “I don’t want to see him again.” She folded her arms together over her purse at her chest.

  “Honey, we need to catch him.” He raised his hand and she flinched.

  “We’ve not quite broken the spontaneous touching barrier, I see.” His hand still went to her shoulder. “Come on. I’ll drive you there and I’ll not be more than a breath from your side.”

  “Later.”

  “Now, Kacy. Every minute we wait is another person he’ll go after.”

  “I don’t care and if that’s true, why didn’t you take me yesterday? You hardly said a word about going there and giving a description then.”

  “You were upset and needed a chance to let your head clear. Witnesses do better the next day instead of right at the moment of the event.”

  “You have a lot of experience with witnesses to crimes?”

  She found his profession puzzling. To her the term “security business” meant alarms, guarding valuables or people. She had no idea it involved so much po
lice work as well.

  “Kacy, I want you to go this morning while you’re rested and calm.” He rubbed at her shoulders. “Come on, honey, it won’t take long at all.”

  His hands moved up her neck and cradled her face.

  “I can’t. I have things to do first and…and they’re more important than…than that man,” she stammered.

  “After lunch, then?” His hands went away and he stepped back, placing them on his hips.

  “All right, after lunch.”

  “Do you want me to pick you up here or would you like to meet me at the station?”

  “I’ll meet you here. If I buy ice cream, I don’t want it melting in my car.”

  “I’ll be here at one o’clock then.” He went halfway down the walk and turned around. “You have my cell number if you need to reach me?”

  “Yes.”

  He nodded, and then he left.

  * * *

  Kacy’s drive to do her chores was fraught with mishaps and continuing drama. It started with the accident at the main intersection she needed to get through. She didn’t like sitting still in traffic. Several times, she checked the locks on the doors. The line of vehicles inched forward and when she saw the light blue car several lengths behind, her heart stalled.

  She fixated on the rearview mirror and it didn’t help her driving. The car in front stopped and she bumped into it with a light tap. The man got out and came toward her. He was blond, average height, and her pulse quickened as he took threatening strides toward her window.

  “You okay?” he asked in an angry tone contrasting with the nature of his question.

  She nodded and he went to the front of her car. A minute later, he stood at her window again.

  “You have a dent. Nothing’s wrong with my car. Do you want to make an accident report with the police?”

  She thought yes, but her head shook “no”. She didn’t want to get out even though it would give her the opportunity to point out the light blue car behind her.

  “Whatever.” The man threw his hands up in the air and drove off.

  Kacy hurried to get away from the congestion as well. Turning down the street where the drycleaner was located, she sat out front for fifteen or twenty minutes, torturing herself with the idea the man would show up. She debated going home, calling Gulliver or going to the police station by herself.