Tell Me No Spies

by Diane Henders

  He twitched a shoulder, and my attention shifted as I discovered the file.

  “Here we go,” I said, and plopped into a virtual chair to begin decrypting.

  At last I looked up, rubbing the kinks out of my neck. “Did that make any sense to you?” I inquired.

  Kane focused a predatory grin on his virtual terminal. “Yes.”

  I watched him work for a few minutes, his gaze riveted to the screen while he typed rapidly with his two index fingers. Despite my exhaustion, I smiled at his single-minded focus. He was so dedicated, so ready to lay his life on the line to protect national security. I was proud to be part of his team, and lucky to be working with him.

  And he must be hating every minute of it.

  Before I came along, he’d been a field agent. Now he’d been stuck behind a desk for two months, with no relief in sight. No wonder he was getting cranky. I sighed, wishing there were a better solution than wasting his talents babysitting me.

  He glanced up at the sound. “I’m sorry, I just need to get this tied up, and then I’ll take you home.”

  “It’s okay. I’m just going to work on some of these other files while I wait.”

  I held back a groan and opened the next file in the stack. The encrypted words swam in front of my tired eyes and I blinked hard, trying to focus. The print crawled on the page.

  Like bugs.

  I sprang up and bit back a yell as hundreds of black beetles skittered over my hands and scuttled under the files that lay on the virtual table.

  Kane was instantly on his feet. He reached me in two quick strides and his powerful arm wrapped around my waist.

  “Let’s go,” he snapped, already hustling me out the door of the virtual file room.

  “It’s okay.” I tried to get him to slow down, but he continued to rush me toward the network portal. “It’s okay,” I repeated. “I just lost my concentration for a second there.”

  “Out.” He stopped at the portal and guided me gently through.

  Pain slammed through my head. Its familiarity did nothing to diminish its impact, and my violent profanity was edged with an embarrassing whine of self-pity. I shut up as soon as I was capable of controlling myself, but my eyes stayed clamped closed while I breathed through my teeth.

  Kane’s big, warm hands enveloped my head as he began to massage the pain away.

  “Oh, God, I love you,” I moaned.

  His hands stilled for a bare instant before resuming. “You love God, or you love me?” he asked.

  I couldn’t think of any way to backpedal gracefully. I cravenly ignored his question and groaned some more instead, silently berating myself for my poor choice of words.

  At last, I straightened and opened my eyes. “Thanks.” He stooped to survey my face, and I avoided his gaze by dropping my head forward to rub the back of my neck. “You might as well go back into the network and finish up. I’ll stay out until you’re done.”

  “All right. I’ll only be a few more minutes.”

  When I looked up, he had re-entered the virtual reality network and his physical body sat propped motionless in the chair, his eyes staring blankly at nothing. I shuddered, horrid memories replaying while I compulsively watched the rise and fall of his chest. He was only in the network. He wasn’t dead.

  I glanced at my watch and suppressed a whimper. A quarter to two. My head throbbed slowly and I slid down to rest it against the back of the couch. I thought of Tom and groaned aloud.

  He was such a nice guy. How long would it take before he finally decided I was a flaky, pathetic slut and gave up on me? I knew I couldn’t risk any explanation without endangering him, myself, and everyone in Kane’s team. Oh, not to mention national security. No pressure.

  Tom’s lean, honest face and sky-blue eyes floated in front of me, and I smothered another groan of self-pity. If not for the stupid network key and my stupid decryption abilities, I’d be living the life of my dreams out on my new farm, with a handsome cowboy neighbour thrown in as a special bonus. He was my own age. Widowed, like me. And he liked cars. And he was a good kisser. Not in the same class as Hellhound, but that wasn’t really a fair comparison. Arnie was in a class by himself.

  My mind drifted, and I smiled up into Arnie’s ugly face. As his lips touched mine, I decided it was lucky he wasn’t handsome, or he’d be utterly devastating. I found him irresistible just as he was…

  He deepened the kiss, his magic tongue teasing me. Heat coursed through my body, and I jerked with shock at the sound of Kane’s voice.

  “Aydan. Sorry to wake you. Come on, let’s go.”

  I dragged gritty eyes open as he reached a hand down to help me up. Jeez, lucky I hadn’t been holding the network key when I went to sleep. It’d be embarrassing as hell to try to explain why I’d apparently been using a top-secret brainwave-driven government network to create porn. Starring me.

  I followed Kane down the hallway, silently cursing my life.

  Chapter 4

  The next morning, I bolted upright in bed at the sound of my doorbell. I squinted blearily at the clock as I crawled out of bed, whining. Eight o’clock. God, less than five hours of sleep.

  I staggered into the walk-in closet with half-closed eyes and grabbed the first thing that came to hand, an ugly lightweight robe I probably should have thrown out years ago. As I stumbled through the kitchen I yanked my fingers through my hair, trying to tame some of the night’s tangles.

  With a yawn that threatened to turn me inside-out, I opened the door and the wind snatched at my robe. I made a frantic grab and quickly secured it, but not before it became abundantly obvious I didn’t own any night clothes.

  Heat rushed to my face as I met Tom’s paralyzed stare. “Sorry,” I mumbled, suddenly finding my floor fascinating.

  “Uh,” he said. “No… No need to apologize. I’m sorry, I thought you’d be up…” He trailed off.

  “It turned into a late night last night…” I dribbled to a halt myself, knowing what he was thinking and knowing that denying it would only cause more complications. I scrubbed a hand over my face, wishing I could shrink and vanish between the cracks in the floorboards.

  “I, uh, I brought the expenses you asked for.” He held out a folded piece of paper. I took it mechanically, not meeting his eyes. “Aydan…” he hesitated. “Can I come in?”

  “Oh! Um, yeah.” I backed away from the door. Jeez, I have all the social graces of an inept chimpanzee.

  No, wait; chimpanzees actually have a fairly sophisticated social structure…

  I tried not to grimace as I dragged my groggy mind back to the subject at hand. “Sorry. I’m not quite awake yet.”

  He strode in and sat in one of my kitchen chairs without invitation. I closed the door and hovered for a second, looking anywhere but at his face. “I’m, um, I’m just going to go and put some clothes on…”

  I fled for my bedroom. Christ, maybe I could find some dignity, too, while I was at it.

  I threw on the ratty jeans and sweatshirt that lay on my chair and dragged the brush through my hair, trying not to look at my baggy-eyed reflection in the mirror. God, if I hadn’t accidentally flashed him, my appearance this morning would have been enough to make him lose interest on the spot. Too bad he hadn’t been looking at my face.

  I groaned and considered drowning myself in the bathroom sink, but the logistics defied me. I trailed reluctantly back toward the kitchen instead.

  When I arrived, Tom was slouched in the chair, his long legs outstretched, booted feet crossed, arms folded over his chest. He looked up when I entered, and I steeled myself to meet his eyes. He wore a neutral expression, and we regarded each other for a moment before I turned to the fridge.

  “I need to eat. Do you want anything?” I busied myself pulling out milk, fruit, bread, and peanut butter.

  “No, thanks, I’ve eaten.”

  He sat in silence until I took my place across from him at the table and started munching my grapes.

  “A
ydan, can we talk?”

  I suppressed a sigh. “Sure. What’s on your mind?” As if I didn’t know.

  “Are you all right? Are you… safe?”

  “Mmm?” I froze, staring at him, before I remembered to swallow my mouthful. “Of course.”

  His blue eyes searched my face. “Last night you were nervous all evening. When Kane showed up at the bar, you kept watching him as if you were afraid. And then he was waiting for you in the parking lot. Is he stalking you?”

  “No, of course not.”

  He cocked an eyebrow at me. “Then what is he holding over you? Every time he says ‘jump’, you ask ‘how high’. And last night…” He paused. “I came back to make sure you were all right. I saw you in the truck with him. He was so rough with you, and it looked like you were fighting him.”

  His face darkened, and I did my best not to wince as he added almost under his breath, “At first, anyway…” He frowned at me. “I didn’t know whether you needed help or not.”

  “No,” I said quickly, hoping to end the conversation there. “I was fine…”

  I fumbled for something smooth and tactful to say, failed, and gave up as heat rose in my cheeks again. Nothing like going out with one man and ending the evening by making out with a different one. Talk about cheesy. Even though I hadn’t technically been on a date with Tom. And dammit, making out with Kane hadn’t been my idea. And…

  Tom leaned across the table and took my hand, interrupting my internal rationalizations. “Aydan, if he’s making you do things you don’t want to do, you can tell me. Let me help you.”

  I looked into his earnest face and sighed. “Tom, thanks, but I’m fine. John doesn’t have any hold over me.”

  I saw the disbelief in his eyes and pulled my hand away to rub my aching head. God, I’d been up for less than ten minutes, and I had a headache already. That must be a friggin’ record. I was too tired to come up with any convincing lies, so I went with as much of the truth as I could tell.

  “John and I… we have a… complicated relationship, that’s all. We’re attracted to each other, but he wants a more serious relationship than I can give him. It makes things tense between us sometimes. That’s all.”

  “So he was forcing you.” His sky-blue eyes turned to ice. “That dirtbag. Aydan, I’m so sorry, I should have…”

  “No!” I clutched a couple of handfuls of hair and tugged, trying to salvage an explanation that would reassure him. “Nothing happened between us last night, he… I think he just wanted you to see he was staking a claim…” I shut up, realizing I was reinforcing the ‘deranged stalker’ label. I tried again.

  “There actually was some urgent stuff at work. We drove over there, worked until nearly three, and then he brought me home. That’s all. He would never force me or hurt me.”

  “That’s what you said about Hellhound, too, and I don’t believe that, either.” He frowned at me across the table. “Aydan… You deserve better. Why are you wasting your time with these violent men?”

  I swallowed a groan. “I know you’re trying to help. But just let me be your dumb flaky neighbour who makes bad relationship decisions, okay? Just let it go. Please?”

  His eyes narrowed as he searched my face. “I know you’re not dumb or flaky. And when Kane’s not around, you’re happy and relaxed with me.” He took my hand again. “Tell him it’s over. Tell him you’re with me now. Let me deal with him.”

  “Tom.” I met his eyes squarely and hardened my heart. “Let it go. I told you months ago there can’t be anything between you and me, and that hasn’t changed. If we can still be friends, I’d like that, but that’s all it can be. You need to let me make my own mistakes with Arnie and John and anybody else I choose. You can’t protect me.”

  He leaned back in the chair and regarded me with obvious frustration. “I can’t protect you if you won’t let me. Why…”

  The sound of scattering gravel made us both glance out the window to see Kane’s mean black BMW motorcycle skid to a stop outside.

  Tom’s brows snapped together. “He’s watching you constantly, isn’t he? Aydan, you don’t have to live like this.”

  Kane’s heavy footsteps thudded on the veranda and a moment later he burst through the door without knocking, wearing an expression as black as his leather jacket. Tom shot to his feet and the two men eyed each other, Kane’s stormy grey to Tom’s icy blue.

  Kane gave me a look from under lowered brows. “Aydan, we need you at the office again. Urgent.” His gaze raked over Tom. “Sorry, you’ll have to leave now.”

  Tom’s eyes narrowed and a muscle jumped in his jaw. “She’s not going with you this time,” he said quietly.

  Kane’s face smoothed into expressionless calm as he placed his helmet on the table. When he straightened, his arms were loose and his posture relaxed, his weight on the balls of his feet. Anyone would think he was completely unperturbed, unprepared for an attack. I knew better.

  I put a hand on Tom’s arm, feeling the rigid muscle through his soft shirt. “It’s okay, Tom, I need to go and work on that audit some more.”

  “No, you don’t.” Tom took a step forward, placing himself between Kane and me as he locked eyes with Kane. “I don’t like the way you treat Aydan. And I don’t want you stalking her anymore. That stops now.” His voice was quiet, but hard as iron.

  The corner of Kane’s mouth twitched up in a small, humourless half-smile. His eyes never left Tom’s. “Aydan makes her own decisions. Why don’t you ask her what she wants?”

  I felt the muscles bunch in Tom’s arm. “You’re obviously threatening her. She’ll say what you tell her to say.”

  “Tom!” I swung around in front of him and got up in his face. “Stop. He’s not threatening me. This is none of your business. Let it go.”

  He spared me a fleeting glance before meeting Kane’s stare again. He spoke without looking at me. “I’m making it my business.”

  Tom tried to move me aside as he took another step toward Kane, and cold fear pulsed through my veins. He wasn’t going to back down. And as brave and strong as Tom was, I knew Kane could destroy three Toms with his bare hands. I’d seen him do it.

  Pent-up tension exploded out of me. “Tom! It’s none of your business! I don’t want your help!” I pushed him toward the door. “It’s time for you to go. Now. Goodbye.”

  He took an involuntary step backward as I shoved him again. “But, Aydan, you…”

  “Go,” I interrupted. “Goodbye.”

  My heart wrung as confusion and hurt filled his eyes. Then his face hardened and he gave a curt nod before turning on his heel. The door banged behind him.

  Kane’s combat-ready posture eased into his normal stance as he surveyed my face. “Are you all right?”

  “I…” I stared at him helplessly for a moment before dropping into a chair to let my aching forehead fall onto the table with a thump. “I can’t do this anymore,” I whimpered into the tabletop.

  I heard him pull up a chair beside me, and his arm was gentle around my shoulders. “Tell me what happened. Talk to me.”

  I leaned into him, taking a little comfort. He brushed my hair back, his fingertips lingering on my cheek. “Tell me.”

  I determinedly squelched the urge to throw my arms around him and hide my face in his broad chest until everything else went away. I blew out a long sigh and pulled back instead.

  “I just can’t do this anymore. Ray Webb was asking awkward questions about what I’m doing at Sirius. And I can’t keep hurting people like that.” A spasm of guilt shook me at the memory of Tom’s face. “I just can’t.”

  Kane took my hand and held it gently. “Aydan, I know you can do what needs to be done.”

  “I can kill criminals if necessary. But I can’t… won’t hurt innocent people.”

  He sighed, and his eyes were old and tired as he replied, “Sometimes that’s necessary, too.” He frowned as I opened my mouth to argue, and spoke over me. “Who’s Ray Webb?”


  “Spider’s dad. I was over at their place on Friday night for Spider’s surprise birthday party.”

  “Oh.” Kane regarded me with a troubled expression. “Aydan, I know you’re not going to want to hear this, but you need to stop getting so involved with people. You can’t afford to get close in our line of work.”

  His face twisted as he said it, and I knew he was remembering our conversation of a couple of months ago. “I’m sorry, I know you already know that,” he added. “But we all need to be reminded sometimes.” He lifted a wry eyebrow, and I gave him a bitter smile in return.

  “I know. But we need to do damage control. That’s twice in two days I’ve had problems. I don’t know what to do.”

  “What exactly happened?”

  I explained both encounters to him in detail, and he sat back in his chair, frowning. “Let me think about it for a while. Just lie low in the mean time.”

  I suddenly recalled the reason for his visit, and jumped to my feet. “How urgent is the decryption? Do I have time for a shower, or should we go right now?”

  He rose, too. “There’s no decryption. This time I really was stalking you.” He smiled at my expression. “Don’t worry, the stalking was in a professional capacity. After last night, I had a feeling you might have problems with Rossburn. I told the analysts to call me if they saw him on the surveillance cameras.”

  “Oh.” I looked up at him, wondering how much of his attention was duty and how much was personal, disguised as duty.

  As if reading my mind, he blew out a long breath. “I thought it would be best if I looked jealous. We may have to pretend to be involved as a cover, though I’d like to avoid it if at all possible. It causes too many complications down the line.”

  “Okay.” I followed him to the door, and found myself standing too close for comfort when he turned.

  “Don’t worry,” he said. “We’ll figure it out.”

  “Thanks. See you.” I tried to control my face while I ogled him from close range. Those damn riding chaps did it to me every time. A faint whiff of gun oil and leather reached me as I jerked my gaze up from his well-endowed crotch, and I swallowed hard. I could almost taste his skin again, feel that hard-muscled shoulder under my teeth. Could almost feel that magnificent…