Hunter's Salvation

by Shiloh Walker

  “Yes.” He nodded, his eyes staring into nothingness.

  Okay. Jess swallowed against the knot in her throat. His coming here didn’t necessarily have to mean much of anything. He’d been a jerk on purpose. She was figuring that part out, and she was pretty sure she knew why he was here. He felt guilty for being an ass, and he wanted to smooth things over. Fine. She could let him. Jess wasn’t going to pine away over a man who was still pining for his dead wife. But she wasn’t going to let him take his sweet time getting this over with. She wanted it done and over and him out of here so that she could indulge in a good old-fashioned crying jag. Then she’d get to work on getting over him. It would be harder, though, now that she knew she hadn’t been so totally wrong about him.

  He wasn’t the ass she’d been telling herself for the past day and a half that he was. He was a proud, arrogant, good man, one worth loving. An ass wouldn’t have felt guilt. Vax did. Maybe he even cared about her. He just couldn’t love her back.

  “What happened with your wife, Vax?”

  Gently, he repeated, “I killed her, Jess.” His eyes were carefully blank, but she sensed something inside him. Guilt. Pain. A weird sort of acceptance. “I was out Hunting. A vampire came. Kidnapped her. Changed her. Not everybody goes through the Change intact. Cora didn’t.”

  Oh, God. She licked her lips and moved a little closer. Okay, now things were making even more sense. She didn’t like the way the puzzle was looking, either.

  He glanced at her. That thick, raven black hair shrouded his features as he quickly looked back at the ground. “I’d never loved anybody the way I loved her. And I totally fucked that up, Jess.”

  “How?”

  He shrugged and started to pace the room. Even if his magick was gone, nothing had changed. There was something vital about him. It was as if he carried a light inside him, and when he was near her, she felt warmed from it. When he left, she’d go cold, and her world was going to be a lot darker.

  “I didn’t protect her. I couldn’t save her. A feral vamp stole her from me, raped her, killed her, and turned her into a vamp, and she went mad. Went feral. She had killed people. And I knew she wouldn’t stop until she died. She couldn’t stop.” His voice was emotionless. But it just made the pain in his eyes that much more intense. “So I killed her. It took me two weeks to find her. When I did, she asked me to save her. Told me we could make everything fine. I kissed her. Then I shoved a knife in her heart.”

  Jess moved closer, and he lifted his head to look at her. As their gazes met, a tear rolled down his face. “You saved her, then. You saved her the only way you could.” She reached up and laid a hand over his chest. “In here, part of you knows that. You just have to let it go. Forgive yourself.”

  She pushed up on her toes and kissed him gently. “Stop feeling so guilty. Forgive yourself and let it go.” She went to turn away, but he caught hold of her shoulders. He bent his head, looking into her eyes. His hair fell around him, and Jess couldn’t resist closing her hand around a fistful of it. She loved his hair, just fucking loved it.

  “What about you?” he murmured. He slid his hands down her arms and then pulled her against him, locking his arms around her waist. “Can you forgive me?”

  She could do that. A few minutes ago, hell no. Punching him had helped, even if she had hit him over the wrong thing. She forced herself to smile at him. “Yeah. I can do that. We’ll chalk it up to you having a really rough day. Week.” Life. But she kept that last part to herself. She had a feeling that if he knew how much she hurt for him now, he wouldn’t like it all.

  She leaned in and kissed him. Slow and gentle, trying to commit to memory every last thing about him, the way he tasted, the way he felt against her, that warm, sexy scent of his. “Consider yourself forgiven. But it wasn’t bad advice, pal. I need to get on with my life. And so do you.” She kissed him one last time, quick and light, and then she disengaged herself from his arms and stepped away.

  “That’s what I’m doing.” He came up behind her when she would have bent over to grab the jeans she’d dropped earlier. “That’s why I’m here.” He brushed her hair aside. “You know, I really have no clue how to go about it. Nothing’s the same anymore. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do.”

  She stepped away from him again. Vax didn’t like how easily she kept moving away. At least her eyes weren’t glinting with anger and pain. But the shuttered look in them wasn’t much better. She gave him a bright, easy smile—one that was completely false—as she said, “After all this time, you shouldn’t have to do anything because you’re supposed to. Go do what you want.” Her smile gentled a little. Looked a little more real. “Go on. You’ve earned it.”

  “Earned it.” He laughed at that and shook his head. Then he reconsidered. Had he earned it? Vax didn’t know. But maybe. Just maybe. He realized though, that he didn’t want to go back to his old life. Not the one before he’d met Jess, and not the one before he’d lost Cora. Even if he could. Vax was done with that life, with both of those lives—and he was glad.

  It was over for him. He’d told Jess to go find some sort of normal life, but he was going to find one, too. One that didn’t involve reinventing himself every other decade. One that didn’t involve his moving around nonstop so that people never saw him long enough to wonder why he didn’t age. And he hoped it would be one that involved her.

  “Come here,” he murmured. He reached out and caught her wrist, pulling her right up against his chest.

  “Vax…” She pushed away from him, or tried to. This time he didn’t let her. Something flashed in her eyes. Looked sort of like desperation. Now why would you be so desperate to get away from me, baby? he wondered. If she was still pissed, he could have attributed it to that, but she wasn’t mad. What he sensed coming off her was pretty far from mad. It was chaotic and confused, and Vax wasn’t sure he was ready to delve into that mess of emotion.

  At least not until he was a little more sure. He spun them around and pinned her back against the wall.

  “Damn it, Vax,” she swore, but there wasn’t any fury in her voice. She acted like she was going to push him away, but her fingers dug into his shirt and tugged him closer. “What are you doing?”

  He lowered his mouth and murmured against her lips, “I’m doing what I want. Exactly as you said. What I want is to kiss you. For the next few hours. Then I’m going to strip you naked and make love to you for the next day. Maybe the next two.”

  “Vax, look, you said it yourself. I need to find a life. I can’t…” She gasped for air, and then she moaned against his lips as he kissed her harder. When he stopped, she muttered, “I can’t move past this until I let go of you. You were right. Maybe I did start fantasizing about something more, some stupid happily-ever-after. My mistake. Just…”

  “No. It was mine. I wasn’t right. You don’t need to find a life and move on. You’ve already got one….” He let goof one wrist and reached up, cradling her cheek in his palm. He rubbed his thumb back and forth over her lip. “With me, if you’ll take me back.”

  “Take you back?” she repeated, her voice faint. “Vax, you weren’t ever mine to being with.”

  He laughed and kissed her again. This time she didn’t try to turn away. That was a start, right? “I heard you, you know.”

  Blood rushed to her face. She hoped she didn’t sound as nervous as she felt. “Heard me when?”

  “When you were talking to me at the hospital. I heard what you said. Every word.” He stared at her, his dark gray eyes so focused, so intent. “I knew when you weren’t there. I could feel your absence. When you were there, I knew.”

  “Everything?”

  His lids drooped. “Yeah. I heard everything.”

  Oh, now, wasn’t that just wonderful? she thought bitterly as she recalled how she’d laid herself bare while he was unconscious. Jess wrapped her arms around herself tightly as though that would keep her pain and humiliation trapped inside instead of their spilling out. “I
thought you were going to die. Maybe I got a little emotional.”

  “Don’t.” His voice was harsh. “I may not be a witch anymore, but nothing’s wrong with my Empathy. You’re lying to me. I know it. I can feel it.” He leaned down and muttered against her ear, “I also know why you’re lying.”

  She glanced up at him and then looked away. “Look, Vax, I don’t…”

  “Don’t what? Don’t want me? Don’t lie to me, Jess. I was wrong. I fucked up. I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t mean to hurt you. I did—I thought it was for the best.”

  “For the best,” she repeated slowly. “I don’t see how in the hell your being cruel could possibly be for the best.”

  “I thought it could—if it saved us from hurting each other later on. But I was wrong to think that. I was wrong to try and take the choice away from you.” He threaded a hand through her hair and forced her to look at him. “You said you loved me. How is that possible? You hardly know me.”

  She had a flippant reply—she opened her mouth to say it. She wanted to say it. She wanted to see just a little bit of her own pain reflected in his eyes. But she couldn’t. “I don’t know. I just…” She turned away, blinking away the tears burning her eyes. “Do you know, I haven’t really let myself feel anything since my parents died. I mean, I loved Randi. But she was already part of me. Part of my life. Part of my heart. But I haven’t let anybody else in. I haven’t let anybody make me feel anything. But you—I couldn’t control it. Even from day one. I don’t know if I believe in destiny or anything like that, but I do know that you made yourself matter to me.”

  “Matter to you. Is that the same thing as love?” Vax asked as he eased a little bit closer.

  Jess hedged. “I don’t know.”

  “Yeah, you do. You already said it once. You’re just afraid to tell me again.” He kissed her again, and this time Jess didn’t pull away. “I don’t blame you. I hurt you, and I’m sorry for it. But—” His lashes drooped, shielding his eyes. “I didn’t think I was the same man I was when I walked into that building.”

  “Not being a witch doesn’t change you, Vax.”

  He shrugged. “I thought maybe it did. I was wrong, though. I walked into that building knowing that I loved you. And I came back here tonight for the same reason.” He pulled her against him, held her close for a moment. She reached for him, but before she could wrap her arms around him, he stepped back. Turned away from her.

  Jess watched as he picked up his jacket. “I want you to think about it. Think about you and me. I think it could work,” he said. “Will you do that?”

  He didn’t wait for an answer as he turned around and walked away.

  He was halfway down the hall before Jess figured it out. When she did, she couldn’t figure out whether she was mad or giddy. He’d walked away because he thought she’d fallen in love with a witch. “You stupid jerk!” She shouted it at him so loudly that it hurt her throat. “You arrogant, stupid, brainless…” She sputtered, running out of insults, and finally just settled on, “Man!”

  He turned around, staring at her with shuttered eyes.

  “You want me to think about it?” she snarled. “I can’t believe this. You insult me. You make me feel like an idiot, and for what?” She shook her head again and glared at him. “You are a jerk.”

  “You’ve said that.”

  Jess snarled at him. “Did I already say that? Okay, here’s something new.” She balled up her fist and slugged him in the gut. The startled oomph made it worth the pain that shot up her forearm.

  “I’ve got a news flash for you, slick. I didn’t fall in love with a witch. I fell in love with you. Or at least I thought I did. But that was before I realized how phenomenally stupid you are.” She spun away from him and headed back towards her bedroom.

  Two brawny arms slid around her waist and lifted her off her feet. “Maybe I am stupid. Does that mean you don’t have to think about it?”

  Jess sniffed. She struggled to get away from him, but he wasn’t putting her down. “Let go of me.”

  “I tried that once. I didn’t like it. Tell me you love me,” he ordered. He accompanied it with a soft, gentle kiss to her neck. “Or do you need to hit me again first?”

  “I don’t know. I think I ought to hit you a few more times.” He raked his teeth over her neck, and she shivered. “I think maybe I could love you. But you’re still a stupid jerk.”

  “I know. Would you feel better if I said maybe I think I could love you first?”

  “Too late. I already said it.” She tugged lightly on his hands, and this time he sat her down but didn’t let go. She had just enough room to turn around, but she wasn’t so certain that was an improvement. Now, instead of feeling the hard, long length of his body against her back, she felt him pressed all against her front, staring down at her. His eyes were so dark a gray that they were nearly black, and his gaze kept drifting to her mouth.

  “How is this going to work?” she asked quietly.

  He grinned at her. She felt the thick, steely length of his cock nudging into her belly. “I have an idea or two.” His hands rubbed up and down her arms, warming her chilled flesh. “Let’s go back to bed, and I’ll tell you all about them.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I know how that works. I’m talking about us. Is there an us?”

  Tracing her lips with his fingertips, he said, “I think there is.” But the humor and heat in his gaze faded. “Do you want there to be an us?” Slowly, he let go and turned away from her. “I don’t know where I’m going now, Jess. I can’t be a Hunter.” He looked around, staring out the window. The next house was maybe fifteen feet away. “And I don’t belong in a place like this. I can’t live in the city. I can’t…” Vax trailed off.

  “Oddly enough, I don’t think I ever saw you living in a city. Tell me something—you honestly think the two of us could work?”

  His lashes lifted, and Jess felt a tremor deep inside. His eyes—they were glowing. His hands cradled her face, and his lips covered hers in a deep, hungry kiss. “Yeah. I think we could. Hell, screw that. I know we could,” he muttered, pulling away just long enough to whisper in her ear, and then he was kissing her again.

  By the time he pulled away again, she was breathless. “Well, maybe you can’t live in the city. I don’t think I have to.” She smiled up at him. “You know, somebody told me a few days ago that I needed to get back to life. That I needed to find one. Maybe this isn’t the best place to do that.”

  “You’d live in Montana?” He crooked a grin at her. “Have you ever been to Montana? My ranch is in the middle of nowhere. Nothing to do. Nothing.”

  With a wicked grin, she ran the back of her hand down his fly. “I wouldn’t say nothing. Besides, I’ve had enough excitement to last me quite a while.”

  He caught her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm as he wrapped his other arm around her waist and hauled her against him. “So you want to come and play ranch hand, is that it?”

  Jess snorted. “As if. No. I don’t want to play ranch hand.” She rose on her toes and pressed her lips to his. She lifted her head and smiled up at him. “You know, I’ve always had this idea in the back of my mind. Mom always told me I had a wild imagination. Maybe I should try writing a book.”