Straight Up

by J. S. Finley

  Straight Up

  J. S. Finley

  Edited by

  Red Quill Editing LLC

  Contents

  Introduction

  I can’t send this email

  Chapter 1

  Another one, same story

  Chapter 2

  I miss you but I can’t send this

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Why Can’t I send these emails?

  Chapter 5

  Another email I’ll never send

  Chapter 6

  What if I sent this email?

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  I’m sending this email!

  About the Author

  Introduction

  Sometimes you need the truth Straight Up

  Jake:

  Brent is HOT but hot doesn’t matter when you can’t have what you want.

  After the Marines, they went their separate ways, but he can’t forget…never forget and never leave a man behind, but that’s what he did when he ran from Brent.

  Maybe it wasn’t the best reaction, but he couldn’t face the truth. Now he has a second chance and he doesn’t want to blow it, instead, he wants to blow Brent.

  Brent:

  Maybe there’s something between he and Jake, but Brent can’t ask, and Jake won’t tell because in the Marines being gay is bad for business.

  Time heals all wounds, and that’s what Brent is gambling on when they meet in the hills of Tennessee. Brent is hoping for friendship…but if there is more, he’ll take it.

  Copyright © 2017 by J. S. Finley

  Cover Copyright © 2017 Sara York

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. All rights reserved under the International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions.

  Warning: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5 years in federal prison and a fine of $ 250,000. https://www.fbi.gov/about-us/investigate/white_collar/ipr/ipr. Please purchase only authorized electronic or print editions and do not participate in or encourage the electronic piracy of copyrighted material. Your support of the author's rights and livelihood is appreciated. Straight Up is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. Licensed material is being used for illustrative purposes only and any person depicted in the licensed material is a model.

  Created with Vellum

  No book comes about without help. I want to thank my husband for standing beside me. He’s been good to me, very good, and I don’t deserve him. Thank you, my love.

  I have to thank Red Quill Editing LLC. They’ve been amazing to work with. Without their help, I would have been lost.

  When I was looking for a cover artist, I really didn’t think I would be able to find someone I could afford. Then I found Sara York and I was hooked, not just on her books, but her covers too.

  My friends who encouraged me to put pen to paper, well really finger to keyboard, thank you. You know who you are, and you are special.

  To those who spent their lives doubting me, suck it! I’m happy and your doubt didn’t prevent me from succeeding.

  I can’t send this email

  Hey Man,

  I miss you most. There are days I don’t know what is going on, but thoughts of you turn the day around, making me happy. I know it’s been a while, but I miss you. I miss your laugh, your smile, and I miss having your eyes on me. I want to go back and change things, but I can’t. What would I change? I should have pulled you into my arms and kissed your lips and then the rest of you. Yes, I wanted to kiss all of you, but I’m not gay. I don’t know where those thoughts are coming from. I’m not sure how to reconcile how I feel with who I am. You make everything different.

  With you, I think life would be amazing, but I can’t take the risk. And it would be a risk. Maybe, if the world were perfect, but it isn’t, and I can’t chance following my heart. If I had followed my heart, I never would have let you go.

  I miss you. It would be great to see you, but God, I know I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off your body. Thinking of touching you, tasting you—holy hell, I can’t think about you without wanting you. What am I supposed to do? Being with you would be so easy, and yet…

  Me…

  1

  Before the end of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

  Loud music blasted from the speakers, and bodies moved with the music, swaying and rocking together as heat built on the dance floor. The room was dark with only muted colored lights shining through the thick air. Someone bumped into Brent Maxwell, and he turned, coming face to face with his buddy, Jake Wilson. The smile he got was sloppy and full of lust, heating Brent. Deep down, Brent knew the lust wasn’t directed at him.

  Much to his disappointment, there wasn’t anything between him and Jake, and there never would be. Jake was as straight as they came, and the man would never cross over to his side. Not that Jake knew he had a side. Brent had kept his desires hidden out of necessity since the military would end his career if they got word he liked guys.

  A woman moved between them and spun to face him. Her hips brushed against his before she turned and clung to Jake. The invitation for sex was there, but it was from the wrong person.

  Jake laughed and grabbed Brent’s waist, trapping the woman between them. He was in hell and heaven all at the same time. Jake’s hands on his body were playing havoc with is senses, making his knees weak. Turned on was an understatement. His cock grew hard at the thought of Jake rubbing up against him. The girl trapped between them glanced up at him and winked. Agitation rolled through him. He didn’t need some chick thinking he wanted her.

  Jake laughed as he rocked and thrust his hips while holding on to Brent’s body. The touch teased every freaking erotic thought he had. Brent hated the divide. He wanted the girl gone and Jake pressed up against him.

  They were blowing off steam in Germany, partying because they’d lived. Not one of them had died on their recent mission, which was worth lifting a glass and so much more. And he wanted to party and so much more with Jake, not some random German girl or expat living overseas because she didn’t like America.

  Jake removed his hands from Brent, and the loss was almost painful. Maybe if Jake knew about his desire, they could do something. But getting together wasn’t ever going to happen. It was a pipe dream, a fantasy that could never come to fruition because of politics and idiots. He said nothing and watched as Jake pulled the woman close and continued to move.

  Anger and hurt blew through Brent. The desire to leave the bar filled him. It was too painful to watch Jake with this girl. At that exact moment, Jake bent his head and kissed the woman who’d been cock blocking him. Watching the kiss was like ripping a Band-Aid from his hairy legs. The pain sliced through his heart, leaving him nearly breathless.

  Jake opened his eyes, his gaze slamming into Brent’s as the kiss continued. He couldn’t take his eyes off Jake and something almost electric passed between them.

  What had happened?

  Heat raced through Bren
t, and he drew in a slow breath as his cock hardened. Jake’s eyes crinkled like he was smiling. For a brief second, while Jake was staring at him, Brent thought Jake would end the kiss with the woman then move on to him, but it didn’t happen. Instead, Jake turned away, threw his arm over the woman’s shoulder, and walked off the dance floor.

  Brent’s heart shattered as he watched Jake leave with a woman who could never love him like Brent did. Wishing he could run after Jake and tell him the truth hurt as much as doing nothing. He couldn’t tell Jake anything. There weren’t any words he could say which wouldn’t potentially get him kicked out of the Marines. He wasn’t signing up for another tour, but he wanted an honorable discharge and everything that came with it. Though there were whispers about ending the ban on gays serving in the military, being out of the closet and in the military wasn’t a reality yet.

  Disgust filled Brent when he noticed the woman with Jake signal two guys standing at the close end of the bar. His buddy was about to get rolled, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to let him go down alone.

  Brent rushed after the pair, busting through couples, pushing them out of the way as he moved in on Jake and the woman. Somehow he made it to the hall before Jake slid out the back door and into the alley.

  “Wait up,” Brent called after his buddy.

  Jake ignored him and pushed open the door, but Brent ran to him and grabbed his arm. Jake spun and pushed him hard, knocking Brent away. Anger flashed in Jake’s eyes and his lips curled in a snarl.

  “Fuck off,” Jake yelled.

  “Wait. I need—”

  “I said fuck off and leave me alone.” Jake swayed on his feet, and Brent realized his friend was very drunk, maybe more than drunk.

  Brent tugged Jake away from the woman but lost his hold on his friend when Jake turned, swinging his fists. The two men the woman had signaled stepped into the hall, making it very crowded.

  Jake shoved Brent away and moved to grab the woman, but she ducked under his arm and ran behind the two men. He realized this had become an impossible situation. They were about to get a beating and Jake was too drunk to help him win a fight.

  “Fuck, what the hell are you doing, Brent?” Jake shoved him, pushing him away.

  The two guys advanced, and Brent feared what would happen next. Jake growled then shoved him again. The two guys chuckled and pushed up their sleeves as they moved in close.

  “What’s going on?” someone called from the bar end of the hall.

  The two guys stopped and turned, rushing away, taking the woman with them. Jake took a step toward the bar then turned and shoved Brent outside.

  “What the fuck are you doing. She was a sure thing,” Jake yelled.

  Brent stumbled backwards and down the steps. He ended up in the alley. Jake followed close, his eyes narrowed, a frown etching deep lines on his face.

  “They were going to steal your money,” Brent said.

  “Stop making shit up. Just because you didn’t get her doesn’t mean you can stop me. You fucker.” Jake threw the first punch, hitting Brent square in the jaw.

  He stumbled back a step as pain radiated through him. He’d fucked up. Jake wasn’t his boyfriend, but he was a buddy who needed help; Jake didn’t see it that way.

  “She wasn’t going to let you fuck her,” Brent yelled.

  “You don’t know what she was going to do.” Jake threw another punch, which Brent deflected this time.

  “Those two guys—”

  “Wouldn’t have found us.” Jake hit him again, knocking him to the ground. Brent stayed down, rubbing his jaw as Jake hovered over him, anger rolling off the man. “You fucker, leave me the fuck alone. Don’t talk to me.”

  Jake bent low and grabbed the front of Brent’s shirt, holding him close. If looks could kill, Brent knew he would be dead. Pure anger shone in Jake’s gaze. Brent’s heart sped up as fear twisted through him. He held still, searching for the right words to say. Jake’s gaze flicked to Brent’s lips then their gazes met again. Heat exploded between them. A strong sexual vibe raced through him before panic washed over Jake’s face. His lips twisted into a sneer and he shoved at Brent’s chest then roared.

  Jake took off, racing out into the street. Brent hopped up but stumbled, tripping on his own feet before he was stable. He tried to follow Jake but lost him as Jake rounded the corner too far up ahead. When Brent made it to the street where Jake had turned, it was empty.

  What the fuck have I done?

  He’d messed up. Had Jake really glanced at his lips? Could Jake have possibly wanted him too?

  Brent blew out a breath as confusion filled him. Was he making it all up? What if they were supposed to be more than friends and he lost his only chance?

  Brent made his way back into the bar and found Clay.

  “Hey, I’m headed out.”

  Clay nodded and patted him on the shoulder. “Sure, I’m going to have some more fun. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  This wasn’t the night he’d thought it would be. All the guys, except him and Jake, were paired off with women and about to get lucky. They were headed back to the States in two days, then they had about three weeks left on their enlistment since none of them had re-upped. They would scatter across the United States, and their lives would change forever.

  Once on base, he showered and inspected the damage Jake had done. It wasn’t too bad, not close to the worst he’d seen in the Marines. He stretched out on his bunk but didn’t sleep. Jake wasn’t back yet, which worried him, but it would be impossible to find Jake because Brent had no idea where to even begin looking.

  Eventually, he drifted off to nightmares of losing all his friends in a maze of streets where bombs went off every few seconds. The next morning, he didn’t see Jake, and the rest of the guys were still out since their leave didn’t expire until later in the day.

  When he finally did see Jake, the warning look shot his way was enough to halt him in his tracks. Once Jake’s anger dimmed, maybe they could talk.

  He hated that they’d argued. He only wanted to set things right with his friend, but it didn’t seem like Jake was ready to have any kind of chat.

  The next morning, they woke early and headed to the airport. Jake ignored him and kept to the other side of the group. It sucked and Brent’s heart broke as Jake distanced himself. He tried hard to talk to Jake, but the public lounge at the very public airport was a less than ideal place for a heart-to-heart. He vowed to catch up with him once they landed in the States.

  Back home, Jake did an amazing job of deflecting him. It was like their crew had fractured and fallen apart when they hit stateside. Sadness filled Brent, and no matter how hard he tried to get Jake to talk to him, nothing came from his efforts.

  The day before Jake was set to leave, Brent found him.

  “Hey, you’ve been avoiding me.”

  Jake looked up, and his eyes narrowed. He shook his head but wouldn’t meet Brent’s gaze. “No, not really.”

  Brent’s stomach flipped at Jake’s indifference. “Jake, I’m sorry about what happened.”

  Jake stood and turned away from him. “Don’t bring it up,” he tossed over his shoulder.

  “I just—”

  Jake spun and rushed him, shoving him up against the wall. Jake’s breath was hot on Brent’s face, his eyes dark with anger. They stood together, Jake pressing him into the wall, Brent praying he didn’t get hit again.

  “No, don’t bring it up. Shut up, okay? Nothing happened,” Jake snarled.

  Brent paused as confusion filled him. “I know nothing happened.”

  Jake’s eyes were hard, his lips set in an unforgiving frown. “Listen, drop it. I’m out in the morning.”

  Brent couldn’t let their friendship end this way. “I don’t want to leave it this way.”

  “There isn’t any other way.” Jake shoved away from him and headed out the door, breaking into a run.

  Brent didn’t follow this time. He had no clue what had happened to mak
e Jake hate him. He’d kept Jake from getting robbed or worse, yet Jake acted like they weren’t even friends now. They’d been buddies, close friends, but now, their connection was gone.

  The next day, he went searching for Jake to say goodbye, but his friend had already taken off. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. Brent sent an email to Jake, and when it didn’t get answered, he sent a text. After a week, he called Jake, praying they could work things through. He didn’t want his friendship with Jake to be over, but it looked like the man had decided to never communicate with him again. Depressed he didn’t have any other options, Brent gave up trying to get hold of his friend. He needed to accept the fact that Jake didn’t want to talk to him.

  Another one, same story

  Dude,

  I’m not sure why I’m writing you. Maybe I’ll send this, maybe I won’t. I have these thoughts…feelings…emotions…something. You know that night… Well no, you wouldn’t know which one because you’re not obsessing about me.

  We were in the middle of a dry wasteland with snakes crawling around and jagged rocks for pillows. It was freezing cold and we had little for shelter. You shared your blanket with me. You rested your head on my chest and snuggled in close. It was so sweet and amazing and I felt something. Maybe I’d felt something earlier, but I couldn’t admit it.

  You know, I almost said something to you, but then we were under heavy fire, and not getting killed got in the way of me expressing my feelings. Funny, we were closer than most, yet I never told you the truth.