Sinner's Kiss: A Dark Bad Boy Romance

by April Lust

She stood there, watching me. “Say something, please.”

  I shook my head. I couldn’t. She didn’t wanna hear anything I had to say, anyway.

  My son. My blood. She kept him from me.

  “You need to calm down. He’s right next door. I don’t want you to scare him. Got it?” I didn’t answer, but I did walk to the other side of the room. I had to put as much space between us as I could. I leaned against the wall, pounding my hands on it every once in a while.

  “I mean it, Eli. Calm down, or get out of here. I won’t have you scaring my son.”

  “Our son.” I hissed it. Her eyes went wide, then she looked away. She was right, though. I had to keep myself under control. He might know one day that he was mine—I didn’t want his first memories of me to be of me losing my shit on his mother.

  “How?” I muttered. It was all I could say. My fists were clenched, my heart pounded like a runaway train. I saw a picture of them on the table by the bed, and there he was. Right in front of my face. He looked just like me, like a little clone. How could she look at somebody who looked like me for seven years and not even care? Didn’t she think she should tell me? That I deserved to know?

  It was all a mess in my head. I couldn’t make sense out of it. “How?” I asked again.

  “How what?”

  “How could you?” I stared at her. She wouldn’t look at me. I watched her wrap her arms around herself, rubbing her biceps like it was cold in there. I was sweating, on fire.

  “I didn’t know what to do.”

  “So you left? And you were pregnant?” Every word made the rage even more real. It rose in me until it just about choked me. I couldn’t see straight.

  “Yes. Okay? Yes. Obviously.” Her voice got sharp, nasty.

  “No. You don’t get to do that.” I pointed a finger in her face. “Don’t get an attitude with me.”

  “Why the hell not? The criminal, getting in my face, asking why I did what I did. I did what I thought was right, Eli. The only thing I could do.”

  “Leaving your husband? Lying about a baby? Hiding him, yourself? That’s what you thought was right? Who the hell are you Tori?”

  “A mother.” She spat the words, then pushed her way past me and sat on the bed. She glared up at me. “When I found out I was pregnant, I had to make a choice. I had to protect my baby.”

  “From whom?”

  “From you, Eli. And your buddies. The club. I had to keep my baby away from that mess.”

  “Oh, please.” I threw my arms up in the air. “Gimme a break. You sit there and act like we were monsters.”

  “Right then? You were. You know it. You don’t have the courage to admit it to yourself.”

  “Yeah. It’s so easy to sit here all these years later and say that. But you know one thing I never did? I never ran out on you. I never betrayed you. I was nothing but faithful to you from the day we got together. I would’ve done anything, anything at all for you. All you had to do was ask.”

  “You wouldn’t have listened.”

  “You never tried!” I laughed bitterly. “You didn’t give me a chance. I could’ve stepped up. I would have. If you didn’t think I was, why the hell did you marry me, Tori?”

  She looked away. I could tell she was determined to see things the way she wanted to see them. She wasn’t gonna budge. I wanted to roar—the only thing that stopped me was knowing the kid was next door. She made a fool of me. She lied to me and made a fool of me. Nobody got away with that.

  “You never would’ve let me go, Eli. You know it. Not if I told you.”

  “Why would I have? You were my wife, pregnant with my kid. Why would I let you go?”

  “Exactly. You weren’t man enough then, and you’re not man enough now.”

  “What the fuck does any of this have to do with being man enough?”

  “Sometimes you have to let people do what they need to do, Eli, even if it’s not what you want. If I had come to you and told you I couldn’t be with you, that I needed to leave, you wouldn’t have let me. You would have forced me to stay under lock and key if need be—anything to keep a grip on what you thought was yours. Isn’t that right?”

  “Thought was mine? Thought?” It took everything I had in me to keep my voice down. “You were mine. You were my wife.”

  “That didn’t make me your property. You never got it. I was still myself, my own person. Or I wanted to be. You couldn’t stand that.”

  “So you ran away from me. Big, bad me. The ogre who wouldn’t let you be yourself. Give me a break, Tori.”

  She nodded. “Because I didn’t want to be part of it anymore. It wasn’t fun, Eli. It started out that way, you know? Like you and me, we were part of something bigger. A family. We had each other’s backs. I could rest easy, knowing they would protect you when you went out at night. But it changed, and you know it did. That last year was hell on me. It wasn’t like being part of a family anymore.” She stood up, facing me. We were only inches away from each other. “It was dirty and nasty. You went out every night, and I didn’t know where you were going, or when you would be back. Not to mention whether you’d be back—I didn’t know if you’d get yourself killed. And I sure as hell didn’t know if you were killing somebody else.”

  Her chest heaved up and down. She stared at me, daring me to fight back. I remembered again the way I’d treated her back then, when I pushed her away and ignored her and avoided her. I’d hated myself. She wasn’t wrong when she said we were shitty people doing shitty things.

  “Me, I could take it—I was miserable, I felt like I didn’t have a husband anymore, but I could take it. Once I found out about the baby, no way. I had to think about him.” She shrugged. “That was it. I didn’t have a choice. And that’s why I couldn’t see you anymore. You would know I was pregnant after a little while. I was scared to death that you’d want him. I didn’t want…”

  Her voice trailed off. I knew what she wanted to say, but I wanted to hear her say it. “Finish. You didn’t want what?”

  She wouldn’t look me in the eye. Her eyes stayed somewhere around my chest. “I didn’t want him to be like you. Or the other guys.”

  It stung. I clenched my jaw against it, breathed hard and deep through flared nostrils. I wasn’t good enough for her. She never thought I was good enough. “So that’s it. It’s finally out in the open. Perfect Tori, the good girl who married the bad boy. It was fine when everything was fun, wasn’t it? Like you just said. You didn’t mind as long as it was just bad enough to be exciting. Right? Just enough to piss off all the other people in your life.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “Oh, now I’m the one who’s not fair.” I laughed. “This coming from the woman who lied to me for all these years. That’s cute. So you left when things got too real, when you figured out it wasn’t just a game. When I needed you the most, you turned tail and ran. Because it was all real life. So you were using me all that time. I always wondered why you married me in the first place. I couldn’t have been the only person who wanted to know.”

  “That’s not fair, either. I never said I went into it with my eyes closed. How could I have? Between you and Daniel, the two of you going around with the club, acting like big men when you were really just a couple of little boys getting into trouble. I knew what you were up to—and it was nothing like what you got into before I left. Nothing. Nothing that violent or bloody. I can’t believe you would blame me for wanting my child away from that.”

  I laughed, shaking my head at the way things had turned out. “So, you wanted to keep the kid away from a bad influence. You thought I would be an unfit parent. Funny. I wonder who the courts would call a fit parent now. Here you are, up to your neck in debt to a loan shark. Makes me look pretty good. Thanks. I’ll have plenty of ammo to use against you in court.”

  She gasped like I had hit her. “You bastard.”

  “You coward.”

  Before I knew it, she pulled her hand back and slapped me across the fac
e. It didn’t sting as much as when she told me she hadn’t wanted my kid to turn out like me, but it was close. She still had an arm on her. I remembered the time she punched Daniel in the mouth and knocked a tooth loose. I was probably lucky she didn’t curl her fist.

  It was just like it was before. Her face flushed, her chest rising and falling. She looked surprised, like she hadn’t meant to hit me and didn’t know she was going to do it until she was halfway through the motion. She looked scared, too, like she thought I would hurt her. That stung worse than anything else. She should have known better than to think I would ever raise a hand to her. Then again, we hadn’t known each other for a long time.

  “Look,” she panted, whispering. “I never wanted anything from you. I still don’t. I think you should leave, now.”

  “You think you get to hit me like that, and I’m just gonna leave? Oh, hell no.” I saw red, and struggled to control myself against the urge to take her then and there. I should have been furious with her. I should have wanted to make her pay for striking out at me. Instead, I wanted to bury myself in her.

  I let out a short, sharp laugh. “No way. See, unlike you, I don’t run away when things get hard. I tough it out. I’ll tough it out with you because that kid is part of me. I’m his father. You don’t get to change that, you don’t get to control it. You have to accept it. I’m in his life now, and I don’t care if you like it or not.” I moved toward her until we were only inches away from each other. I felt the heat from her body, heard her harsh, shaky breathing.

  She raised her hand again, but I was quicker than her. I grabbed her wrist, holding it in place. Her eyes widened when she realized I wasn’t about to let go. She jerked her arm once, twice, trying to pull away.

  “See how that works?” I asked, taking her by the waist with my other hand. “You think you can come into my world, hit me, pull back. Only I catch you, and I hold you, and you can’t get away. That’s what happens when you fuck around with things bigger and stronger than you are. You can’t get away from me, no matter how hard you try.” I was nearly shaking with rage and desire, the two feelings fighting for control. Her nearness, the way she sounded and smelled, were almost too much for me to fight. I had to have her.

  I couldn’t help but pull her to me, kissing her hard, roughly. If I couldn’t make her remember how it used to be with words, I would make her body remember.

  Chapter Twelve

  Tori

  It was useless to fight against him. He was right—I was no match for his strength. Instead of fighting him, I melted into him. I let him hold me tight, pulling my body closer to his. My aching, needy body. The body I’d wanted him to touch again for so long. Too long.

  My breasts pressed against his chest, and I felt the rapid drumbeat that was his strong heart. I matched the beat with my own as blood rushed in my ears and the whole world spun out of control. I didn’t care. Part of me rejoiced, actually—most of me rejoiced, reveling in the feeling of being touched again. Being kissed again. Being desired again. It was so foreign, to the point where I had almost tricked myself into forgetting how important it was. How all-consuming and crucial it was.

  His tongue invaded my mouth, and I opened wider to let him in. My tongue touched his, then massaged it. He groaned, deep and low, the rumble reverberating in his chest. I shivered, knowing I could make him feel that way. Knowing he struggled as I struggled to keep himself under control.

  His hands moved along my back, caressing me through the thin fabric of my camisole. His touch burned, but it was the kind of burn I wanted to feel again and again. The slightest pressure sent shockwaves through my body, all focused on that special area between my legs. An area that was already hot and wet, ready for more. It was like he’d flipped a switch.

  I clawed his shoulders, our mouths still locked, the feel of his body beneath my hands only adding to the pleasure. His strong, thick shoulders. Just part of his powerful body. The arms that held me so tight, with the strength to crush me if he decided to. My knees went weak at the thought, and my body responded even more powerfully.

  It wasn’t right. None of it was right. We shouldn’t have been doing it. Even as my nipples hardened and my breath came in short little gasps, I told myself it wasn’t right. Even as he lowered me onto the bed, one leg between mine until his thigh rested against the apex of my legs, I told myself we shouldn’t be doing it. We would only confuse ourselves. We would only make it even more difficult to say goodbye again. Because we would say goodbye. We had to. There was no way we could be together again, not after so much had happened. We couldn’t go back.

  So why did I throw my head back with a sigh as Eli’s mouth grazed my jaw, then my chin, before working its way down my throat? Why did I gasp and groan as his hands traveled over my body, caressing every inch of bare skin they could find? Why did my body scream for more, even as my mind screamed to stop? I had no idea. But my body won out. It always had where he was concerned.

  Even as we made out, memories of the first time we ever made out like that came to mind. I hadn’t known anything about a man’s body except what I’d learned in Health class. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight and feeling of a denim-clad erection poking me. It hadn’t mattered, though. I’d given myself over to it, letting my body and Eli’s hands take me where they wanted to go. I’d come for the first time that night, the pressure of him rubbing my mound while his free hand massaged my tender young breast enough to bring me to orgasm.

  It was like that again, but even more so. Because I knew what was happening. I knew that the higher his hand crept up my leg, the wetter I would get and the harder it would be to contain my cries. I knew that when he brushed the tips of his fingers against my inner thigh, I would nearly collapse against him, desperate for a release from the delicious tension he was building inside me. I knew how rubbing my mound against his thigh would feel good, so good, almost too good. I knew how to hump him while driving my tongue deeper into his mouth, my hands now digging into his butt, pulling him closer to me, wanting more of him. I knew how to act, how to react, how to drive him crazy with my moans and sighs, with my mouth and hands. I knew how powerful it felt that he was turned on, too.

  One of his hands ran over my shoulder, sliding a strap down my upper arm. He kissed my arm, my shoulder, then my chest. Goosebumps rose in the wake of his mouth, his tongue. He edged the top of the camisole down…down…until it brushed over my hard, taut nipple. He devoured me, sucking, licking, grunting. I went wild with pleasure, humping him even harder, pulling his thigh closer with the leg I wrapped around it. Taking what I needed.

  I pulled his mouth from my breast for another kiss. His hand fondled me for a moment, before sliding between us. He took over for his thigh, applying just the right amount of pressure between my legs to leave me groaning into his mouth. He took a handful of my hair with his other hand, pulling, tangling his fingers in it.

  I ripped my mouth from his long enough to whisper his name. “Yes, Eli. Yes.” I kissed him again, my mouth aching from the force. I held his face close to mine, my hips jerking frantically as my body worked for what it needed, what it had missed over so many long, lonely nights in my cold bed. Nights when only my fantasies could keep me warm. It had been so long since a man brought me to orgasm—over seven years. I needed it. I wanted it, desperately. I wanted him.

  His hand slid beneath my cotton shorts, rubbing me through my panties. I was sure my wetness had soaked through by then. It was incredible how turned-on he’d gotten me. And still we kissed, him humping my leg, me humping his hand. Our tongues thrashing together. I felt myself rising higher and higher…oh, God, was I going to…oh, God…oh…oh…!

  A knock at the door. We both froze, our kiss ending, and in some twisted part of my brain I thought of two kids making out on the living room floor, hearing a car pull into the driveway. I almost laughed.

  “Mama?” That wasn’t laugh-worthy. I closed my eyes, sinking into the bed a little bit.

  “Yea
h, baby?”

  “What’s happening in there? Can I come in?” The knob turned. And there I was, splayed across the bed with one breast hanging out.

  “No, sweetheart! No, you just stay there. I was just talking with my friend. Are you okay?” I looked at Eli, who had a funny mixture of relief and chagrin on his face—and maybe a little blue ball-related pain. Otherwise, we hadn’t moved a muscle since George knocked.

  “I can’t sleep. I’m too scared.” I could tell from the sound of his voice that he wasn’t putting on. I couldn’t blame him, either.

  “Okay, honey. Be right there.” I sighed, putting a hand over my face as Eli’s hand slid from between my thighs. I could have cried in frustration—I had been so close, too! I ached painfully, the pressure still at a fever pitch. It would have taken only another few moments to get me there. I was tempted to get back to it, if only for as long as it took for me to climax.

  Responsibilities outweighed physical needs. I shot Eli a look of apology, though I wasn’t entirely sure George’s knock hadn’t been well-timed, either. I might have gone down a very unfortunate path had he not interrupted us.