by Asrai Devin
This was all happening too fast.
He had to use self-control. They were going to his office; at least there he could stop thinking about her fucking panties or what was under.
All his hard work in the shower was for nothing as he adjusted his pants and filled his bowl with oatmeal. He smelled her before he saw her. He should make a note for Mrs. Ginny to change his sheets or he’d sleep in her smell tonight. But he couldn’t bring himself to erase that yet. If he left it alone, he could lie there and pretend she was wrapped around him again.
“What if I call you Benji?”
“What?” He gaped at her. Where the hell had that come from?
She poured herself a mug of coffee and stirred sugar into it. “Your nickname. You call me kitten. Benji is a dog name. It’s perfect.” She leaned against the counter.
“You want to give me a dog name.” He dropped his spoon. “Kitten is affectionate. And sweet.”
“So is Benji. Don’t you remember how adorable he was?”
“You are twenty-four, have you even seen the Benji movies?”
“Well, I’ve seen memes and screen shots. That counts doesn’t it?”
He leaned back in his chair. She was grinning at him and she looked adorable. “Are you eating breakfast?” If he had less self-control, this would be the part where he grabbed her.
“I ate already. I have to do my makeup.” She waved her hand around her face.
He wanted to cross the room and kiss her, thank her for comforting him. He worked so hard to forget everything, or act like it didn’t matter. But the nightmares never let him forgot. He turned to her to say it, but she was already gone.
He finished eating and checked his email while he waited for her to return.
She came back in humming a tune he didn’t recognize. He learned something new every day from pop culture from her. A new song, a new television show, a new book, a funny meme from social media.
She retrieved a container from the fridge and dumped it into the slow cooker. “Hot meal waiting for you at home. I’m ready when you are.” He followed her into the hallway.
“I never asked, how are you feeling this morning?” he asked, as he locked the door.
“I should ask you. My job last night was to support you. I didn’t have to experience any of it.” She moved toward him as if they were magnets unable to stay apart.
He wrapped an arm around her and kissed the top of her head as they waited for the elevator. “Thank-you for being there for me. For not leaving me alone.”
“I couldn’t leave you alone with that. Was it hard to tell me?”
“At the time, no. I wasn’t entirely awake. I try very hard to pretend it never happened.”
“It’s part of who you are, Ben. Just a thought from the business point of view your story would be great to share. Viral content potential.”
He stared at her. “Viral?” He didn’t want to use his pain to sell product.
“It’s why you went into business. It’s why you created the first product. You could be helping someone feel less alone.” She sighed and held her hand up. “I’ll stop pushing. It’s a very painful part of your life, obviously. I’ve known you for twenty years and I heard your story yesterday.”
“You are the only person who knows the whole story.” It was far too painful. But if he could help someone out there like him.
“I thought Dad would know.”
He shook his head. Some details were too raw. And he wanted to protect Dan from knowing the worst parts. Otherwise he may have killed the waste of human skin. “I couldn’t. I didn’t want anyone to know how bad it really was.”
“Even then you were protecting everyone. Taking care of everyone.”
“I tried to.”
They got in the car. He needed to end the discussion and separate himself from the pain, so he silenced her by turning up the radio. If he let himself sink into pain, he would never get work done.
“Okay, I got it. Topic over.” She turned it down to a less deafening level.
“For now. It’s time for work. But I wanted you to know I am grateful.” He held his foot on the brake as he looked at her. He was used to the lurch of his stomach and heart in tandem, the funny little feeling her smile started inside him, and the way his cock twitched a little. She looked especially sexy in today’s outfit, the long dress that clung to her curves and the knee-high boots, and the hint of skin between.
“You are barely limping today.”
“It hurts very little. I was glad because I wanted to wear this dress.” Her hands played with the bottom hem. Her fingers brushed against her black nylons. Nylons were only a tiny step away from being bare. Both were bad in their own ways.
“It looks good.” He recalled her red panties this morning under her nightgown. The car shot out of the stall as he pressed on the gas pedal. He hurried into morning traffic. Work, his mind gasped, he needed work. That scrap of red he saw this morning would haunt him for the rest of the week. Especially after the kiss.
What she needed, what they needed, was for her to go out with someone her own age, her own life experience. Someone not broken, some not complicated.
Maybe her friend Heidi could set her up with someone. He’d have to steal her phone to find Heidi’s number, but that wasn’t difficult. She left it lying around all the time. He swallowed as he looked at her. It was a good plan.
Chapter 12
Selene looked at Ben on the other side of their office. She loved and loathed sharing an office with him. He was so close and parts of her entire job were to stare at him and listen to every word he said.
Now was not one of those times. She was supposed to working on the blog and curate some content for social media.
Her heart hurt so much after his confessions a few nights ago. Since then things had been normal between them. They worked, they cuddled, they discussed work and TV and everything except their feelings. She talked to her mom while she waited for her ankle to heal and today, after a weekend cooped up in the apartment, she was going back to the gym.
He looked at her and she jumped up. “I need a refill. You?”
“Want me to ask Lynn?”
She shook her head. “I need a walk. I’m stuck.
“You’ll figure it out. Can you fill my water bottle please?”
She was happy to know he was a full out supportive of the blog and her social media efforts. They didn’t yet know if there was an impact on sales. He also tentatively agreed to telling his story. When he was comfortable with the idea, she wanted him to do interviews. She kissed the side of his head when she grabbed his water bottle. He gave her a smile.
When she got back with their drinks, inspiration struck her. She finished the post and part of a second. After she put them in the editing schedule and realized it was time to go home. She sent Heidi a message to ask what time she was going to the gym.
Ben glanced at her as she packed her bag. “Is it time?”
“I’m done for now. I told Heidi I’d be at the gym tonight. Why don’t I take a cab?” She offered almost every day, she hated feeling like she was dragging him out of the office. He refused every time.
“I can work at home. If you don’t mind me skipping the gym.”
“I’ll let you today.”
He packed his papers into his bag and wrapped his arm around her as they left the office. There was one person in the office as they went through. “Don’t stay too late, Jonah.”
“I’m finishing paperwork from my sick day, sir.”
“No need to work late because you took a sick day. I appreciate your hard work. Don’t worry about it too much. Please.”
“Okay, sir. I don’t mind working late sometimes. Working here is a pleasure.”
“Say hello to Kate for me. We had better go.”
“Good night,” Selene added.
“I will do. Thank-you. Good night,” Jonah said.
“Do you know all your employees?” Selene asked in the elevato
r.
“I hired every one so far. So yes.”
“You are amazing.” She looked up at him with dazzled eyes. Last week he wrapped a nightlight from the not-yet-released line for a birthday present for Lynn’s granddaughter. He inquired in a meeting with marketing about a recent vacation for one of his team. He knew everything going on while he remained focused. No wonder he got so little sleep. He was too darn busy taking care of everyone else.
She renewed her determination to take care of him.
He tugged at his collar. “Thank-you. What time are you meeting Heidi?”
She looked at her phone. “Ninety minutes. Gives us time to eat and clean up.”
Ninety-eight minutes later she slid into the machine next to Heidi. She needed relationship advice. “How did you know Steve was the one?”
“I just knew. You love Ben, huh?”
“Is it obvious?”
“You stare at him across the room. You talk about him all the time. You laugh at everything he says. A little.”
Selene’s face turned red, and she hid behind her hands. “Oh god. Are you serious?”
“Okay it’s not totally overt. But I’ve noticed. If it helps, he does the same thing for you.”
“He does?”
“Yeah. So what’s the story?”
“When I was five my mom married Dan, my bio dad is a piece of shit. Dan is amazing. He’s my real dad. Anyway, at their wedding they learned his fifteen-year-old brother was abused by his step father. So Ben came to live with us.”
“So he’s your….?”
“Step-uncle. He left when I was a kid to start his business then he asked me to come work for him. And here we are.”
“You’re living in misery, wanting him? That sounds painful. Have you talked to him?”
“No. I know he wants me, but I’m afraid if I push it he’ll reject me and push me away.”
“So nothing has happened between you? Other than the looks?”
“He’s kissed me twice. Once a couple of days ago, and once four years ago.” Selene leaned in closer. “I accidentally slept in his bed a couple of nights ago.”
“How do you accidentally sleep in another person’s’ bed?”
“I woke up, and he was having a nightmare. I woke him and held him while he told me how bad his abuse was.”
“Was it bad?”
“I cried. Ugly cried properly, but it was dark. He said he wouldn’t be able to sleep, and I told him I wasn’t leaving him alone while he was upset like that. And I fell asleep there.”
“That’s adorable. Why don’t you jump him?”
“Maybe I should. I have to talk to him. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in my feelings.”
“Tell him that. How could you resist someone saying that to you?”
“I’ll do it. Tonight. Tomorrow. No, I need time to consider it.”
“Don’t think. Just do it. Kiss him. Tell him you love him.”
“And when he says ‘no, kitten. You’re my niece. I don’t love you like that’? What do I do?”
“Kitten?”
“He calls me kitten. For the curious little kitten. It started when I was a kid.”
“That’s so adorable. I miss that feeling. I don’t even feel like I have a boyfriend these days. You’re not the only sexless person. Or kissed. Or anything other than cuddling in your sleep.”
“That sucks. How long will this case last?” At least Selene had cuddling.
“A couple more weeks, probably. I don’t know, it feels as if it’s been a year. When it’s over, we’ll be able to set a date.”
“You’re engaged?”
“Unofficially. We’ve discussed marriage in actual terms, when and where we would have the ceremony.” Heidi threw her braid over her shoulder. “We have way too much stress between us and the men. I need to run it out. Treadmill?”
“Sounds good.” If she was too exhausted to move, she was too exhausted to think about Ben when she crawled into bed.
She reached into her pocket to use her phone for music while she ran but it wasn’t in there. Must be upstairs.
An hour later she showered, slipped into her pajama pants and a ratty old t-shirt, then stretched out on his sofa. He was next to her, but he was still working. She curled her legs under her and let her side brush against his. “How was the gym?”
“Good. Did I leave my phone here?”
“Yeah. It’s on the table there.”
She grabbed it and checked her texts. Her mom, Dan, Kent, a couple friends back home. She replied to them while the TV droned on in the background.
“You okay?” His voice broke into her thoughts. She longed to let him support her, to take comfort in his warmth and strength.
“Yeah, why?”
“You’ve sighed at least four times since you sat down.”
“I didn’t know.” Her heart thumped faster as his gold-brown eyes looked over her over. It was one of those times he was trying to look inside her. Would he like what he saw? “I’ll try to keep it under control.” She turned her attention to the screen. She put her hand on his thigh.
His laptop clapped shut. He leaned forward and put it on the coffee table. “You seem restless. You’ve been working too hard. I think you and Heidi need to go out and have drinks or a meal. See something other than my ugly face.”
She sighed again, looking at him, feeling vulnerable under his dark eyes. She always thought he could see inside her head, into her soul even. If he could, would he liked what he saw? Would he understand how strongly she felt?
Heidi’s words floated through her mind. Tell him you love him. Kiss him. She opened her mouth, but the words wouldn’t come out. Instead, she brushed her fingers over his beard. He let the hair grow thick enough it could no longer be considered stubble. It made him look more handsome.
“I need to shave.”
If he pressed her she’d admit she liked the light stubble best. But he wasn’t asking. “Maybe a night out would be good for me. You could come.” She wanted to go out, but she didn’t want to leave his side. And she hadn’t figured out how to convince him to take her out, other than their occasional weekend excursions and grocery shopping.
He leaned into her hand, nuzzling against it. “The point was for you to not see me for a few hours. You must be tired of me.”
“I told you at Christmas I’ll never tire of you.” Her heart stuttered. He didn’t even notice the incongruence of his words and actions. His words pushed her away, but his actions pulled her closer.
He turned his head and kissed her palm. Her breath caught as she ran her fingers over his lips.
We’re just friends, right? he asked her when she arrived. It was only weeks ago, not months or years. But she’d known him for as long as she could recall, she barely remembered a time without him. She wanted to throw those words back at him, make him admit they were more than just friends. They were more than family.
The world faded until they were alone. His eyes turned from soft to hot, longing. His mouth tightened as she caressed his face. He grabbed her hand and kissed her fingertips, palm and the inside of her wrist.
She leaned forward, wanting to kiss him, but her courage fell short. She crashed into his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head as he rocked her slightly, cradling her against his chest.
She’d go out, maybe if she had a few drinks she’d find the courage to confront him or kiss him. When she lifted her head, she was so close to him, their breath mingled. “You are right. I should go out. Maybe I am working too hard. Too much. But your enthusiasm for it is contagious and I enjoy the work.”
“I’m glad. I worry sometimes I work too much for you. That I’m being too hard on you.”
“Not hard enough maybe. I worry that I’m keeping you from doing your work.”
“It’s probably healthier if I take some time off. Normally I’d work ‘til midnight, pass out for four or five hours, then wake up and start again.”
“Now look at you, yo
u’re sleeping eight hours per night, eating vegetables, working out, watching network television.” Teasing her into delirium.
He leaned back, but didn’t let her go so she was forced to lay on his chest. She listened to his heart beating, the breath entering and leaving his body.
“Maybe there is such a thing as work-life balance.”
“Where have you heard such a term?”
His hand stroked her back. “I read about it on a blog once.” He grinned at her. “What I mean is that I’m thankful for everything you do for me. It might not seem as if I appreciate you, but I do.”
He appreciated her? How about love? Did he love her? “Good. And if it will make you feel better, I’ll talk to Heidi about going out sometime for drinks.”
“It would make me feel better.” He shifted and his mouth came down to hers. The kiss was soft, sweet and brief. Her mouth was dry, and she wanted to cry when he pulled away. “We should go to bed.”
For a minute, he thought she was asking her to bed. But she realized that was wishful thinking. She pretended to yawn. “You’re right it’s late.” She turned off the TV with the remote and tossed it aside.
He kept her cradled into him as he got to his feet. She giggled. “Ben I can walk.”
“I know you can kitten. But I’m carrying you.”
He hadn’t been in her room since she got here. He dropped her on the bed and they laughed as she bounced.
“Ben,” she whispered. She raised herself on her knees and looked into his eyes.
“Selene.” He leaned closer.
Her heart was in her throat, but she forced her words out. “Kiss me good night.”
He brushed his lips over hers softly, but chastely.
“I mean a real kiss.”
“Oh kitten. I promised I wouldn’t do that again.”
“Who did you promise?”
“Myself. Dan. You’re you. I have to protect you.”
She sighed, resigning herself to a life alone. “Good night, Benji.”
He pressed his mouth to hers hard. She threaded her fingers through his hair. Yes, yes. His lips grabbed her lower lip and sucked. Then the top lip then he pulled away. “I can’t,” he panted.