One Moment

by Elizabeth Savino

  I am trying hard not to think about what I need to talk to Logan about. Just wanting to enjoy a few more minutes before my world comes to yet another detour.

  My mind goes down a scary route, wondering if Logan will think that I am too much of a risk to have at on his property. I can’t really blame him. He has his son and his aunt he needs to worry about. Plus the reputation of an up and coming school to help children.

  Cody is devouring his cinnabun. There is a fair amount of icing all over his face. He’s looked up and given me his smile although otherwise completely engrossed in eating his breakfast.

  I feel Logan’s eyes on me. I look up. “Penny for your thoughts.”

  “Is that all my thoughts are worth?” I try for humor, when I don’t want to face the reality of what my true thoughts may bring.

  “No darlin’, but you look lost in your head, and I don’t think that’s too safe a place for you to be right now. So whatever you were just thinking, don’t. Yeah?”

  I look at Cody who is now drinking the last of his milk looking between his father and me.

  “Is Laura lost Daddy? Because I can see her, and she right here!” Cody smiles, pointing his sticky finger at me.

  “No buddy, she’s not lost, she’s right here, right where she belongs.”

  Logan reaches across grabbing a napkin and wipes Cody’s face and hands with skill. Obviously something he does all the time.

  I long to be a part of that. To be able to just reach over and wipe his little face, or just to belong once again to a family.

  But that’s not true.

  Not just any family.

  This family.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Snake!

  Logan helps Cody get dressed while I straighten up the kitchen. I put aside a few buns for Zoe, plus I made enough for the boy’s to enjoy later, or whenever.

  Logan had told me to leave it, but I didn’t want to leave a mess, and I like being in this beautiful kitchen. So I will use cleaning as an excuse to linger longer in here.

  Baking is a hidden passion of mine, so the smells of a kitchen acts as a comfort for me. It’s not something I can explain, but when I’m stressed I like to bake, I think its part of the artistic side of me that likes to create things. This reminds me that I finished Cody’s necklace.

  I make my way to Logan’s room and grab the necklace from my overnight bag. Silently praying Cody likes it. I will be really (secretly) disappointed if he doesn’t. I go back to the kitchen and sit on the stool gazing out at the stream thinking that it can’t get more beautiful than this.

  Cody comes bouncing into the room with Logan trailing behind him. Even though I’ve only been around Logan for a few short weeks now, I still can’t get over how handsome he is. He takes my breath away. And he likes me. Me. He almost makes me forget.

  I tear my eyes away from Logan and watch Cody who is pretending that he is a race car. I clear my throat, nervous for some reason. “Cody, I have something for you.”

  He immediately stops and looks at me, with that smile that I have grown to love.

  “Whatcha have for me Laura?” Cody asks driving his body over to me. Stopping and looking up at me with his big blue eyes.

  Quickly I reach over to the box on the counter and hand it to Cody. “It’s your man necklace. I hope you like it.”

  Cody reaches over and takes it from me. His little boy face lights up with happiness. I watch with slight anticipation as he opens the box, his eyes widen. Looking up at me he gasps, “Thank you Laura. I love it. It perfect.”

  “Let me see little man.” Logan say’s leaning over for a better look. I feel my face warming with a blush.

  Logan takes the necklace from Cody’s hands and fingers the soft black leather threads that are braided with thin silver chain laced in between. Then he smiles when he holds the silver hammered horseshoe charm that sits in the middle of the necklace. The back has a silver lobster clasp.

  The next thing I know Cody throws himself bodily at me. I am thrown a step back with the force of it. He burrows his head into my stomach and squeezes. Squeezing my eyes closed I memorize this moment. As I open them I feel the tears fill. Not sadness this time, just warmth. Cody looks up at me and smiles his big smile. “Thank you Laura.”

  “You’re very welcome Cody.” I answer quietly (trying not to burst out crying) while cupping the back of his neck so I can pull him forward and kiss his forehead.

  Cody holds up the necklace to me, “Can you please put it on me Laura.” I smile and clasp it around his neck. It’s perfect.

  Logan, who has been watching our exchange with a warm look, quickly turns his head to the front door, which I find weird because nobody is there. He must have superpower hearing because the door opens a second later and Jonsie is walking through.

  “What is that smell?” He shouts. He takes in the three of us and smiles. Huge.

  “I made cinnabuns. Let me get you one.” I busy myself getting Jonsie a muffin and a cup of coffee. I do this so I don’t burst out crying from the overflow of emotion that Cody, and Logan bring out in me.

  Jonsie looks at the muffin on his plate. “Did you make these?”

  “Uh……yeah.”

  “From scratch?”

  “Well…..yes.”

  “Icing too?”

  “It wouldn’t be a cinnabuns without homemade icing.” I answer like everyone should know this as fact. As if it’s against the law; the world will tilt off its axis and lightning would strike the individual who dared to eat a bun without icing on it.

  Jonsie smiles at my response and takes a bite, a big bite. My muffins are not your normal size muffins. I don’t do small when making cinnabuns. It would be a sin to. The icing melts into all of the folds, so when making them they need to be big.

  Jonsie starts moaning. And I mean moaning. Exaggerated, eyes closed, rubbing his stomach moaning. Cody is giggling. Logan is shaking his head smiling.

  Jonsie finishes the muffin and moves towards me quickly. I am startled when he comes straight at me. Logan tenses. I feel myself brace for whatever is about to happen. I try to hold steady.

  I’m really not prepared when Jonsie drops to a knee dramatically in front of me and grabs my hand. “Marry me. Run away with me. Now. Forget Logan. I’m better looking than him anyway.” Jonsie is smiling, and I relax when I realize that he’s teasing me.

  “That’s enough Jonsie, your scaring her, moron.” Logan says while coming to me knocking Jonsie on the head and wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

  Jonsie smiles at us. “Well, that’s the best fuc…..I mean freakin (eyes turn to Cody) cinnabun I ever ate in my life. Seriously.”

  I smile feeling my body relax further into Logan. “Thanks Jonsie. If you like that I’ll have to make you my chocolate cake. Now that icing is divine.”

  “You’re gonna make him a cake?” Logan asks while looking down at me with a devilish smile.

  “No, I’m going to make Cody my chocolate cake, but we can invite Jonsie over for a piece.” Logan’s pulls me into his side, “I’ll accept that answer.” I smile while looking up.

  Cody excitedly yells while jumping around the kitchen, “Yay, chocolate cake! Cinnabuns and chocolate cake!! You. Are. The. Best. Ever.”

  After he say’s this I feel Logan tense next to me. Maybe he doesn’t like Cody getting close to me. Logan leans down and whispers for only me to hear, “Thank you honey. Thank you for showing Cody this amazing part of you. See how you fit in here with us. Like our missing puzzle piece.” He ends this on a squeeze and a heated look.

  Jonsie crouches in front of Cody and messes with his hair affectionately. “Cody, why don’t you take Laura outside and show her your horseshoe collection.”

  I look up questionably. Jonsie has gone from kidding around to looking serious. Then it hits me. This wasn’t a social visit. This is about the letter I found. Shit. Shit. Fuck. Shit.

  As much as I want to hear what is going on. I don’t want to taint C
ody with the horror that is my life, so I need to be the one to distract him until I find out what I need to do next. Or what threat is about to crash down upon me. So be it.

  I take Cody’s hand and we walk outside together. All the while Cody is touching his necklace like he can’t believe it’s gracing his little neck.

  “How did you know I love horseshoes Laura?” Without giving me a chance to answer. “Because I really do. I collect them. Jonsie gave me one, I show you. Dad say’s they good luck. Now I have one on my necklace. My man necklace.” I look down into a beaming little boy’s face and realize that even though some aspects of my life suck right now, I am going to embrace the parts with both hands that don’t. That includes Cody and Logan. I’ll even admit that this ranch and the people I have been lucky enough to meet so far are wiggling their way into my heart too.

  Cody takes me to the side of the house that is behind the kitchen. I can see Logan and Jonsie talking inside. They look serious. Too serious. Jonsie is doing the talking. Almost as though he can feel the weight of my stare, Logan looks out and gives me a smile. I give a shaky smile back and continue looking at Cody’s horseshoes. Every shoe has a story, and Cody is intending on telling me them.

  **********

  I see something move out of the corner of my eye. Cody doesn’t see it yet. It’s a snake.

  I freeze.

  Seriously, what else is going to be thrown my way?

  My immediate thought is I have to protect Cody. I grasp his arm and pull him behind me. He seems startled but doesn’t question it. I look to the side and see a large stick. I assume it’s a stick to play horseshoes with.

  As calm as I can, I tell Cody to run and get his Dad. Instead of doing what he’s told, he asks, “What wrong Laura?”

  I can hardly breathe. I’m holding the stick like a ninja, ready to protect Cody with everything that I have. This isn’t a time for questions. I need Cody out of here. My heart is pounding out of my chest. Why isn’t Cody running? I can’t, no I won’t let anything happen to him.

  Very quietly and trying not to move I say gently. “Go Cody. Now honey. Go get your Dad. Tell him to bring a Jonsie and more important his gun.”

  “But Laura…..”

  I continue to keep Cody completely behind me. I hold my defensive stance having a stare down with the snake. It’s big, not an anaconda, ok not even a boa, but to me it’s a snake. So anything above two inches in size is a huge snake to me. This is about 3 feet. That my friend, is 3 feet too long.

  I will not let him get hurt by this poisonous snake. No way, not on my watch. Freakin snake. Slithering venomous biting beast. Damn it.

  “Cody honey…..”

  “But, but Laura….” I hear Cody and he sounds funny. Almost like he’s laughing. But nothing is funny. I guess that’s because he’s little and doesn’t realize the danger.

  I hear footsteps running towards us. Thank you God. Logan must have seen what is going on from the window. I mean seriously I am standing here holding a stick. It’s not like I am practicing to be the next star in a Bruce Lee film! Maybe they were able to see the snake from the window.

  But the footsteps stop behind me.

  “Lo….Lo….Logan…….sn…snn…snaaake…… Poisonous snake. Please get Cody out of here.” I start to whimper, and shake. I can’t take this staring contest with Mr. Snake anymore.

  Softly Logan say’s from behind me, “Uh, darlin’. That’s just a brown snake. It’s not harmful, at all. They’re all over the place.” Jonsie was already in front of me and pushed the snake away with a broom he must have grabbed from the side of the house.

  I hear Logan, but what he say’s doesn’t register. I am so stuck in my kung fu fighting stance that it takes a minute for what he said to finally sink in. I stare at the stupid brown snake slithering away. By this time I feel Logan’s warmth against my back.

  I can’t hold myself up anymore. I start to fall to my knees. My heart is thumping out of my chest. Before I hit the ground I am in Logan’s strong arms and he is carrying me towards his rocking bench. He sit’s down with me on his lap.

  “I’m such an idiot.” I refuse to look at Logan. Instead I am watching Jonsie walk off with Cody obviously giving his friend some time to calm me down, or maybe have me committed. “I think this just solidified the fact that I really don’t belong here.”

  “The only thing you just proved was not only do you belong here, but I’m not letting you go. You were protecting my boy.” The last was said with so much feeling all I was able to do was turn to stare into his beautiful face.

  “I thought it was going to bite Cody.” I say looking back down and mumbling it to my shoes. “But I should leave for other reasons and you know what I’m talking about.”

  “You risked your life for Cody, and you have no idea what that means to me. No idea. Eye’s up here Laura.” He said pointing at his face.

  I look up slowly at Logan. I am speechless from what I see. The gratitude is written all over his face. There’s no mistaking it. But there is smoldering heat there also, a heated look just for me.

  “Cody’s biological mom left once she knew he wasn’t what she considered ‘perfect’ and at the same time I gave up believing that there were good women out there. Thank you for proving me wrong. Thank you for taking care of my son, in more ways this week than he’s ever been privilege to. And if you think I’m letting you leave, you’re wrong.” This was said with such steely determination that it took my breath away.

  Even so. I don’t want my problems to touch this man and his beautiful life.

  “Logan, you don’t need my trouble following me here and arriving at your doorstep. I’m not even sure what kind of trouble. Obviously John “the asshole” wants that journal and now that he knows I’m here; you know he’s coming. From Gracie’s letter I think he’s even more dangerous than I thought! Trust me when I say I am thinking of you and Cody.” I shake my head with conviction, “I can’t, no, no I won’t let anything happen to you. And the only way I know how to protect you both from that is to leave.”

  “Let me and Jonsie worry it.”

  “Logan” I look at him with narrowed eyes. Hoping to convey telepathically I’m not changing my mind.

  Logan gives me a squeeze and rests his forehead against mine, whispering in a soft voice, “Darlin’, let’s see where this is going’, I like very much where it is now, I am not letting you go, nothing is going to make me give up the prize I have here,” he moves one of his hands behind my neck, it’s firm warm presence comforting “some criminal asshole hurt you deep, took your family from you. Let me take that burden from you. You have given my family something I can’t explain in words. Don’t take that away from us so you can run again. Not when I just found you. Let me fix this for you. This is what I’ve done for years, find the bad guys. Let me do my job.”

  I’m speechless. My heart sped up during Logan’s declaration, in a good way. I mean seriously what do you say to that? And the fact that I am in his lap looking into his soulful eyes while he is declaring this.

  “I feel like I’m broken Logan. Why would you want that? Better, you don’t need that in your life, trust me.” I lean into his face and put both of my hands on his cheeks to emphasize this fact. He has Cody to worry about and an amazing program he has started to help kids who need it most. The last thing he needs is danger knocking on his door because of me.

  “You stay darlin’, me and Cody will put your pieces back together and you’ll be whole with us.”

  Shit.

  Shit.

  I want that.

  I want that so bad I can taste it. But I’m worried. I know what I handed to Logan in that journal was trouble. Trouble I didn’t even know existed. Trouble I don’t want showing up here. Logan is offering to handle it for me. I can’t believe that there is really a man that is willing to do that. And for me. I feel undeserving.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  He Wasn’t Batman

  I rest my face against
Logan’s chest as he rubs my back. I feel safe and cherished sitting on Logan’s lap absorbing his heat and strength. It is a nice cocoon to be in, but it is interrupted by Logan’s phone ringing in his pocket.

  As much as I didn’t want to move, I knew I had to. Logan reached into his pocket and answered his phone.

  “Yeah.”

  “You’re shittin’ me.”

  Logan looks at me and then tells whomever he’s talking to. “Yeah we’ll be there in a minute.”

  Logan hangs up and looks at me. “Your friend Jenny is at your place.”

  “Jenny, my Jenny?” I ask, disbelieving. While a huge smile spreads across my face.

  “Uh, yeah darlin’’, can see your happy about this, let’s go, yeah?”

  I feel so happy knowing Jenny is here, but there is that niggling feeling that something isn’t right. Jenny would have let me know she was coming, unless she wanted to just surprise me. And that would be awesome.

  Logan gives a head tilt chin lift to Jonsie who in return tilts his head back. Must be alpha cowboy talk for ‘you got Cody.’

  We jump in Logan’s truck to go down the driveway to where I’m staying. Well, was staying until I was coerced into staying with Logan last night.

  When we pull up Darren is standing next to Jenny, looking mean and broody. Then I look down in Darren’s arms. Here lies the paradox, literally. Taking up his whole arm is a big ball of fur looking so content, waving her tail back and forth with eyes closed as Darren uses his large hands to caress her. Mrs. Chubbywubby Meowy Pants looks to be in cat heaven. Any heterosexual woman or animal would want to curl up in Darren’s arms and be pet like that.

  We get out of the truck, or better, I jump out of the truck and run towards my friend. Jenny runs to me and we collide and hug each other never wanting to let go.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask Jenny while smiling at her. Not realizing how much I missed her until this moment.

  “It’s a long story, an annoying story, a horror story. And let me start by saying, I’m an idiot. And I’m so, so sorry. I hope after I tell you this you don’t hate me……and….” Jenny starts to cry. I feel Logan come up behind me. Darren is on alert; has dropped a now disgruntled fat cat and is standing behind Jenny. Poor Darren and Logan probably haven’t seen this much tears in their lifetime!