All This Time

by Stacy Lane

  When Ethan arrived they began working on building a fort with the canopy, hiding out underneath.

  Dragging them from the room when dinner finished, all of us sat at the table to eat together for the next hour.

  Paul was teasing Luke about stepping up his fort building skills. They went in the room earlier to help the kids out when they couldn’t figure out how to make an entrance door.

  “Should have seen the one I built last night,” Paul nods with self-approval.

  “It was so awesome,” Brielle chimes in, beefing up Paul some more. “Took up Ethan’s entire room.”

  “And had rooms and doors and windows that led us to the stars.” Ethan’s poetic speech has all of us in stitches. He finishes on a sigh, “It was romantic.”

  “Whoa,” Luke chuckles, holding a hand up. “Cool it on the romance, little man. Plenty time for that later down the road.”

  “Dad’s the one who told me that last night. He said I had to start early if I wanted—”

  “Never take romantic advice from your dad, Ethan. He doesn’t even know how he landed your mom,” Luke cuts in.

  “Hey,” Paul objects.

  “What about that time you told me to—”

  “No!” Luke’s eyes bug out. “You shouldn’t listen to me either.”

  “What are you tryin to teach my kid?” Della exclaims.

  Paul tosses his head back. “Your own words are biting you in the ass, huh.”

  Luke leans over, whispering in my ear. “Bri’s not allowed to spend the night anymore.”

  I bit my lip, refraining from laughter. “What kind of dating advice did you give a five year old?”

  “I was trying to be the cool uncle. And it wasn’t about dating, per se.”

  I elbow him in the side. He winces.

  “I’m not in to boy’s anyway,” Brielle sasses.

  “Do you like girls?” Ethan deadpans. “It’s cool if you do.”

  The adults sit in silence, watching the tiny humans with bewilderment.

  “I don’t like anyone. Why do I have to like someone at all?”

  Raising a future feminist, right here.

  “It’ll be much easier on my conscience. Stay single as long as you like, kiddo,” Luke encourages.

  “Mommy’s single and does just fine.”

  I smile, proud.

  “She’s not single anymore,” Della adds.

  Bri shrugs one shoulder. “But even with Luke she’s still the same person. Maybe a little happier.”

  “Hear that?” I tease. “You only make me a little happier than before.”

  “I have it on good authority you are a lot happier in other ways.” His arm comes down around the back of my chair.

  “Who’s your source?”

  “It comes right from the horses mouth,” Luke purrs.

  “Not in front of the kids, you two,” Paul blares with a playful chide.

  “When did you get a horse, Uncle Luke?” Ethan asks.

  My head falls to Luke’s shoulder, laughing uncontrollably.

  “Can we go play now?” Brielle asks. “I think this is one of those adult conversations we’re not supposed to get.”

  “Oh,” Ethan squeaks.

  “Go. Please.” Luke shoos them off.

  They hop down from their seats and run out of the dining room.

  “You’re terrible,” I say.

  “Nah. Makes it more fun that they have no clue what we’re talking about.” He stands, grabbing more beers and wine from the fridge. “And it’ll embarrass the shit out of them when they’re older and we bring this moment up.”

  “Ah. I can’t wait for those years,” Paul smiles.

  “Look at you two. All family-like.” Della places her chin in hand, leaning heavily on the table.

  I grin behind my wine glass.

  Luke nor I need to confirm that. We see it. We feel it. The glow is so warm and bright it’s impossible to miss.

  “The beginning is so magical isn’t?” Della says.

  “Hey,” Paul argues. “We’re still magical.”

  “Of course we are. We share everything.” She looks from her husband back to us. The air sparks. Hairs on my arms stand. My spidy senses are tingling. Della’s about to make a move, one set of ruining our good time. “The magic will only last if you don’t keep lies from each other.”

  “Guess we’ll be good then,” I remark, biting back the need to say more.

  Paul shoots a somber glance over my shoulder at Luke.

  “Luke’s told you everything?” she asks with real surprise and genuine disbelief.

  “Della,” Paul warns. Hearing him, of all people, lose the permanent humor tattooed in his personality causes concern.

  Breaking her malevolent green gaze, I seek out Luke’s for reassurance.

  He stands behind me, rooted in the kitchen and glaring daggers at Della.

  “Is there something specific I’m missing out on?” I keep my tone light, almost as if nothing he reveals next will bother me in one way or another. But inside a storm is thrashing. No matter how advanced we’ve become as humans, we can’t stop what is natural.

  Luke’s jaw ticks, pulsing with the grind of his teeth.

  “I’m sure by now Luke’s told you all about Brady’s past,” Della says.

  “Yes, he has,” I reply, facing straight once again.

  “We’re having a good night, Dells. Let’s talk about something else,” Paul suggests, nudging her shoulder with a touch of his hand.

  “There’s more you should know…” Della continues despite her husband’s request, and gets cut off by Luke.

  “You should stop,” Luke warns.

  The threatening tone of his voice unsettles me. I want nothing more than for Della to butt out of our business, but the deep seated concern in her green eyes throws me off.

  “Liv’s my friend, too. I’ll stand up for her when I know she’s not getting the full story.”

  “What’s she talking about?” I ask.

  “Something that is none of her fucking business.”

  “Whoa, bro, c’mon,” Paul speaks up for his woman.

  “No,” Luke snaps back. “She’s out of line to bring this shit up.”

  “Let’s start with how Luke knew where you were, Liv. In Tampa.” She carries on despite Luke’s fury at her. “He knew because after Brady got in some trouble he told him where y’all were.” Della spits out the news faster than a snake spits venom.

  Though that piece of information is quite interesting, Della is about to be let down by my lack of surprise. I’m not unsettled as much as she obviously assumed it would have made me.

  Luke’s a computer guy. Did she really think it hasn’t crossed my mind that Luke could have known where we lived for a while now? I thought if he did then he must have hacked my information. Turns out not. I’m more bothered Brady actually kept us in his present thoughts enough to pass it on to Luke, yet not enough to come after his daughter these past six years.

  “What the fuck, Della,” Luke snarls.

  “Babe,” Paul inhales.

  “I don’t want my friend being lied to,” she explains.

  In reality, that explains nothing.

  “But at what expense,” Paul whispers, brows drawn and glaring at her.

  His comment is unusual to say the least.

  “That means you also knew,” I say in a calm manner. Every eye lands on me. “When I first arrived, you acted so surprised that I’ve only been living two hours away.”

  Della swallows hard. “I didn’t know how much of Brady’s lies should’ve been revealed at the time.”

  “What would that have mattered?” I scoff. “So he gave up my location. He also told me you moved on base with Luke and were going to get married. We’ve established all Brady has done is lie about everything in the last six years.”

  Hurt flares in her verdant gaze.

  “You should go,” Luke says softly, walking back to the dining room.

&nbs
p; I’m taken aback by Luke asking our friends—his friends—to leave, but I’m slightly grateful, too. There’s a heavy weight of tension sitting on all of us that I can’t comprehend.

  “Liv,” Della starts.

  “Della, go get Ethan,” Paul finishes.

  “There are a lot of things she doesn’t know,” she argues, standing from her chair and facing off with her husband.

  I stand, giving them all my back. Over at the sink I waste perfectly good wine by emptying my glass down the drain.

  “Dammit, Della, it’s none of your business,” Luke seethes, banging a fist down on the table with the final word. Plates, forks, knives, you name it, if it was made of metal or porcelain it clanked on the table with the force of his anger.

  This time Paul doesn’t speak up to defend his wife.

  “But it is,” she implores, holding his gaze like the strength a valkyrie. Paul pulls on her arm. She shrugs him off, gazing at me. Turning a hard glare back to Luke, she finishes, “Dinner was great. Thank you.” Without a backwards glance, she storms off down the hall.

  “I’m sorry,” Paul apologizes for her, seeking my gaze. “She just wants what’s best for you both.”

  “Paul, you’re my best friend but what she just did was uncalled for. Don’t make excuses for her.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry, man. It’s hard for her too, Luke. She’s always had your back and that’s all she wants. And Liv is back and she doesn’t want anything to push her away again. Della thinks she’s helping.”

  “Well it’s not.” Luke walks to the front door, opening and standing guard.

  Paul shoots an apologetic half-smile my way, laced with something I can’t pin down. Then he’s turning away before I can try to decipher it further.

  From my spot in the kitchen I stay safely by the sink as Della walks out with Ethan, Brielle following behind. Paul guides them out.

  “Bye Uncle Luke. Bye Liv.”

  “Good night, buddy,” we reply.

  The door closes after them and Luke turns to me.

  “Liv.”

  “Not now.”

  Hands on his hips, he sighs with exasperation.

  I went about cleaning off the kitchen table, putting food away, and stacking dishes to be washed. Luke attempted to help. At the lethal glare I shot his way when he started to pick up a dirty plate, he smartly turned heel and left me alone.

  This was my domain. If I was upset I liked cleaning while sorting my problems. Fun fact about how my apartment stays so clean: I’m never without problems. And perfect for me, dinner for six left a lot of cleaned up.

  Late and with a worn out little girl, it didn’t take much to put Brielle to bed. Excitement to sleep in her new room was incentive enough.

  As I closed her door and shuffled down the hall, I passed Luke sitting in the entertainment room. I wanted a shower more than I wanted to snuggle next to him and complete our night on that comfy couch.

  Tearing my clothes off in the master bathroom, I stepped inside the large, sleek shower. The glass fogged within seconds from the scalding heat I cranked it up to. Stupid Luke and his stupid magnificent shower. This felt wonderful. The waterfall shower head rained down from above while I rested my head against the cool tiles.

  I tuned everything out but the sound of water teeming from the nozzle. Had to be why I never heard Luke enter the shower behind me.

  “Please let me explain,” he pleaded, wrapping arms around me beneath my breasts. I didn’t fight it when he closed all space and connected out wet bodies.

  “I’m not even mad at you. Not entirely, anyway.”

  “The way you were glaring at me earlier would say otherwise.”

  “I’m mad in general. I’m confused.” I spin in his arms, letting him hold me but not returning the same. Putting weight on the tight hold he has at my back, I lean onto his strength and gaze up. “And I would have preferred you telling me about Brady giving up our location before Della, but if you knew and didn’t reach out you must have had your reasons. I didn’t like looking stupid when I didn’t know what she was talking about, though.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I don’t get what the big deal is. She acted like she had some life changing secret to tell me, and you…I’ve never seen you act like that, Luke.”

  “To stop the secrets,” he states, not questioning, but I hardly notice as I continue my rant.

  “I’m so blinded by my own emotions right now that I can’t find appreciation for Della acting like she had my best interest at heart tonight,” I say, scrubbing my face.

  “I went to Tampa. About a year ago,” he confesses. Grabbing my attention now, I stare at him with a longing interest. “I saw you walking out of your office with who I now know as Connor. You looked happy and healthy. Back then it was all I needed to know to be able to walk away. I thought I missed my chance. But it turns out it just wasn’t my time yet.”

  “You were willing to let me go because you thought I moved on?”

  “You’re happiness is the one thing I want above all else.”

  “Della spoke of secrets and truths. I remained quiet because I don’t want to air our dirty laundry in front of friends, and with kids right down the hall. Is there something you’re not telling me?”

  “Do you trust me?”

  “Of course I do, Luke.”

  “All I want is for you to be happy. You wanted your friend back so badly when you came to Calusa again. You deserve everything, Liv. I want to give it all to you. You are what I want, what I need, what I desire. I would give up everything—my new house, my career, Calusa, all of it, if it meant protecting you with everything I am.”

  “It’s just…No matter how small the secret or lie, if there is a reason it’s being kept from someone you love, it will have a bigger consequence. Because if it didn’t mean anything then you would have already told me.”

  “I love you.” He speaks to my lips, running a thumb on its wet surface. “I don’t want to disappoint you, Liv.”

  “Not possible.”

  The look he shoots me says he begs to differ. And that scares me more.

  I should dig more, but I’m so exhausted of the back and forth this entire weekend. He loves me. He will protect me at all cost.

  So I let it go.

  I kiss him with desperate abandon. Holding nothing back. Giving him all my hopes and desires and wishes I’ve had of us for over six years.

  He loved me enough to walk away when he thought I found happiness. That takes courage and strength I’m not sure I possess. All I want to do is show him that my true happiness is with him and he will never have to walk away. Luke can’t walk away. I’d be lost without him.

  My back hits the slick tile. Gripping his neck in one arm and grasping to lock my hold on the glass door with the other. Luke’s hard cock slides between my legs.

  “Now, Luke. I need you right now,” I gasp.

  “No condom,” he rasps.

  I use the hand I held out beside me to clasp onto his chin. Forcing him to see me, feel me, and hear me when I demand once again, “Get inside me. Now.”

  “You never let me be a gentleman,” he pouts, smiling nonetheless when he hikes me up over his waist.

  Never. Oh, god, I never want him to be a gentleman again if this is what I get in return.

  Luke buries himself inside me. Groaning, cursing, and praising my tight entrance for taking all of him. Hands holding me up pierce my ass with such might, I have no doubt I’ll see the imprints in the morning.

  His mouth seeks out my breast, sucking the bead in his mouth and grazing with his teeth. Every scrape and suckle shoots liquid fire to where we’re joined.

  I moan as he bites down. Clamping around his cock. Nails digging into skin.

  Luke fucks me harder. Reaching for his climax; delivering mine with another swipe of tongue and teeth, and more untamed thrusting until my head shakes back and forth on the tile.

  “Look at me,” he commands. My chin falls
down, eyes staring directly in to his molten gaze. Our chests collide. Sensitive nipples rubbing and sliding against his skin as he pounds each stroke. “I love you, Olivia Benson. Everything I am, everything I was made to do, was to love you unconditionally.”

  “Why didn’t we fall for each other sooner,” I retort, feeling the fuel in my belly swirl and ignite.

  “It wasn’t our time, gorgeous. But I never doubted we’d have a shot at it again.”

  “So optimistic,” I pant. “Luke, I love you, but I’m coming and I need you to fuck me harder.”

  His laugh rumbles from his chest and in to mine. “Right behind you, baby. Take it.”

  Luke thrusts so deep I swear I hear the tiled wall crack. The savage motion hits my clit repeatedly and I come. Spasming around his rigid cock, locking onto the girth filling me. He keeps pumping long after I’ve finished, but sparks remain going off. I never want to move from this spot.

  When Luke reaches his climax I take his mouth.

  If I didn’t love him so much, you’d think I was trying to suffocate him with the way I couldn’t take my lips off of his.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  “I hope we’re not making a habit of this,” my drowsy mutter shakes Luke out of whatever daze he had been in.

  Propped against the hallway wall with arms crossed, I stand in the exact same spot as the night before. I woke sometime after Luke left the bed, his pillow remained indented but the sheets were cold. The house was silent. A soft glow led me down a trail to the kitchen where I found Luke sitting at the dining room table, gazing out the glass doors to the inky beyond.

  No sign of Brady, at least.

  Luke pivots in his chair, staring but I’m not entirely sold he notices me at all.

  “Luke,” I call out, pushing off the wall and crossing the kitchen.

  He blinks. “Hey. Sorry I woke you. Go back to bed.”

  As I pass the kitchen clock I read four-thirty-six. “Can’t sleep? Or did I sleep through another Brady pop-in?”

  “No, it’s me.”

  I climb onto his lap, my back setting on the edge of the table. Wearing the same t-shirt I wore to bed the night before—only this time with panties, because my daughter is in the house and I have to be somewhat decent—it rides up my thighs as I straddle his legs.