by Dylan Allen
“So fucking perfect,” he murmurs before his warm tongue slides into my mouth. I moan and slide closer to him until I’m nearly in his lap. I clutch at the front of his shirt and hold on while his mouth shows mine what a kiss is supposed to feel like.
Behind my eyes, a million points of brilliant light explode, and I hurtle through time, space, and at the same time, I remain grounded, held in place by the gravity of his kiss. It’s not my first one, but it’s the first I’ve felt all the way to my toes. And I know, I will never forget it.
His hands grab my waist and he lifts me up and puts me down so I’m straddling him. And the kiss changes. It’s feverish, my hands go from clutching to tugging, his hips ruck up into me, his erection presses against the softest, hottest part of me and I start to ache.
“Remi—” I break the kiss and try to catch my breath.
“I need more,” he growls and his lips drag across my jaw, sucking and biting. I whimper, sigh, and hold on for dear life.
Suddenly the lights on the porch flash and my mother sticks her head out of the door. Remi breaks our kiss and pulls away from me abruptly.
“You’re outside our place of business, Kal.” My mother barks and then shuts the door. Remi grimaces as he looks around and realizes how right she is. Thank goodness, the sun has set and most people are home.
I blink to clear my eyes and struggle to catch my breath. His chest heaves, too. We gaze at each other and smile.
“That was—”
“Can I take you out this weekend?” he asks, his voice is low, urgent and his eyes are hooded with desire.
“This weekend… I can’t. I—” I falter because this is the very last thing I want to talk about right now.
His eyes cool and he pulls back. “Why not?”
I take a deep breath and gather my courage. “I need to tell you something. I was going to tell you, it’s just—it’s embarrassing. But, I need to explain.”
“What, you’ve got a criminal record?” he says with a boisterous laugh and my stomach drops.
When he sees my expression his smile disappears.
“Oh.” He says quietly and I blanch.
“No. Not a record. But, I was arrested a few months ago.”
He stares at me blankly for a minute like I spoke in a different language.
I look away and use a hand to lift the hair off my suddenly very hot neck.
“I understand if you’ve changed your mind.”
“Tell me what happened,” he says quietly.
“You probably already heard. I lived in a foster home for a couple of years,” I start.
“Yeah, I heard. Did something happen there?” he asks quietly. His voice is full of concern, but I can’t bring myself to look up at him.
“No. I was thirteen, so it was a group home, but it was probably the most peaceful two years of my life. Not all foster care facilities are nightmares. Mine felt a lot like home,” I tell him.
“So, then, when did you get in trouble?”
“When my mom came to get me, we moved to Third Ward. I started kinda talking to this guy. He went to my high school. His father owns this restaurant over on Wheeler Avenue. He’s kind of a big deal in the neighborhood. I don’t know what I was thinking, really. I think I just liked the attention,” I admit.
“Okay.” Remi takes my hand.
“One day, he came and picked me up from school and we were on our way to get something to eat and we got pulled over. He had some weed in the trunk. A lot of it. Enough to sell, they said. I didn’t even know it was in there. But they took us both in. He told them it was mine. Former foster kid, my mother just out of the state penitentiary… so basically, they believed him. He wasn’t even charged. I didn’t get any time. I was a minor. It was my first offense. But I have to do community service.”
“That’s so fucked-up. There is something wrong with a system that doles out justice like that.” He runs a hand over his face in annoyance.
“Yeah. Well, it is what it is. And I’ve got to serve my sentence. And that’s why my mother wanted us to move here. This is a fresh start. For both of us.”
“I’m happy for you. But, what’s that got to do with us going on a date?”
I drop my eyes and swallow down the ball of nerves in my throat.
“My community service. I’m doing it at my old foster home. Casa De Los Ninos De Esperanza. I go Friday and Saturday nights.”
“Okay. Then I can go with you.”
I give him a skeptical glance. “Um… it’s not exciting or fun or anything… I just spend time with the kids. Read to them, cook them dinner, put them to bed.”
“I’ll go with you,” he repeats.
“There’s a ton of paperwork. And you have to get a TB test and have a criminal background check done.”
“That’s easy. I can get those to you in a day or two,” he says as if it’s nothing.
“Remi, it’s not a joke. I take it seriously and those kids, they get my full attention. It won’t be like a date.”
“I’m taking it seriously. And from now on, we’re always on a date.” He pins me in place with his eyes and I would do anything he said right now.
“Always?” I say with a smile.
“As long as you want to be.” He presses a kiss to my hand. And just like that, my butterflies are back.
“Okay, I’ll call Lupe, the director, tomorrow and we can arrange for you to go by and fill out their paperwork.”
“Sounds great.” He leans in to kiss me again.
The door opens and my mother sticks her head out.
“Kal, come on in. Remi, you need to get on.” Her frown is deep and disapproving before she goes back inside.
Remi looks at her and nods and then looks back at me. The expression in his eyes makes my entire body shudder. Oh my God. Yeah, maybe my mother is right because I am totally going to give him whatever he asks me for.
He leans in, kisses me again swift and hard before he stands up.
“Night, Will. See you tomorrow.”
“You’re making deliveries again?”
“No, the schedule won’t change,” he says and I can’t help the disappointment that flares.
“Tomorrow, though, I’m going to take you out, okay?”
I stand on the porch and watch him walk down the path that leads to our gate before he’s gone down the sidewalk and disappears into the dark night.
And only then do I go inside. I call a giddy good night to my mom and run up to my room. This time, there’s no sadness, just excitement, lips that are burning from his touch and a heart that’s so full I know that when this ends, the emptiness will be more than I can bear.
My poor heart.
He’s going to break it so badly.
But, I’m going to do this anyway. He’s offering me a taste of something I’ve never had before.
I know the magic of happy endings only exist in books and sometimes in my mind. So, when it’s over, I’ll remember this summer as the one that brought me close enough to touch mine.
9
CASA
KAL
“Yo, come on, we’re going to be late.” Remi’s voice floats up the stairs to my room and I roll my eyes but pick up my pace. Not because I’m worried about keeping him waiting. But because I don’t want to be late to CASA. This is Remi’s last time before he has to stop for the summer. He has a trip with his grandfather next weekend and then he leaves for school a few days after he gets back.
I worked at Sweet & Lo’s this afternoon and he picked me up from there and walked me home. This is what we’ve done all summer long. Held hands, stolen kisses and recently, a little more. But we only have the weekends. Weekdays are a wash because of his schedule. But we talk on the phone every night until we fall asleep.
Summer’s almost over. And soon, he’ll be gone. Maybe we’ll stay in touch, but I can’t imagine that once he’s in college, living whatever adventure life brings him, that the summer he spent making out with me will regist
er high in his memories.
But, for now, he’s mine.
I teasingly asked him if he misses his harem and he responded by putting a hand around my waist and pulling me hard into his side and pressing a swift kiss to my lips.
“Harem of one now, and everyone’s on notice.” I don’t know if Joni is. She’s still got that smug smile on her face when I see her in the town square.
I run down the stairs and hold the rail in preparation for the moment I lay eyes on Remi. He never fails to make my knees weak. He’s standing there, in jeans and a white button-down shirt with tiny red stripes on it. It should be illegal for someone to look that good in jeans.
He’s frowning at his watch when he hears the creak of the stairs under my footfall. He looks up, and the smile on his face makes my steps falter. “Hey, Will,” he drawls in that sexy voice of his.
“Hey, Carlton. Hope you brought a change of clothes. We’re babysitting a house full of kids, that white shirt will be a casualty of dinner,” I tease and wrap my arms around his trim, muscled waist.
He wraps his arms around me and hugs me back.
“I want to look good for my last night. I’m going to take some pictures and shit.”
I lift up on my toes and press a kiss to his cheek.
He’s so sweet. Really sweet in a way I didn’t expect. Our nights here have definitely been a highlight of this summer. The kids all love Remi and he’s already talking about coming to visit when he’s home on break.
He’s gotten particularly close to one of the kids who’s been there since I was. Carlos is severely disabled—cognitively delayed, deaf, and confined to his wheelchair by a palsy that means he’ll never walk. But he practically radiates with joy whenever he sees Remi.
I’ll be sad for him once Remi’s gone.
Sad for myself, too.
He closes the door he opened for me and walks around to the driver’s side. I admire him as he goes. He’s so handsome, his profile is chiseled perfection, he has cheekbones I would kill for and his skin is the nutty light brown perfection I’ve only ever seen on the inside of the acorns that fall from the trees in the yard of our old house.
He starts the ignition and buckles himself in before he reaches across and buckles me in, too. When he does, I slip my hand around his neck and he growls slightly before he takes my lips in a kiss that we’ve both been needing since he got to the house. Our lips suck and nip at each other before he pulls back, trails kisses up my cheek.
Every time we kiss, I feel weightless. Like if he wasn’t holding onto me, I’d defy gravity and fly away.
“I missed you, Will,” he whispers when his ear comes to rest on my ear. His hands caress my shoulder and I nestle my face into his neck and take a deep breath. He smells like soap and the cinnamon candy he’s started eating, too.
“Missed you, too, baby.” I kiss his throat and wrap my arms around his shoulders and hug him.
“I want to take you somewhere special tomorrow, but you need to come to my house.”
“Your mother is not going to let me spend any time in your house.”
“Let me worry about that.” He says it so easily. I’m not convinced, but I smile because I don’t want to do anything to dim the light in his eyes1
“Okay… I can’t wait. Even though, really, I can because it means you’re leaving.”
He gives me an enigmatic smile, like he’s got something to say but doesn’t quite know how.
“What?”
He pulls away from the curb and we begin the scenic drive out of River’s Wilde.
“You know… Georgetown has a Creative Writing program.”
“That’s nice…” I say not making the connection.
“Well, maybe you should apply.”
“Why Georgetown? I don’t know anyone in DC.”
“You’d know me,” he says and I do a double take.
“Remi, last I checked, UT is in Austin.”
“I applied to Howard. I got in. I think I’m going to go.”
I blink at him. I’m not surprised that he wants to go. But I’m shocked that he’s actually going to do it.
“You are?”
“Yeah.” His voice is full of so much wonder that I know he’s surprised at himself, too.
“What about your mom? Your grandfather?”
He sighs deeply, his brows draw together and then, he shrugs. “This summer, I’ve had so many signs that this is the right thing. But volunteering here has really solidified it for me. And Lupe’s told me so much… The stories of how some of the kids end up there. How some of the kids enter into the system and then for lack of a good advocate end up right back in situations they’ve just escaped from. Or end up aging out and having nowhere to go because no one’s helped them plan. I don’t know, but Kal, there’s something about the idea of stepping into that breach, of doing something to change their outcomes, that strikes a chord with me. It resonates the way reading Marshall’s biography did. I want to make a real difference. I have so much, what good am I if I don’t give something back?”
I put my hand, upturned, on his thigh. His slides his hand onto it and we link fingers.
“You’re wonderful.” I beam up at him, and the last sliver of sun as it falls from the sky slides across his face just then. His eyes, which are normally as dark as the night sky are set ablaze by it.
In their fire, I see all of the happily ever afters I thought wouldn’t be mine.
God, how I want to be his.
He cups my face in his strong cool hands. “You’re the one who introduced me to CASA. If I’m one hundred percent honest, this started because I wanted to spend time with you.”
“I knew it.”
“Of course you did. You’ve known me from the minute we met. We’re the same, you and I.” My heart is racing so fast, each word bringing me closer to total annihilation. And I’m so here for it.
“And now?” I breathe up at him. My eyes firmly on his lips.
“I love their mission. When Lupe started listing all of their issues, I immediately started thinking of solutions. And one of the most important ones is strong advocacy. I could do that.”
“Then you will.” I’m so proud of him. He’s got such a big heart.
“Because of you, I will. Thank you for this summer. I can’t remember a better one.” He presses a kiss to my lips then starts the car.
We don’t speak much on the way. At times, the car is completely silent. But on the inside, a cacophony of sounds echo and they’re all clear, melodious, and beautiful.
We’re special.
Him and I.
Since the night we met in that library, we’ve been a part of each other. I can’t believe that this man, who just a few weeks ago felt so far out of my grasp, is right here, putting himself in the palm of my hand. I hope I never have to let him go.
REMI
“So, how was it?” Liz, the house mother asks, a small smile playing on her lips as she tries not to laugh at me. I don’t blame her. I look like I ran through a rainstorm of spaghetti sauce. My shirt and jeans are covered in it.
“It was fun. Carlos and I finally convinced Kal to watch Finding Nemo with us.” She called it her favorite missing person story of all time—complete with a happy ending.
Liz smiles at me, her eyes much brighter than they had been when we first arrived. I can imagine the night of our visit does her a lot of good. There are only three children in the house at once, but it’s got to be emotionally draining for her and the other “house mother”.
“Remi really liked the spaghetti,” Kal teases and tugs at the hem of my shirt.
“Carlos likes to throw it. I’m going to miss him,” I tell them and Kal slips an arm around my waist and gives me a comforting hug.
Liz smiles sadly. “He’ll miss you. He’s such a sweetie. His sister is in the house a few doors down and he misses her. This house isn’t licensed for anyone over the age of seven. So, we’ve had to separate them. I hate it. But I hope we’ll fin
d a joint placement for them soon.”
I think about that little boy, he’s almost completely incapable of communication. But he understands love and receives it with open arms. Then he gives it right back. This experience has been one of the highlights of my life.
“All right, you two. See you next week.”
“Oh, no. I’m leaving for school, I won’t be here next week.”
“Yes. Of course. And Lupe told me about your donation. It was so generous.”
“What donation?” Kal pipes up curiously.
That wasn’t information that was meant to be shared. I smile at Liz and then turn to Kal.
She smiles at me like she just heard I cured cancer. It feels so good to have her admiration. So good, in fact, I wish I could bottle it up and find a way to tap into it all the time. I’ve always volunteered. But there is something about being here that makes me want to do so much more than that.
Kal used to live here. They gave her a safe place to live and the work they do here is remarkable and selfless. When I look at the kids here and reconcile that with the fact that she’d been one of them, I know that all any kid needs is a chance and a system that works for their benefit.
“It was nothing. They wanted to upgrade their computers and software, so I got a friend at HP to hook it up.”
Liz scoffs.
“He’s being modest. He wrote a check so that we could buy the house from the landlord we’ve been renting from.”
Kal’s jaw drops. I groan inwardly, I could have done without her knowing.
“It’s ours. Free and clear and having that monthly expense gone means we can add another location. Serve more children. Bless you, Remington. And you, Kal, for bringing him to us.”
“You’re welcome,” we say in unison and I slip an arm around her shoulder. That also happens a lot. We are so in sync. Have been since that night in my father’s library. She’s so easy to talk to. So open, honest, and her mind is so expansive. And she… she is fucking impressive.