Until There Was Us

by Samantha Chase

  Stopping the negative thoughts, she forced herself to think positively. For all the years she had felt inferior to the rest of her family—after all, most of her cousins were overachievers and way more successful than she would ever be—this was finally her time! She was going to be able to prove she was just as dynamic as all of the Montgomerys, and she was going to rock this position and show them all that she was…

  What?

  Their equal? That didn’t seem right. No one had ever made her feel inferior or that she wasn’t keeping up with them. That was her own issue. So really, the only one she was proving anything to was…herself.

  And that took a little wind out of her sails.

  Still, if this was going to make her feel better about herself, wasn’t that a good thing? A great thing? Maybe this newfound confidence would help her in other aspects of her life? Like…like…

  She was stumped.

  Right now, life was pretty damn good. She had a job she loved working for Zach, she was making friends, she was going out and socializing and had an amazing relationship with Alex. So…what exactly was she still looking for?

  The sound of the door opening broke her out of her reverie. Turning, she smiled, and when she saw Alex, she knew immediately something was wrong. She cursed the fact that she’d set the scene for seduction and immediately blew out the candles and turned on the lights.

  “Hey,” she said softly. “What’s going on?”

  Alex kissed her distractedly and looked around. “Did you just blow out candles?”

  “Um…yeah. I had lit some and…but you looked like…”

  He turned and faced her as he placed his keys on the kitchen counter. He spotted the champagne. “What are we celebrating?”

  And just like that she watched him transform. Gone was the solemn look of a minute ago, and in its place was the relaxed and happy man she was used to seeing. She easily could have been distracted by the change in his demeanor, but she wasn’t fooled.

  “It doesn’t matter. I want to know what’s wrong. You walked in here looking like you’d lost your best friend.”

  The devastation was back, and she knew she’d hit a nerve.

  “Alex?”

  He raked a hand through his hair, walked into the living room, and collapsed on the couch. Megan was instantly beside him and then sat in stunned silence as he told her all about his relationship with his friend Danny and the accident that had left him paralyzed. She looked over at the framed picture he had of the two of them, and her heart broke.

  Taking one of his hands in hers, she lifted it and kissed it. “So…every Friday…”

  He nodded. “I go there every week. He has a therapist who works with him, but I go because I always felt like I could make him do it—I could be the one who got him to feel or move again. Our whole lives we’ve encouraged one another, pushed one another. And I wanted so damn much to be the one who did that for him—showed him that he shouldn’t give up.” He paused as his voice cracked. “But he is. I can tell. He’s…his body is working against him, and he’s not willing to fight it anymore.”

  “Maybe he was having a bad day,” she said softly. “I’m sure—just like everyone else—he gets overwhelmed.”

  But he shook his head. “I’ve witnessed him have a lot of days like that. This was different, and…and it just about killed me. It brought all of it back—not that it’s ever far away. But the guilt about how I could have prevented this…”

  Megan squeezed his hand to get his attention. “Alex, you don’t honestly believe that, do you?”

  He didn’t answer.

  “I know I wasn’t there, and I didn’t know you back then, but it sounds to me like Danny is a pretty strong-willed person. Chances are you might have tried a little harder to get him not to jump, but he was going to do it no matter what—and just to prove to you he could!” She paused and watched as a myriad of emotions played across his face. “It was an accident. A horrible, horrible accident. Has he ever blamed you?”

  He shook his head again. “Never. Even today he tried telling me it wasn’t my fault.”

  “That’s because it wasn’t.”

  Alex jumped to his feet and began to pace as he furiously explained all the ways she was wrong—how Danny and everyone else were wrong. “I knew he couldn’t do it—or shouldn’t do it. I could have stopped him, and then he’d be walking around, having a life! And because of me, he’s lost everything! Every week I go and I try and different therapy options, and…I should have healed him!”

  “You’re not God, Alex!” she cried as she came to her feet. He instantly stilled at her words, and she saw the anger written all over his face. “Do you hear yourself? You could have stopped him? Everyone has free will! There are no guarantees you could have stopped him. And as for healing him? He broke his neck, Alex! I may not know a lot about the workings of the body like you do, but even I know there’s no cure for that.”

  “I could have—”

  “No!” she said fiercely, going to him and taking both his hands in hers. “You couldn’t have. You can’t save everyone! You can’t heal everyone!” Pausing, she took a moment to collect her thoughts. “Alex, you are a gifted therapist. My family and I saw that firsthand by what you did for Zach, but can you honestly stand here and tell me every patient is a success story? That every person you’ve ever worked with was healed?”

  He stared down at her, but his expression never changed. He was angry, she could feel it radiating off him, but she knew this was something they had to talk about. They might not have known each other long, but she had a feeling this was a side of himself he didn’t show very often.

  If ever.

  Pulling away from her, Alex stalked across the room and went to look out the window that gave him the view of the backyard. But Megan wasn’t deterred. She walked right over and started talking again.

  “I get that you’re angry, Alex. I even understand your guilt. That’s something you have to come to grips with, and it doesn’t matter what anyone says. But you have to know that sometimes things happen that we can’t change. Accidents happen every day. Good people get hurt and lose their lives every day. You’ve done more than most people would have done, and Danny knows that. You’re hurting, but so is he. Every day is a struggle for him to survive.” Swallowing hard, she said the hardest thing she had ever had to say. “Who are you fighting so hard for—him? Or you?”

  When he looked at her, his expression went from rage to sadness to…nothing. “I’m going to the gym,” he said, his voice void of emotion.

  And before she could even blink, he was gone.

  * * *

  All the lights in the house were off when Alex got home, and even though the car was in the driveway, that didn’t necessarily mean she was here.

  Hell, he wouldn’t be surprised if she’d left after the way he’d carried on earlier.

  He’d gone to the gym and punched the bag until his hands went numb and then ran on the treadmill until his legs were about to give out. And the entire time he was there torturing himself, all he could think was how she had been right. When she’d asked who he was fighting for, he knew the answer, and it shamed him.

  He was fighting for himself.

  To clear his conscience.

  To make everything right.

  Even now as he walked through the darkened house, he was disgusted with himself. He didn’t turn on any lights; he simply walked up the stairs to the bedroom and hoped Megan was there. The bedroom door was closed, and he took that as a good sign. Slowly, quietly, he opened the door and could see her huddled under the blankets on their bed. The clock on the nightstand read eleven o’clock, and he hated how he’d stayed away so long.

  Closing the bedroom door, he walked over to the bed, stripped down to his boxers, slid beneath the blankets, and fought the urge to move close to Megan and pull her int
o his arms. He needed to feel her and apologize to her and…hell, he just wanted to talk to her. She was the only thing keeping him sane right now, and he wasn’t sure if—

  “Alex?” she said sleepily.

  He took his first easy breath in hours as he rolled toward her and gathered her into his embrace. “Hey,” he said softly.

  Megan willingly moved closer to him and even hugged him tightly. “I was worried about you.”

  Alex inhaled deeply, loving the smell of her shampoo, and let the breath out slowly. Placing a kiss on the top of her head, he said, “I’m sorry. I…I don’t even know what else to say.”

  Megan kissed his shoulder and snuggled closer. “You were hurting, and I pushed, and I’m sorry too. That wasn’t very fair of me to do. I…I had no idea you’ve been struggling with this, and it wasn’t my place to make those observations or assumptions.”

  His heart hurt even more as he listened to her. Tucking a finger under her chin, he gently nudged her to look at him. “You don’t owe me an apology. I was angry because…you were right. I…I never had anyone state things as plainly as you did, and I lashed out because you forced me to look at myself and…I didn’t like what I saw.”

  They both fell silent for a long moment.

  The last thing he wanted to do was talk more about this—he was emotionally raw and needed to let everything settle in.

  “I ruined your night,” he said finally but quietly. “You had champagne and candles, and…I ruined that. What were we celebrating?”

  Beside him, Alex felt her shrug. “It was nothing. It’s not important.”

  Reaching over, he sat up and turned on the bedside light so he could see her. They both blinked for a few seconds as their eyes adjusted to the brightness. “Megan, don’t. Don’t make light of it. Obviously, you had something planned, and you had a good reason for it. Please. Tell me what’s going on.”

  Megan sat up too and sighed. “My father called me today,” she began. “And…I got the promotion. I mean, I guess it’s a promotion.” Her eyes met his, and she gave him a small smile. “I’m going to be handling the transition to the new systems for the entire company.”

  Alex’s eyes went wide, and he smiled proudly at her. “That is amazing news!” Pulling her into his arms, he kissed her but then immediately pulled away and sprang from the bed. “Wait! Wait right there!”

  Dashing from the room, he went down the stairs and into the kitchen. It didn’t take long to find the champagne and the glasses she had set out earlier. Scooping them up, he took the stairs two at a time to get back to her. The sound of her laughter when he all but jumped on the bed beside her was like music to his ears.

  “Alex…this is crazy! We don’t have to do this now! It’s not a big deal. Really.” But she was still laughing as she said it.

  With little effort, he popped the bottle open and poured them each a glass. Raising his, he said, “I am so proud of you. You worked hard, and I know you’re happy to have your father and everyone acknowledge all you’ve done and how amazing you are.”

  Her shoulders sagged, but her smile grew.

  “I’ve always thought you were amazing. I’m glad everyone can see it now.” He touched his glass to hers. “Here’s to your dream job.”

  Tears welled in her eyes as she whispered, “Thank you.”

  They each took a sip, and Alex turned and adjusted their pillows so they could sit back and relax. “So tell me about this new position. I know you mentioned all it might entail a while ago, but now that it’s official, what’s going to happen?”

  She told him about their schedule for each location and in what order she was going to be doing them. “I talked with Zach today, and we think that for now we’re going to see how things go with me being in San Diego. If they find that there is too much for my department to handle while I’m gone, he may need to either promote someone or hire someone as my full-time assistant.”

  “Do you really think that’s going to be necessary?”

  “At this point? No. The new system is a dream and shouldn’t require having a team of people on constant alert. And I’m not going to be gone that long—at least not with this first install.”

  He took another sip of his champagne. “So when do you start? When do you have to leave?”

  With a small grimace, she said, “Sunday night.”

  “As in…the day after tomorrow?”

  “Yup.”

  Well…shit. The last thing he wanted to do was be the one to hold her back—especially since she seemed to finally be comfortable in her own skin and getting the praise and acknowledgment from her father she’d been craving—but he hated how it was all on such short notice.

  “How long will you be gone for on this first trip? Do you have to stay from start to finish?” he asked and prayed he didn’t sound too clingy or needy.

  “This is just preliminary. I want to meet with Christian’s IT people and see how things are functioning with their current system.”

  “Don’t all the offices have the same system?”

  She shook her head. “Some are a little older, and it’s not just the system but also how well the team works with it. I’ve seen some weird patches put in place and shortcuts that slow down the system and have people working way harder than they should. I want to get a feel for the employees so I can get a read on how easy or hard they’ll be to train.”

  After another nod and another sip, Alex realized she’d never answered his question. “Will you be back for the weekend, do you think?”

  “That’s the plan as of now. I’ll fly down on Sunday and be home Friday night, maybe Saturday morning. I’d like to spend time with Christian too. I’m going to stay with him so we’ll have a chance to hang out together. It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.

  “Just tell me when to drop you off and when to pick you up, and I’ll be there,” he said with a smile. Reaching over, he took the champagne from her hand and put her glass along with his on the bedside table. Then he maneuvered them both until they were lying down again. “I’m excited for you, but I’m going to miss you too.”

  Megan gave him a small smile. “My schedule for all of this isn’t quite nailed down, but I’m going to request to not be away for extended periods of time.”

  And as much as he loved her for trying, he knew it wasn’t practical. “That means a lot of traveling for you. Back and forth from San Diego isn’t going to be much, but once you’re going from coast to coast, I think you’re going to find it will be easier for you to stay longer.”

  She snuggled closer to him. “I don’t want to think about that right now. I want to get through this first stage with Christian, and then I can see how things go from there.”

  “Okay,” he said softly, enjoying the feel of her in his arms.

  What he wanted more than anything was to kiss her and make love to her, but after the way they had argued earlier, he wasn’t sure that was the best thing to do. So he convinced himself to be content. Beside him, Megan yawned, and he realized he had sort of woken her up.

  “C’mon, let’s get some sleep,” he said and turned to shut the light back off. “We’ll talk about your itinerary tomorrow.”

  She yawned again and nodded, and they settled under the blankets—limbs tangled, Megan’s head on his shoulder, her hand over his heart.

  Closing his eyes was easy; getting his mind to stop racing was not.

  They hadn’t settled anything, and there wasn’t going to be time before she left. He didn’t want to spend what little time they had together this weekend rehashing their argument.

  Hell, he didn’t want to argue at all.

  His issues with Danny were his own, and there wasn’t anything anyone—not even Megan—could say to change them. This was why he never talked about the situation with anyone. No one would understand. And for the most part, he was f
ine with that. More than fine with it because it worked for him. The one time he did bring it up, look at how it had turned out! He had wasted a perfectly good evening with Megan and ruined her big celebration.

  He’d have to rectify that tomorrow by doing something nice for her—dinner, flowers, another bottle of champagne…the works. It would be a romantic evening on steroids.

  That brought a smile to his face.

  But they’d do all of that at home. Knowing she was leaving Sunday had him feeling a little selfish and wanting to have her all to himself. This was the perfect distraction after the night they’d had. He was thinking about what he could make for dinner when he felt Megan shift a little closer.

  Hmm…

  Her nails lightly raked over his chest, and she kissed his shoulder.

  Even better.

  Megan carefully glided over him until she was stretched out on top of him. His hands immediately moved to her legs and skimmed up and…

  No panties.

  How did I ever get so lucky? he wondered.

  “Something I can do for you?” he asked, his voice low and gruff.

  In the moonlight coming through the curtains, he watched as she lifted her nightie over her head and then shook out her hair.

  “Actually, there’s something I want to do for you,” she said softly.

  Alex swallowed hard. “Really?”

  She nodded.

  “And what’s that?”

  Leaning forward, she placed a gentle kiss on his lips right before she said, “I want to love you.”

  With a groan, he wrapped her in his arms and gave himself over to her.

  * * *

  She was dazzled.

  There was no other way to describe it.

  When Megan had come down the stairs the following evening, it had been like stepping into the most romantic setting in the world. There were dozens of candles lit as well as a fire in the fireplace. Soft music was playing, and there were bouquets of flowers scattered all over the living room and dining room. A fresh bottle of champagne was chilling, and Alex was dressed in a pair of dark trousers and a crisp white dress shirt.