Until There Was Us

by Samantha Chase

  * * *

  Megan stood outside baggage claim and huffed with impatience. She’d landed almost thirty minutes ago and had missed a text from Alex. It said Zach was coming to pick her up and he was sorry.

  Nothing else.

  She’d tried calling him, but the calls went directly to voicemail. What could have possibly come up?

  And to make matters worse, Zach wasn’t here yet and he wasn’t answering his phone either. Now she had no choice but to stand and wait. Well, that wasn’t completely true. She could at least try to find some answers. Pulling her own phone from her purse—again—she dialed Summer’s number.

  “Hey! Are you home already?” Summer said as she answered.

  “Hey, um…I’m back, but…I’m kind of stranded at the airport.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Megan explained about Alex’s text and Zach being late.

  “That doesn’t sound like Alex,” Summer said. “Or Zach. My brother is annoyingly prompt. Hang on, let me see if Ethan knows what’s going on.”

  “Why would…?” But she could hear Summer talking to her husband. Now she was even more frustrated. If either Alex or Zach answered for Ethan and not her, she was going to seriously be ticked off.

  A few seconds later, Summer was back on the line. “Okay, Alex’s line went right to voicemail, and he’s trying to find Zach. Do you want me to come get you?”

  “No, but thank you. I’m sure Zach is on his way, but I just wish I knew when he was going to get here. Do you happen to know if there’s some sort of accident or anything nearby and he’s maybe caught up in it? Or what if…” She gasped. “What if Zach has been in an accident? What if I’m standing here getting annoyed when he’s hurt on the side of the road somewhere?”

  “Okay, okay…you’re kind of starting to freak out now…hang on.” Again Megan could hear Summer and Ethan talking, but she couldn’t make out what they were saying. They kept on talking until Megan thought she’d go mad.

  “Summer?”

  “I’m here,” Summer said, her voice sounding a little grim. “Um…Zach left his phone at home. Gabs said he should be to you any minute. He only got the text from Alex about an hour ago, and he left as soon as he could, so—”

  “Okay, now you’re starting to freak me out. What’s going on?” Her heart began to hammer hard in her chest. “Does Gabriella know why Alex couldn’t come?”

  “She said Zach was driving the SUV, so look for that.”

  “What’s going on? What happened? Is Alex all right?” she asked frantically.

  “He’s fine. I mean, he’s…he’s not hurt—”

  “Summer!” she cried. “Just tell me!”

  “His friend Danny passed away this morning. Alex is with the family right now, and…seriously, Zach should be there any minute!”

  Her heart broke for Alex. She hated how she wasn’t there for him and knew how devastated this was going to make him. Just a week ago they had talked—argued—about it, and now she wasn’t there for him when he needed her most.

  “Can you meet me at Alex’s? I think I see Zach in this line of traffic pulling up.”

  Summer agreed, and when they hung up, Megan quickly flagged Zach down. As soon as they were on their way, she felt herself trembling.

  She should have been there.

  If she hadn’t been traveling, she would have been there with him when he got the news.

  “You okay?” Zach asked after they pulled out of the airport.

  “I should have been here,” she said quietly. “He was all alone when he got the news.”

  He nodded. “We’ll all be there when he gets home,” Zach said, his own voice quiet and reflective. “It’ll be all right.”

  Megan only wished she could believe him.

  At this point, she was going to have a houseful and she wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to do, but she wanted to think that Alex would appreciate coming home to people who wanted to be there for him. And she knew if she asked them all to, they’d stay as long as he needed them. This was her chance to do something for him—the man who did everything for everybody else.

  She practically sagged with relief when they turned onto Alex’s block. Within minutes she was walking through the door and calling out his name. She ran up the stairs to their bedroom and looked for any signs of him.

  As she walked back down the stairs, Summer and Ethan were walking in.

  “He’s not here,” Megan said sadly. “Have either of you heard from him?”

  “No,” Ethan replied wearily. “I tried calling him again, and I texted him, but he never responded. I’m sorry, Megan.”

  She fluttered around the kitchen—offering drinks and snacks—and when she saw all of the food Alex had bought for them for today, it made her even sadder.

  They were supposed to be celebrating today.

  They were supposed to be happy.

  “What should I do? Do I try calling him again? Text him and let him know I’m home? I honestly don’t know,” she admitted with a hint of embarrassment. Maybe other people felt comfortable in situations like this, but she didn’t.

  “I think you should text him and tell him you’re home and you’re here for him,” Summer said softly. Then she looked at her husband and brother. “Why don’t the two of you go and grab some sandwiches from the deli for us?”

  As soon as they were gone, Summer took her by the hand and led her into the living room and onto the couch. “Text him, and then let’s talk. I can tell you’re totally not okay right now.”

  Nodding, Megan sat and typed out a message to Alex—Thinking of you. Missing you. Here for you. XOXO

  Placing the phone down beside her, she looked at her cousin. “I should have been here. If I had come home last night instead of staying in San Diego, I would’ve been here with him.”

  Summer reached over and squeezed her hand. “You had no idea this was going to happen. No one did. You’re here now, and you’ll be here for him. I’m sure the next few days are going to be rough all around.”

  “I’ve never—” She paused. “I’ve never been in a situation like this. Other than our grandparents, I’ve never dealt with the death of anyone else—let alone someone young like Danny. What if I make things worse? What if I’m not…you know…the kind of person who is comforting?”

  A small and understanding smile played at Summer’s lips. “I get accused of being overly emotional all the time.” She laughed softly. “I’ve heard that my whole life. And when Zach had his accident, I thought I’d be completely useless because I’d be so overwhelmed, and yet I found a strength I didn’t know I had. You never know how you’ll react until you’re right in the middle of a situation. You need to just be here for Alex and see what he needs. Listen to him when he needs to talk, and be there to hold him when he needs to cry.”

  “That sounds almost too simple. I’m sure there’s more to it than that.”

  Summer shrugged. “Maybe. Everyone handles grief differently. He may be the type of person who takes control of the situation and just powers through. He may need time by himself to reflect on the loss of his friend. He might get angry…we don’t know. What you need to remember is that he’s grieving and it may not look like you think it should look.”

  Nodding, Megan turned her hand and squeezed Summer’s. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For not talking to me like I’m some sort of weirdo because I don’t know how to handle this aspect of a relationship.”

  “Can I let you in on a little secret?”

  Megan nodded.

  “We’re all just winging it,” Summer said with a wink and a grin. “Every day is like a new adventure, and sometimes it doesn’t matter how long you’re with someone, there are going to be certain scenarios that have never come up before and you have to figure th
em out. Then you learn from them for the next time.”

  And as strange as that all sounded, it gave Megan comfort. Maybe she was better at this whole relationship thing than she was giving herself credit for.

  Before she could comment, Gabriella walked in carrying Willow. Hugging them both, she gave them what little information she had, and they all sat to wait.

  * * *

  Alex pulled into the driveway sometime after seven, recognized all of the cars, and groaned. It had been a hellacious day, and he was talked out. He had been looking forward to coming home and holding Megan and relishing the quiet. She wouldn’t push him to talk if he didn’t want to. With a sense of resignation, he knew his friends all meant well, and he’d go inside and talk with them and accept their condolences, and hopefully they would see what he needed most was to just be alone.

  With Megan.

  He walked into the house, and Zach was the first one to greet him. Alex thanked him for his kind words and hugged him and then found himself being hugged by Gabriella. And then Summer. And then Ethan. Megan waited to the side, but she was the only one he could see. When he finally got to her, he clung to her like a lifeline.

  All around him, Alex could tell everyone was moving—offering to get dinner, get him something to drink…anything he wanted.

  But he had everything he wanted.

  Right here in his arms.

  It would have been rude to ask them all to leave. Chances were they had been there all day—at least since Megan had arrived home.

  Resting his forehead against hers, he sighed. “I’m sorry I didn’t pick you up at the airport.”

  With a small smile, she shook her head. “I was worried about you.” She touched his face and kissed his lips, and for the first time since he’d answered the phone that morning, he felt like he was going to be all right. “Come on,” she said softly. “Come sit down. Are you hungry? We ordered some pizza, but we grabbed sandwiches earlier, and Ethan picked up one for you too if you’d prefer that.”

  He wasn’t hungry. He had no appetite. Right now the thought of food wasn’t the least bit appealing. Sitting on the sofa, his head fell back against the cushions as he explained to everyone what had happened.

  “Dennis said they were finishing up their morning therapy and Danny just looked at him and said to tell me I shouldn’t be afraid. Things were finally going to be all right.” His throat felt tight as he relayed the story. “When I saw him yesterday, we talked. Not a lot because he wasn’t doing well. But it was like—” He stopped as the words caught. “It was like he was making sure I was going to be okay. All these years I’ve been trying to take care of him, and there he was wanting to make sure that I was all right.”

  Megan held his hand, and he saw both Summer and Gabriella wiping away tears.

  Swallowing hard, he went on. “I know he’s in a better place. All these years, I knew how much he hated living like that. I’d like to think that right now he’s running the bases up with St. Peter or shooting hoops like we used to when we were kids.” He stopped and wiped at his own tears. “I need to believe that because otherwise, it hurts too damn much.”

  No one spoke for a long time, and Alex was grateful for that. He needed a few minutes to let himself openly grieve. All day he had held it together for Danny’s parents—he wanted to be there for them and be strong for them. He didn’t cry until he was alone in his car. But the drive was short, and really what he wanted to do was howl and yell and cry.

  And he would.

  Eventually.

  The doorbell ringing broke the silence, and Ethan was the first to jump up to answer it. Alex knew it was their pizza delivery, and he was thankful for the interruption.

  For another hour, they ate and talked about things that were meant to distract him—and they did. Megan talked about her trip and what it was like working with her brother. He sensed she was holding something back, but he’d talk to her about it later.

  Maybe.

  Zach and Gabriella talked about how much—or how little—sleep they were getting because Willow was a night owl, and Summer and Ethan chimed in with their own stories of how their lives were changing now that Amber was starting to become mobile. It was the perfect distraction, and Alex appreciated hearing stories that made him laugh and remember that life does go on.

  “How about we meet at the park next weekend for a bike ride,” Zach suggested as he was packing up to leave. “We’ll do like we did the last time—meet up around eight, do the rounds, and then go for lunch. What do you say?”

  For now he agreed because it was easier. Alex had no idea how he’d feel a week from now, but if he had to cancel, he knew Zach and Ethan would understand. “That sounds great. Thanks.”

  Once everyone was gone and it was just him and Megan, he immediately reached for her. She went into his arms willingly and wrapped herself around him. No words were spoken. They weren’t needed. She locked the door, took him by the hand, and led him up the stairs to their bedroom.

  Still quiet, she undressed him and then herself before joining him on the bed. They made love slowly, sweetly. And after, when he tucked her in close beside him and their legs tangled together, he stayed awake long after she fell asleep and simply listened to her breathe.

  It was comforting.

  It was soothing.

  And it was reaffirming.

  He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew, Megan was easing out of the bed. She never got up before him, so when his eyes opened, Alex was surprised at how bright the room was. Sunlight was streaming in, which meant…

  “Good morning,” she said softly, turning to look at him.

  “What time is it?” His voice was husky, and he felt like he could still use another couple of hours of sleep.

  “It’s after nine. I was surprised to wake up and have you still in the bed.” Her words were light, but he could sense she was being cautious as well.

  Reaching for her hand before she could leave the bed, he tugged her back to him. The smile on her face was a little sweet, a little sleepy. “I was going to make some coffee.”

  “Not yet,” he murmured. “Let’s stay here a little longer. I hate that we didn’t get to have any time together yesterday for me to hear about your dinner Friday night with your brother.” When she made to correct him, he stopped her. “I know what you told everyone yesterday, but…I think there’s more to it than that.”

  She relayed Christian’s story of why he left London. “I’m telling you, Alex, I wanted to pick up the phone right then and there and yell at my father.”

  “What stopped you?” he said lightly.

  Megan looked at him and laughed softly. “Too much of a chicken, I guess.”

  He shook his head. “Not true. You’re one of the bravest people I know.”

  The look she gave him said how much she didn’t believe him. “I’m glad I’m getting to have this time with Christian because it felt really good to sit and talk. I can’t even remember the last time we did that.”

  “Then it’s a good thing you took this job.”

  She made a face.

  “What? What was that look?” he asked, frowning.

  “Honestly? I don’t know if I’m…keeping the job.”

  Alex straightened and looked at her. “What are you talking about? This is what you’ve been working toward for years. How can you walk away?”

  “Because you helped me see there’s more to life than that—my job shouldn’t define me. I know I’m a good person, and I’m good at what I do. Zach has already told me he wanted me to use Portland as my home base if I took the promotion but how he’d be happiest with me doing what I’m doing now.”

  “Megan…all of your hard work—”

  Now she looked at him funny. “You’ve been telling me for a long time—almost since we met—how I needed not to live for
my job. And this promotion? It’s going to have me living for the job. In the five days I was in San Diego, my father called me almost a dozen times to check up on my progress! He’s already micromanaging me, and according to my brother, it’s something I’m going to need to get used to.”

  “Maybe he’s not the best one to be taking advice from, considering his history where your father and work are concerned,” he commented.

  “What’s gotten into you?” she asked. “I thought you’d be happy about this. I thought this was good news. I wouldn’t have to travel. We could—” She paused, and he saw the uncertainty in her eyes. “We talked about planning our lives beyond Willow’s christening.”

  And at the time, it seemed like a good thing. But now? Nothing made sense. Who was he to be telling anyone how they should live or what was right or wrong? And on top of that, where did he get off trying to plan anything when the hard truth was that no one was guaranteed a tomorrow?

  Losing Danny was something he knew was coming, and yet it was gutting him just the same. And right now, he wasn’t sure if he could possibly put himself into the position of feeling like this ever again.

  Even for Megan.

  All night—or at least for part of it—he’d lain awake with his stomach in knots and his heart aching. Alex kept waiting for the moment when he’d feel okay. That moment when he’d be able to take a breath and not feel like he was suffocating. And even though he knew he’d slept, the light of a new day did nothing to ease the pain and anxiety.

  He’d never see his friend again.

  Ever.

  For most of his life, Alex was a happy-go-lucky type of guy. He always looked on the bright side, he followed the rules, and he lived to help people. And where had it gotten him?

  For the first time ever, he felt paralyzed by fear—by all the uncertainties of life. He was questioning why he was doing the things he was doing—his career, his hobbies, his friendships, and his relationship with Megan.

  She’d once admitted to him that she thought he would be disappointed by the woman she really was because she wasn’t packaged in a slinky dress and heels the way she’d been at her cousin’s wedding. But that was all cosmetic and superficial. What he was was so much worse.