The House on Blackstone Moor (The Blackstone Vampires)

by Carole Gill

  He would have been a nice young man for me to marry someday, to love and to bear his children, too.

  Mrs. Darton had asked me about children. And now in reflection I suppose I thought I did long for them, for I wished to know what it would be like to be a mother, and to love as one.

  The last I heard John had moved away. My brother told me. He told me in the gravest tone: “He has gone I heard, for I did ask. I didn’t say who was asking about him—just a former school friend had inquired about him, I said. They said he had gone to America.”

  America. How I would have liked to go! I tried to imagine marrying him and bidding my parents goodbye, yes, even my father—for in this happy fancy I had driven out his madness and made him well.

  Why not make dreams what you will, they’re dreams anyway, aren’t they?

  We would be living in New York, I thought. Yes, in a modest flat near Broadway, and we would stroll along the streets and parks. He might buy us a little dog.

  But what if John preferred the West?

  “We shall be leaving for Texas, Rose. I hear there is much opportunity there for a young couple.”

  A young couple. That would have been us, young and hopeful and full of happy expectation where anything was possible.

  I didn’t luxuriate for too long in these fanciful dreams, for reality pushed it all away, blew it away like the fairy dust it was. And I soon lay sad and sleepy and full of longing for what might have been.

  “I will sleep so I won’t cry…”

  I did sleep mercifully, in a warm bed in a cozy room. I slept peacefully and without interruption, either by sobs or insulting hands.

  And though I slept, I still think I had an awareness of being free and safe.

  I woke to see the sun come up in the east; that same sun that rose over Marsh asylum was rising over this house where I was.

  I wondered what Grace was doing and if Helen was sobbing. Helen, who might possibly have been better off had she died and not been saved.

  I got up and wondered where I should wash but that was when Mrs. Mott came with some water. “It’s nice and hot, Miss Baines, do be careful.”

  “Thank you!”

  “I shall get your breakfast ready now. I hope you are hungry.”

  “Yes!” I called out. I watched her leave then.

  Was it possible to actually feel happy and hopeful?

  My world was changing, I was certain of it. I had a position and a nice one at that, caring for children.

  I thought too how nice Mrs. Darton was to give me that money for clothes. She was a lady in the best sense.

  And then I thought of him, of Mr. Darton, and I realized I was quite taken with him.

  He was the most handsome man I had ever seen, of that I was certain. He looked like every hero I had ever romanticized about.

  Here’s a confession, I did rather indulge myself in romances! I had boxes of them, stories of heroes and heroines who pined for one another but then through the greatest adversity somehow conquered all their varying problems and fell into each other’s arms to be together forever.

  I’d read them secretly, fearful of my father finding them, but somehow thankfully he never did.

  I am grateful that he didn’t for it is one memory that has nothing evil or sad to mark it.

  A girl and her yearnings… would love come to me ever? Could love come to me, I wondered?

  *

  I found Mrs. Mott bustling in the kitchen. “Dr. Bannion has already left. You don’t mind eating in the kitchen, do you Miss. Baines?”

  “No, of course not.”

  She had a lot to offer me: pancakes and eggs—and even kippers.

  “I cannot begin to remember the last time I had kippers,” I remarked, shaking my head.

  “Well, you shall eat them then.”

  “Won’t you join me?”

  She smiled. “I’ve already had my breakfast. But I shall take some tea with you.”

  We chatted amicably in that sun-filled kitchen, the good smell of food abounding. It was like heaven to me.

  “Are you looking forward to your new position?”

  “Yes, I am very much.”

  “It’ll be nice caring for children I suppose…” she didn’t finish her sentence I suspected because she was close to tears. When she saw me looking at her she smiled sadly. “My children are dead, gone now these six years.”

  I felt as if someone had hit me in the chest. “I am sorry.” I thought she’d tell me more but she didn’t. Naturally, I didn’t ask.

  Someone came to the door just then. I could hear her speaking, and a man as well that I took to be a tradesman.

  She came in with big parcel. “We shall have lamb tonight. Won’t that be nice?”

  “Wonderful,” I replied.

  *

  I had the entire day to myself, to do as I pleased.

  “You have come to rest, to regain your strength, Rose. I don’t want you worrying or fretting about anything. Is that understood?” Dr. Bannion reminded me.

  I did understand.

  “I hope you enjoy your stay here,” Mrs. Mott said. “There’s the library. Dr. Bannion has a good collection of books. I don’t read that much, but perhaps you might like to see what he has.”

  I had seen some of the house yesterday, but I hadn’t seen the library. It was nice, not large or fancy, but cozy and well-appointed.

  He had a lot of adventure books. Medical books, too, and dictionaries and boring looking periodicals I wouldn’t have touched! And then quite up high and completely out of reach, he had rather large books—not ledgers, just large, odd-looking books.

  I wondered what they were.

  Alice Mott saw me looking. “Those aren’t to be touched, Miss Baines. They are ever so old and Dr. Bannion is on about getting them priced and selling them. He doesn’t wish to have anyone touch them.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t, of course.”

  Was it my imagination or did she seem frightened of something? But of what I could not say.

  “I should say there’s quite enough to keep me entertained here, Mrs. Mott, thank you.”

  I spent the rest of the day reading something I had read years before. The Count of Monte Cristo.

  I had tea and scones with Mrs. Mott at four, and the joy of smelling the lamb roasting for the remainder of the day.

  I do recall falling asleep in a lovely Queen Anne chair near the window and being awakened by the sound of Dr. Bannion’s carriage, followed by a boisterous greeting.

  “Well, don’t you look comfy there! Have you had a good day, Rose?”

  “I have, sir. Quite a good day.”

  I saw his eyes fall upon the book. “Ah, which have you chosen?”

  I showed him. “Yes, that’s been a favorite of mine since I was a boy!”

  We had dinner after he changed, and lovely it was, too. Mrs. Mott served. “I shall be in the kitchen if you care for anything else.”

  How silly we were as a country, when someone’s lover could not sit at a table and dine if company were present!

  But sillier than that was my position. Who was I, after all? A newly hired governess and one who had enjoyed the accommodation of an asylum.

  I think Dr. Bannion noticed I looked thoughtful and I’m sure he thought me ill at ease, which I am ashamed to say I was.

  “There now, Rose. What shall you be doing tomorrow?”

  “Tomorrow,” I said, “I think I will go and see about some clothes.”

  He looked delighted. “Mrs. Mott! Do come here, we have something to tell you. You will please escort Miss Baines to town tomorrow for the purchase of some new clothes.”

  Chapter 9

  My second day of freedom! I think I realized that I would never take my liberty for granted ever again.

  How good it was to wake safe and snug in a comfortable room, and what of the night? No crying or screams, no crazy laughter, no stench-filled odors either, just the scent of fresh flowers that Mrs. Mott had put on
the bureau.

  I realized now, for the first time in my life, that peace of mind was the most important thing and everything else was secondary.

  What I had for myself was a modicum of peace—for I was still deeply troubled by all I had been through and what I had seen.

  I still had occasionally troubling dreams, which I told Dr. Bannion about.

  “Yes, of course, that’s to be expected, Rose. But in time they will lessen as the mind comes into its own.”

  I had a question that I did not pose. Would mine ever come into its own? Would I ever really be free of the evil insanity of my father or would I be doomed to suffer endlessly?

  I began to think of fate then. I had always been a fatalist, and I wondered if fate had marked me forever, only condescending to give me a brief reprieve now. That would be cruel, I thought.

  Mrs. Mott interrupted my thoughts for which I was grateful. “It’s a fine day out, Miss. Baines. I think we shall have a lovely stroll into the village.”

  And so we did.

  Dr. Bannion had already left. That was his routine, up and out early.

  We set out after breakfast. It wasn’t far. I told her I remembered. “Besides,” I added, “I should love to walk over that little bridge and see the swans. I only caught a brief glimpse of it when I arrived.”

  “I tell you what, we shall buy some scones in town and feed them later on our return.” She was animated and happy and seemed so much younger to me now.

  I wondered if she had lain in his arms and what it felt like. It was none of my business of course; just a young woman’s fancy to know what love was really like. I had no idea Mr. Darton had anything to do with it.

  I felt positive about everything, yet worried that I would have to wait for the dresses to be made.

  “Don’t fret about that, Miss Baines. Mrs. Twigg buys dresses from ladies who have nothing better to do than to fritter away their husband’s money on new clothes. She can alter something for you I am certain!” Mrs. Mott said to my relief.

  At last we came to the shop. It was small, so small in fact that I wondered how it could be a shop at all. But once we entered I saw it was quite adequate.

  The place was crammed with ladies’ dresses, wraps and shoes, and along the back were an infinite number of drawers, no doubt for the underclothes, I thought.

  I liked Mrs. Twigg as soon as I saw her. She had a pleasant face and kind eyes. She asked if she could help us.

  “Yes, this lady has acquired a governess position, Mrs. Twigg and she needs some appropriate wearing apparel. Some shoes, too and bonnets if you have them.”

  “And a dressing gown and well, underclothes, too!” I added.

  Mrs. Twigg looked me over and smiled. “I have those and more besides. Come along now and I shall show you.”

  Within an hour I had selected four dresses; handsome practical looking dresses, but pretty too in their simplicity.

  I was measured and the dresses pinned and told that I would have it all by Friday next. I could hardly believe it.

  “Now for the bonnets. I have had two come in just yesterday, they are wonderful for church or daytime functions and this rather dressy one will go with the blue silk dress you admired.”

  I had admired a divine royal blue gown but didn’t think I needed it.

  “Oh Miss Baines,” Mrs. Mott urged. “Do buy it. It is magnificent with your coloring.”

  “Very well!” I gushed. Why not? I was feeling rather grand after all.

  With that done, I selected two pairs of shoes, which I was assured were of the finest leather. “And they will with proper care and attention last for years!” Mrs. Twigg declared.

  Next, I selected my underclothes—three pairs of drawers, a chemise, a corset, stockings, and two petticoats, one for everyday and one for dress, although where I was going dressed up I had no idea.

  “You would wear it under your blue silk dress,” Mrs. Twigg announced grandly.

  At last I paid and was thanked for my custom and wished well.

  We left the shop then to purchase not scones but pork pies and some rolls for dinner. The pies we decided to eat on the embankment.

  After discussing the weather and how we were each convinced it was going to be an early summer, we seemed to run out of conversation.

  We sat then in contemplative silence to watch the snowy white swans glide across the dark green water.

  “I’ve never seen a more beautiful place. Do you come here often?”

  I was shocked for Mrs. Mott looked close to tears. Truthfully I didn’t know what to do. But she began to speak then. “I know how you feel, Miss Baines. It is a blessing to begin afresh. You see, I know something of your history.”

  I felt my cheeks color in embarrassment. “You do?”

  “Dr. Bannion told me of your tragedy and how you needed rest. Truly, he did not portray you in a bad light. He wanted me to understand because sometimes I don’t and—”

  I stopped her there. “I do know, Mrs. Mott, as much as one woman may know another’s heart. I think I understand.”

  She nodded, but I knew she was crying, though she turned her head. “I am a widow and alone in the world. I haven’t any friends or family. My husband died soon after my children—and I as you did—called Marsh home for a while, you see.”

  So that was it. She met Dr. Bannion at Marsh and when she was well he hired her as his housekeeper. Anything that developed after that was their business and no one else’s.

  *

  If she had been pleasant and chatty, everything changed by evening for Dr. Bannion hadn’t come home for dinner.

  “He can have it later when he gets here.”

  I had eaten some but she hadn’t touched hers, she looked far too distraught. “I wonder what’s keeping him?” she asked as she wrung her hands.

  “Perhaps he is just late in leaving, Mrs. Mott.”

  She shook her head and gave me a tremulous smile, but she didn’t reply.

  The tension was awful as the hours wore on—finally her mood began to affect my own.

  It got so bad that by half nine, I stood up to say I had to turn in for I could not stand the long silences any longer.

  She nodded toward me and mumbled a good night.

  “Yes, good night then, Mrs. Mott,” I answered.

  I left her sitting in the parlor.

  I was nearly asleep when I heard a carriage drive up. It was his. I hurried to the window to see him step down.

  The sound of the front door reached me, as well as some conversation I could not make out, even though I am ashamed to say I did try.

  The exchange ended with the sound of Mrs. Mott’s voice—high pitched and accusatory.

  For a few moments there was no reply.

  I did sincerely hope they wouldn’t argue, but they did and for some minutes. Then there was the sound of footsteps past my door. Finally, I heard a door slam and I sighed.

  But then I heard soft talking and giggling, too.

  “He has apologized,” I whispered out loud. “Good, I am glad.”

  And I was too, but I was thoughtful. I was up for quite a while thinking. I was wondering, you see, for I had no other example to measure it against, if most men troubled their women.

  Why would Dr. Bannion stay out late if he knew it upset her?

  It could have been innocent, just some work he had to see to.

  I honestly thought that was the case.

  On the other hand, Alice Mott wouldn’t have been so glum without reason to be suspicious, would she? Perhaps he had used up his excuses and was no longer believed.

  It must have upset me far more than I realized for I had the most awful nightmares after it.

  Chapter 10

  I woke up to find Dr. Bannion standing in my room, looking at me. “You screamed, Rose. You were having a nightmare, nothing to worry about. It happens; it is to be expected really in cases such as yours.”

  Cases such as mine. I was a case and would be for an ind
eterminate time.

  “I am sorry for disturbing you.”

  Mrs. Mott suddenly appeared, both of them now standing in their dressing gowns. “Would you care for something, tea perhaps?”

  She glanced at me and Dr. Bannion, too. She looked pleased when he nodded.

  “That’s a good idea, Mrs. Mott, but before you do that just bring me my bag.”

  Actually I was pleased; only a pinch and then relief. I was tired of suffering.

  “Don’t worry, Rose. It takes time. You’ve been through so much.”

  “Yes, but…” I began to cry. “I honestly don’t think I will ever be well… you see I was happy with the new clothes and so looking forward to things…”

  My eyelids felt so heavy.

  “Yes, that’s right. Close your eyes.”

  I nearly smiled for I had come to like the feeling the medicine gave me. It was like warm honey flowing through my body. Calming and soothing me, bringing peace to troubled nerves, and comfort to a troubled heart.

  He wouldn’t always be close by to help me. Indeed I wondered how I would manage without him. I’d be on my own, in just a few weeks with two charges to care for. That was a lot of responsibility. Perhaps I wasn’t ready, and perhaps I’d never be ready.

  Maybe Dr. Bannion was wrong. I wasn’t right yet to leave.

  One morose thought began to replace another, but before I could voice any of my worries, I heard Mrs. Mott ask if she should leave the tea, to which Dr. Bannion replied that she should.

  I did say thank you, just before I fell asleep.

  I heard the door close softly and I smiled, for I was certain she had heard me.

  I slept until nearly eleven, and woke with a start.

  Ah, yes. That’s something I have forgotten to tell you about. It’s awful waking quickly and gasping for air, not knowing where you are for a moment.

  It’s worse at night but it was morning now and the sun was streaming in. At last I remembered where I was.

  I cried a little, more relieved than sad.

  I am here to get well. And I shall get well, because it is my fate to go forth into the world with a real chance this time.