Girl Power Omnibus (Gender Swap Superhero Fiction)

by P. T. Dilloway

  “Diane, be careful.”

  “Always.” I toss her a mock salute that only makes her more embarrassed. Before I can leave I have to make travel arrangements with the secretary, who looks almost identical to Melanie. Which isn’t a surprise since she’s Melanie’s mother, made almost the same age as her daughter thanks to that alien weapon a year ago. Like a lot of the middle-aged she hasn’t tried to make herself older, instead opting for another crack at her twenties.

  Now I’m back in London—what’s left of it. All of the major buildings—Parliament, Buckingham Palace, the prime minister’s residence—have been fixed. It’s the rest of it that’s still a mess. Omega’s drones did more damage than the Nazis once they went off-line and began to kamikaze into the city. Like after the war people have clenched their stiff upper lips and rolled up their sleeves to rebuild, but it’ll take years.

  I’m sure Maxwell saw the city in ruins and realized the opportunities available. When I was still an assassin, Maxwell was mostly a broker, a middleman in the crime syndicates. He was the link between the employers and the people like me, the talent. But after all the destruction, most of the syndicates are as shattered as the landscape. That’s an opportunity for him to step up and become a big fish.

  I know where he’ll be holed up: the Dynamite Club. It was always Maxwell’s favorite place for meets; he had a thing for a couple of the dancing girls there. The original club was of course destroyed, but a new one has been built next door, probably by Maxwell.

  I pay the cover to get inside. In the old days the bouncer might have raised an eyebrow at a girl like me trying to get into a club like this. With two-thirds of the population women right now, it’s not so surprising. Even us girls who used to be men still have our urges.

  One benefit of the alien weapon that began all the chaos of a year ago is that it has created a surplus of young women desperate enough to take off their clothes for money. Most of them grinding against the poles are younger than me, probably in their mid-teens. A few are heavily made up to hide the pimples.

  When my waitress returns with a whiskey, I flash a few pound notes and ask for the VIP room. I know that’s where Maxwell will be. In the old days he had to operate out here with the regular slobs, but with his newfound wealth and power he’ll be in the back.

  The VIP rooms are actually bigger than Melanie’s office. There’s a lot of red velvet on the chairs and walls and curtains—Maxwell’s idea of high class. The girl who comes in to give me a private dance looks as if she hasn’t eaten a good meal in a year; I could play “Greensleeves” on her ribs.

  I take out another wad of pound notes. “Have a seat over there and keep quiet,” I say.

  “But—”

  “The customer’s always right, yeah?”

  The girl nods and then curls up on one of the red couches. I get to my feet and try to put on a reassuring smile. “You didn’t do anything wrong, kid. I’m a little busy right now.”

  Before she can ask, I slip out of the room. I wish I had Apex Girl’s infrared vision so I might have an easier time figuring out which room is his. I have to do it the old-fashioned way by peeking through a crack. Out of decency I can’t relate some of the things I see.

  On the fifth try I find Maxwell. He has got two little Filipino girls in schoolgirl costumes fondling each other while he does some business on his phone. I take out the pistol I keep in my boot. It’s tiny, without much in capacity or power, but it’s good enough to end Maxwell and his little friends.

  I put a finger to my lips and motion with the gun for the girls to take a seat. They get the message and like the girl in my room they curl up on a couch. “Put the phone down, mate.”

  He taps a couple buttons on his phone and then tosses it onto an adjoining chair. Maxwell looks about like when I first met him, with the neatly trimmed beard and wire-frame glasses of a college professor. He’s dressed more like an extra in Saturday Night Fever with a black shirt open to expose the shrubbery underneath. Garlak would love the gold chains dangling from around his neck; each one probably costs enough to feed those Filipino girls for a year.

  “I’m not really into the role-playing,” he says. “Tell the manager—”

  “I’m not tonight’s entertainment.” I pull out the ridiculous badge. I make sure he gets a good look at it. “You’re coming with me.”

  “Ah, Darrien, I remember seeing you on the telly. Didn’t bring your medals, did you?”

  “They’re a bit conspicuous for this sort of work.”

  “I take it from the badge and gun this is an official visit?”

  “It’s business and pleasure.”

  “Why don’t you have a seat? We can have a talk, catch up on old times.”

  “Old times, sure. Like that Vatican job.”

  “I’m terribly sorry about that, love. I tried to get you broken out of there—”

  “I doubt that since you were the one who put me there.”

  “Me? I had nothing to do with it. I just set up the job, you know that.”

  “I’ve made some new friends since I got this body. One of them happens to be Midnight Spectre. She told me a funny story about how she ran into you in Rome. She said to keep from getting all your fingers broken you told her about the Vatican job. That’s why she was waiting there for me.”

  “That’s a lie! I’d never give you up, Darrien. You’re my friend.”

  “There are no friends in this business. You know that.” I cock the gun and level it at his throat. With a gun this tiny it’d take a while for him to die from the wound.

  “Let’s not do anything foolish, love. I’m terribly sorry about what happened with Midnight Spectre. I wanted to warn you, but you were in too deep already.”

  “I’m sure.”

  “But now that you’re here, we can start over. I can use a girl with your skills. There’s lots of money to be made here, more than you could ever spend. We’d be a team again, like the old days.”

  I’m tempted to shoot him in his lying face. I know I can’t trust him. If I let him go now, he’ll run off and then send some of my former ilk after me. There are no friends in this game. It’d be simpler for all concerned to shoot him. Let the bobbies clean up the mess. One less villain in the world.

  The badge in my pocket becomes like a lead weight. I can hear Melanie’s voice saying that’s not how we do things. Heroes don’t murder their enemies; they put them in jail. Maybe those enemies escape again and again, but the point is to hold the moral high ground. Or such nonsense like that.

  I squeeze the trigger. Maxwell cries out. He lifts his right foot with both hands. “What the bloody hell did you do that for?”

  “We’ll get you fixed up at the hospital. There’s a plane going across the pond tomorrow with your name on it. I even got you a window seat.” I hold out my hand to help him up. I could let him use me for a crutch, but it’s a lot more satisfying to watch him hop out of here on his own power. I suppose there’s still a little villain left in me, but I’m working on it. Baby steps as Melanie likes to say.

  Velocity Family #1:

  A New Beginning

  Once your little girl leaves the nest, there’s a sense of dread with unexpected phone calls. There’s always the possibility that the phone will bring terrible news. Especially in the last year when there are so many dangers out there for a little girl.

  I’m on the couch watching a talk show on women who used to be men before the alien sex-changing weapon was used on the whole world. I’ve never gone through that, but my husband has. Five years ago he became a young woman. A year after that he became a teenage girl. She was like that for three years, until she got sent centuries into the future, where she became a man again, growing into a very old man before returning. By comparison the women on this show have it easy.

  The dread kicks in as the phone rings. I hate being home all day while Alan is at the lab and Jenny is at school. There’s not much for me to do here but worry about them. I pick up the
phone and check the caller ID; it’s an area code I don’t recognize. Probably a telemarketer.

  “Hello?”

  “Mommy, I’m scared,” Jenny says. From the way her voice shakes, I know she’s crying.

  “Jenny, where are you?”

  “I don’t know! I’m cold and I’m tired.”

  “Don’t worry, sweetheart, Mommy will find you. Has anyone tried to hurt you?”

  “No.”

  “That’s good. Can you describe where you are?”

  A woman’s voice breaks into the conversation. “Is this Mrs. Bass? I’m Deputy Michelle Logan, Point Barrow sheriff’s office.”

  “Point Barrow? Alaska?”

  “Yes, ma’am. We found your daughter in the snow, but don’t worry, she’s perfectly safe. I know it’s a long way here—”

  “I’ll be there in a couple of minutes,” I say. “Jenny, you hear me? I’ll be right there. You stay there with the nice deputy.”

  “Yes, Mommy.”

  The pink-and-white Velocity Kid uniform hangs in the closet. It’s not the most discreet place for a superhero costume, but we don’t get many visitors these days. Alan has said I should get a blue costume like his, but I haven’t seen any reason to bother with it. Velocity Gal, Velocity Kid, what does it matter?

  With superspeed it takes only the blink of an eye for me to get dressed. I have to wear the costume because it’s the only thing that won’t burn up at superspeed. And if anyone sees me flying by, it won’t look as suspicious as if a middle-aged housewife went running by.

  Once I have the boots on and slip my ID into a pocket of the costume I set out. What might be a ten-hour flight requiring a bush plane takes only three minutes. I barely notice the Pacific Northwest scenery whizzing past me. The forests and ocean soon turn to mountains and then snow. I’m going so fast the snow doesn’t even have time to touch me.

  The slowest part of the trip is finding the sheriff’s office once I get to Point Barrow. Alan insulated the suit, but my teeth still chatter as I shuffle along the frozen streets. I stop in a liquor store to get directions. As is usually the case the man first looks shocked and then begins to leer at the cleavage visible. It’s so cold I’m sure he’s got a good look at my nipples too.

  “I’m looking for the police station,” I say.

  He stammers some directions. I run, but not in superspeed to make sure I can follow the street signs. After a few excruciating minutes I see the sheriff station. I open the door and look for my daughter.

  She slams into me a second later. “Mommy, you’re here!”

  I pick Jenny up, something that has gotten a lot harder now that she’s nine years old and I shrunk about six inches a year ago thanks to the impostor Midnight Spectre. I brush hair away from her face so I can get a good look at her. Her face is a little dirty but otherwise she looks fine. Someone gave her a Point Barrow Sheriff Department T-shirt that fits her like a nightgown.

  A girl who looks much too young to be wearing a badge and gun comes towards me. From her apparent youth, she was probably born a woman, not a man who was changed into one by the alien weapon. Either she’s one of those who hasn’t elected to get changed back or they might not have the technology all the way up here. “I’m Deputy Logan. We spoke on the phone, what, ten minutes ago?”

  “Yes. I hope I can trust you to keep this between us?”

  “Oh, sure, your secret is safe with me. It actually saves us a lot of trouble. Especially this time of year it’s hard to get up here. That’s why your daughter was such a surprise.”

  “Is there somewhere Jenny and I could talk?”

  “Right this way.” The girl leads us into a white room with only a metal table and two chairs—probably the interview room for suspects. That also means it’s probably wired to eavesdrop on us. But by now Deputy Logan has already figured out Velocity Kid is really Sally Bass, average housewife and mother so it doesn’t matter.

  I sit down on one chair and hold Jenny in my lap like when she was a toddler. She leans her head on my shoulder and cries. For a few minutes we don’t say anything. Once she has cried herself out, I ask, “Jenny, how did you get up here?”

  “I don’t know. I was at school. Olivia and I were playing at recess and then these mean girls started saying nasty things. One of them hit Olivia. I went to get the teacher but I kept running. I was going so fast I couldn’t see anything. Then I ended up in the snow and I didn’t have any clothes on!”

  She starts to cry again. I hold her tighter and whisper some comforting words. I wish I had someone to comfort me. It’s obvious what has happened: Jenny has gained the same superspeed power as her parents.

  I leave Jenny with Deputy Logan so I can call Alan. It takes about ten rings before he finally picks up. When he’s deep into a project it can be almost impossible to snap him back to reality. I tell him what has happened; I manage not to start bawling like Jenny. “How did this happen? She was just at school—”

  “It’s my fault,” he says. “Before we had Jenny, I had already become Velocity Man. She must have inherited the speed from me.”

  “You mean she was born with it?”

  “I’m afraid so.”

  “Why haven’t we noticed until now?”

  “A trait like that can take time to activate. It might have been stress or maybe it was what happened a year ago. We’ll have to run some tests—”

  “Alan, please, she’s not a lab rat. She’s our daughter!”

  “I know. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes.”

  I give him directions so he can find the station easier than I did. “Don’t run too fast. I don’t want you to disappear for another sixty years.”

  “I won’t.”

  He hangs up. With a sigh I go back to the interview room, where Jenny’s waiting. She crosses the room in the blink of an eye. I pick her up again. “Sweetie, you have to be careful about that.”

  “Sorry, Mommy.”

  “It’s all right.” The distance was too short at least for her clothes to burn up. As I take her back to her seat, I say to her and the deputy, “Daddy will be here in a few minutes. Then we can all go home together.”

  Deputy Logan gives me a look. “Your husband is—”

  “That’s right.”

  “But I thought you were…related.”

  “We are. Just not by blood.”

  “Mommy, what are you talking about?”

  “Nothing, sweetie.”

  Alan barges through the front doors a minute later. He’s in his blue-and-silver costume, but not wearing the mask. He probably didn’t see any point to it. “Sally? Jenny?”

  “We’re in here,” I call out.

  He throws his arms around us for a three-way hug. “Are you all right?” he asks Jenny.

  “Yes.” Her voice is cooler; she has accepted Alan really is her father, not another impostor, but things are still a little strained between them.

  “Everything’s going to be fine, sweetie. There’s nothing to be scared about.”

  “I’m not scared.”

  “Good girl.” He tousles her hair, which is the same shade of blond as his. They look so much alike; I’m the one who looks like an outsider now, which is a far cry from how it was the first years of Jenny’s life. We’ve been through so many changes the last five years and now we’ve got another to deal with.

  Deputy Logan clears her throat. “Now that both of you are here, there’s some paperwork we need to go over.”

  “Of course,” Alan says. “I’ll take care of it.”

  I let Alan go to discuss things with the deputy. As Jenny and I sit there, she finally asks, “Mommy, what’s going to happen to me now? Do I have to be a superhero?”

  “No, of course not. You’re still a little girl.”

  “Can I still play with Olivia?”

  “Yes, but probably not right away. Daddy and I have to show you how to control your speed so accidents like this don’t happen again.”

  “Isn’t there
a way to make me normal?”

  “No,” I lie. There is a way. Alan and I both had it used on us before. It involves alien chemicals from Starla’s Crystal Lair. The side effect is that because of the superspeed it would make Jenny much younger, possibly into a baby. I can’t do that to her. It’s better she learns to control her power than to go through that.

  “But I don’t want to be different. Everyone will think I’m weird.”

  “You’re not weird. You’re special. There’s no one else like you except for Mommy and Daddy.”

  “No one?”

  “That’s right. You’re the only little girl in the whole world who can run this fast.”

  “Wow.”

  “It is pretty awesome.” I make sure to smile as I say this. Superspeed is pretty awesome most of the time, but sometimes it can be a curse too. It has meant a lot of nights when we had to leave Jenny alone in the apartment so we could go out to fight evil. There have been far fewer of those nights in the last year, but there are still times when Alan and I are needed to avert some crisis. What will happen with Jenny now?

  When Alan comes back, everything is squared away with Deputy Logan. There will be no mention that Alan and I are Jenny’s parents, only that she was remanded into Velocity Man and Velocity Kid’s custody to be returned home. Anyone reading between the lines can probably figure it out, but I doubt many criminals are reading police records from Point Barrow.

  The hard part is figuring out how to get Jenny home. She’s far too inexperienced to run there on her own. At superspeed it’d be impossible for one or both of us to hold her hand. Alan finally decides to carry Jenny back.

  “I want Mommy to carry me!”

  “I’m sorry, sweetie, but you’re too heavy for Mommy to carry that far,” I say.

  “But—”

  “It’s all right. I’ll be right next to you the whole time.”

  “OK.”

  Alan gives me a look. I force a hopeful smile to my face. Then we start out for home, knowing nothing will ever be the same again.