by Judi Nolan
"I know." Her unfulfilled senses screamed in protest. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking straight."
She was in way over hear head and sinking fast. She closed her eyes, dragging in a ragged breath of self derision. Was this yet another painful lesson she would be forced to learn?
She was acting like a prize fool. It was all so obvious. Despite the rich, heady temptation of his kiss and tortured words of need, this man didn't really want her either. Not in the way she was beginning to need and want him.
So badly it was like a physical ache in her heart.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Kate tried to regain her scattered sense of equilibrium. She knew she should have stopped him before he kissed her. She knew how to be sensible, right?
Spencer pulled back to stare down at her. "Dr. Martin..." He inhaled again, his hands going to her shoulders, his thumbs tracing the long, slender line of her collarbone. He released a derisive sigh. "Are you all right?"
Kate jerked back from his touch, staring up at him in confusion. "I...do you mind telling me what that was for?"
Spencer closed his eyes on a soft growl. "Would you believe me if I said I never meant to kiss you? It just happened."
"Ah, I see." Kate tensed, jerking her body away from the close contact of his. "And did you get an answer to your question?" she managed to ask.
"My question? Oh, that. I'm afraid you taste of all the things I can't afford to allow into my life." He shook his head slowly. "Things I've sworn never to want or need again."
Kate stared up into his shadowed face. "Thank you. At least that was very honest. It seems we both just made a huge mistake."
His frown deepened. "Kate, for God's sake, what are we doing? This is absolutely insane."
"Yes, well, I think we both agree on that point," Kate said stiffly. She moved away, wrapping her arms protectively across her body.
Spencer watched her, trying to assess what she was thinking. He couldn't think of anything to say. Nothing that could excuse what just happened between them. The obvious pain he'd caused Kate to suffer. But thoughts of her unguarded response kept humming through his system, setting off a whole series of aftershocks. He wanted to pull her back into his arms.
No. Not again. It simply couldn't happen. He shouldn't have started something he had no intention of finishing. He frowned at her determined face. "I guess you're right. I never meant that to happen. It won't again."
Kate looked up at him in shock. Was his admission supposed to somehow make her feel better? "I should go." She bit her lips together.
Spencer's unexpected kiss was sending all the sensual signals she'd been trying to ignore. Her body throbbed with the confusion of her unguarded wanting more and his determined rejection. She could have nothing to do with this man. She knew that the kiss was proof that he was as attracted to her as she was to him, but he had no intention of getting any more deeply involved. It had been a simple experiment on his part coupled with the chemistry of mutual loneliness.
Spencer spread his hands and stepped back. "I can't say I'm sorry I kissed you. But I have Jamie to consider. I can't allow him to be hurt again. After what his mother has done to him, I cannot afford to get involved." His lips thinned as his gaze dropped involuntarily to her mouth. "However tempting the idea is right now."
"I understand what you're trying to say." Kate nodded jerkily. "I feel the same way. Neither of us should become involved again. It's a very bad idea. There's no excuse."
Why then did she feel like breaking down and bursting into tears?
"I take it your involvement with Eric didn't work out."
"Eric...?" Kate blinked. "I, no, it didn't. Unfortunately he was already married." The sudden silence between them bristled with lethal tension. The chill of it crackled across Kate's skin, leaving a rash of gooseflesh in its wake. What had she said to make him glare at her like that?
"He was married?" Spencer took a step back, his facial expression suddenly chill and inflexible. "I see it all now. Of course, that explains everything. I'm being taken for a fool."
Explains everything? Kate blinked. What had she said? He looked as if he was very disappointed in her. As if she'd committed an unforgivable transgression. Eric thought that too. He'd paid an investigator a lot of money to follow her in the days after they broke up; convinced she was seeing someone else.
She fetched a long breath and tried to make Spencer understand. "Eric went back to his wife. He didn't want me. I became surplus to requirements. When I wouldn't do exactly as he demanded."
"You don't have to explain yourself to me." Spencer shook his head. "I get the idea. Kate, look I want—"
"No!" Kate's feeling of hurt deepened painfully. Whatever he wanted she didn't wish to hear it. "It's very late."
It was well past time for her to leave. Her head was spinning. After the potency of the wine she had consumed, she could make no sense of anything this evening. "I need to go now."
"Yes, you should be going." Spencer appeared grateful for her acceptance of the situation.
Was he expecting her to make some kind of scene? Kate grimaced as he moved behind her, opening the front door and letting her out into the cool night air. The sensation was like a slap in the face.
She turned back to explain, tell him more about Eric's betrayal. She had to say something, but this time Spencer didn't appear interested in listening. He remained in the opening, holding the door ajar with a look that dismissed anything she could say to him.
"Good night, Kate." His dismissal was bleak.
"Good night." Kate gave up the struggle to reach him and quickened her steps across the veranda.
This time there was no exchanging of strange new words in the moonlight, no easy farewells. She felt an odd kind of relief flow through her as she left the house and hurried away through the trees. At least now she knew where she stood.
But as she walked along, she couldn't help lifting her fingers to her mouth. She traced the trembling shape of her lips; touched the potent memory of his moving against her with surety and purpose.
Her fingers curled against the tender flesh of her mouth. He had kissed her.
Without invitation.
As if he had every right.
And she'd actually kissed him back. Without a single, rational thought for the consequences. She'd completely ignored every painful lesson Eric's defection had taught her.
The cool air brought her to her senses. Speaking of Eric didn't lessen the pain of his defection. Some things were better left unsaid. Finally her dazed mind fastened on one stark question. Just exactly how and where had she lost her sanity and every hard won scrap of common sense?
Spencer sighed as he stared after Kate until she was swallowed by the night. He closed the door slowly, leaning forward, resting his forehead against the cool wood.
He'd kissed her. Gotten close enough to mould her slender body with his hands; caressed the soft fullness of her breasts. And her response had been mind-blowing. Nothing like he'd been anticipating for days. He had been sure she would push him away, duck his advance and run for her life.
He turned to throw his head back against the door. She was still there, on his lips and his tongue, part of every pounding ache within his body. But then Kate had admitted she had been involved with a married man. Some one else's husband.
That was unforgivable.
She knew the man was married and yet she'd persisted with the relationship. He felt deeply angry and disappointed he could be so easily deceived once more by a pretty face and a perceived sweetness that didn't exist.
Frustration gripped his vitals. Had Katerina's defection taught him nothing? He closed his eyes on a soft groan. He'd felt Kate begin to come apart in his arms. He wanted to go on, take her to bed and discover all her fragrant secrets, but he had Jamie to think of and he knew he must end it before things went beyond his ability to call them back. It was the end of a strange brand of emotional madness that had been building ever since he'd first seen her i
n the garden.
"Dammit, enough!" He cut through the jumbled chaos of his thoughts with a sweep of his hand. He pushed the feelings down, shoving himself away from the door. He was better off alone and Kate had her own issues.
He'd seen them in the clear depths of her eyes, shadows that haunted her. Memories she didn't want to recall. Pain she couldn't deal with. He could understand her need for distance. They'd both made serious mistakes in the past, you think they could learn.
Why then did he feel he'd just let the best thing to even happen to him, and Jamie, walk away? Without any protest.
"Because it's necessary," he snapped at his distracting inner self. "If she could break up one relationship, she can break another just as easily. I can't take that kind of risk."
But his pulse still hammered, his body remained tight and painful with need. He would take a long cold shower, doubting he would be able to sleep. It was going to be a difficult and lonely night.
Kate kept herself busy inside the cottage on Sunday. She took two aspirin for her headache and put on a load of washing before ironing everything with determined thoroughness. But the potent memory of Spencer's kiss continued to haunt her.
She even collected her few belongings together, as she considered giving up her position and moving on to gain some measure of peace. But, at the end of the day she finally unpacked again. Did that make her a coward?
She sat down on the couch in the lounge with a worried sigh. She had only been here for a week. The remainder of her three year contract stretched out before her.
If she did leave, this would be hard on the practice, which like all small towns would struggle to attract the right kind of qualified help in time. After a great deal of soul searching, Kate decided to remain, but to have as little to do with Spencer as possible. It was for the best, for both of them. Certainly it was the best thing for Jamie.
The idea sat uneasily in the pit of her stomach. She ate a lonely meal in front of the television and crawled into bed at an indecently early hour to toss restlessly all night.
It was a relief when Monday morning finally dawned, even if she was still awake to hear the opening chorus of birdsong. She showered and dressed before driving to the surgery with a heavy heart.
Her own unfettered response to Spencer's kiss she could put down to the wine. She had drunk more than her usual amount and it had certainly been far more potent than she was used to. It had stripped away all her inhibitions, leaving her open and vulnerable.
After Eric, her ability to understand and control her own emotional responses had been shattered. She was slowly coming to terms with the callousness of his betrayal, but she had thought herself basically incapable of responding again to any man.
Well, she thought wryly, that theory no longer held water. In fact, it leaked like a sieve!
"So, it must have been the wine." She settled for that rational explanation with a cautious measure of relief.
She wasn't in the habit of throwing herself at the nearest available man, no matter how attractive and tempting. She'd only been on a couple of dates before she first encountered Eric. And Spencer had made a definite point of saying he wasn't interested or available.
So be it. That was what she wanted, of course. She schooled her features not to reflect her state of inner turmoil before seeing her first patient of the day.
The following morning Kate saw Spencer in Jake's consulting room, standing with his back to her. Kate slipped into her own room and shut the door quietly. She drew several deep breaths to slow the rapid pace of her heartbeat. Becoming involved in her patient load was the only way to push Spencer's unwanted image to the back of her mind.
After seeing her last patient for the morning, Kate turned to stare at her computer screen, her chin propped in her upraised hand. Her new life which had begun with so much promise now seemed to be unraveling fast. There had to be a solution. But what it was, she had no idea.
Behind her eyes a headache was forming that wouldn't be banished. She returned doggedly to work, pushing her own discomfort into the back of her mind. Knowledge was power, right? Now that she knew where she stood with Spencer, she would fall into the same trap of being alone with him again.
Spencer was surprised to see his next patient. He knew many members of Anne Rangi's large, extended family, but they rarely came to town. It had been a long time since he'd treated any of them.
"It's good to see you, Anne," he said. "What can I do for you?"
"Mum asked me to come and see you," Anne replied, her face full of sadness. "She wants you to come out to the farm and see my grandfather. He's very stubborn and doesn't hold with doctors. And he won't come into town. We thought he might let a male doctor examine him if you just turned up and wouldn't back down. We were told his heart isn't good when he was put into hospital before Christmas with chest pains. He tries to hide it, but he always gets short of breath when he does too much around the farm. But we can't tell him."
Spencer sat forward. "Of course. I'm not on call, so I can come out tonight. I'll also get onto the hospital and check out the record of his visit. Make sure there's nothing more we need to know."
"Thanks, Doc." Anne smiled. "Come out any time."
Spencer stood to show her out of the consulting room. He moved next door and walked into a scene of complete anarchy. Screaming children and a very harassed mother was exactly what he didn't need right now. A headache was thumping behind his eyes, making coherent thinking difficult.
Despite his late night talk with his inner self, his frustration was still simmering below the rigid surface of his control. As he opened the door again to look for help with his latest medical crisis he saw Kate crossing the reception and everything roiling inside him wanted to pull her inside an unoccupied room with him, take her somewhere they could be alone and he could get his hands on her soft body. Assuage some of the torment that wouldn't let him sleep at night, let alone think straight.
The crazy compulsion darkened his already bleak mood. Breathing deep to regain a measure of control, he forced his mind back to more practical matters. "Dr. Martin, I'm afraid I need your help again."
As she crossed to the reception desk to search for pain relief, Kate looked up to see Spencer stalking towards her. He looked harassed and quite put out, anything but welcoming.
"Of course, what is it?" She guessed that night had been as big a headache for him as it was for her. The thought gave her a small measure of cheap satisfaction. She'd take anything she could get right now.
Spencer frowned at her. "I've been phoning for you." His tone was clipped and short.
"I was just heading for my coffee break, Dr. Stelanos." Kate paused, noting his somewhat disheveled appearance with a wary look.
"Spencer," he replied with brittle impatience. "If you've got a moment, I need you."
"How can I help?" Kate swallowed against the sudden thumping of her heartbeat as she crossed to his side.
Spencer looked down at her, his lips curving wryly. "I have a baby with a severe ear infection and a very distressed young mother who's managed to sprain her wrist in her attempts to handle the situation. I need help."
He reached past Kate's shoulder to push open the door of his consulting room and a small blonde haired child toddled out, heading determinedly for freedom. Spencer bent to scoop him up, tucking the squirming body firmly under one arm. "Also Pat had no one to leave the rest of her children with. So she's brought all five of them with her."
"So I can see." Kate looked into the room at the scene of three small children keenly investigating everything at their level. The room was being taken slowly apart by tiny hands.
"So I need help. Your help." Spencer pushed her into the room with a firm nudge in the small of her back and shut the door.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Martin."
"Hello." The worried young woman sitting beside Spencer's desk nodded as she cuddled a small baby whose thin anguished wail could be heard over the general noise.
Kate
held out her hands. "Maybe I could get one of the nurses to look after your children and then I could take a look at your baby while Dr. Stelanos takes care of your hand."
"I don't know, Victoria is usually fussy about who she goes to," the young mother replied in a worried tone.
"Let's see, shall we?" Kate maintained a soft, coaxing tone as she lifted the squirming baby from its mother's arms.
The baby hiccupped into silence, staring at Kate with wide blue eyes filled with tears.
"There, that's better, isn't it?" Kate cuddled the child, keeping her voice even and low. "Let's see what we can do to make you better. Okay?"
The baby dropped her head into the curve of Kate's shoulder with a soft whimper.
"Magic." Spencer approved with a curt nod. "Thank you."
Kate's eyes met his over the baby's head and his look of gratitude traveled right through her, stirring the sensuous memory of his kiss. But the look in his eyes was still chill and stark, almost as if he hated the sight of her. He appeared angry with her for some reason she couldn't fathom.
She swallowed tightly. "No problems, it's all in the touch."
She turned away to open the door and leaned out to ask Cheryl to take the older children to the play area. Then she came back to place the baby on the examination table. Even with her back to Spencer she felt vitally aware of him.
She took her time assessing the now quiet baby, checking both ears with Spencer's auroscope and assessing all the little girl's vital signs. In no time at all she was back in her mother's arms. Spencer had assessed and strapped Mrs. O'Neill's wrist.
"Oh, that feels much better," the young woman approved.
Spencer sat down at his desk. "You'll need to take it easy for a few days. Rest your arm as much as possible."
"It won't be easy." Kate noted the young mother had lost some of her harassed look. "Can you get help with the children?"
"My mum will help." Pat nodded. "I'll call her when I get home."