by Judi Nolan
"I know that now." Her wary gaze clashed with his. She frowned. How could he know Eric's surname? She'd never mentioned it.
She shook her head slowly. "But I can't agree. It wouldn't be right. If I ever married again, I would need…more." How could she vocalize what she didn't understand herself?
"Very well." He leaned closer. "We'll talk about this again tomorrow. When you've had some time to consider everything. There would be advantages for you, Kate. I'm not a wealthy man, but you would want for nothing."
"I don't care about money." Kate pressed her body back in her chair. He was looking at her mouth, as if he was intending to kiss her, beguile her with his undoubted expertise into making rash promises she had no idea how to keep.
Agree to his crazy plan. But was it so crazy? She would have exactly what she always wanted, a child. A family of her own. And he was offering that.
And she knew instinctively that Spencer wasn't anything like Eric. He would honor any commitment he made, fully and completely. There would be no other women, no chance her heart would be broken into little pieces all over again. He was an honorable man. He would keep his word.
It was herself she couldn't trust.
Married to the man.
Reality crashed in on her overworked senses.
She pulled back, breathing hard. "No." She raised her hand between them, turning her face away. "I can't marry you. Not on your terms. Or any other."
"If that's your decision..." He stood tall and nodded once. "I'll see you in the morning. Good night." Then he turned around and left, closing the front door quietly behind him.
Kate watched him walk away, listened to the departing sound of his truck, astonished as the intensity of yearning flooding through her. She felt as if she was being pulled in a thousand different directions at once. She wished she had the courage to stall him, asked for more time to consider his outlandish proposal. Truly give consideration to all the ramifications—and the benefits to both herself and Jamie.
Maybe even allow him attempt to persuade her with more beguiling means than straight talking and a businesslike manner that did nothing for her heart or soul. Agreeing would have been very easy then, in his arms, pressed close against his heart. But she'd shied away like a coward from such close contact when he looked as if he was going to kiss her.
If he'd just once told her he was falling in love with her.
As she had come to love him. Without reservation or hope of redemption.
He could have said he needed and wanted her for herself, not as some convenient means to an end. An ideal solution to his most pressing problem.
Crazy, stupid thoughts!
More to the point, now she was alone and feeling the whole weight of the world crashing in on her, she wished she could be the practical, sensible woman Spencer obviously wanted and needed her to be.
How foolish was it to expect anything more? He needed a mother for his son; he didn't want a real wife. Not in the intimate sense of the word.
Could that ever, truly be enough?
An hour later she was still sitting at the table, her head resting in the curve of her folded arms. Her food was still untouched and her cup of coffee had gone cold. It was beyond time she got up and made her way to bed.
The sudden shrill sound of the telephone ringing startled her upright. Thinking perhaps it was Spencer wanting to ask her again—telling her he wanted to marry her because he loved her—she hurried from her chair to pick up the receiver.
"Spencer…?"
"Katie, is that you?"
The familiar deep male voice startled her. Her whole world slammed to a halt.
Kate blinked, her breath catching high in her throat, threatening to choke her. "Eric...?" He was the only man who called her by the childish version of her name she'd always detested.
"Of course," Eric breathed impatiently. "Who else were you expecting?" He gave a disgruntled snort. "I rang you over two hours ago. It must be very late there now. Where've you been? Who's Spencer?"
"No one important." Kate defended herself automatically. "I wasn't expecting to hear from you. I was out visiting."
"I see." Eric moderated his tone. "Yes, well, it's really good to hear your voice again. I've missed you, Katie. You don't know how much."
"Missed me?" Kate gathered her tumbled thoughts. "I don't understand. How did you find me?"
Eric's voice roughened with scorn. "Dammit, Kate, is that all you can think of to say after all this time? Do you know how many strings I had to pull, just to get that damn hospital in Chicago to give me your forwarding address? They weren't very accommodating. But I pulled in some favors, got the place to cough up your new address in the end."
He sounded so smug, so proud of his achievement. But then he was always so sure of his own abilities. Kate's stomach hollowed with dismay. This couldn't be happening. Not now, after she had managed to begin rebuilding her life and move on from his influence.
Not the very same night Spencer asked her to marry him.
"Katie? Hello? Are you still there?" He sounded impatient.
"I'm here." Kate tightened her grip on the receiver, trying to keep her tone even. "But, Eric, I don't want—"
"She's left me." His exasperated voice cut sharply across hers as if she hasn't spoken. "I need you, Katie, I always have. You know you're the only woman for me. You always will be."
Kate winced again at the pet name. It irritated her sense of fair play. "I'm sorry for you, Eric. But what can I do?"
"Janine said she'd had enough." The sound of Eric's impatience deepened. "She's gone off to Washington with some congressman, for God's sake! He's a younger man."
Kate tried to picture Eric. Visualize his seething indignation that his wife had actually left him for another man. But the picture wouldn't form.
His face no longer haunted her mind. Her heart did a breathtaking leap of joy at the realization. A dark haired, blue eyed, drop dead gorgeous Greek pirate had firmly taken his place.
"I'm sorry, Eric. But I don't see how your wife leaving you has anything to do with me. Not now."
"Of course it has everything to do with you," Eric snapped in her ear. "It was always you, Katie. When I asked you to marry me, I wasn't—"
"Free?" Kate cut in without compunction. "You weren't free, Eric. A small fact you forgot to mention."
He bit back immediately. "I was going to say I wasn't thinking straight. You bowled me over. Knocked me completely sideways. But I love you, Kate," he rushed the words out. "I guess I always have. Janine and I, well we—"
"Her money was necessary to your career," Kate replied, swallowing against the tightness in her throat. "We've been over this, Eric. Too many times to count. I don't want to do this anymore. Not with you."
"But I want you. I can make it up to you. If Janine wants a divorce she'll have to pay me out to get it and pay well. When I asked you to marry me I had every intention of divorcing her, but these things take time. I thought you understood that."
"These things..." Kate shook her head. She studied her response and found she no longer cared. Eric had finally lost the power to hurt her, both physically and mentally. She was finally free.
With renewed confidence her voice firmed dismissively. "When I agreed to marry you, I thought you were all I could ever want in a man. I loved you. Past tense, Eric. I no longer care."
"Of course you still love me. Stop be a little fool, nothing's really changed between us." Eric inhaled deeply. "I'm still the same man and I can make things all right again. I've just gotten a huge promotion. The salary package is fantastic and the fringe benefits will give us everything we've ever wanted. We can even afford to buy that house in the country you were always nagging me about. You must remember your dream home, Katie. Some kids, a few dogs, horses. Anything you want, Katie, they're yours."
Anything she wanted…Spencer had said those words too.
Eric's tone softened as he said, "You can come home now. I was angry when you threw me ou
t, I'll admit that. I know I said some things, but I never meant them. I guess I should say I'm sorry now for setting that investigator to follow you, but you made me so damn crazy." His rough exhalation sounded loudly in her ear. "I need you. Come home to me and let me make it up to you. We always looked so good together. We can be that way again, you'll see. A power couple, going places, doing things. I'll take good care of you."
"You never cared about me. Only yourself." Kate caught her breath. She didn't want him to take care of her. There was a time when those words were all she wanted to hear. Everything she'd ever dreamed of. Now they weren't anything like enough.
She thought back to the woman she was then and frowned. She'd been weak, so easy to charm and painfully naïve. So willing to believe everything for the sake of belonging to someone; be a part of something bigger than herself. She quickly reassessed herself. Her heart rate was steady, her breathing hadn't increased. Nothing in Eric's words meant anything to her. Not any more.
She drew air into the very depths of her lungs, releasing her breath in one long, slow exhalation. For the first time in a very long while, she felt completely free of all regret and remorse. She even felt a measure of sorrow for Eric.
She thought of Spencer's outrageous marriage proposal and knew exactly what she wanted. If she was ever brave enough to reach out and take it. "No, Eric. I simply can't do this with you anymore."
"What? Think about what you're saying. Be reasonable, for God's sake! I'm offering you all you ever dreamed of. All you said you ever wanted. It's yours, Katie."
"I feel I'm being perfectly reasonable. I don't want what you're offering, Eric. Thank you, but I'll pass. I have a new life now."
"Dammit, you can't do this to me," Eric shot back. The silence between them echoed and then he snapped, "There's someone else, isn't there? Of course, I should've known. This Spencer you were expecting a call from. I should have known, you've been playing me for a prize fool all along." He muttered a string of cruel expletives.
"I'm sorry, Eric." Kate dropped her gaze to her wounded palm and felt again Spencer's sure touch—saw the erotic contrast of his bronzed flesh moving against hers—and her heart contracted. What did Eric expect her to say? "That's no longer any of your business. I've moved on."
"None of my business!" Eric snapped furiously. "A woman like you will always have someone sniffing around her. Some guy waiting in the wings. Is that why you left the country so quickly, Kate? To run off to this Spencer? You women are all the same. Cheating, selfish little—"
"Goodbye, Eric." Kate cut across his rising tirade. "Please don't call again."
"No, Katie, wait!" His raised voice sharpened with alarm. "Listen, I—"
"Goodbye." Kate cut the connection with her finger. She put down the receiver slowly and sagged back against the wall behind her.
The hollow feeling deep within her intensified. Her heart thudded with dismay. After all this time...a shiver passed through her, he couldn't leave her alone. Her heart tumbled painfully. She knew Eric wouldn't give up that easily, he would still want to have his say, make her listen.
In the next instant the telephone began to shrill again. Kate tried to ignore it. She was over Eric, she told herself raggedly, wrapping her arms across her body. But the strident summons continued to fill the small room, shredding her hard-won sense of inner peace.
He wasn't about to give up now that he'd finally tracked her down. He would keep on calling until she answered his summons. Until she gave him what he wanted. Eric never gave up on anything if he desired it badly enough.
The ringing clashed against Kate's stunned senses. The secure walls she'd built up around her wounded emotions began to crack and crumble.
"Oh, God..." She knew she had to get out.
Her sense of safety and security had been completely shredded by one vindictive phone call. Gasping for air, she pulled the front door open, hurrying through, closing it behind her against the shrill summons.
But it was already late. Where could she possibly go to escape from the awful consequences of her past?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Her feet seemed to fall into the path to Spencer's house of their own free will. She didn't think to resist. She was running on pure instinct, the need to escape and feel safe.
In what seemed like the next breathless moment she was crossing the veranda to the door, raising her hand to knock. But the door opened before her knuckles could contact the wood.
The undeniable strength of Spencer's broad frame filled the opening. He'd changed into faded black jeans and a charcoal T-shirt that defined to perfection the sculptured muscles of his broad chest. With his strong jaw-line and eyes unshielded as she had first seen him, he looked so achingly familiar, so necessary to her very existence. She hitched a sobbing breath, wanting to rush straight into his arms and cry out her despair and shame on his broad shoulder.
Instead she sniffed and managed to ask, "Hi, can I come in?"
"Kate...?" Spencer stared down at her, a heavy frown creasing his forehead. "What's happened? Are you all right?"
Kate shivered. "Please, I...can I come in?"
"Sorry." Spencer stepped back. "Of course, come in. I wasn't expecting to see you again tonight. Go through into the kitchen, I was just putting the coffee on. I couldn't sleep."
"I know the feeling." Kate grimaced as she walked past him and into the house, moving quickly through to the warmth of the kitchen.
"You look scared half to death. Sit down." Spencer took her shoulders and pushed her gently into a chair at the scrubbed oak table. "What's wrong?"
Kate lifted her eyes to stare at him. He seemed so safe, so real. He'd asked her to marry him tonight, for his own reasons, but at least they were honest ones. He would never lie to her, hit her or have her followed out of spite or revenge. Her troubled heart hitched over its accelerated beat.
He wouldn't let her fall, no matter what. Against everything, all that had passed between them, said and unsaid, she longed to feel the strength of his arms around her again.
But did she have the courage to ask for what she wanted this time?
"Kate...? Talk to me. What's wrong?"
She blinked, realizing he was waiting for her to speak. "Sorry. Please, can you get me a glass of wine?"
"If that's what you want, sure." Spencer looked puzzled as he moved away to pour her a glass of the amber wine they'd enjoyed that evening she'd made such a fool of herself. Kate tried to push the image away, but the potent memory of his kiss surfaced once more in her mind.
And her unfettered response. She swallowed tightly, accepting the wine glass he handed to her with a sharp nod of thanks.
"Care to tell me about what's made you look so scared?" Spencer asked quietly as he moved away to pour himself a mug of coffee. "I'm a good listener, if you need to talk. I hope it wasn't what was said between us tonight." He hooked out a chair with his foot and sat down beside her.
"No, it wasn't that." Kate stared into her wine. She couldn't look at him. Now was the moment of truth. She drew a long breath and released it slowly. "Eric phoned me. About twenty minutes ago, in fact."
"Eric...?" Spencer echoed bleakly. "I see. What did he want after all this time?"
"He wanted to talk to me." Kate looked up and knew that he understood more than she wanted him to know. Just how much he'd guessed she couldn't fathom. That nagging question returned to haunt her. How could he know so much?
There was a small pause then Spencer said, "You were romantically involved with him."
Kate grimaced. "He was my fiancé and I thought he loved me. I loved him too. Well, I thought I did."
"Loved?" Spencer's frown deepened.
"Loved. Very much the past tense." Kate lifted a shoulder. "He rang tonight because he wanted...he wants us to be together again. It seems his wife has left him. Apparently for another man. He seemed to think that would make all the difference now that he's now free."
Spencer's frowning expression hardened. "It
sounds painfully tangled."
Kate lifted a shoulder. "It was. Unfortunately Eric wasn't free when he asked me to marry him. A fact he very carefully forgot to mention when we first met. No one though to tell me, they all thought I must know."
"And he never told you," Spencer echoed blankly. "So you had no idea?"
"None at all. It was a complete shock when his wife turned up. I told him to leave and never come back. He didn't like it and made a very ugly scene." For some strange reason the idea that Eric could now want her back brought her close to tears. She dashed a hand over her eyes.
"He didn't hurt you? Physically, I mean. I can see he has bruised you emotionally, don't even try to deny it, because I won't believe you."
"I…well, there were a few…," she paused. "Accidents, I guess you could call them. He always swore afterwards he never meant to hurt me. But he said things, hurtful things that I can't seem to get past. No matter how hard I try. He couldn't bear the thought of my being happy without him."
Spencer's face was thunderous. "Nothing he said to you is true, Kate. That man didn't know you at all."
Kate's body trembled beneath the strangely haunted look in his eyes. She gathered a long breath, releasing it slowly. "Eric and I have been finished for a long time. But I'm not sure he knows how to take no for an answer. He hates to be told he's wrong."
"I'll deal with him if he becomes a nuisance." Spencer said hardly. "First thing in the morning, we'll change your phone number. Make sure it's unlisted."
"Thank you." Kate didn't know what else to say.
She really didn't even know why she'd come here. Spencer seemed to be trying to protect her. As if he cared about her. He had asked her to marry him tonight; maybe he thought that gave him certain rights. Her breathing picked up, quickening with renewed desire. Agreement to his plans would only take a few simple words and she would be safe.
But she couldn't force them from her stalled brain.
It would be too easy just to give in. She needed to be stronger, make decisions that were right for her.