by Judi Nolan
Her heart began to pound with dismay. How could he? To do something so cruel and heartless, without her permission. When he knew how she felt. It was something she expected from her ex-fiancé, not Spencer.
She looked back to Katerina's photograph. Suddenly everything fell neatly into place about why Spencer wanted her to marry him. She picked the photograph and stared at the woman who looked so much like her it was uncanny. This woman was older and far more sophisticated, but there was a striking resemblance.
Was this what Spencer and the others saw in her face? This strange likeness to his ex-wife. And what did it all mean? Was he simply replacing one woman with another more convenient? Someone who said she wouldn't walk out on him and his son. It didn't sound like the Spencer she had come to care about so deeply, but there seemed no other rational explanation.
A personal email fluttered from the file, to land face up on the desk. She tried to avoid reading it, but the words—'I'm coming over in a couple of days. We need to get together and talk about the case. Talk about us. You know you still want me, you just won't admit it'—caught her attention. Kate quickly pushed everything back into the envelope and turned away, her throat closing against the desire to be violently ill.
"Did you want to see me?" Spencer's cool voice asked from the open doorway.
"No, I was just looking for this catalogue." Kate held it up, amazed her tone was so calm and dismissive.
She stared at him. His expression looked remote and forbidding. He came into the room to snatch up the envelope and its contents, shoving then together. He held it out, his face hardening, becoming shuttered and bleak. "Take it and read it, if you want. But, what if I say, it isn't what you're thinking, Kate? I needed to know the truth, that's all."
"Are you asking me to believe I don't remind you of your wife?" Kate questioned in a choked voice. "The fact that everyone stares at me and won't tell me why. I should've guessed. How convenient for you to find a great substitute until the real woman returns. You don't really want me, do you Spencer?"
"Ex-wife." Spencer put down the envelope. "Are you saying you'll believe me if I say the words? I love you, Kate. I always will."
"No." Kate shook her head. "No, you're right, Dr. Stelanos, I wouldn't believe you. I simply can't afford to. If you cared about what I thought, for my feelings, you would've told me about this in the very beginning. About your little investigation into my sordid past. Before I made a complete fool of myself with you."
"I needed to know." Something moved in his eyes then. And something appeared to die. Maybe it was hope? Kate didn't try to guess over the pain in her chest. She simply wanted to escape the room.
She watched Spencer's frown deepen into frustration. His sharply indrawn breath was harsh in the strained silence. "Then, I won't insult your intelligence by saying any such thing ever again. It's far too late anyway."
"Fine, then I'll get out of your way." Kate side-stepped around him, heading out of the room. "I'm sorry Spencer, but I must decline your flattering offer of marriage. I'm sure Katerina will jump at the chance to take my place."
"Kate, look I—" Spencer followed her to the door.
She avoided his hand neatly. "I don't think there's anything left to say between us," she said, looking back from the doorway. "Nothing at all. You'll have my resignation as soon as I can get it typed up."
"Then there is nothing to say. Nothing that you're prepared to listen to, obviously," Spencer growled hardly, before he reached to snap the door shut in her face.
Kate wished Saturday would never come. They'd been incredibly busy for the rest of the week and when the stream of patients didn't diminish by late Friday afternoon, she began to hope that the monthly staff barbecue would be postponed. But one of the other practices was on call for that weekend and the steady flow of people slowly diminished to a trickle and then ceased all together by six-thirty that night.
An hour later Kate pulled herself out of her chair and went home. The idea of attending the barbecue made her stomach churn. But she knew she must go because too many people would be disappointed if she didn't show up. Her letter of resignation burned a hole in the bottom of her bag and she went home. It was the hardest letter she had ever been forced to write.
She spent an extra hour at the surgery on Saturday morning catching up on paperwork that didn't require her to think of anything beyond filling out all the details of her notes and making sure everything was on file and place for her unknown successor. When the time came for her to leave she took two pain killers for her headache and prayed she could get through the dreadful day ahead without breaking down.
Kate watched Katerina circulate through the crowd, charming everyone within reach with her laughter, chatting as if she'd never been away. Kate kept her distance, but she couldn't help noticing the other woman was older and taller than she'd expected. After an hour, Katerina disappeared inside the house with Spencer, saying she needed to lie down for a while. There was no sign of Jamie and Kate was left to wonder what the boy made of his mother's sudden reappearance.
She had just decided to leave when she encountered Spencer. He drew her away from the crowded garden and into the shelter of the surrounding trees, his expression forbidding.
"Katerina maintains she's pregnant. That's what she came over to tell me. It seems Nic has thrown her out. He's convinced she's been fooling around because the baby can't be his. He's sure it's mine, I would guess because Katerina has led him to think that."
"Oh, God." Kate bit her lip. "What will you do?"
"This isn't how it looks. Katerina is nothing like you. She may look like you, but underneath it all she's a scheming, manipulative woman. She'll do anything, say anything to get her own way. The custody thing was just a ploy to get my attention, make sure I was listening when she dropped the bombshell. She needed a bolt-hole and picked me. Right now she's very troubled and has nowhere else to go. What could I do?"
"She is Jamie's mother," Kate stated slowly.
"Yes, but a small act of nature doesn't give her the right to just re-appear and upset everyone's lives. She's an excellent actress and is set on charming everyone into thinking she's a wronged woman."
Kate took a backward step. "But she needs you, Spencer, now more than ever. And Jamie will need her, so it's all for the best."
His blue eyes followed her progress, full of torment. "And what about my needs? What about us? My offer still stands, you know."
"Us?" She frowned. "From now on there can't be any us, Spencer. There can never be anything more between us than that one night. I'm sorry, but I really can't marry you. It was just a silly little dream."
He would never know how hard that was for her to say. She heard a tiny, brittle sound in the back of her mind and knew it was her heart breaking.
"And if I ask you to stay? Marry me, despite all this? We could be so good together. I do love you, Kate. Even if you say you don't believe me. That will never change."
"I can't do this." These were the words she most wanted to hear him say. But she had already done that. She wouldn't go through the pain again.
"I'm not Eric, Kate," Spencer said quietly. "You know that."
"I know and I..." love you for it, she finished silently. "I know how difficult this must be."
"Difficult." Spencer groaned. "Yes, difficult is a good word. Impossible would be a better choice." His frowning blue eyes were resigned. "Take good care of yourself, Kate Martin. May you find everything you've been looking for."
"I hope so too." Kate's throat closed with tears as she backed away and made good her escape.
It was the best for their son. To give Katerina's unborn child a wonderful father. Kate was sure it was the best thing for them. A family should be held together if at all possible. As she hurried away, she hoped Spencer would see her selfless actions as truly necessary. Only she knew how much it cost her to leave him standing there alone.
As she was leaving, Edith and her husband hurried over. For once Kevin
looked acutely unhappy.
"What Spencer does is none of our business, you know," he muttered morosely. "But that woman gives me the creeps."
"Men." Edith frowned at her husband. She slanted Kate an interested glance. "We've met the ex-wife and I didn't like her. She's a scheming, manipulative female who'll stop at nothing until she's wrecked everything."
"It doesn't matter any more." Try as she might, Kate couldn't make small talk.
"You love him." Edith's wide eyes held hers. They were full of sympathy. "He wanted to marry you, not her. Doesn't that mean anything?"
Her husband cleared his throat. "I said it's none of our business," he grumbled. "That woman's got Spencer right where she wants him. We're better off out of it. Only cause trouble."
"Rubbish." Edith chided him. "And besides, even a blind man could see how much Spencer loves Kate. That woman gave him up once, she can't just waltz back here and expect to snap her fingers and take him back. She's not his."
"But what if I don't want him?" Kate breathed raggedly.
"You can't fool me, Kate Martin." Edith smiled mistily and patted her arm. "You want him badly. But then at the moment, I can see everything clearly. Must be all those hormones zipping around inside me."
She placed a hand over her stomach, patting it with a tiny smile. Kevin gave her a sloppy grin.
"Oh, Edith, I'm so pleased for you." Kate forgot her own misery. She reached to kiss the other woman's cheek and gave Kevin a hug.
"Didn't plan it. Just sort of happened." His sheepish grin widened.
"So, what about you and Spencer?" Edith wasn't about to be distracted. "What are you going to do about that woman?"
Kate shook her head. "She's Jamie's mother. What more can I do?"
"Fighting for what you want is a good start," Edith said stoutly. "Katerina's no good for Spencer or Jamie. You are. That little boy loves you to bits and that woman will get bored soon enough and be off again to some other man. I think that fiancé of hers had a lucky escape."
Kate grimaced. "But Spencer doesn't want me."
"Rubbish, anyone with eyes can see he wants you. That he's mad about you. That's a great start in anyone's book. Don't let that red haired creature get her hooks into him again. Go in there and take him away from her. He wants you to do that."
"I didn't know that Spencer wanted Kate," her husband put in plaintively.
"Well, we'll make an exception for you." Edith smiled up at him. "You never were very astute."
Kevin blinked. "Ah, come on, that's not fair."
"I think I'd better go. Congratulations again, you two." Kate slipped away leaving them to their good natured wrangling.
But Edith's words wouldn't go away. While she got ready for bed, Kate went over them again. What if Edith is right? Could Kate reach out and grab what she wanted? Could she take the risk? Her heart told her it was the right thing to do, even as her head demanded she be logical and keep well away.
But, in that breathless moment, Kate didn't feel at all like being rational. For once in her life she was going to take an enormous risk and not measure the consequences.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Sunday dawned bright and hot. Unsure of her next move, Kate drove to the mountain, to clear her mind and make her plans. She drove along the narrow road knifing steadily upwards into the cool green gloom of the forest.
As she cleared the trees, a large black helicopter clattered close overhead, disturbing the air. It curved a wide path towards the ocean before turning north, soon vanishing into the blue haze of the distance.
Kate reached the end of the road, a circular parking area halfway up the broad flaring skirts of the mountain and was startled to see Spencer's four-wheel drive already there. Kate's heart began to jump as she slotted her car into the next space and cut the engine.
Kate searched and found no sign of Spencer in the lodge beyond the car-park. Light and laughter spilled from the mullioned windows of the restaurant onto the grey slate flagstones that flanked the main buildings.
Now distracted and confused, Kate decided to head out on the trail that led further up the mountain. Maybe he was there. The rambling rocky track took her to a viewing spot over the crumpled hills far below. From here she could see everything running down to the wide blue sweep of the distant ocean.
The long vista of grass and rock strewn land curved down from the mountain towering behind her, the deserted, lonesome appearance of the land exactly suited her confused mood. A gusty breeze flowed caressed her cheek, bringing the scents of the distant ocean. There was still no sign of Spencer.
Kate frowned over her options, inhaling the cool, salt tinged air. She pulled herself up onto a large rock. The wind played through her hair. Raising her hand, she tucked a bunch of errant curls behind her ear. It was getting too long. She really must find time to have her hair cut and styled.
She pressed her lips together. If only—
"Kate..."
Kate swallowed against the sudden dryness of her throat. She didn't turn around.
"Kate?" Now the wind held a question, one that she didn't know how to answer.
With infinite slowness she turned, pulling herself around across the rock's rough surface. Her heart thudded heavily against her ribs.
"Spencer!" Her heart took off at a sickening pace. "I've been looking for you. I saw your car down below." Her immediate horizon wobbled alarmingly.
When he didn't speak she began to flounder, seeking the necessary words with which to string a single, intelligible sentence together.
"Ah, don't look at me like that, Kate," Spencer said finally, on a long ragged breath, as he shook his head. "For God's sake, get down from that rock, before you fall off."
"Why did you come up here?" Kate got slowly down from her perch. Her heart rose into her throat, its accelerated pace sending her senses tumbling.
"You look like you've seen a ghost." Spencer's hands settled on his hips. His eyes reflected concerned watchfulness.
"You did give me a fright." Kate caught her breath, gathered her scattered defenses. "I searched, but couldn't find you down at the lodge."
"So, you decided to come up here looking for me?" Spencer asked. "Why?" He slanted her a long, considering look.
"I wanted to talk to you," Kate replied defensively. "Sort a few things out. The truth this time."
"And yet it was you who said, you couldn't believe me if I told you the truth." Spencer shook his head. "Do you still think that, Kate?"
Believe him. Kate inhaled.
She needed him. That was the truth. More than she needed her next breath. But it was still so difficult to admit the disturbing fact. Everything she had been through before meeting this man had made her cautious. Her heart hammered into overdrive. The distracting, sensual memory of his lovemaking came flooding back to her with mind numbing force. She cast him a wary look and bit back the truth. "What about your wife?"
"Ex-wife." His eyes became locked with hers, a dark smoky blue in the sunlight. He heaved a weary sounding sigh. "Are you still intent on leaving me? Running away again, Kate?"
"Maybe." She swallowed. The gently chiding, softly spoken question coiled through her senses. "Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing." She shook her head, somehow managing to hold herself together, against the wanton desire to throw herself headlong into his arms and hug him. "Not any more."
"Trusting what's in your heart does take some getting used to." Spencer began to laugh, a low, rippling sound that echoed off the rocks around them. "Oh, Kate, my sweet, beautiful Kate, you had me so worried you were actually going to go through with leaving me. That I'd have to come after you. Find you, no matter where you hid yourself."
Kate couldn't breathe. "I tried. I really did, but I couldn't seem to go through with the idea of leaving you and Jamie behind."
Spencer sobered. His darkened eyes held a gleam she couldn't fathom. "She's gone away, Kate. Katerina has left me and Jamie. Again. For good this time. She won't be back."
"Nic came over and collected her early this morning. In his private helicopter no less. Jamie was very impressed. Now it seems the results of a test Nic had done last month were very encouraging. They've convinced him he could father a child after all. He said he couldn't live without her anyway. She made a play of resisting, but it didn't last. The man knows how to play to her weaknesses and dangled some material incentives she couldn't resist. You could say they were made for each other."
He shook his head in disbelief. "They even invited me to the wedding."
Kate remembered seeing the black helicopter flying overhead. She tried, but she couldn't take any of it in. "And her baby?"
"The baby isn't mine, Kate," Spencer replied quietly. "If there is a baby. Katerina wouldn't let me examine her. I guess she was working up to getting me to sleep with her and then taking events from there. I never saw her in Sydney, you must believe that, if nothing else. Now Nic has the chance to be the man with all the answers. I doubt they made it beyond the nearest five star hotel."
"Oh," Kate stared at him. She couldn't think of anything else to say.
"I never had any intention of becoming involved again with my ex-wife through any conscious choice. I've been down that road once. It wasn't pleasant. But we had things we needed to discuss. Jamie for one, after seeing she couldn't get me back, she agreed to give up all claim to my son. No more court battles or threatened custody suits. Once that was settled I came up here to think. To make some decisions and find a way to get you to take me back."
"Oh," Kate said again, aware she sounded inane, but she couldn't help it. "So, did I. But, where does that leave us?"
"What do you want, Kate?" Spencer answered her question with one of his own. "I need to know. Whatever it is I'll try and get it for you. Whatever you need, remember?"